Is He Really Dead?
By Qiana Peacecraft-Yuy
AC 225
L3-x18999
"Mission completed." Lucreiza 'Noin' Peacecraft said, as she went to look for her husband, Mililardo "Zechs Merquese" Peacecraft. "He can't disappear on me...because we're married and his kids will kill him if he doesn't come home with me." Noin though to herself as she finally walked out from the small hover car. "MILILARDO!!!" Lucreiza yelled, as she looked right and left for the blonde man with blue eyes and a deep, throaty voice. "IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP I AM GOING TO FAKE MY DEATH WITHOUT YOU!!!" She looked around the area again. Finally Lucreiza smelt his cologne, and followed the faint scent, 30 yards away, by a detearating building. He was on the ground and his blood was spilling all over the place.
"Noin." Mililardo whispered. "Help me up."
"Sure." Noin said, as she picked up her husband and drove him to the nearest hospital. After admitting him, Noin stayed close to the door, and decided to call some of their friends over. The first person she decided to call was Mililardo's sister, Relena Darlian-Peacecraft-Yuy.
"Hello, welcome to the office of President Relena Yuy, former Princess Relena Peacecraft, former Miss Relena Darlian, former Miss Relena Peacecraft, former Princess Relena, former Queen Relena, former Relena Peacecraft, former Vice-Foreign Minister Relena Peacecraft, former Vice-Foreign Minister Relena Darlian, former Vice-Foreign Minister Relena Darlian-Peacecraft, former Vice-Foreign Minister Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy, former Vice-President Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy."
"Hi, is President Yuy in?" Noin asked, now regretting she even called Relena first...with all those former titles, Noin could have already called their other friends.
"Yes, Madame President Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy is in." The secretary replied.
"Madame President Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy?" Noin asked backed.
"That's her name of the week, Mrs. Peacecraft." The secretary replied.
"By the time she figures out the name for the day, Mililardo would already faking his death for the 100th time. Please put her on the phone...whatever she calls herself. This must be a family thing...these names." Noin said, as Relena finally made it to the phone.
"Hello, this Madame President Relena Darlian-Peacecraft Yuy." Relena started, before noticing that it was her sister in law, Noin. "Oh, hi Noin!! Why didn't you just tell the secretary that it was just you?" Relena asked. "I would have told her to stop with all the formalities." Relena giggled before continuing on. "What's up?"
"Mililardo is close to death over here at L3-X18999." Noin replied. "Better get here before he---"
"Let me guess before my brother, Mililardo Zechs Merquese Wind Peacecraft fakes his death again for the 2000th time since my parents' deaths." Relena replied. "I'll be there on the next shuttle and I'll meet you at the hospital."
"Mrs. Peacecraft?" The doctor asked her.
"What is it Doctor? Is Zechs okay?"
"He's fine. We're going to keep him in the ER for a few hours, before he gets his own room, handy for him if he chooses to fake his death once again. This way he will fake his death for the 3000th time without falling out the window like last time." The doctor said before Noin, punched him the stomach.
"Nobody talks about Zechs like that but me." Noin said, as the doctor left her to her devices, while recovering in the doctors' lounge. Noin whipped up another phone and it only took 3 seconds before Rashid, Quatre's right hand man answered.
"This is the Quatre Rabereba Winner L-4 colony estate. This is Rashid answering for Master Quatre, how can I help you?" Rashid asked. "Please make it snappy, we are trying to teach Master Quatre how to stop Mistress Dorothy from stabbing him again."
"Rashid, this is Noin. Bring Quatre in for moment, I have some very urgent news." She replied.'
"Certainly, Missus Noin." He replied, before Quatre sounded on the phone.
"Hello, this is Quatre. What is it Mrs. Noin?" Quatre replied, as he drank a cup of tea.
"It's Zechs, Quatre. He's hurt real bad in the hospital and I want you to come before--"
"Let me guess, Noin--before he fakes his death again for the 3000th time this year." Quatre replied before continuing. "I will be there in my private shuttle, landing at my private hangar by the private parking space I have, which I will take my private road to the hospital. Be there in a minute." Quatre replied. Noin shook her head. Why does everyone keep saying that about Zechs!! He did not fake his death that many times...actually he faked his death 3200 times already, not counting the times I was pregnant and the times I gave birth.
Noin against the better of her, decided to call Heero and Trowa, who were somewhere in the universe proving who was more silent and who really should be called no name. "Omae o Korosu." Heero said on the phone.
"Like you will actually kill someone." Noin replied. "Zechs is in the hospital. Your and Trowa's mission is to get down to the hospital before Zechs..."
"Mission Accepted." Heero said, hanging the phone up. Noin picked the phone up again and called Duo and Hilde Maxwell, Chang Wufei and Sally, Lady and Mariemaya Khushrenada all at one time, since they were all at the Preventers HQ in Brussels.
"Hello, Preventers. This is Preventer Earth aka Une Khushrenada aka Anne Khushrenada aka Lady Une. How may I help you?"
"Hi, this is Fire. Wind is near death at the hospital in the L3-X18999." Noin said, loudly.
"What Zechs? That's rare..." Duo replied. "...by now he would have faked his death for the 30000th time already." Which was followed by Hilde hitting him on his head.
"Duo!!" Hilde replied.
"Why does that weakling always tend to fake his--" That time Sally took one of his katanas and threw it out of the window before holding him by his ponytail.
"History is a dance...the three beats of mission, completion, and fake death continue on in an Endless Waltz for Zechs...however..." Mariemaya Khushrenada replied, as Une slapped her quickly, before continuing.
"Enough!! We'll be there in a few minutes." Lady Une replied, as she took the phone off.
A FEW HOURS LATER....
"He's up, everybody!!" Duo said. Everyone in the room rushed to Zechs side. "You know what?!? This is a rare sight. Usually when we see Zechs...he already disappears..." But was stopped by Hilde pulling his braid, and coming close to cutting his braid.
"Silent Baka!" Wufei said, before talking to Zechs. "I am glad that this weakling is alive and well, and not faking death." Wufei replied.
"Hey, Mililardo, its me." Relena replied, smiling at her brother. "Glad to see you since you never visit your sister anymore."
"Hnnn." Mililardo replied.
"Nice to see you, Wind." Une replied, smiling.
"Hi, Zechs." Sally, Mariemaya and the rest said.
"Nice to see all of you here." Mililardo replied, before giving a hard smile. "But this reunion will be short."
"We all decided to see you before you and Noin decide to fake your deaths for the millionth time." Trowa said, making everyone turned their heads. The silent clown finally spoke.
"That's fitting that he should speak before the priest here say a last prayer before I die." Zechs replied, as he started to seeing black before focusing on the group. Everything started coming in a blur, before he refocused on the group. "Priest get your butt here and give me my last prayer." Everyone turned to look at Duo, who was wearing his present Shinigami clothes.
"But...Zechs!!" Duo started to protest. "It's not going to be your last prayer...you'll just going..."
"SHUT-UP and give me the last prayer!!!" Mililardo replied, shouting, to which everyone pressed Duo to give the prayer.
"Ahhh...ummm...The Lord is my Shepard I shall not want...Iforgottothrashwheat...
he lays me in green pastures...haven'tdonethatwithHildeyet...Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...iamshinigami...I fear no evil..." Duo went on in the prayer, adding in personal notes, and finally stopped. By the time Duo finished, the heart monitor went off. Instead of a crew running fast to check on Zechs, everyone else laughed.
"Uhh...Mililardo, you can stop now, we get the joke, Zechs." Relena said, giggling. "But I'll leave anyway...got to sign some important papers, kidnappings to occur, stalking Heero, add a new former title..see ya." Relena said, leaving the room.
"Uhh...that onna's right." Wufei replied. "See you later you weakling." Wufei said leaving the room. Sally, Mariemaya, Quatre, Trowa, Hilde, and Duo (but not without one more comment) followed him out.
"Ahhh...Zechs, you can stop now. It's just me, Heero, Noin and you." Une replied. Mililardo didn't move at all. After five minutes of trying, Une finally gave up. "Fine, I'll see you when I need your help again, Zechs. Take care!!" Une left the room and went on to Earth.
"Okay, Zechs, you did great...you can start moving again." Heero replied. "I should have never taught you that trick...I was just trying to get you to get Relena away from me before I finally fell in love with her. Will you quit already!! AAHHHH!! OMAE O KOROSU MILILARDO, ZECHS MERQUESE, WIND, PEACECRAFT!!!" Heero said, yelling, before leaving to start another of his cliches with Relena. Finally, it was just Noin and Mililardo.
"Zechs??" Noin whispered as she jumped into his hospital bed. "Zechs?" She asked, rubbing her hand up and down his body--something he would always wake-up to. But when he didn't, Noin went to kiss his lips...which were uncommonly cold. "Dammit Zechs, wake-up!"
Mililardo didn't move--of course...he was finally dead.
THE FOLLOWING WEEK...
"So he wasn't faking it?" Mariemaya asked Lady Une in the church. Lady Une was wearing a long black dress, and Mariemaya was wearing a slim white dress. Lady Une looked at Mariemaya before answering.
"Nope, he wasn't faking it this time." Lady Une replied. The two females, looked at the rest in attendenance. The church was filled with black, and moments from Zechs, including his famous mask, the split version of course, as well as miniatures of Tallgeese and Epyon. They were in in the Funereal ceremony. Then it became time for comments. Duo got up first.
"I just want it on the record, that out of 3,215 fake deaths that Mililardo had, I never thought that number 3,216 would actually happen." Duo said, as Noin cried harder. Duo took his seat, but not before he checked Mililardo to make sure he was actually dead. When he got back to the pew, Noin pulled and swiftly cut 1/3 of his braid off.
The priest called up Trowa's name.
"I am not Trowa Barton. I am a nameless ex-soldier, and ex-suicidal clown that has been on the battlefields for as long as I could remember. I do not know who I am or why I even simply exists. I just took someone else's name and had fun beating OZ. But I know that Mililardo was a cool guy...I thought I was the only guy who wore masks and always the one infiltrate things, and take new aliases. I'll miss you Zechs." Trowa said, as he went to check to make sure that he was actually dead. Trowa walked by Noin, to which she threw a knife that somehow cut past his gel and cut off his bangs.
Next was Quatre, who was crying. "My space heart cries for you Noin, Mililardo/Zechs was a nice guy, although he was confused for awhile as to which side to pick. I would never thought this day would come." Quatre stopped crying enough to look to make sure Mililardo was really dead, before Noin gave him a quick shot, which made him act more masculine.
Wufei came up, against his will. "All I have to say that Mililardo was a weakling who wore masks, had 20 different aliases, and faked death when he wanted to. Oh, yeah this is INJUSTICE!!! I don't want to be here." Wufei said, before checking to see that Mililardo was actually dead, before storming off the church, with Sally in his wake.
Finally, Heero walked up and everyone stood up. "Mililardo and I were the one and the same. I taught him things, and he taught me things. He could never defeat me, but he was honorable. I wanted to kill him a few times, but his sister didn't want it to happened so I didn't. See you later, Zechs." Heero replied, as he walked past Noin, and sat by Relena's side as she walked up to the podium and started her long, boring speech about Mililardo and why he was who he was and so on.
"Mililardo was my brother, and I'm glad to announce that he will be buried not with the others who fought the war, but in the Sanc Kingdom Memorial Park, next to the body of our parents and the moved graves of our ancestors." Relena said, as she looked at Zechs, before running to Heero and hugging him very tight. Noin came up said a short speech, before leaving the church.
Later that night...
"Psst....psst." The throaty voice sounded from the trees. Heero looked around to make sure that nobody saw him.
"Okay...Mililardo, everybody thinks you're really dead. You're free to become Zechs Merquise without a problem. I have black hair dye, green contacts, scissors to cut your hair, a mask that won't break and very realistic, new closes, some ids I hacked into, along with your new biography. Have fun and don't ever let me come across you again. If you do, I would have to detonate you, and I do have the self-destruct button with me at all times. Get the hell out of here you coward! OMAE O KOROSU." Heero said, as he continued on his way, allowing Mililado to walk run off.
When Zechs was 100 miles from home, Heero, detonated the switch anyway and laughed. "I AM THE TRUE VICTOR...I HAVE DESTROYED MILILARDO "ZECHS MERQUESE" PEACECRAFT!!!" Heero yelled, as Relena walked out to see him.
"Are you okay, Heero? Zechs died last week, remember?"
Clearing his throat Heero, repsonded. "I'm fine, Relena. I know he's dead now." Heero replied, lightly chuckling at the victory he had. And from that day on.....things were just a tad bit normal.
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I hoped that you liked this fanfic...I tried to make this as funny as I can. As always...rants and reviews are always welcomed, as well as some suggestions...please send it to one (1) of the following addresses: qiananeko@netzero.com or qiananeko@amexol.net or kikivana@writeme.com. Thanks again!!!