The war is finally over, at a price- and Naruto has to deal with his guilt- with the blood on his hands. But when help comes in the form of a certain Hyuuga, he needs to learn to hold on again- or she just might slip through his fingers.
one
It's funny how quickly life can be turned upside down.
(Concentrate, idiot. They need you)
One minute he was relishing in the thrill of the battle- his mind whizzed through some statistics. The enemy was down- Kabuto was dead. Madara was dead. Enemy soldiers were surrendering on all fronts. The remaining Akatsuki members had gone into hiding.
He was tired and he couldn't wait to get home- whether it was to rest or to stock up on some soldier pills.-
(go back out and fight.)
-He nearly lost his balance jumping to the next tree branch. His face went pale as he took in the height he could have fallen from.
(Look up, look UP, LOOK UP)
A white shirt. Pale skin. A flash of jet-black hair.
His head whirled around instantly, the previous warm thrill replaced with icey cold adrenaline. His wild blue eyes flashed red- a sign of the turmoil within himself- and his canines were bared in a snarl. As he shot off towards his target, he vaguely registered the wind rushing through his jacket where it was torn and bloody from previous fights. All of his exhaustion was forgotten.
(keep going you can DO THIS)
Sasuke's eyes had always been a deep red, but only that day could Naruto have said they were truly the colour of blood.
(-and it's now or never)
The two had clashed with the force of a hurricane, levelling out the forest with their attacks. No words were needed between them- all they had left was the hatred of a brother betrayed.
(no more hurt. No more)
He didn't recall exactly when the Kyuubi had taken over. This time he hadn't even put up a fight. He didn't need to- the fox knew what he was doing.
The final attack- a roar of chakra blacker than coal, a burst of evil that came from the depths of the darkest of hearts. It had nearly torn Naruto's throat apart with its force. Sasuke had felt nothing when he died - It's what Naruto would have wanted.
Naruto remembered coming back to consciousness on grass that was singed with the remainders of an Amaterasu attack. His wounds were being furiously knit together by the Kyuubi- was his right arm supposed to feel so numb?- and his eyes were getting heavy.
"NARUTOOOO!" a scream came from his left. A bark (wow, Akamaru looks tired) and footsteps, getting closer and closer. Purple eyes,
black hair, two soft fingers on his neck searching for a pulse. Kiba yelling into his radio for help.
(just get rid of the pain)
The sweet embrace of darkness.
When Naruto woke up, he really wished he hadn't.
For the duration of the three or so days he was unconscious, the Kyuubi had been working overtime healing up his injuries. His right arm had been all but shattered, completely blackened from both the matted blood and the charred skin left by Sasuke's final Amaterasu. His flak jacket was shredded beyond recognition. By the time he was brought into the hospital tent he was covered in dirt and blood, not all of it his own.
He felt every single ache. Every single inch of torn muscle, every single laboured breath, every unwanted thought- he felt tired. So, so tired.
He looked around groggily. The tent was full of unconscious ninja, most of whom he didn't recognise. He was hooked up to a grey machine; the soft beep-beep-beeping and low green glow of the screen filled up the emptiness. His right arm was heavily bandaged and lying lamely by his side. He shifted his neck to the right, wincing from the pain.
Draped over the bed was a small mess of dark hair, its owner in a plastic chair, breathing softly. Two smaller hands were clutching one of his own, holding on for dear life. He found that no matter how hard he tried to move his bandaged arm, he couldn't.
He winced at the brief flash of sunlight in front of him as Shizune lifted a flap to open the tent, walking in and humming while she updated her records. She scribbled a few notes onto her clipboard, taking no notice as the bundle to Naruto's side shifted slightly. "Morning, Hinata-chan," she hummed. "Morning, Naru- oh!"
Shizune's tired features perked up as she took in his own opened eyes. The "mess" now known as Hinata stirred, blinking away the sleep in her vision. She looked around slowly, taking in her surroundings, and glanced at him before looking away. Her eyes widened when her head snapped back to look at him again, before her face lit up with a grin.
"Naruto-kun!"
He winced at the sound of her yell. His ears rang with a painful high pitched sound crafted by the evillest of evils-
She nearly threw herself at him, but refrained herself when she remembered he was in a hospital bed. She sat back down and looked down at her own hands clasped around his, yelping before removing them as if she'd been stung.
(Oh great, and now my hand is cold-)
"I-I'm so sorry. Was I hurting you?"
He tried to reply but it came out as more of a strained rasp. Shizune shook her head and walked over. The closer she got to him, the more noticeable the bags under her eyes became.
She paused for a second, clipboard under her arms. An image flashed through his brain and suddenly it was his mother standing there looking all angry-
She kissed him on the forehead. He closed his eyes and it was still her- he was still pretending.
He wanted to sleep.
"Looks like I underestimated our Kyuu-chan, eh? He burned through that anaesthetic as if it were nothing." She scribbled something else on her clipboard before gliding over and opening up a small box at one end of the tent. She withdrew a large needle that made Naruto feel three kinds of uneasy-
"By all rights you should be dead, you know," she began, her voice strangely cheery, filling the syringe as she spoke. "That bastard really did a number on you. Your arm was burnt and nearly damaged beyond repair. Your legs are burnt and your wrist was broken. You survived some of the most powerful attacks in the Uchiha arsenal- you're lucky you were brought here alive and in time." she nodded at Hinata, who blushed and turned her attention to the floor.
Shizune walked back over and playfully poked Naruto's stomach. "So, Kyuubi-chan, if you can hear me at all, we all have a lot to thank you for." She flicked the syringe before injecting Naruto with the sedative. "Sleep tight, little fox," Hinata whispered before his senses fell into darkness once more.
He woke up again not knowing how much time had passed, but he definitely felt... better. It didn't hurt to move his head and now he could move his bandaged arm, albeit with a little pain. There was still a familiar pressure on his hand- Hinata was like a little bundle, hair draped over the bed. From what he could tell, she was sleeping again. He looked up at the tent's beige ceiling, mind completely blank. He decided to concentrate- what went on before? How did he end up here?
The resulting rush of thoughts and memories was overwhelming. His mind replayed every death, every wound he inflicted, every drop of blood he had seen on the battlefield. Brothers and black flames and red eyes, all in the space of a few seconds.
Sasuke. He'd killed Sasuke. His best friend, his brother. He'd broken his promise to Sakura. Naruto started shaking- his heartbeat sped up, and the beep-beep-beeping of the machine became more rapid than he would have liked. Hinata stirred beside him, and Shizune rushed over to see what was going on. Her wide, anxious eyes relaxed when she saw him.
"You're finally awake then." Shizune nodded. She glanced at her clipboard, then back at him. "In time, too. Your arm is nearly all healed up- we were worried about that skin graft not taking, but everything went alright after all. Your wrist is better as well, but it'll take a few more weeks for your tenketsu to heal after all the strain from Kyuubi's chakra. We can take that bandage off tomorrow," Hinata was fully awake now, again clutching his hand. She smiled at him before speaking softly.
"I'm glad you're okay. I was worried. Kiba and Shino say hello, as well."
(her voice sounds like birdsong)
He cleared out his throat from weeks of underuse. "Th-thankyou," he rasped. "For staying here. I'm sur-surprised you did." his tongue felt heavy.
Hinata just nodded her head, smiling lightly. He turned to look at Shizune.
"Did... Did we win?"
At this, Shizune grinned. "We crushed the Akatsuki in one fell swoop." She punched her hand against one open palm, the clipboard tucked under her armpit. "After you took out Kabuto and Madara, the edo-tensei technique failed and the enemy nin crumbled. I was only witness to Gaara-sama's fight, but boy, was it amazin-"
"I've been out for a while and I can't tell what's real from- from what I've made up in my head." His tongue was still heavy and he struggled to get his words out, interrupting Shizune mid-sentence. "I killed sasuke, didn't I?"
Hinata squeezed his hand tighter. Shizune paused, studying him carefully for a moment. "You killed a traitor by the name of Sasuke Uchiha. The Sasuke you know has been dead for a long time," she spoke quietly.
"So I broke my promise to Sakura after all." Shizune visibly flinched and refused to meet his eyes.
"Then, th-the casualties," he croaked. "What about those?"
Her eyes took on a clinical glint. "We lost some great shinobi during that war, Naruto." she turned her head away.
"Like who?" every word was a struggle for him.
Hinata chose now to speak up. "Tsunade-sama and Iruka-sensei are currently in the hospital, Naruto. Amongst our peer group we did not lose many ninja. Kakashi-sensei is our stand in Hokage until Tsunade-sama's recovery. Who would've believed that guy could handle any responsibility?" her chuckle sounded strained. Her hands were no longer clutching his, but playing nervously with the pockets on her Chuunin vest.
"You're av-avoiding my question. Who? Who did we lose?" he looked her dead in the eye, eyebrows furrowed. She looked at him desperately, then forced herself into the same political aura she used before the Hyuuga elders, and recited the facts as if they were simply printed on a textbook page.
"We... We lost Sakura-san and Shikamaru-kun," she whispered. "Neji has been rendered blind in one eye. My father, Anko-san, Tsunade-sama, Lee-kun and Iruka-sensei are in hospital, although it looks like they'll be okay. Chouji-kun is also in hospital for chakra exhaustion and severe damage to his chakra pathways. Total Konoha casualties were 7394 Konoha shinobi, 2689 Civilian deaths."
(you've failed)
His hands were visibly shaking. "Sa-Sakura-chan? She's- she's gone?"
"I'm so sorry, Naruto," she whispered. "She was a dear friend to me, too."
(you're fucking joking this isn't real this is just a dream just go back to sleep)
This time when he passed out, it wasn't thanks to Shizune.
Naruto sat up on the side of his messy bed. His arms were folded, his injured arm carefully balanced on the other, and his expression was a fixed, stubborn pout.
(she's gone and I've failed and nothing can change anything)
"I'm not moving until you give me a mission that's outside this damn village."
Both Hinata and Shizune were tending to the other patients; Hinata's limited medical training coming in handy for the simpler tasks and her Byakugan aiding diagnosis. The tent was nearly empty save for Naruto and two other patients- and the village's shiny, New Stand In Hokage.
Kakashi leaned on the grey machine beside him, massaging his temples with one hand. The kanji for "Hokage" was on an orange armband pinned to his right sleeve, but apart from that nothing had changed about the lazy jounin. He stared threateningly at Naruto, but the boy didn't even flinch.
(just try me- you're not replacing anybody)
"Listen to me, Uzumaki. You're needed in Konoha. The rebuild team needs some muscle and until the other chuunin are done resting up, you're it." Kakashi nearly glared a hole into the side of Naruto's head.
Naruto looked up, defiantly meeting Kakashi's steady gaze. "Send me to Suna then, I can help out there! Or send me out on a gathering mission and I'll go fetch the materials or- or something!" He was visibly getting more agitated, arms unfolding themselves and the unbandaged fist clenched. He stood up when yelled, "I'm not setting foot in that fucking village!"
Kakashi was unfazed. "The Third might have let you off, Naruto, but I won't. You're going to Konoha or so help me I will label you rogue and the hunter nin will get you so fast your eyes will spin."
(that's better than this anything is better than this)
Naruto got up and turned his head away. "Fine. I'll go to Konoha. I'll be in my apartment mourning the loss of my teammate. Your student. Remember her? Or was your head too far up the Uchiha's ass to notice?"
Kakashi's expression could only be described as blind rage, even from a single visible eye. He breathed and reined in his emotions, remembering that he was in fact a Jounin, trained in the art of controlling his emotions, and now- he was Hokage. Even if just for a while.
"Brat, Tsunade might have let you get away with murder, but I refuse to allow you to abandon your village. Those who abandon their friends are worse than-"
"Worse than trash. I heard you the first ten fucking times."
Naruto's next sentence was spoken so quietly that Kakashi almost missed what he said.
"You seemed perfectly fucking fine abandoning Sakura, huh sensei?"
With that, he stormed out of the tent, the entrance flaps fluttering in his wake. Kakashi returned to sighing deeply and massaging his temples.
He'd failed again. His team. He'd failed.
Naruto returned to his apartment on the outskirts of Konoha, one of the few places left untouched by the war. The village was devastated. Debris and ash littered every street. He had stopped at least three times to take lost children to the new academy building, where they'd be given food, water and shelter until they were identified- if they were identified. He was miserable and tired and his sandals were dusty, but he somehow found the strength to make it all the way back.
He seemed to go through the motions like a robot, his mind hazy and slow. His left hand fumbled around in his pocket, pulling out his keys. He managed to miss the keyhole once, but not a second time. He heard the door click and opened the door to his dusty apartment.
He trudged up the stairs and slid off his jacket. He went to put it on the coat rack, but misjudged the distance and it lay forgotten on the floor. He dragged his feet along and kicked off his shoes, leaving them haphazardly by the door.
Naruto turned around to stare at the door he hadn't yet closed. A vague memory of a shorter-than-him Sasuke and a young, long haired Sakura appeared before him. "Oi, Baka," Sakura grinned cheerily. "You're late." Sasuke was smirking- the closest thing he would ever get to a smile.
Naruto couldn't take it. The tears flooded his vision and he collapsed to his knees, an arm over his eyes, sobbing over the dear friends he would never see again.
His heart felt empty and the only thing he could think of was how he should have gone down with them.
notes: right... well. this has been sitting on my phone for about three months now. i must have re-written it a whole mess of times, but i can't be sure. also the longest time i've ever sat and written nonstop, go figure.
notes2: it's 3AM and i'm up to re-write six. haha. i have exams on monday goddamnit
notes3: fixed a whole bunch of formatting screw ups, also put his thoughts in parenthesis. okay. okay. no more. just post this. gosh insecurities, go away, this chapter is DONE. agh.
notes4: right. this is going to get published, RIGHT NOW. you hear me? NOW ok.
notes5: i chickened out. but not this time. i'm posting it for all you lovelies to read. gosh.
erm. -hey, if you've actually read this far, leave a review! even if you thought it sucked, just say so, because constructive criticism, or something.
um. i'm going to stop talking to myself and go have a coffee. god knows i need it.