A/N: I know the Nagini Horcrux hasn't been created in this time period, but it didn't feel right without seven of 'em, so yeah… Semi-AU universe where Voldy created Nagini before he died…? Ah well. Screw minor details and enjoy the story.

Also, parseltongue will be written in bold.

DISCLAIMERs suck and I don't feel like doing one.

Tom Marvolo Riddle sat in the luxurious armchair, fingertips pressed together in the classic evil villain pose, brows furrowed, deep in thought.

The Tom Riddle to his left was absentmindedly flipping through a worn book.

One of the other Tom Riddles was Avada Kedavra-ing gnats.

Yes, it certainly was the epitome of awkwardness.

And boredom.

Another Tom sitting across the room cleared his throat, irritated.

"Yes?" six voices chorused back, making him grimace inwardly. Each varied slightly in tone and pitch, but it was undeniable that they had belonged to the same person. At least at one point, anyways, he thought to himself.

"I'm bored," he snapped.

"No shit," the gnat killer replied, not pausing from his miniature genocide.

Before the other Tom could return an explosive reply, the Horcrux of Helga Hufflepuff's cup intervened.

"Well, that's completely understandable. We've been stuck here for… almost half a century, was it? It's no wonder you're bored. We could knit some scarves, or... play our three thousand and forty second game of chess…" he prattled on, hoping to distract the younger and more volatile Horcrux from another argument. (He really, really didn't like arguments. Or hissy fits. Or bickering. He just didn't like fighting at all.)

So he couldn't help but blanch slightly when the Horcrux of Marvolo Gaunt's ring focused his temper on him instead.

"Chess? Knitting? And you call yourself a man?" he hissed, stomping on the floor rather childishly. "In the name of Merlin's flabby man tittes, you really are a Hufflepuff, aren't you?"

Hufflepuff Horcrux pouted. "Well, that really wasn't necessary –"

"I'd hate to agree with Ring, but he's got a point," insect murder (A.K.A. Ravenclaw's Diadem Horcrux) cut in. The Ring's triumphant smirk was slapped off his face when he added, "There are only so many tantrums he can take from losing chess games, Huffle. The last one was hilarious, but at this rate he'll have a heart attack or something."

"Oh no, Raven. Don't go taking away our only source of real entertainment," Nagini Horcrux smirked in parseltongue, coiling his fingers around a transfigured snake.

Ring scowled. "You guys suck."

"We're wounded, darling," Raven said in mock hurt.

Ring felt a vein starting to throb.

And thus (very much to Huffle's dismay) the bickering continued.

Now, to explain the odd, very un-Voldemort like behaviors of the Horcruxes…

When Voldemort had taken it upon himself to go on killing spree for the quest of immortality, he did not fully take into account of the extremely delicate and sentimental value of the items he deemed worthy to safeguard his soul.

In other words, he didn't know that the items he used as Horcruxes would inevitably affect the personas of the Horcruxes themselves.

Of course, it wasn't like it was common knowledge. Most people who had split their souls would frantically find the deepest, darkest, most secret hidden crevasse to seal it, and almost never bothered visiting it unless it was in the utmost danger of some sort.

Some prime (and unknown to the wizarding world) examples of warped personas would be:

Herpo The Foul: One of the darkest wizards who had been believed to be the first to create a successful Horcrux – his had been the eye of the first ever basilisk he hatched himself. In result, the Horcrux was immune to basilisk poison (one of the few substances powerful enough to destroy it), and also had the ability to paralyze animate objects with direct eye contact.

Salazar Slytherin's great, great, great, uncle's mother-in-law: Her existence was rather insignificant with the exception of the invention of the Bat-Bogey Hex – hers was a Kneazle's claw. In result, the Horcrux was very feline in attitude, had the useful ability of being able to detect distrustful individuals, and developed a fetish for cat nip.

Nicholas Flamel: He had developed the Philosopher's Stone and the Elixir of Life, which granted immortality – his had been, interestingly, the Philosopher Stone itself. In result, the Horcrux was filled with intricate wisdom and suffered from clinical depression (reason unknown).

So as you can see, Marvolo Gaunt's ring had belonged to an exceedingly short tempered, rude, and slightly mentally unstable man, resulting in this Horcrux to be on the borderline of a total douchebag.

Helga Hufflepuff was a kind, simple, and if not timid, the classical grandmotherly type of character. Therefore, the Hufflepuff Tom Riddle also found enjoyment in knitting sweaters and coddling cute things.

Then there's Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem.

Alongside being highly intellectual, she also was, to put plainly, a very bitchy woman. That said, her creation passed along the traits of sarcasm, snarkiness, and condescending mannerisms as a side dish to the whole being-a-genius thing.

The Nagini Horcrux was oddly enough, a living thing, therefore it took even more of the qualities of the snake itself. Not only did the Nagini Horcrux possess very serpent-like charisma, among other gifts he had the ability to see through heat waves and was a permanent parselmouth, unable to speak the human tongue.

Tom Riddle's diary was the original and had deep sentimental ties with Voldemort himself, allowing him to be an exact carbon copy of the Dark Lord during his teenage years.

Now, explanations finished, attention back to the bickering.

"…stupid! Prats! Idiots! Mudbloods!" Ring Horcrux shouted.

"Really, now. 'Mudbloods'?" Raven scoffed, "I've heard the Goyles make more original insults, and they aren't exactly the quickest wand in the draw."

"You know, since we're all pieces of the same soul, you're pretty much insulting yourself," Nagini Horcrux added helpfully.

"Still, he might actually have a real point for once," Raven said, ignoring an indignant looking Ring. "It does get boring in here after a few decades."

The seven Tom Riddles lived in a vast hall that worked similarly to the Room of Requirement, allowing them to summon almost anything they desired.

But not enough to keep seven intelligent minds satisfied.

Harry's Scar Horcrux joined in the conversation.

"Well, Tom seems to know the way out," he said, the Diary Horcrux having the privilege of keeping its original name. "We could ask him."

Nagini shook his head. "No. I tried once. The only thing I got out of him was that he was going around seducing eleven year old girls."

"At least we aren't missing out on much," Raven offered.

"What? He can't do that!" Harry's Scar Horcrux gasped, horrified at Tom's pedophilic hobbies.

Nagini rolled his eyes. "Ugh. Stop that self-righteous grovel. It's disgusting to see what it looks like coming out of someone with my face." Before Scar Horcrux could open his mouth to retaliate, Nagini pressed on. "Besides, it's not like he's doing it for fun. I've heard the girl was an annoyingly intolerable whiner,"he paused thinking. "Annoying, but… useful."

"Wait, what do you mean by 'useful'?" Scar Horcrux interrogated, not liking Nagini's tone.

Nagini bit back a smirk as he raised his eyebrows, as if amused. "Well, obviously he isn't befriending her for the hell of it. So think, Scar, why would Tom endure the torture of listening to the woes of an angst-riddled brat, becoming her sole companion, an emotional crutch?"

"But that would mean…" The other's eyes widened comically in realization. "But… but… that's awful! He's draining her life force! We've got to stop him!"

"Stop who?"

Five heads turned to the new voice as the Diary Horcrux slipped through the doorway inaccessible to the rest.

Scar immediately pounced.

"Stop you, Tom. What are you thinking, doing that to a defenseless girl!" he snapped.

"Oh, please," Tom purred, "we have a fine little system worked out between us. I lend her honest, sincere friendship, and she, in return, gives me just a fraction of her soul." He settled down comfortably in a chair, sighing contently. "Now I would say I'm being rather generous on my half of the deal."

"That's just rich. And what happens what you take more than she's able to offer?"

"All true relationships have sacrifices, Scar."

"Though the relationship is more parasitic in this case."

Tom's eyes narrowed dangerously for a moment, but it was so quickly traded with a look of condescension that it almost went unnoticed.

Almost.

"Calm down, for Merlin's sake," Raven said lightly, trying to quietly disperse the start of a full blown argument. Unlike Ring, Tom's temper wasn't all that fun to mess with. "So," he continued, "how's life like on the other side of the door, Tommy boy?"

The pet naming was a privilege tolerated only from Raven and Nagini, for reasons unknown. Of course, it didn't save Raven from a piercing glare, but he was satisfied in knowing it could have been much worse for anyone else who tried it.

Tom paused, and his face melted into something not quite content, but very close to it.

"It was… nice."

He closed his eyes and leaned back.

Ring (who had been sulking up to that point) furrowed his eyebrows together, slightly put off.

Tom Ridde the Diary Horcrux was simply an unpleasant person.

Tom had no reason to keep up his polite schoolboy illusion in a room filled with nobody but other versions of himself, and was pretty much the personification of a teenage Dark Lord. Cold, cunning, and manipulative, in the forty-something years of their acquaintance Ring had never, ever seen him give a genuine smile.

Of course, none of them have ever genuinely smiled (Merlin forbid) with the exception of the poor Hufflepuff Horcrux.

But Tom had seemed to be the least likely to give something close to the smile, again with the exception of Slytherin's Locket Horcrux (who was undeniably the most disturbing member of the clique).

And yet here he was, the corner of his lips lightly defying gravity and giving the usually unpleasant boy an almost pleasant atmosphere.

So one could only imagine what sort of wonders were on the other side of the door.

Ring wanted to know.

"Tom," he asked stubbornly, "what's so special about the other side?"

Tom didn't open his eyes, but merely replied with an amused, "I'm afraid you'll need to be a bit more specific."

Ring knitted his eyebrows closer together in concentration. "Fine. What do they have over there that we don't have in here?" he questioned, waving his arm to signify the hall that acted similarly to the Room of Requirement, an action that was totally lost on a close lidded Tom, but appropriately appreciated by everyone else.

When Tom didn't immediately answer, he continued.

"We have everything we need in here."

Tom lazily opened an eye.

"Oh? And how about everything we want?"

Ring frowned.

"What do you mean? We have everything we could want and need. Likes games. And books. We have lots of high class furniture and…" he trailed off, irritated at feeling so unsure about the conversation. "Whatever. There's nothing on the other side that's better than what's in here, so what's the point?"

"I suppose you can't miss what you never had."

"What do you mean?"

Tom absentmindedly drummed his fingers on the side of the chair before simply answering, "Wind."

"…What?"

"Wind," Tom repeated quietly. "I suppose you've never felt it, have you?"

"Well, no," Ring answered. Not wanting to feel ignorant, he added, "but it's not like I would want to, anyways."

"What makes you say that?" the other asked.

"What makes you want it?" he retorted, mentally patting himself on the back for the quick reply.

All the other Horcruxes, excluding Slytherin's locket, were slightly leaning in, intrigued by the conversation taking place.

"I want it because I can't have it," Tom replied simply.

"The bloody hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Watch your tongue," the Diary Horcrux chided lightly, but something in his tone hinted otherwise.

Ring felt another wave of irritation crash into him, but he refrained from stomping on the floor and shouting some accusation about the genuinity of the other's intelligence, as he would have usually responded.

"Fine. Then…" he trailed off, trying to dish out a question that would receive a clear answer. True to his name, Tom almost always replied in riddles if he ever bothered answering at all. It was infuriating, but sometimes his twisted words explained things better than a straight out answer.

Unfortunately, a certain Horcrux was much too impatient to fiddle with secretive words.

"Um… what physical sensations are superior compared to those in this hall in quality and characteristics, and which traits and abilities specifically endear you to the other world?"

"Interestingly worded enough," Tom said with an amused smirk.

Without skipping a beat he continued, "Wind. Rain. Warmth. Cold. Sleeping. Eating. Tasting. Feeling. Smelling," After a moment of thought he added, "The luxuries of living."

Ring frowned.

He had awareness that those things existed; he had memories of such things existing, but somewhere in the back of his head told him… it just wasn't the same.

Awareness...

Memories...

Memories that weren't really his.

Taking a nap in the shade of an oak tree on a sunny day.

A steady breeze that pulled the scent of wild flowers.

Crunching footsteps on an autumn day.

All of them illusions. False temptations. Twisted truths.

Lies.

He could feel that the rest were thinking somewhere along the same track.

It was probably all something Tom just made up for the fun. Bring up false hope, then send it crashing down for the entertainment of watching them crumble. He was surprisingly good at that.

Of course, Ring was probably the only one who believed in the face value of what Tom said anymore. It was probably the reason the disappointment stung the most, too.

But there was just something that told him it wasn't a complete lie.

"That does sound… nice," Hufflepuff's Cup Horcrux thought aloud, surprising everyone.

The six Horcruxes mulled this over.

"Nah. I don't think so," Raven finally said. "When there's warmth, there're burns. Along with the sensation of touch is pain. There's always a catch."

Tom's face returned to it unreadable mask, but there was a glint in his eye.

"Yes, but it's the risk that makes it fun."

HEY. HEY. WANNA READ THIS LITTLE BIT DOWN HERE?

Of course you don't.

Anyways, I was wondering if I should keep this as a one-shot or continue it. Should I? It kind of sounds like fun. But a real bother at the same time.

By the way, which Horcrux is your favorite? (I personally don't have one, yet.)