The Insight in the Similarities
This is set in 2009, so it is a post-finale fic for JAG, and in the Bones-universe it takes place in Season 4 after The Beaver in the Otter.
McMurphy's Tavern
Washington, DC
2009
Agent Seeley Booth sat at the bar nursing his second beer. He felt out of sorts ever since Jared was dishonorably discharged from the Navy, and he felt like it was his fault it happened in the first place. He also still had conflicting thoughts on whether or not he did the right thing by not going to India with Jared. He had told Jared that he needed to go to India alone, because his whole life he always had someone standing behind him and now it was time for him to learn to stand alone. However, a part of Booth wondered if that was the biggest reason he said no or not. It was the question that kept bubbling up at the most random times and often kept him awake at night.
Did I really mean it when I said Jared needed to learn how to grow up and stand alone or did I not want to go because of something else?
The last few days had been so emotionally draining, that he needed a change of scenery and felt like going to the Irish pub a few blocks away instead of going to Founding Father's like he normally would.
"Can I get you another beer?" The bartender asked - he was a middle-aged man wearing a white t-shirt, with an Irish-American accent. Booth assumed, based on that accent, that his parents probably came from Ireland and he picked the accent up from them.
Booth finished what was left in the bottle in one gulp and contemplated the question for a moment. "What the hell? Yeah, I'll take another."
"How many is that for you already, Booth?" A voice called. "I am not as young as I used to be, I don't know if I'll be able to keep up."
Recognizing the voice, Booth placed the empty beer bottle on the bar and stood up. "Harm!" He exclaimed as he turned around to face him. "I'm glad you could make it."
The men shook hands. "You're lucky that I was in DC this week for a conference. I don't leave London much these days – sometimes it's the perks of being in charge, but other times, it's definitely the downside of being in charge," Captain Harmon Rabb, Jr. said as he walked towards the bar and sat on the empty stool to the left of Booth.
"Hey, Sam, get my friend whatever he wants and put it on my tab."
"Sure thing," Sam said as he came back to their end of the bar with Booth's new beer. "Well, I'll be!" He exclaimed. "Harmon Rabb! How the hell are ya? I almost didn't recognize you without that pretty brunette that was always with you. Johanna never let me live it down that she worked the night of your engagement celebration and I didn't."
Harm flashed his usual flyboy grin as images of Sarah MacKenzie flashed through his mind – along with the red dress she had on the last time they were here together. "Good to see you, too, Sam."
"You two know each other?" Booth asked, his mind working at a slightly slower pace thanks to the alcohol.
"Harm here was one of my most loyal customers; until the Navy sent him across the pond." Sam explained. "I'll be right back with your usual."
"You remember my usual?" Harm asked, surprised.
"I always remember my best customers – even if they end up moving far away. That pretty lady of yours likes a tonic water with a squeeze of lime." Silently, thinking to himself about the one time she asked for vodka in it. After that night, she never asked for vodka again, and Sam always figured she was an alcoholic and that was the night she slipped. "I'll be right back with your drink." Sam disappeared to gather a beer for Harm.
"I looked into your brother's case," Harm said quietly once they were alone. "I wish I had better news."
Booth nodded. "I figured there wasn't anything you could do, but I still wanted to know what you thought about it. You're the best there is. What did you find out?"
"Everything about the court-martial was by the book. I was hoping there would be a way to argue he had ineffective counsel, but there's nothing to get a judge to reopen the case. I'm sorry." Sam returned with a bottle of beer and Harm took a long sip. "A part of me wishes I would have been the JAG assigned to defend him. These are the types of cases I feel passionately about. I don't think it would have changed anything, though. Commander Mayfield was a lieutenant when I was stationed at JAG, she was a good attorney then, and she learned a lot over the years. She gave your brother a good defense."
"This never should have happened," Booth said as he took another sip of his beer. "He lost everything because of me."
"From what I gathered, you've been getting him out of trouble since he was just a kid. I'd say this balances the scales some."
Brennan's voice played in Booth's mind – cosmic balance sheet – as she once called it.
Booth scoffed. "Bones said something like that to Jared. That's why he did what he did in the first place. I don't even know if he wanted to do it."
"I have a half – brother that I almost gave everything up for, and I didn't even meet him or know he existed until I was in my thirties. It's what you do for family. I think Jared would have done this regardless."
"I wish I could believe that, but Jared never really thought about anyone but himself. Maybe, it's partly my fault for always bailing him out."
"You would have done the same thing if the situation were reversed, right?"
"Absolutely."
"I'm sure Jared realizes that. He didn't just do what he did because Brennan told him, too. He wanted to do it to save you."
"I don't know, Bones can be pretty scary when she's all feisty and angry. He was probably afraid of what she would do to him. She did push him off a bar stool once," Booth recalled.
Harm smirked. "From what I hear, Dr. Temperance Brennan is the most logical and rational person around. She must have had a good reason for doing it."
Booth shrugged. "It was...complicated."
"As is everything about life more often than not." Harm took another sip of beer before speaking again. "This should have been a prime example of when the ends justify the means and agencies cooperated with one another. Hell, I think Jared should have been given a medal. He's the reason your partner was able to figure out where you were – which saved your life – and it resulted in catching the woman who murdered and abducted children and buried two of your colleagues alive. Jared did the right thing. You guys caught The Gravedigger because of him. He even made the initial arrest!" He exclaimed, shaking his head. "Unbelievable that it would end this way."
Harm thought back to some of the less than by the book things he's done in his career and wondered how he still made it to the rank of Captain and was serving as the Force Judge Advocate, Naval Forces Europe, while Jared wasn't just discharged from the Navy, but dishonorably discharged on top of that.
"It all comes down to politics," Harm eventually said dejectedly. "One of my least favorite parts about this line of work."
Booth nodded in agreement. "You got that right. I'll owe you one for looking into this for me. I would have understood if you said no, and I really appreciate the fact that you made time to do it."
Harm shook his head. "You don't owe me. You went above and beyond for us after Mattie's accident. This was the least I could do."
Booth thought back to early March 2005 when he first met then Commander Harmon Rabb...
A fourteen-year-old girl and her flying instructor were having a flying lesson when an unexpected snow squall caused the biplane to crash. The plane crash was being investigated by the NTSB with the FBI being called in to assist. Booth, then a young agent who was trying to figure out a way to work with the remarkable Dr. Temperance Brennan and solve murders again-even if the first case they worked together ended on less than ideal terms- was the agent assigned to the plane crash case. It wasn't the kind of investigation he wanted – a plane crash – but it was the case that, in some ways, changed him and set him up to be friends with Harm.
When he initially arrived at the scene, his first priority was getting touch with the young girl's parents. He discovered her name was Matilda Grace Johnson – her mother died in a car accident some years ago, and her father was transient and couldn't keep a job. When Booth did track down her father shortly after Mattie was rushed to the hospital, clinging to life, he discovered almost instantly that the man was an alcoholic. He was so drunk that he couldn't even remember his daughter's name. Disgusted, Booth went to the hospital to sit with Mattie so she wasn't alone in case she woke up.
From her bedside, Booth continued his work, determined to get in touch with someone who would care for this girl – an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, a grandparent – anyone. There had to be someone. A phone call to the flight school revealed that the lessons were paid for by a Naval aviator turned lawyer – Commander Harmon Rabb who was currently stationed at the JAG Corps in Washington, DC. At first, Booth found it slightly odd that the military man was paying for a teenage girl to take flying lessons, but he soon learned that there was nothing inappropriate about it. Harmon Rabb once had guardianship of Mattie and served as her foster parent.
After making contact with the commander, it didn't take long for him to arrive at the hospital. "You must be Agent Booth?" A tall man, about six foot four, with dark hair said as he took off his Navy cover and overcoat. He was wearing Navy winter blues, with gold wings, and Booth quickly noticed how accomplished the man was as an officer by all of the medals and ribbons on his uniform.
"Yes, I am. Commander Rabb, I presume?" Booth said as he stood up from the seat beside Mattie's bed.
Harm reached out to shake the younger man's hand. "You can call me Harm. Thank you for getting in touch with me."
Booth pointed to the seat he just vacated and Harm sat down. "I hope you don't mind that I stayed with her. I didn't want her to be alone. You see, I have a little boy and I just couldn't imagine if something like this happened to him and he was alone..." The thought alone made Booth sick.
"Mattie has been through a lot in her life already. I can't thank you enough for staying with her. Her dad has had a problem with alcohol for years, but it got worse after her mom died...her dad practically abandoned her after that. She doesn't have anyone."
"Except for you, obviously," Booth said sincerely.
Harm smiled sadly and reached for Mattie's hand. "I made some phone calls on the way here. We're filing an emergency motion in the morning for me to get temporary legal custody again for the time being. Obviously, her father isn't fit to handle this."
"She's lucky she has you."
"I should have told her to cancel her lesson today," he shook his head, still in shock over the entire situation. "This is my fault."
"No, it's not. The snow squall didn't appear on the radar until it was too late. No one could have predicted this."
Harm didn't say anything, and Booth could tell he was deep in thought. "I'll let you know when the case is closed. Since it was a result of the weather, it shouldn't take long to close it."
Harm nodded.
"Would you mind if I reached out to see how Mattie is doing in a few days? This is one of those cases for me...you know... the ones you'll remember for the rest of your life – the ones that need to be followed up on from time to time."
Harm turned to look at Booth and nodded understandingly. "I've had several cases like that myself and in some of those cases, I never did find out what happened after my involvement was done. I'd never wish that feeling on anyone. Please feel free to stay in touch. You know how to reach me."
"Thank you."
"No, Agent Booth. Thank you for going above and beyond for Mattie, for making sure she wasn't alone. I can't thank you enough."
"It was not your fault," Booth reiterated one last time before leaving the hospital room.
And now here they were, years later, after having becoming friends and Harm had just repeated those same words – it was not your fault – to him.
"Did I mention he said I should go to India with him?" Booth asked, bringing himself back to present day.
"No," Harm shook his head. "Why didn't you go?"
Booth shrugged. "I'm not sure, really."
"Hmm," Harm said.
Booth shot him a pointed look. "What?"
"It's nothing," Harm said.
"It's something. What were you going to say?"
"There's a reason you didn't go and you know it," Harm raised an eyebrow.
Booth knew that Harm was implying the reason he didn't leave was because of Bones. "Hey, Bones and I, we are just partners."
Harm shrugged and finished off his beer. "Think about who you are talking to for a minute, huh? I used that line more times than I can count during the nine years I was partnered with Mac...and look how that turned out. I married her..."
"Bones doesn't believe in marriage."
"That's a technicality and you know it."
"I would die for her, I would kill for her, I would do anything to protect her, but I don't know if she loves me. I can usually read people well, but with her...with her it's different."
"I don't think it's that she doesn't love you," Harm began as he signaled for Sam to bring him another beer. "From what you've told me about her over the years, I think it's that she doesn't know what being in love is – it's not something scientific that she can study, it's a feeling she has to experience. I wouldn't be surprised if it is a feeling she is experiencing, but she doesn't know what is. Do you know what I mean?"
It was as if a switch flipped for Booth. No one had ever quite explained it like that to him before, and he was mentally kicking himself for not realizing it himself. "I think I do, actually. Speaking from experience with your own partnership?"
"In some ways, but it was a lot more complicated than that for us – we each had a lot of our own baggage and neither one of us knew what to do with it for awhile. One time, about four or five years into our partnership, Mac pretty much made her move, and I put the brakes on us. We were in Sydney Harbor, and I told her that they once wrote "eternity" on the bridge in lights on New Year's Eve. She asked me if that was how long we were going to wait, an eternity. I told her that location doesn't change who we are. She said most men would disagree with me, and I told her that sometimes I disagree with me, too. I knew that I thought I loved her, but I had to be sure before I committed to something with her. I couldn't hurt her like that if I was wrong. I had to be sure that I loved her."
This was new information to Booth. The two men had become fairly good friends over the years, occasionally helping each other with something for a case or watching a hockey game every now and again before Harm was transferred to London. Even after the move, they still managed to stay in touch, Harm offering updates about Mattie's recovery and life as a married man, but much of Harmon Rabb and Sarah MacKenzie's partnership pre-2005 was a mystery to him. All he really knew was she was a Marine Colonel, they were both lawyers at JAG, and they were partners for nine years. After they both received new orders which would put them on different continents, Harm proposed to her and they flipped a coin to see who would resign their career because that they knew in order for their marriage to be successful, one of them had to leave the military.
Needless to say, Harm won the coin toss and the newly engaged couple found themselves in London. Booth once asked Harm if Mac resented him, and he had said no. He said Mac still had to report to her post before her resignation and retirement was processed, and he said that she had called him every day to tell him how much she hated being in charge like that. Booth couldn't help but to wonder if she was just telling Harm that because she didn't want him to feel bad about the coin toss, or if it was actually how she felt.
"How did you guys bounce back after you turned her down?" Booth asked, curiously.
"Things were awkward for a while. I pushed her into the arms of another man, and our partnership got really rocky after that. It took us sometime to find solid footing again," he said sadly, thinking of all the time they missed. "It was like every single time things got really good something would happen and it would pull us apart. Sometimes, quite literally, to other ends of the Earth. Eventually, we agreed it was time to start over...back at the beginning."
"Do you think your partnership with her made your actual relationship with her stronger?"
"Without a doubt," Harm replied without missing a beat. "Mac is the only person in the world who truly knows me, and I could say the same about her. We know the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. We've saved each other's lives, we've sacrificed for each other...all of that stuff. Out of all the women I've ever dated, Mac is the only one who isn't afraid to go toe-to-toe with me in argument and it's great, actually. I'm sure it stems from all those years litigating against each other, but it reminds me that we're equals in this, and I like that."
"Hmm," Booth commented, his mind still thinking of Bones, "so, basically, your relationship is based on the foundation of your friendship, and that's why it's working so well?" He stated as a question to make sure he was following correctly.
Harm nodded. "Absolutely. We've been married for four years and she only made me sleep on the couch twice, so I guess that's not too bad," he laughed.
"Can I ask why it took nine years for you two to figure things out?"
Harm smiled. "Everyone likes to ask that question." He shrugged as he tried to think about the best answer to the question. "Honestly, I believe in fate. I believe it happened when it was supposed to happen. By the time we both got new orders, I already knew I was in love with her– I didn't think I was in love with her, I knew I was in love with her and I had been for years. I guess I just work best under a deadline. But, in all seriousness, Mac once told me I was afraid of letting go and losing control. I told her that in my world, if you lose control, you die, and she told me I wasn't flying a Tomcat and to let go of the lifeline before it became a noose."
"Why didn't you "let go" sooner?"
"I was afraid of messing up our friendship if things didn't work out. I was afraid of losing her forever. A part of me would rather have her in my life every day as just a friend, then to lose her all together in case it didn't work out."
Harm just hit the nail on the head. That was exactly how Booth felt about Brennan.
"Until the night we got engaged, I had always told her that I loved her in some roundabout way. Little, obscure things. Once she said – when you look at me that way, what do you see? And I said – I see a desirable woman. I thought she would realize what I meant, and maybe she did, but she needed the words -the words that I was afraid to say- because saying what I did, didn't accomplish anything. It kept us in a stalemate."
Everything happens eventually.
Booth replayed his own words to Brennan in his mind, realizing that it was his roundabout way of telling her that he loved, only he knew for a fact that she didn't realize it.
Harm continued, "Right before we got engaged, I asked Mac what attracted her to all the men in her life. She said that they wanted her and they let her know it. I told her that I wanted her, and she knew that. Do you know what she said?" Booth shook his head. "She said and I quote – Harm, no woman wants to be a mind reader."
Booth's lips curved upwards into a smile, Brennan's voice playing in his head. "Bones would say – reading minds is scientifically impossible."
Harm chuckled. "Maybe if she would have told me that twelve years ago, Mac and I wouldn't have taken so long to -"
"Get your ducks in a row," Booth offered, recalling another line he once said to Brennan.
"Exactly," Harm chuckled. "So, my bit of advice? You said it yourself that your partner doesn't believe in mind reading, you need to make how you feel very clear to her."
Booth drummed his fingers on the bar. "You know, I called you here to get insight about Jared's situation, but I think you helped me in a completely different way."
"I didn't do much besides talk about my wife, but if that helped you, I'm glad it did. I can see similarities between you and Dr. Brennan and me and Mac."
"You know, a lot of people just assume Bones and I are dating or sleeping together or whatever, and a lot of my friends, and colleagues, have opinions on how Bones and I should handle whatever it is between us, but they don't really understand what it's like. I think that's why talking to you about it is so eye opening. You lived it. You worked every day with a woman that you loved wondering if you could ever be more than friends. You know what it is like."
"Believe me, I get it. Sometimes, you have to take risks. Sometimes, I wish I would have taken those risks and was able to let go sooner; but other days, I don't think we were both ready then. I think things will work out for the two of you when you are both ready. There might be some trial and error, but once you are both ready and on the same page, at the same time – you will know, and it will be magical. Trust me."
"I believe in fate, too. Bones doesn't, but I do and that's enough for me to believe it will happen...that I'll know when she's ready."
"You'll know," Harm stated simply. "There might be a time when you think you know, and she's not quite ready, or she'll think she is ready, but you aren't ready," Harm said, speaking from experience, "and it might not play out the way you want it to, but when the time is really, truly right, you will both know. It could be something as simple as seeing it flash across her eyes while you're driving in the car, eating takeout together when you're going over case notes, accidentally touching her back when you open a door for her – it could be any of those things."
Booth waved Sam over so he could close his tab. "Thanks for the help tonight, Harm. Any chance you'll be coming back to DC more often? I'll probably need this advice again."
"Actually, I've been looking for billets that are stateside. London is nice, but Mac and I miss the States. Mattie is well enough to start college. She's been accepted to George Washington University in the fall. We'd like to be close to her, she won't admit it, but she still needs more help than she would like. She's been with us in London ever since she was well enough to travel. We aren't quite ready to for her to leave the nest, let alone be thousands of miles away."
"If she needs anything while she is here, anything at all, she knows how to get in touch with me. Day or night. I'll even vet any potential boyfriends... I have sources; I can do a background check should you need one – off the record, of course."
Harm smiled. He knew Booth had a son, but he could tell what a good father he would be to a daughter someday. "You're a good man, Booth," Harm said as he patted him on the shoulder. "I may take you up on that."
"Same thing goes for you – call me day or night, and I'll pop in to check on Mattie if you and your wife need some piece of mind. Where are you hoping to be stationed?"
"I'm hoping to get something at the Pentagon. Hell, I'd even be happy with my old office at JAG and being able to investigate and try cases on a regular basis again. If that doesn't work out, then once I retire, we'll be back in DC for sure. Mac and I have tossed the idea around of opening a law firm together. It sounds like a pretty great idea to me, what do you think?"
"You'd get to work with her again. I think that would be pretty wonderful."
"Yeah, me too. I miss working with her."
"I couldn't imagine not working with Bones...it's as natural as breathing."
"She's contracted out to the FBI, right?"
"Yup," Booth nodded.
"Then, you don't have to face nearly as many hurdles as Mac and I would have had to if we got together sooner than we did." Harm stood up and Booth followed his lead. The two men shook hands again. "Thanks for the drinks, Booth, but I have to be going. I promised my godchildren we could play a game of Battleship tonight."
"Thanks again for everything. I appreciate."
"Anytime. Keep me posted – and if Jared needs anything, let me know. I'll see what I can do."
Booth nodded.
Harm spotted Sam at the end of the bar and waved. "Until next time, Sam!" He called, before turning to leave the smoky pub.
With Harm gone, Booth sat down to sign his credit card slip. Just as he was returning his credit card to his wallet, his cellphone rang. A smile appeared on his face when he saw who it was. "Hey, Bones, what's up?"
"Do you think I am boring?"
"What are you talking about?" He asked as he pressed his phone closer to his ear and began to head outside so he could hear her better.
"Angela made a pop culture reference today that I did not understand. She said I need to watch more movies. I think she was implying that I am boring."
Booth could hear her slam her filing cabinet shut and turn that lock. "You are not boring, but everyone could stand to watch a few more movies."
"I prefer to read you know that."
Booth began walking down the street, towards the Jeffersonian, and knew he would soon cross paths with Brennan. "Out of curiosity, what did Angela say that you didn't understand?"
"She was telling me about a guy she met at the coffee shop today. She said he was attractive in a "Paul Gleason in The Breakfast Club kinda way, not Paul Gleason in Die Hard kinda way." I told her that I knew who Paul Gleason was, but I had not seen either movie, so I didn't understand."
"Whoa...wait a second there, Bones. You haven't seen The Breakfast Club or Die Hard? Those are two `80's classics right there."
"You think I am boring, too."
"What? No. You know, Bones, I happen to have both of those movies at home."
"Oh? Perhaps I could borrow them sometime."
"You don't have a TV still," he pointed out.
"I could watch them at the Jeffersonian...for research purposes, of course."
"Yeah, you could do that...or you could come over and watch them...at my apartment...with me. If you want too..." he trailed off because he now spotted her on the sidewalk, walking towards him. He smiled brightly at her.
She saw him and hung up her phone. "That would be very nice," she said once she approached him.
"I'm on my way home now, you're more than welcome to share a cab with me if you wanted to watch one or both tonight," he offered.
"Okay," she answered quickly. "But under one condition."
"And what's that?"
"We stop and get Thai food first. I haven't eaten since breakfast, actually."
"Bones!" He exclaimed. "It's nearly 9PM! You haven't eaten all day?"
Brennan shrugged. "Sometimes, I forget to eat when I'm at the lab."
"Then we definitely need to get you something to eat during our movie marathon." There was a chill in the air and he saw her shiver. He placed an arm around her and pulled her close to him, hoping to keep her warm. "Do I need to bring you lunch every day, Bones? You're a genius, you should know how important it is to eat proper meals..." he began to lecture her as they walked towards the restaurant.
To anyone on the street, they would have looked like a happy couple – teasing each other, laughing, and smiling as they walked together arm – in –arm down the dimly lit street. Only, they weren't a happy couple in the traditional sense of the word. They were just Temperance Brennan and Seeley Booth. They were just partners. They were just friends.
For now, at least.
They hadn't reached their "magical moment" yet, but Booth knew it would come.
Eventually.