Author's Note: This first chapter fills in some details from "Rise" as I was playing them out in my head during the ten times I watched the episode. The rest of the story will take place post "Rise".

Disclaimer: Don't own them, just write about them.

Chapter 1- Rise (The Rest of the Story)

He paces the hospital halls, Josh's words replaying again and again in his mind. He did cause this. How can he live with himself?

"Mr. Beckett?" The doctor had just left Kate in recovery and had come out to speak with the family.

"Yes?"

"Your daughter is out of surgery."

"Will she be alright?"

"During the surgery, she experienced cardiac arrest. Now we were able to get her heart beating again on its own, but we'll need to watch her very closely."

"When can I see her?"

"Well, once the nurses get her settled, we'll bring you back to her. The rest of you, should go home, get some rest."

Castle followed Ryan and Esposito back to the precinct to work on the case. After working several hours, he realized that he had to see her, even if she wasn't conscious. He needed to see with his own eyes that she was still alive. He made his way to the hospital. It was late, there wasn't anyone around and he slipped into her room.

He approached her bed. Gently, he picked up her hand. He sat in the chair next to her bed, leaning his forehead against her hand. He knew she couldn't hear him, in fact he preferred it that way. "Oh Kate. I'm so sorry. I never should have put you in this position." A tear trailed down his right cheek. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you." He sat in the dark silence for minutes, hours, he wasn't really sure. He wasn't the religious type, but he prayed to every God he could come up with. Prayed that she would find her way through this. That they both would, together. With a gentle kiss to her hand, and one to her forehead for good measure, he silently slipped from the room.

As Kate came to, she slowly opened her eyes. She wasn't sure where she was, or what had happened to her. Think! What's going on?Flashes of memories started coming back. The shot, her falling, screams, then it went silent. She could only hear Castle... "Stay with me Kate, I love you."

As the memories came back, her breathing became labored, before she knew it the machines began beeping. A team of nurses were at her bedside immediately.

"Kate, Kate. It's ok! You are hooked up to machines but you're ok. Take some deep breaths for me." The nurse was trying to calm her. "Go get Dr. Davidson," she whispered to one of the aides." A few minutes passed as the nurses double checked her vitals and made her more comfortable.

"Kate?"

"Josh?" Her voice was raspy but Josh was so delighted to hear it that he could hardly see straight. Once the nurses finished checking her vitals and situating her, they left the room. During that time, she was partially aware of what was going on, but it was all playing as though it were a movie, not reality.

"Kate, how are you feeling?"

"Terrible," she managed to get out.

"Let's get you off of some of these machines and see if that won't help." He took off a couple of the monitors. "How's that?"

"Better. Can I sit up?" He slowly helped her get into more of an upright position. He leaned over to kiss Kate. Her immediate response was to pull away.

"Kate?"

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"Don't worry, it's ok."

"What happened?" She thought she was putting the memories together to make sense of it, but she wanted someone else to tell her.

"You were at the funeral. A sniper was there too and as you stood giving your speech, a shot rang out. It hit you in the chest, just above the heart. We took you into emergency surgery. After we found the bullet and got the bleeding stopped, we sewed you back up. You've been out of it for the past two days." Now it was making sense. It was all coming back to her. Then, she remembered. She remembered Castle. He told her he loved her. She wanted to say it back, but she couldn't.

"Oh Kate, I love you. I'm so glad you pulled through."

She looked at him. His words sounding foreign. In that moment, she knew. He wasn't the one. He never was. It was him. Castle. He was it, the one. When he last moments flashed before her eyes, she didn't see Josh, she saw him.

"Josh, we need to talk."

"I know, but right now, you need to rest."

"No, I need to say this to you. I like you Josh, I really like you. But...it isn't...enough.". Her speech was slow. She winced in pain with each word.

"What do you mean it isn't enough? I think your pain meds are messing with you."

"No, I've known this for a while now, for a long while actually. I just couldn't face it. I like you, I do, but it's not enough."

He could tell she was exhausted. She just needed some sleep. "This is about Castle, isn't it? You do realize he is the one who put you here. I'm the one who FIXED you. HE put you here."

She closed her eyes, gathering her strength. She wanted nothing more than to succumb to sleep, but she had to do this. She had to do it now. "No, this isn't about Castle. It's about me."

Josh just shook his head. He knew what she said was the truth. He knew it from the beginning, but he had always held out the hope that since she chose him, that she had CHOSEN him. He knew though. It wasn't a choice for her, she and Castle just ARE, it isn't about choice.

He wanted to fight, but he couldn't put her through that, not now. Instead, he decided to make her smile. "Here, I bought this for you. I know that it may be wrong now, but I still want you to have it." He pulled out a small charm bracelet and wrapped it around her wrist. "This bracelet looks good on you, its not diamonds or anything." He said with a smile. She smiled in return. He could see the appreciation in her eyes, but knew it wasn't enough.

Suddenly the door opened. Castle walked in. "Hey Castle." with those words, the look on her face, he knee. In a heartbeat, Josh knew it was over. He didn't dare create a scene. Not here, not now. Instead, he stood, relinquishing his place next to Kate, both physically and emotionally. "I'll see you after rounds." He gave her one final goodbye kiss, and left the room.

"Hey." Castle wasn't sure what to say. In reality he wanted to run to her, take her in his arms.

"You're staring at me, I must look really bad," she replied sheepishly.

"No, I just never thought I'd see you again." He was getting too serious too soon. He had to lighten the mood a bit. "I heard you were opening a flower store so I thought I'd pitch in."

She grinned as he took the seat the had previously held Josh. "They were all here when I woke up. I think they're mostly from the precinct. I don't think I'm going to live this one down Castle."

"Oh, probably not." An awkward silence lingered for a few seconds. Neither of them wanting to say what they should.

"I hear that you tried to save me."

"Yeah, I uh... you heard?" Castle stopped. "You don't remember me tackling you?" He held his breath. He realized the implications of this. He had hoped she would remember his confession to her. Had hoped she knew how deeply he felt. Hope she could admit she felt that way too.

"No. I don't remember much of anything." How can she do this to him? She knows that he loves her, she knows she loves him too. Here she is telling a bold faced lie, why is she determined to ruin this before it even starts?. " I uh... remember I was uh... on the podium and then I remember everything just going black."

Shock pulsed through him. He could barely formulate a response. "You don't remember the gunshot?"

"No." She sees the look in his eyes and can't bare to look at him. "They say there are some things that are better not being remembered." She knows she'll never forget his words, but she can't deal with them now.

"Yeah."

He's aware their conversation continued. He even managed to respond appropriately, but his mind had stopped when she said she didn't remember.

"Castle, I'm really tired right now." She couldn't see him looking like this anymore. She had to bring the conversation to a close.

"Of course, of course we'll talk tomorrow," he replied, hoping by then he could gather his thoughts.

"Do you mind if we don't? I just need a little bit of time."

Is she trying to kill him? No, no time. We need to talk now. He knew he couldn't say that though. "Sure how much time?"

"I'll call you, ok?"

"Sure." He says as he quickly exits the room with little more than a glance backwards.

A/N: This is my first Castle fanfic, so please be kind :)