The hell, now no one can say that I do not use quotation marks or that I merely rely on proper language - here I present a purely conversation-based story and with lots of quotation marks (you can count them if you want)! Well, now there is no actual "story" - this is just the opposite what I usually write. I just wanted to do this, since I have not used those devilish marks before. So there you go, like it or hate it - but tell me which one ;D (TWOSHOT)

Please do not flame (I do not find a reason for it so you better not either). I apologize for the possible misspellings and other errors.

CHECK OUT MY OTHER SASUNARU/NARUSASU STORIES TOO AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

Pairing: Sasuke x Naruto

Summary: Alcohol and conversation mixed up with each other can lead to unpredictable things. One moment you are hetero, the next gay and after denying everything you are still in the bed with the one you love - but how? SasuNaru, M for SEX

Disclaimer: I have no rights over the characters or whatsoever (do not sue me Mr. Kishimoto), I am just loaning them and returning to the rightful owner (Mr. Kishimoto).

Things Said And Done

Naruto: "I'm disappointed in myself. You know, we're already seventeen and I'm still a fucking virgin. I don't know what it is; am I repulsive or what? Fuck and you can get all the ladies you could ever want, geez. What magic do you use you Harry fucking Potter? I want some fairy dust too you fucking Tinkerbelle…pour more booze Sasuke, I wanna drown in this sweet nonexistence we mortals call alcohol. Oh, I can't feel my tongue anymore, sweet…"

Sasuke: "You should probably slow down Naruto - I don't want you to puke on my shoes like last time…That girl matter; you should be lucky…half of those sweet-talkers are purely after my arse and fuck do I sound gay saying this, but I'd want somebody to recognize me behind these garments."

Naruto: "Well, I recognize you're naked under your clothes, haha. No, actually I know what you mean. All the people here think I'm just a stupid loudmouth, but I'm a decent guy, you know - for real, dude. I don't cheat, I've got brains and I can be sweet if needed. So, why the fuck I don't get laid??"

Sasuke: "The reason is probably that you're everybody's friend but no one's beloved. That happens…they just don't see the potential, but hey, it's their loss. Okay, maybe it's yours too, but at least there are people who care about you. I'd want people to care about me like that too."

Naruto: "Aww, Sasuke, I care about you - I even probably love you too, dude. Pour some more. You know, you give off the image of not caring and somehow I think people find you hard to approach. Hell, you've got a mean streak, you scare people off - except me that is, since I've grown to like it somehow."

Sasuke: "You sound fucking sappy, Naruto. Give the bottle back - I paid for it you dipshit! Although, I think you might be right…but I never admitted it if anyone asks. Dude, that'd be sad…"

Naruto: "Naah, it ain't sad, but I won't tell - it's our secret, haha. Hey, I wanted to ask you this a long time ago, but I didn't have the guts…If and when the time comes, how do I know how to do it? Sex, I mean. Somehow I don't think it's equal to porn movies -not that they aren't educational…maybe- and I don't wanna screw up. I know this is lame, but I'd like to think it as being 'precautious'. Just in case."

Sasuke: "I've never told anyone about this, but…I actually haven't done it all the way with anyone before so I might not be the right person to teach you the fucking Kama Sutra. Not that there weren't opportunities…it just didn't feel right. Maybe I'm looking for the one or something."

Naruto: "…Or being gay, hah. Sorry, I'm just barely amazed that you've never done it thoroughly before. Everyone thinks you're a womanizer, Sasuke. Actually, I'm glad, since now I don't feel so low - you're just as looser as I am, haha."

Sasuke: "Hmm…Can I kiss you?"

Naruto: "What?? Where did that come from?? Are you gay after all? You know, I happen to like girls and stuff…not cock and balls, well, except baseball, but that's beside the point really. I don't wanna hurt your feelings; you're pretty for a guy and I'd bang you if you had a joybox instead of joystick and well, well…"

Sasuke: "I ain't fucking asking you to marry me, so shut the fuck up. I need to test something out and you're my best friend. Fuck, I'm asking your help, you shithead. All the guys do it with each other and you can always blame alcohol. Actually, you blame alcohol about everything…and it's not like this is our first time either…"

Naruto: "That other time does not count! I was drunk, yeah, it was the alcohol…shit, I always seem to blame the devilish liquid…Okay fine, but just one kiss or a peck on the lips…no slimy stuff or anything."

Sasuke: "Yeah, yeah. Come closer - how can we kiss if you're that far away? You dumb or something? Close your eyes, they distract me. So, here we go..."

Naruto: "Oomph, you fucking stuck your tongue inside my mouth! I said no slimy stuff you fucker!! Dude, that was gross."

Sasuke: "Fuck…"

Naruto: "What now?"

Sasuke: "Nothing…"

Naruto: "Nothing? You're fucking red, man."

Sasuke: "I…think…I wanna kiss you again…"

Naruto: "WHAT??"

Sasuke: "Can I?"

Naruto: "Can you what?"

Sasuke: "Fucking kiss you, you dipshit. Fuck…I might like you, like that, you know. I might have liked you for along time…like, I knew I kind of liked you before, well, hmm, you know and…maybe that's why I never did it with Sakura till the end…'cause maybe just the slightest I wanted to do it with you or something…maybe…yeah, definitely maybe."

Naruto: "WHAT?? Definitely maybe?? Why the fuck did you turn Sakura down?? Oh yeah…and why the fuck would you want to fuck me?? Dude, I'm a guy - I've got a dick, you know. At least the last time I checked…Have you watched me in the locker-room?? Dude, that's sick!!"

Sasuke: "Like I can fucking help it?? Do you think I'm damn happy about this?? Do you know how fucking hard it is to hide your boner when watching your best friend in shower??"

Naruto: "Too much information!! I don't wanna know…laalaalaa…I've got my ears shut…laalaaalaa. You, you need medication! Like antihomo pills or something. Hey…I get it…you're fucking around, aren't you? I haven't seen you with guys like that…not that I'd want, but anyhow. You are so drunk, man!! Haha!"

Sasuke: "…Fuck you, Naruto. I tired to be sincere and you are fucking mocking me. You go and fuck yourself, the hell I care…I'm leaving."

Naruto: "This is your house, you know. Where would you go? Okay, I'm sorry - I didn't mean what I said. Apology accepted?"

Sasuke: "I wanna a make-out kiss."

Naruto: "Why do you need to be such an arse for crying out loud?? I apologized!! What more is there to do??"

Sasuke: "A kiss, you arse-faced stupid punk."

Naruto: "Fine, but only one and then we go to bed. No, not bed together and hell no, we ain't sleeping together. You'd probably drool in my ear or something disgusting. One goodnight kiss…oh, I fucking sound like a mom or a girlfriend - my skin is itching because of it."

Sasuke: "Meanie! I'm in need! Do something about it! You drank my booze - I want compensation!"

Naruto: "Shit…just a kiss, okay? We really need to discuss this tomorrow…gay…what the fuck…maybe you're only a kissing monster…Okay, let's do it. The kiss, I mean - shit, get your hands away from under my shirt! Sasukeee!"

Sasuke: "Just a little bit, okay? Like, it won't kill you if I fondle your chest. Shit, you got smooth skin; can I take off your shirt? It's not like I'm molesting you! Don't look so frightened…A little cuddling can't kill anyone, you know?"

Naruto: "Fucking Sasuke, you stuck your tongue into my mouth - again. I don't like that kind…of…shit…aah, naah - fuck, take your hands away from my pants!! This is crossing the line!! Stop it, shit, don't! Holy hell, you got talented fingers…What is that wet…?? Oh God, why the hell am I letting you to suck me?"