"…Alli…Alli kissed me. And kissing her back was the stupidest thing I've ever done."
Pings of guilt hit me, at the things Jake was now telling me. Originally, the emotion inside of me would just be anger, pain. But, from the few moments ago Eli had found me in the woods, my mindset had changed. A realization, you could say.
"Look I tried… tried getting over you all summer, but I couldn't. And when I found your headband, I- I thought that something really bad happened and I regretted every minute I didn't spend with you!"
More guilt. "Stop!" I blurted out, quick to cut him off before he could say any more. My eyes wandered fast as I looked for the next things to say, hoping it would appear in the air.
"Do you believe in fate?" I asked hesitantly.
Jake's face went blank, clearly confused, "Wha- what do you-"
"Fate. Destined to happen."
"Clare, I don't know where your…"
"Eli, when he found me in the woods." I could see his expression changing, trying to figure this out. I knew when he would, I would regret this.
"Eli rescuing me from the woods. Seeing his face, with his sarcastic humor, being able to make me smile even through the pain…physically and emotionally… I realized you, you both put me through quite a lot, maybe not a fairly equal amount, but… he, he was always there for me, in the end. "
"Clare, what are you getting at?" I wasn't sure I even knew.
"Listen Jake, I don't know where I am getting at. Unfortunate but true, there are… too many reasons we can not be together. I am not saying I am in love with Eli, but, I am saying… I don't know how I feel right now. Everything is unresolved."
"Clare…"
"Also, we ARE siblings. We are now living together, Jake. Like I said, I spent all summer thinking we were over. And you kissing Alli, kind of confirmed we should be. "
I saw pain wash over his face and I instantly looked away, hoping he would understand, or at least that there was a small chance he would.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have run away from you, Clare. I guess I ran too far." I could even hear the pain in his voice, but also something else. Sorrow. He knew what he had done was wrong. I knew after time I could become forgivable.
"I'm sorry Jake, I really did like what we had."