Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, nor will I ever:( It belongs to DPB, Bellisarius, Paramount, CBS etc. and even if I could buy it from them, they could keep BugMe and Renée. On second thought, I'd keep them to torture....
*Note: This is the first JAG story I've ever written and was written after I saw only 5 episodes of season 2 and one episode in season 5. As I saw more episodes, and did research on the internet, I added and corrected things. I didn't know how long ago Mac had been married, so I guessed. In this story, Harm is no longer seeing the video princess. This story is unrelated to the Into the Night series, and takes place in an alternate universe sometime before Surface Warfare.
Spoilers: We the People, Death Watch, The People V. Mac, maybe a few others.
***Another note: This is a Harm/Mac shipper story even though its not that apparent towards the end. Before people start yelling at me for the turn of events, I have already written a sequel in which things are straightened out.
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~ Disclosure ~
(To Lucy ,Donna, Jagcuti, Nikka, Codedriver,and Chantelle. Thanks for all of your encouragement and feedback.)
Harm's Residence
North of Union Station
Washington, DC
19:04 Romeo
Commander Harmon Rabb Jr. looked over at his partner and best friend, Semper Fi Marine Colonel Sarah "Mac" McKenzie, hoping to catch a glimpse of her beautiful brown eyes. Brown eyes, eyes the colored of bottled beer. He'd never forget the first time he had seen her, among a sea of color in the White House Rose Garden. At first, he thought he had seen a ghost, as she greatly resembled his deceased girlfriend, Lieutenant Diane Schonke. After they had met, he realized the two were nothing alike. Right away, Harm had been taken with the then-Major and knew that she was something special. Ever since, he'd take lingering glances at her when she wasn't looking. She was so beautiful, she swept him away during those stolen moments. Moments that sent shivers up and down his spine, moments like when she'd gently touch his shoulder, the small of his back, or simply a smile. She was not perfect, yet perfection was just an illusion, wasn't it? She had her share of hardships in her life, her mother left her with her alcoholic abusive father when she was just fifteen, and a drinking problem of her own.
Mac gazed out the window, seeming to be deep in reverie when he went up behind her. He gently put a hand on her shoulder and she didn't protest. She turned around to face him, their eyes interlocking. Harm leaned towards her, gently took her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly.
"Uh...Harm I'm sorry," she said quickly, backing away. "I have to go..."
"Mac," he started, turning around, only to be greeted by the door shutting behind her.
What had just happened? Why did she just scurry off like that? After they had kissed? She had reciprocated the kiss, briefly. He knew she could be skittish. There had been an awkward moment in Harm's hotel room years earlier when she had almost kissed him. She was irresolute and quickly left. The next time, he had kissed her. She'd been dressed in a similar uniform to what Diane wore. She'd told him that she knew, he was kissing Diane and not her. What he really wanted to tell her was that he wasn't kissing Diane, but her. He quickly stopped himself from telling her. What was he afraid of then? What was she afraid of now? Was she not interested? Whatever it was, he had to accept it. Love was so complicated and could make you act like the days where you were a love struck teenager.
After an extensive amount of thinking and debating within himself, he reached a conclusion. He had to talk to her, he had to tell her how he felt....Before it was too late. Before she decided to marry Brumby. The name was the equivalent of one scraping their nails down a chalk board as it resonated in his head. Brumby was the impetus Harm needed to for once in his life express how he truly, genuinely felt. He changed into a sweater and khakis, hopped into his SUV and drove off. He saw a florist shop that was still open and went inside, purchasing a single crimson rose.
********
Mac's Residence
Georgetown, MD
19:32 Romeo
Harm knocked on the door and waited, his heart pounding. "Mac!"he called. "Please..."his voice trailed off. There was still no answer. He knew she was home. Her Vette was parked in the parking lot. Finally, she opened the door. That was good, because he was relentless and would have started pounding on the door. Neither she or her neighbors would appreciate that.
"Do you always answer the door in your Pjs?"
She looked at him."Oh yeah, I love to give the pizza delivery boy a thrill." she said. This was the wry, witty Mac he knew. Then, "What are you doing here?"
He'd never needed an invitation before. "I came to see you."he answered, handing her the rose. The gesture totally caught her off guard.
"It's beautiful, Harm." she said, taking it its crimson beauty. "You didn't have to...I hope you didn't....Now is just a bad time...."
Hell, she wouldn't blame her for cheating on that Australian louse, Mic. "You have a date over, don't you? God, I'm so..."
Great, now he thought she had a man over."No! It's just that..."
"Mommy?"called a small voice. Harm thought he was hearing things. It must be the TV or neighbors he thought. Or Chloe? But did Chloe call Mac Mommy? He knew she looked up to her...
Suddenly a small child appeared at Mac's side. Mac's mouth opened wide in horror. This was not how she wanted this to happen.
"Um, honey, can you go in the other room and put this in water?" She handed the child the rose.
"Sure." she said, and scurried off.
Mac looked up, once again meeting the shock in Harm's eyes. She buried her face in her hands for a brief moment. "I wanted to tell you...I just didn't know how."
"How hard is it to tell someone who cares about you that you have a daughter? It's not some little secret you can keep inside."he said, his emotions evident. He was more upset than angry. "I thought we could tell each other anything Mac! While things are being revealed, I think it's a good time if you have any other husbands and secrets up your sleeve."
"Harm," she said, "I'm not even sure where to start."She sat down against the door and he sat facing her. "Eight years ago, Chris, went to federal prison and I found out I was pregnant. She went to go live with her grandmother, Chris' mother. I didn't have much of a choice. I could never give my baby up, and at the time I couldn't take care of her... I don't think Chris ever saw more than a baby picture and now it's too late after I...I've been trying to get her to move to D.C. so its closer. I only see her once..."Her voice trailed of as tears welled in her eyes. Harm wrapped his arms around her and let her cry.
"Shhh...It's alright." he said, gently rocking her.
"I know I'm a horrible mother, a horrible person..."
"No, Mac. No, you're not. You did what you thought was the best for her."
Mac, for once did not argue. Even though it may be true, she still blamed herself.
The girl entered the hall. "Who are you? Why is my mommy crying?" she demanded to know. He could tell this little girl was tough as nails and afraid of nothing—just like her mother.
"My name is Harm. I'm your mommy's best friend." At least he thought he was. " She's crying because she's so happy that you're here." He shook her small hand. "What's your name?"
"Aidan Lara MacKenzie Ragle ." she recited like a fine poem.
"What a pretty name. Nice to meet you."
"You too. I have to go get ready for bed. Mommy?"she said, satisfied with Harm's response.
"I'll be there in a minute, sweetie."
"She's beautiful." Just like her mother. She had her mother's dark brown, almost-raven hair and deep soulful brown eyes.
"Thank you."
"I wish you had told me. I could have helped you..." he said and he meant it. He wanted nothing more than to take care of Mac, and now her daughter.
Streams of tears cascaded down her face and he once again took her into his arms. She buried her head in the crook of his neck, the hot tears soaking his shoulder.
"Look at me..."she said embarrassed.
"It's alright..."
"I think I should get her to bed. She's exhausted."She freed herself from his warm and loving arms and stood up. "You're welcome to come inside." He took her up on her offer.
********
20:57 Romeo
He scanned the apartment which he was quite familiar with. Absent were indicators that Mac had a child. He realized that the door she kept locked all the time wasn't a closet she never got the key to, but Aidan's room.
"I'm so sorry, Harm." she said softly.
"You should go. She's waiting."
"Yeah."
"I should go..."
Just then, Aidan entered in pink flannel PJ's and yellow bunny slippers. The kid really had a knack for timing. Whether to say it was good or bad depended on your opinion. "I was wondering if you and your friend can read me a story."
"Uh, sweetie, Harm has to..."
"I can stay," he said, "that's if you want me to."
"We'd like that." She smiled.
********
21:44 Romeo
Aidan was tired from her trip, but stayed awake as long as possible, wanting to hear more stories. Finally she gave in and fell fast asleep. They silently crept out of the room after they were positive that she was asleep.
"Would you like anything to drink? There isn't much of selection."
"Sure."
"Is soda okay?"
"One time won't kill me."
"Have you eaten? Aidan ate before she came and I was just going to have pizza."
"I haven't. As long has it doesn't have dead animal on it, I'm game."
"As opposed to what, live animal?"
He smiled.
"We can even cover your half with that good for you vegetable crap you're so fond of. You herbivores are no fun." She picked up the phone.
He smiled again. It was so odd that this was the same woman who had transformed into an emotional, hysterical mess who had practically fallen at his feet not much earlier. She was a trained Marine and one thing they learned was to not express emotion. Bottling up feelings all the time was no good, and part of the reason she had become an alcoholic many years ago.
********
22:47 Romeo
"How long is she going to be with you?"
"Not long enough. This week, only until Sunday."
"I'd like to take you both to the zoo on Saturday."
"We'd like that."
"So what does Mic think about this?" Harm asked, the name burning his tongue like battery acid. She didn't answer."You're considering marrying him and he doesn't know you have a daughter?" You're considering marrying him and you kissed me back?!he thought.
"No one knows...but you. I'll tell him eventually. I guess I really have no choice."
He stayed silent, angry that she was still talking about marrying that bumbling idiot after what had transpired earlier.
"I'm sorry I left your place so fast before, I had to get home..."
"It's alright, Mac." I understand, to a certain point. With that, that topic was not further delved into, nor was the kiss. He wanted to talk about it, hell, they needed to talk about it. At least he did.
"Ma—"he said, just as the doorbell sounded. She got her wallet and went to the door. "Why don't you let me get it? You're in your Pjs."
"If you insist."
He looked through the peephole, and opened the door. She tried to hand him her wallet but he refused to take it.
"Take it."she said, only to be ignored. "Harm..."she said to no avail, as he paid the delivery boy. He took the pizza inside and they ate, moving to the safe discussion of their cases.
********
23:19 EST
"I have leave Thursday and Friday." said. "I want to spend as much time as I can with her while she's here. I wish things were different and I could see her more often. She was obviously in pain, so he put his arms around her to comfort her. He wasn't sure if the gesture was appropriate or not, but he didn't care. All he knew was that it felt good to hold her, and that somehow made it right.
She left her head on his shoulder. He smelled so good, the scent of his cool, clean utterly masculine aftershave. His skin was smooth against her neck. He kissed her forehead, cheek and finally found her lips. "This..." He planted a kiss along her jaw line, "is..." He took full possession of her mouth, cutting her off. Their tongues probed hungrily.
She stroked his back and he trailed kisses down the nape of her neck. She played with his collar and let her hand go down his back. She wore a cranberry camisole and no bra. He gently brushed his fingers over her already taut nipples causing her to gasp in pleasure. He reached under her shirt and cupped her soft breast. A low moan of pleasure escaped her. He laid her down gently. She pressed herself against him while he took off his shirt. She undid his belt with deft precision. She kissed his neck and jaw.
His touch sent shivers up her spine. She felt him, rock hard against her belly. He kissed her shoulder and helped take her shirt off.
"God, you're breathtaking, Mac."
"You're not so bad yourself."she whispered planting a kiss on his neck. She lightly nibble on his flesh.
"Aidan?"
"She sleeps like the dead."she said. He took a nipple into his mouth, the tiny bud was hard under his hot tongue. She arched herself against him and undid his fly. She felt him hard like a rock against her. She kissed his neck and jaw line. Every touch sent their hearts racing.
The last thing she needed was to get pregnant. Things were complicated at it was. "Do you have anything, because I have..." He silence her, crushing her mouth with his.
He retrieved a condom from his pocket. "But I sure wouldn't mind having a couple..." he started.
"A couple?"
"Children, with you." With that, he got up and wrapped the blanket around her. He was on his way to the bathroom when the phone sprang to life.
She snatched it up from its cradle. Who the hell would call at this hour, a phone solicitor with insomnia or a caffeine problem? "MacKenzie."
"Sarah."
"Mic..." she said, a look of consternation on her face.
"What are you doing? You seem short of breath, luv."
"Short of breath?" Oh, I was just about to have sex with Harm, my best friend/ your nemesis wasn't exactly the best response. "Oh, I was...exercising when you called."
"Isn't it almost midnight?"
"I couldn't sleep and I had a couple of Beltway burgers today."
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You look wonderful." Mic said. "So what have you and Harm been up to lately?"he asked of his adversary.
"Nothing!" she said, and was sure she sounded guilty. "Uh, nothing much. Just the usual. We're on opposite sides for a court martial tomorrow." she lied. She searched for her shirt to no avail.
"That's lovely." he said. "I can't wait to see you again, Sarah. I miss you."
Ugh."So do I."
"What are you wearing?" he said, trying his most seductive voice.
Uh...Not much. I'm sitting here topless in front of Harm. Speaking of top, where the hell was it? "Mic..."
"Is something wrong, Sarah?"
"No. I'm just really tired. I want to take a shower and get to bed."
"I understand. I'll call you tomorrow night. Sweet dreams."
"Ok. You too." She wanted to get him off the phone so badly.
"Sarah. Remember, I love you."
"I....I love you, too." she said awkwardly. She turned to find Harm, but he was gone, the door shutting behind him.
She buried her face in her hands. What was she doing? She was like a twister, a juggernaut. She was like an inexorable force destroying everything in her wake. She was supposed to marry Mic, a good noble man whom she loved. But she didn't love him in the same way, or near intensely as she did her partner and best friend, whom she would have made love with just now if Mic hadn't called.
********
Harm drove aimlessly. He couldn't just sit there as he was reminded that she loved another man, and was supposed to marry him. What am I expecting, huh? For Mac to tell Mic that it was over now and that she was in love with me? Mic and Mac. It wasn't until now that he realized how incredibly absurd it sounded.
Mac didn't know what the hell she wanted and he'd be damned if he continued to play into her game. She couldn't have it both ways. She had to make a decision. It was either him or Mic.
********
09:03 Romeo
That night, Mac couldn't sleep. She got out of bed earlier than usual. She made breakfast for Aidan and they discussed their plans for the day. "I need to stop at work for a minute before we go out for the day."
"Sure, Mommy." he took another bite of pancakes. "Do I get to meet everyone today?"
"Not yet. Soon."
********
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
10:00 Romeo
"Aidan, listen to me ok?" The child nodded. "I'm going to go inside to talk to Harm. You have to stay in the car. Don't touch anything."
"I know." said Aidan. Mac kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back in 5 minutes. The guard's right there." she said pointing toward the Marine at his post outside the building."
********
BULL PEN
Bud carried a towering stack of manila folders as high as his head. He almost dropped them. Mac grabbed half of the pile. "Thanks. Colonel, I thought you were on leave."
"I am," Mac said. "I just need to speak with Harm." They walked toward his office.
"He left for San Diego at 0700 ma'am." Mac set the files down on his desk.
"Who was he sent with? Carolyn?"
"No. Lieutenant Commander Kaitlin Pike."
"Who?"
"She and Harm were partners briefly while they were both still Lieutenant Jgs."
"Oh yeah. Harm mentioned her once or twice."
"Get those two in a room and the sparks fly. Their personalities clash, but I'm sure they made up for that in the bed room. They were hot and heavy for a while. A pretty volatile relationship, if you ask me."
"Where has she been all this time?"
"I'm not sure, ma'am. I know she was at JAG HQ in Dallas briefly. If you'll excuse me, I have the Nielson court martial to prepare."
"Good luck." she said, before turning around. "Thanks Bud." she said ruefully.
"Thanks, Bud." She walked away and sighed.
********
Parking Lot
10:09 Romeo
Mac walked to her car and got in. "Did you find Harm, Mommy?" asked Aidan.
"No, baby. He had to go to San Diego to investigate for a court martial."
"Oh....." she said. Mac caught a hint of disappointment in her voice. "He was supposed to take us to the zoo on Saturday."
"He didn't know he'd have to work. He's very busy..." With Kate no doubt. Mac inserted the key into the ignition and turned the car on. She pulled out of the parking lot.
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Harm's Room
Landmark Hotel- Room 234
San Diego, California
04:07 Uniform
Harm and Kate sat on the floor, leaning against the bed in Harm's hotel room. They had nearly downed a whole bottle of red wine. "Why'd you come back?" he asked.
"I was transferred to JAG in Dallas after we were partners. Then I reserved my commission. I've been chasing my own shadow ever since. I decided it was time to stop and come back to my old life, to be the real me."
"Why'd you ever leave me Kate, leave JAG?"
"I had something I needed to do."
"Like what?"
"Hunting. Looking for a certain man."
"For business or pleasure?"
"You could say its for my father's business." she said. It wasn't a total lie. Daddy Parker wanted Jarod, and even was using his new child to exploit. But now she wanted Jarod for her own personal reasons.
"Business? What's it called?"
"If I told you, I'd have to kill you." she said with a grin. He laughed.
"So who were you looking for? Some jarhead or squid?"
"No. Someone who's anything and everything." she said. Her voice grew evens softer. "I'm not who you think I am."
"Is that so? So then who are you?" He touched her chin with his forefinger.
"My name isn't really Kate Pike."
"Who were you before?"
"That's classified. Besides, it doesn't really matter."
"Who ever you are, I like you." he whispered. She smiled.
********
Mac's Residence
Georgetown, MD
07:20 Romeo
Mac picked up the phone for the hundredth time and started to dial. Half way through, she set the receiver back in its cradle once more. She'd been up all night, sleep having never come. She needed to talk to him. She needed to tell him she wasn't marrying Mic because she loved him. She picked up the phone and let herself finish dialing the eleven numbers.
********
Harm's Room
Landmark Hotel- Room 234
San Diego, CA
04:20 Uniform
Harm and Kate talked about the past: their relationship, their cases and their misadventures. She pointed at him. "You should have seen the look on your face." she said, laughing hysterically. The phone rang. Harm wondered who it was. He guessed it was Webb, only Webb would call at that hour, but he'd call Harm on his cell phone.
Kate snatched the receiver before Harm could say anything.
********
Mac's Residence
Georgetown, MD
07:20 Romeo
Simultaneously:"Harm?" Mac said. "Hello?" came a woman's voice. She sounded out of breath.
"Is this room 234, Harmon Rabb's room?" asked Mac, convinced she had the wrong number.
The woman answered. "Yes. He's right here. Who's..." Mac slammed the phone down loudly. That was enough. That's all she needed to know. It was almost four-thirty in the morning in California and Kate was in Harm's room. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see what was going on.
She couldn't believe it. One day he's convinced her that he loved her and told her he wanted to have children with her and a little more than twenty four hours later, he was shacked up with his old partner. First it was Annie Pendry, then Jordan Parker and Renée Peterson, and now it was Kate Pike. Was there some wicked curse? She realized all their last names began with the letter P.
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Harm's Room
Landmark Hotel- Room 234
San Diego, CA
"Who was that?" Harm asked.
"She didn't say. She asked if this was your room, then she hung up."
"Weird." He shrugged. "My head and stomach can't take much more laughing."
She smiled at him. Her face hurt. She became serious. "So has a woman been able to tame Harmon Rabb yet?"
"Never." he said.
"Seeing anyone?"
"No. I was seeing this TV producer but then she moved to L.A. She wanted me to go with her."
"But you didn't want to give up everything for her?"
"Exactly. It wasn't anything serious." His expression became grim. "The woman I care about is marrying someone else."
"Ouch."
"What about you?"
"Like I told you, I'll never be able to capture him."
"Him or his heart? I thought you said it was just business."
"Both, I suppose. That's all it can be." she said. "Looks like we have to help each other heal."
"I'd like that." he said. "It's late."
"Or early."
"Just when I thought we were getting along..." he said, smiling.
"We got along pretty well tonight huh?"
"Yeah. We should get some sleep or we're going to feel like hell in a few hours."
"A few hours? Try now." Kate said. They stood up. She hugged him. "Good morning."
"Good night." he said. Their lips met briefly. They separated.
"Let's try this slow this time." she said. He nodded.
She paused, turning around to look at him before disappearing behind the connecting door.
He smiled. Kate ignited a passion within him. She was always new and exciting; spontaneous and ready to combust. They hadn't really had a commitment all those years ago, nor had they loved each other. But now, all those years later, there was still something there, those same sparks. The relationship held promise.
He didn't want to be alone, now that Mac had made it clear what her decision was. She'd lied to Mic right before his eyes. She had no intention of telling him about what they had done. That's when he knew it was time to give up. He lost the fight.
********
Mac's Residence
Georgetown, MD
09:20 Romeo
"Good morning, Mommy." said a cheerful Aidan.
"Morning, baby." Mac said, wishing she could share her daughter's enthusiasm.
Aidan settled on the couch next to Mac. Mac wrapped her hands around the tiny girl. "Are you marrying Harm?" Aidan asked Mac was taken aback. "You told me I'd meet the man your marrying..."
"No, not Harm."
"Why not? I like him."
So do I, although particularly not that much at this very moment, she thought. Hell, she didn't even dislike him now, it was more than that. She hated him. She felt betrayed. But she had almost slept with Harm while she's engaged to Mic, so who was betraying who?
"Why?" Aidan repeated, bringing Mac out of thoughts.
"Because....well, I'm not." What an adult response. "I can't. I'm already engaged to this nice man, Mic who loves me. He's going to love you too." The seven year-old just frowned. Mac stared at her left hand. She'd moved the ring there when she'd gotten off the phone. Now all she had to do was call Mic and tell him. It was also time to tell him about Aidan.
She went into her bedroom and picked up the phone and dialed. "Mic."
"Sarah, luv. What a pleasant surprise."
"I made a decision." she said.
"Oh yeah, luv?"
"I wanted to tell you in person, but I couldn't wait. I'll marry you."
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