A/N:
Well, this is my first upload here in a while, hoping it's well written. Let's hope I don't get paranoid later on and delete this. Seriously, I had to check this multiple times, which was a waste of time and pointless. Hell, I even had to check this author's note multiple times. Why do I do things like this? ._.
Disclaimer:
Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan does not belong to me. It belongs to it's rightful owner, Hajime Isayama. I only own the continents of this story. People should worship Hajime Isayama, for he is an amazing person for creating such a beautiful anime.
Warning:
This is rated M for a reason. It contains self harm and death. If you are strongly affected by that please leave now. I suggest you to read something else. Thank you!~
Summary:
It's been a year since defeating the Titans. However, even if they have won the battle. There was still disaster beyond the walls. Many have lost their lives fighting this battle, yet people were still able to continue on with their lives. Except one, Mikasa Ackerman. The girl who lost everyone. What will she do now? Will tragedy fall upon her as well? If so, who will save her?
It's been a year since the death of Eren, Connie, Sasha, Jean, and many other soldiers of the 104th squad along with thousands citizens of the Walls. Many soldiers have been scarred for the rest of their lives due to these tragedies. The final battle between the Titans and the humans was horrendous. Even if they succeeded victory, their lives were filled with depression and trauma. The feeling of distress and disturbance never left their hearts everywhere they went. Even so, everyone went on with their lives. Except one, Mikasa Ackerman.
Mikasa Ackerman, the second strongest solider of humanity. As strong as she may be, she went through the most. Everyone thought she was able to handle the horrid war, but deep down, it killed her knowing that her friends and team mates were killed, especially her best friend, Eren. Not only was he a friend to her, he was also the one she loved and wished to spend the rest of her life with. She had lost everyone she loved and cared for. She kept all her emotions locked up. She didn't want anyone to pity her. Everyone had problems to deal with themselves and so does she.
One day, however, she wasn't able to keep the pain bottled up anymore. She was done. She didn't want to have the feeling of regret and shame with her anymore. Everyday she thought that she could have saved her friends. If only her maneuver gear didn't malfunction, if only she didn't slow down, if only. It was all her fault. She was given the chance to save her friends, yet she threw that chance away and it was all her fault.
"W-Why must this happen? I'm not worthy of being a hero! I'm not even worthy of being alive!" Mikasa sobbed angrily into her pillow. She thrashed around on her bed, moving from on position to another and occasionally yelling into her pillow. Whether or not a year has past, the memory of her friends getting killed in front of her was still fresh in her head. It replayed day by day, never leaving her mind.
"I-I must end this once and for all. I deserve death. I deserve pain. Anything, but being alive," she whispered in a raspy voice, a sad smile plastered on her face.
Though her body fragile, she slowly lifted her weight off the bed, placing her feet on the cold flooring, she stumbled weakly towards the bathroom, moaning in pain along the way. She hasn't been eating for the past few weeks which caused more strain to her injured body from the beatings she gave herself throughout the days. It's what she called punishment. It's always the first thought that came to her mind whenever she did something wrong. She remembered the day Eren accidentally walked in upon her beating herself up, she smiled. In all honesty, she was glad he had stopped her and erased her pain. Her smiled immediately diminished as a thought disturbed her mind. He was now gone and never to come back. He won't be able to comfort her anymore, nor be there for her whenever she's down. He's gone. The bittersweet memories will forever linger with her as long as she's alive. Should she just end it? Should she end all the pain once and for all?
"This is it," she sighed in despair, "I've made up my mind. I'm ending this here and now. There's no turning back," she whimpered as tears rolled down her cheeks.
She groaned, exhausted as she stood by the door. Dozens of thoughts engulfed her mind. Would anyone miss her? Would they care for her death? What will happen to her? What would anyone think of this? Will they even be able to find her body if she died?
She quickly brushed those questions away. She didn't care, nor did she give the questions a second thought. She's been here for months. No one even cared to find her, so why should they now. Why is she suddenly worrying about this? She never wanted anyone to care in the first place, so why is she wasting her energy thinking of these worthless thoughts?
She groaned, disappointed in herself, letting herself get distracted by her thoughts. She needs to focus on what she needed to accomplish.
Once again, she grabbed for the door. Her hands shook as she reached for the handle. She glued her eyes shut and threw the door open. It slammed against the wall with a crush, the metal of the handle broking through the cheap wood. Startled, she slowly pulled open the cabinet door and eyed the knife that laid just below the many empty pill bottles. Grasping the knife with her shaky hands, she looked at herself in the shattered mirror, a knife in hand. There she was, red eyes, pale skin, stick like hair, everything about her now looked lifeless and tired. She didn't look herself anymore. She didn't look like her usual strong willed self. She looked like the little girl she was years ago when she was a kid. The day when her mother was pierced with an ax. She cringed, hating herself for remembering such a miserable nightmare.
"God damn it, Mikasa. Stay focused!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, straining her voice. The burning sensation growing almost unbearable.
Immediately, before she distracted herself again, she slammed her eyes shut and quickly drove the sharp blade deep into her wrist in a swift motion. The pain instantly shot her eyes open. As painful as it may be, it felt sweet. This is what she deserved. Tears were threatening to burst, but she stayed strong and dealt with the pain that was slowly eating at her body making her weaker as each second pasts. Once more, she drove the blade into her wrist and down her arm. Leaving gashes everywhere, crisscrossing every inch of her arm, blood pouring out onto the white counter top, staining it completely. Staring at the pool of her red, lush blood, she clasped to the ground, unable to stand anymore. She smiled, quite glad that her life was steadily coming to an end.
She steadily started to lose consciousness. The sound of repeating loud knocks was heard at her doorsteps followed by a huge crash. Unable to keep up anymore, she smiled, finally at peace. Not giving a single care who was at her door because they were too late. Too late to rescue her.
A/N:
This took longer than expected. I was hoping to finish this chapter in one night. However, being the lazy person I am. I just had to take longer than needed . For such a short chapter this is, I am quite disappointed in myself.
Whatever, I really hope you guys enjoyed this because I did!
Thanks for reading! A review would be appreciated very much! Stay tuned for the next chapter!