~Betrayed Heart~
Heart Series, Part 3
One-shot

::-::-::-::-::

Warmth flooded Li Syaoran's chest when he woke up; without opening his eyes, he tightened his hold on his wife and smiled into her shoulder. In response, she snuggled further into his arms, still fast asleep. One thing he'd noticed since he started waking up with her every morning was that she never woke up before seven, no matter whether the alarm had gone off or Nadeshiko was crying.

Syaoran chuckled softly, before regretfully pulling away from Sakura and propping himself up on his elbow to watch her. His free hand lay on her stomach, tracing gentle circles over the stretch of skin. 'Sakura,' he called gently, stroking her auburn hair back. 'Come on, honey, wake up, please.' He kissed her cheek, her nose, her temple, before teasingly tracing his lips across her throat.

She stirred in her sleep, turning over to lie on her back. Her eyes remained shut, but Syaoran could tell by her breathing that she was awake. Her left hand moved to join his on her stomach, and he interlaced their fingers. 'Sakura,' he called again, slightly louder. She moaned. 'Come on, Sakura, we've got to meet Daidoji today, remember?'

She pursed her lips in annoyance, eyes finally fluttering open to look up at him. There was a moment of silence until she let her eyelids shut again and muttered, 'I don't care.'

He slid his hand from hers, letting it travel down her body until it rested on her thighs. She let out a small moan of annoyance and impatience. 'You're mean,' she groaned, forcing herself to sit up and glare at him, one hand under the swell of her stomach and the other coming to settle on his. 'I don't want to get up today. I'd rather spend it in bed.'

Syaoran pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. 'Believe it or not, Sakura, we do have to visit people. Namely, Daidoji, Hiiragizawa, your brother …' He rubbed the tip of his nose against hers affectionately. 'Which means we have to get out of bed and dressed – we can't visit them in nothing but what God gave us, can we?'

She laughed; the sound was refreshing, full of love. 'That's true enough,' she admitted. 'But … can we not slack off just a little bit before getting dressed?' she asked cheekily. 'Nadeshiko's still asleep and we have a large, cosy bed just asking to be put to use.' She reached across to kiss him, and in response he shifted her onto his lap, naked thigh against naked thigh.

'You really are a little minx, back then and now,' he whispered against her lips as one hand wrapped in her auburn locks. She smiled, running one hand down his exposed chest.

'But you know you love me,' she replied saucily. He growled into her mouth in assent.

::-::-::-::-::

He found her at the oven that evening, preparing the turkey for their meal the next day. It was Christmas Eve after all; Nadeshiko was happily laughing in front of the Christmas Tree, messing with an early present the spouses had brought her. The teddy bear had been one Sakura had fallen in love with at first sight, and something they had immediately thought of Nadeshiko for.

Syaoran wrapped his arms around Sakura, leaning his chin on her shoulder. 'You should rest,' he scolded gently. She began to protest, but he stopped her by sucking softly on the spot where her neck and shoulder joined. 'Sakura, the doctor told you to not over exert yourself. Let me do that.' His hands moved to place themselves over hers, guiding them away from the tray. 'Please. It would put me at ease.' He kissed her cheek lightly, and she relented with a sigh.

'Fine,' she consented, turning from the cooking and instead to the chair in the corner of the room. She settled herself on it, watching as Syaoran took over her duties, hands moving nimbly across the turkey for a few minutes before he slid it into the oven. 'Thanks,' she grudgingly commented. 'I swear I'll be so happy when I go into labour and can do everything again.'

He crossed over to her, tapping her nose cheekily as he knelt in front of her. 'Now, Sakura, the baby will be born when it's ready. You just have to deal with that, okay?' He grinned at her. 'But I wouldn't mind it being born after twelve tonight – it would be the most amazing Christmas gift, wouldn't it?'

She smiled warmly, leaning her forehead against his. 'But then I'll be in pain for half of the day, won't I?' she countered cheekily. 'I wouldn't mind having my second child on Christmas, but I wouldn't like the pain.' She moved forwards to kiss him, but he pulled away before she could make any progress, resulting in a pout from her.

'Now, now, Sakura, we don't want Nadeshiko getting an eyeful of what she doesn't need to see.' He grinned, tilting his head towards their baby daughter, who'd tottered over to where her parents were stood and looked up at them in delight. 'So, for now, we'll have to go without anything, considering I know where this would be going.' He winked at her.

Her pout deepened. 'Meanie.'

He laughed as he reached down to grab their child, letting her sit around his hip. One year and five months after her birth and she still loved Syaoran more than anybody else in the world.

'Hey, sweetheart.' Sakura tickled her cheek lightly. 'I'm sorry about that a minute ago, but if you hadn't decided to be nosey …' She trailed off, kissing the young girl's forehead lovingly. 'Aww, I'm sorry,' she said at the glare Nadeshiko had inherited from her father. She was far too intelligent for somebody of her age.

Syaoran laughed. 'Be nice to her, Sakura,' he teased, petting her head with his free hand. She glared up at him. 'Aww, I'm sorry,' he mocked in an excellent imitation of her voice.

Sakura forced herself to her feet, lips pursed again as she made to move out of the kitchen to answer the door as the doorbell rung throughout the house. 'Meanie,' she repeated over her shoulder as Syaoran followed her through the front room and into the hallway. He captured her hand when she reached for the door, tugging it open himself.

What neither of them was prepared for was the woman stood on the doorstep, a grin on her lips, blonde hair pulled into a plait over her shoulder.

'Kanna,' Syaoran snarled, pulling Sakura back and behind him protectively. 'You have guts.'

'So this is the daughter?' Kanna grinned at Nadeshiko, ignoring Syaoran as she reached forward to the young girl, who shied back and buried her face into her father's chest, hiding from Mihara Kanna. Sakura's heart seemed to stop beating, faced with the woman Syaoran was supposed to have married.

'Get away from Nadeshiko,' she hissed from where Syaoran kept her behind his body. She wrapped her hands around her daughter's waist and lifted her away from Syaoran, further away from Kanna's reach. Tears were already brimming in Nadeshiko's eyes; any tension emitted from either Sakura or Syaoran resulted in this. 'You've caused enough damage already.'

Kanna's eyes sparkled with mischief, and, unbidden, she stepped into the house and closed the door behind her. 'Is that so?' she chimed, grinning. 'Well, Kinomoto—'

'Li,' Syaoran interrupted. 'Her name is Li Sakura. She is my wife.'

Kanna nodded politely at him. 'Okay, then. Li, I have something that might just kill you if you think I've "caused enough damage already".' She bit her lip teasingly. 'Oh, but looking at you, I don't know if I should tell you. I might force you into premature labour!'

'There's nothing you can tell me that will do anything to upset me.'

'Even if it's something you don't know about Syaoran?'

Sakura snorted. 'That'd be kind of hard; I've known him for so long I know everything about him, Mihara.' She turned from the other woman and her husband, re-entering the front room and settling herself on the settee, letting Nadeshiko crawl onto the floor and towards the teddy bear she'd abandoned earlier. Syaoran followed, perching himself on the armrest beside her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

It seemed that in the space of a minute, the attitude between the couple had changed to something strong, full of love, to something slightly stressed at Kanna's appearance. Yet Sakura refused to let Kanna have any effect on her; no matter what she said, Sakura knew everything there was to know about Syaoran. Fifteen years of knowing each other, being best friends, secret lovers and then spouses had led them to that.

Kanna followed them, lounging in the doorway. 'See, this is your let down. You're both too trusting of each other – my sister said she noticed that each time she hung around you two after you became friends. But, Sakura, I have something that will change your trust of him.' She grinned maliciously. 'See, your husband isn't the sort of loyal husband you'd want.'

Sakura frowned in confusion, one hand resting lightly on her stomach. 'One, I don't understand what you're on about, and two, I don't believe anything you can say will change my views on my husband. I love him, and that's all I know.' She smiled up at him, and he squeezed her shoulders lightly.

Kanna giggled. 'You have memory loss then, Syaoran. Remember three months ago?' She raised an eyebrow when he glared. 'You do remember! I knew you would. After all, how can you forget infidelity?' She laughed again when Syaoran and Sakura widened their eyes at the same time; a second later, Syaoran cringed as if in pain. 'See, Sakura, you don't know your husband as well as you thought you did.'

'Sakura—'

'Is it true?' Sakura didn't look up at Syaoran; her gaze was focused on Nadeshiko. He cringed again. Evidently she'd noticed his first. 'Tell me, Syaoran. You flinched as if from a memory her words dredged up.'

He bowed his head. 'It was after we argued … I went out and had a drink or two. I think somebody slipped something into my drink – most likely the bitch – and … I don't really remember it much, but I think … I'm sorry, Sakura.'

She gasped, standing up quickly – a little too quickly as she bent over in pain, hands clutching her stomach. Syaoran moved to wrap his arms around her, but she slapped his hands away. 'Get away,' she hissed, backing up a few steps until her back hit the wall. 'How could you? You slept with her! While I was pregnant and you knew it!'

He screwed up his eyes in pain. 'I am sorry … I truly am, Sakura. I wish I could take it back.'

She continued to sink against the wall, still clutching her stomach. 'It's too late now, isn't it?' she snarled. 'You obviously never got over her! You never really wanted to marry me for love, did you?' She didn't wait for an answer; she turned and hurried out of the door, and a second later Syaoran heard the front door slam shut. Kanna's grin was one he wanted to slap off her face, and proceeded in doing so.

She was evidently shocked, placing her hand to her reddening cheek and gaping at him. He merely fixed her with his glare for a few moments before grasping Nadeshiko and moving to follow Sakura out.

::-::-::-::-::

Midnight came and went. Tomoyo had willingly driven Sakura to the hospital upon receiving a distraught phone call from her and now stood by her side, one arm numb. Sakura had been gripping it so tightly in the past two hours she wasn't surprised.

She didn't know what had happened; Sakura had been in too much pain with the labour to explain anything other than "Mihara" and "bitch" and "liar". Unable to make links between those words and why she refused to let Tomoyo call Syaoran, the raven haired woman had instead taken the place of a supportive friend amidst the labour – despite being disturbed in the middle of a raucous activity with her boyfriend. Sakura was number one no matter what, though, Tomoyo decided. Even if she had to leave Eriol unsatisfied, for her to be there to help Sakura was the most important thing.

'Come on, Sakura, you're doing brilliantly,' the midwife called over Sakura's cries of effort and pain. 'One more push; one more push and we'll have a head,' she promised. 'You can do it, okay?'

Tomoyo patted Sakura's shoulder and then brushed back the damp hair from her forehead, offering her own encouragement.

It took another half hour, and then Sakura was cradling her baby son in tired arms, a smile absent from her face. 'He lied to me, Tomoyo,' she whispered over her son's cries. 'He slept with Mihara three months ago.' She tore her emerald gaze away from the baby and up to her best friend. 'He never told me … I had to hear it from her a few hours ago.'

Tomoyo's amethyst eyes widened, and she reached to remove the bundle from Sakura's arms so the other woman could wipe her tears. While giving her friend a moment, she looked at the baby boy; he looked an awful lot like his father. He had the same facial structure, and Tomoyo was willing to bet anything that his eyes would be the same shade of brilliant amber.

'Can I have him back?' Sakura asked timidly, holding her arms open for the baby again. Tomoyo smiled warmly, passing the baby over. 'I … I need you to call Syaoran for me, tell him where I am. I need to talk to him.'

Tomoyo nodded. 'I'll be back in a few, then,' she whispered, before slipping silently out of the room and making her way down the corridor, leaving Sakura alone to think as she watched her baby boy.

Syaoran had promised not to break her heart again. He'd promised not to break her trust anymore when she'd finally given into him and given her heart its true desire. She was reminded of that as the old wounds seemed to reopen and she clutched at her chest with her hand, momentarily forgetting about the newborn. The pain of betrayal stung more than the pain of labour, she had learnt over the past three years.

Syaoran … why was he the only one who could ever hold her heart? He had held it delicately back when they were teenagers; he'd kept it safe from harm, but every time he left after one of their rendezvous, he'd accidentally and obliviously grind his fingers into it slightly, pulling tiny cracks in it. And once they'd hit adulthood, he'd gone and tore little pieces off each time she saw him with a girlfriend … and then when she found out he was engaged, not long before she fell pregnant first time around.

That had been the first of the cliffs her heart had been pushed over. There was no healing the wound the news of his engagement had left behind. And then when he abandoned her outside his wedding to get married; that had been the second. The third had come when he visited her in hospital after the car crash, sweet and tender, loving, wanting a chance to take his place in her heart as her lover, as her official boyfriend. And the fourth time had been about the gender of their daughter, which she had explicitly stated she didn't want to know.

How much more had her heart been able to take? She'd known it was nearing the end of its tether, and hoped that it would have no more wounds afflicted upon it, but how wrong she'd been. This had to be the most painful of them all. This wasn't a cliff; this was a dive from the heavens to the deepest pits of hell. The wound was very slowly consuming her entire heart, killing off her ability to love and be loved, forcing her to place the baby in the bed at the side of hers before she dissolved into tears, gasping and clawing at her chest as if she wanted to remove her heart from it.

Yes, that would work. Death would be peaceful; death would not contain hurt or betrayal. But death would also not contain Nadeshiko nor the newborn. It would not contain anyone she loved … and as much as he'd hurt her, death would not contain Syaoran.

Why did he have to make everything so goddamned difficult? Why couldn't it be black and white – why did it have to be a shade of grey that constantly morphed darker and lighter, never giving Sakura a true grasp on reality? There was either a life with him, or without him – that was how she wanted to see it. But in truth, there was a life without him or her children, or a life where she would see her children and see him; or, a third option that she would have jumped for before she became pregnant with Nadeshiko – a life in which she could watch him from a distance, as a married man, lusting after him continuously and continuing as his mistress. There was no commitment in being a mistress; maybe that was one of the reasons she'd never protested after she found out about all of Syaoran's relationships. It was he who'd wanted to be a "casual lover", anyway.

Another half hour passed in which Sakura remained curled on her side, one hand pressed to her chest as tear tracks dried on her cheek, before Syaoran arrived. He burst into the room straight away, a look of panic on his face which settled into a look of relief as soon as he saw Sakura.

He crossed to the bed in two steps and wrapped her in a hug straight away. The warmth of his body made Sakura's heart ache once again, and she screwed her eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. It didn't work; he held her to him as she sobbed into his chest.

'I'm sorry,' he repeated time and time again, rocking her back and forth to calm her down. 'I'm so fucking sorry for everything, Sakura!'

At his reminder she pushed him away, turning towards the baby boy and picking him up again. She cradled him to her chest, stroking his cheek lovingly. 'Syaoran … I want to talk to you. About Nadeshiko, about this baby, and about us. I … we need to sort something out, something that will work, Syaoran, and that won't be a relationship between us. I gave you a chance – I've given you a million chances, and each and every time you've screwed it up and thrown it away. I can't give you another one.'

'Sakura—'

'I have to leave, Syaoran. Maybe not permanently, but for a while. A year or two, at least. Just to get my head together. But … I can't go without seeing Nadeshiko, and I know you won't be able to go without seeing our son … so we need some sort of arrangement between us that will carry on until I feel – if I feel like I can ever come back to you. Please understand.'

And for the first time ever, Sakura witnessed her husband crying. The tears were silently streaming down his cheeks, and his head was bowed, fringe covering his eyes, but Sakura could still see them. His chest rose and fell in time with the small gasps that came out of his mouth, almost intelligible. Feeling guilt, knowing she was the cause, Sakura reached out her left hand to him, her wedding ring glinting in the dull light. 'Syaoran,' she whispered, capturing his attention. 'It's not that I don't love you … I am more in love with you now than I have ever been because of our two amazingly beautiful children … but it's because I can't trust you. You once told me you would keep my trust until your death … but you've just broken it. What Kanna said … you told me it was true, and because of that I just can't trust you anymore.'

Syaoran raised his head; Sakura was surprised to see his eyes were red, as if he'd been crying for some time. He managed a weak smile, capturing her hand in his own and bringing it up to his lips. He kissed the wedding band. 'Idiot. Do you think that's the reason I'm crying?'

She frowned in confusion.

'I won't say it isn't part of it … but … I was so worried when you stormed out of the house earlier and into the snow. I tried to follow, but Mihara … she managed to detain me by trying to force herself on me. By the time I got out, I just couldn't find you, and I was so worried what with the baby and how you acted before you left … I was crying because I was relieved to know you're okay!'

'You … you care about me that much?'

He touched his wedding ring to hers affectionately. 'I did marry you out of love, Sakura. Of course I care about you that much. If we were in a blazing inferno, if I was in a section that was safe from fire and had an escape route, I would pass through that fire and risk burns if it meant I could save you. I would die for you. If it meant keeping you from harm … my own life is of no consequence.'

More guilt. More tears. Sakura couldn't stop them. She grasped the baby to her tightly, but not tight enough to hurt him, as she pulled her legs up to meet her hands. 'I'm sorry,' she wailed, hiding her face in their son's blanket. 'I don't want to have to do this! But for my own sanity I have to get out for a while, I have to get some space.' She bit her lip, looking at him. 'You understand that, don't you?' she whispered. He nodded once, regretfully. 'As soon as I'm discharged, I'm leaving for a while. But I want to do something about the children.'

He nodded again, holding his hands out for their son. Sakura willingly handed him over; she watched as Syaoran held the baby easily, familiarly, looking down proudly into the small face. 'Fujitaka,' he whispered, the name the two had picked out a week before falling easily off his tongue. What with Sakura's father dying the year before, and with their daughter already being named Nadeshiko, they'd decided to use her father's name. Nadeshiko and Fujitaka would always be together that way; something both enjoyed the sound of.

Sakura smiled, leaning back into the pillows, savouring the moment of bonding between the three.

::-::-::-::-::

It was done. Sakura had left the Li Mansion a week before, baby Fujitaka going with her. She and Syaoran had agreed that every fortnight, they would swap the children until they reached school; they'd come to a mutual agreement that they would discuss those details when the time came for them to. And as much as it had pained the two, neither had tried to make Sakura and Fujitaka stay in the house. They were both wiser than that.

Eriol dropped into the seat beside Syaoran in the front room, a look of sympathy crossing his features as Syaoran saw to baby Nadeshiko's clothing. It was eight in the morning, but Eriol had been sleeping in the house just in case Syaoran decided to do anything stupid – knowing his friend's current state of mind, Eriol wouldn't put it beyond him.

'You should come stay with us sometime,' Eriol commented offhandedly. 'I mean, we have plenty of room.' He shrugged, tilting his head back in the seat so it touched the back of it, his hair just grazing the wall. 'It'd get you out of the house for a bit – and Sakura regularly visits Tomoyo anyway.'

Syaoran paused in the middle of pulling a dress of Nadeshiko's head. 'I'm not too sure it would be a good idea for Sakura and I to see each other right now,' he admitted, glancing across at his friend. 'It might … it might get a little messy – or messier – if we see each other now.' He tugged Nadeshiko's arms through the holes, squeezing her small fingers lightly. She gurgled up in admiration.

'Dada!' she squealed, and Syaoran kissed her forehead lightly. Eriol sighed, closing her azure eyes in defeat.

'I give up,' he finally announced. 'Tomoyo and I have been doing everything to convince you two to just talk, but … neither of you seem receptive to the idea. You know what?' He stood promptly. 'If you two don't want to sort out this mess, be like that. Lose your wife, Syaoran, and don't do a damned thing about it, if that's how you feel. I don't care anymore: I've done my bit. I've talked to both of you to try and get you to see each other, and I just can't do anymore.' He glared at his friend, who continued to meekly trace patterns on Nadeshiko's back as she hugged him.

When it became obvious that Eriol would receive no answer, he huffed and stormed out of the room – and a minute later the front door slammed shut. Left alone with his daughter, Syaoran let the tears he'd been bottling up come out. They splashed onto Nadeshiko's curls, but the man was beyond noticing.

Nadeshiko's small hands settled on his cheeks, fingers spread over the skin as she wiped his tears away curiously. 'Dada?' she asked, cocking her head to the side as Syaoran pulled back far enough to watch her. Her emerald eyes were curious as she brought one wet palm to her own cheek, as if checking to see if the wetness was there.

'Tears,' Syaoran told her. 'They're called tears: when you're sad, you cry them.' He grinned at her sadly. 'You're not crying; what do you have to cry about?' He ruffled her hair lightly. 'You've got nothing that could upset you.'

She frowned, obviously unsatisfied with his answer. With a sigh, he picked her up and settled her on his lap, where she buried her head into his chest. 'Dada,' she whispered, snuggling her cheek into him. He wrapped his arms around her tiny body. 'Mama gone,' she said suddenly, seriously.

'Yes, Mama's gone,' he whispered back solemnly. 'And as much as I want her back, she needs her space.' He stroked his daughter's curls gently. 'But I believe one day she'll be living with us again – as will your brother. But you'll be going to see your Mama soon, I promise.'

'Mama gone,' she repeated, and Syaoran could feel her tears through the cotton of his shirt.

Syaoran buried his face into her curls. 'I'm sorry, Nadeshiko,' he whispered. 'It's my fault, sweetheart, I'm sorry.'

'Sorry,' Nadeshiko echoed. 'My fault.'

'No.' Syaoran adjusted her so she was held in the air above him, her nose against his. 'No, Nadeshiko, it's not your fault. You've done nothing wrong – you are the only good thing I still have a hold of.' He nuzzled her nose. 'My precious daughter, it's not your fault. I'm the one who drove your mother away.'

How he wished he could hold Sakura right now! He longed to hold her in his arms, Nadeshiko on her lap as she sat on his as they had often done since her birth. And so he instead settled for holding the toddler close to him again instead; she was as close to Sakura as he would ever get again. He knew in his heart she would never truly forgive him for what he had done.

He knew why everything had spiralled out of control. If only, that time when he told her about the casual thing – casual my ass, he thought – he hadn't said it, if he'd told her how he really felt, that he'd loved her even then, would things have worked out better? There'd have been no Kanna to mess things up, no secret rendezvous and no having to hide the pregnancy from him. Could they even have had Nadeshiko when they were younger, if he'd walked down the right path?

There'd been an obstacle in every direction in that path he'd walked, and he'd just stumbled over the biggest, final one. The one he could never stand up from. The one that had cost him the one he loved more than life itself.

That night, Nadeshiko slept in the bed in the guest room with Syaoran. He couldn't bring himself to sleep in the bed he'd shared with Sakura, not yet. Maybe some time soon, in the future, but definitely not yet. To lie in that bed without her, without the familiar warmth flooding his chest or arm every morning … that would mean it was truly over, that there was no more Sakura. And Syaoran wasn't strong enough to deal with that; it pained him more than he truly cared to admit, and nearly tore his heart out of his chest and onto the cold, wooden floors. Sakura was gone, and there was no bringing her back.

He observed their daughter sleeping, unable to sleep himself. Since that dreadful Christmas Day, sleep had become something precious, snatched only in the few seconds when the pain became too intense it numbed him to everything else and he could slip from consciousness.

'You'll grow up to be like your mother,' he whispered to Nadeshiko. 'You're almost identical, sweetheart. And I know you'll always love her, even though you won't see her as much as you'd like to. When you're older, I'll explain better.' He ducked a kiss to her temple. 'But never forget that she loves you so much. You are the world to the both of us – remember that.'

Nadeshiko slept blissfully on, unaware of the anguish running through her father's heart.

Syaoran looked up at the ceiling, and an errant thought ran through his head. He'd been told one thing by Sakura before she and Fujitaka left, something he hadn't fully comprehended as he'd cried for only the second time since he could control his tears.

'You know something, Syaoran? I won't ask for a divorce, and I'll never file for one. That's something I'll leave up to you if you feel like you don't want to be a married man anymore. But I can't bring myself to do it.' She'd smiled blissfully at him. 'Take care of yourself, and of Nadeshiko. I trust you with her life.'

And then she'd walked away without looking back once.

::-::-::-::-::
~Fini~

Well ...

That took some time to write! *phew* This is, unfortunately, the end of the Heart series - the sequel to Beating, it's also the last thing you'll get from this particular universe. I originally only meant to write Fragile, but it ran away from me and ended up here, at Betrayed!
As you can tell, I'm still into the angst thing ;) No matter how many happy endings I write on here, there'll always be two more stories with a not so happy ending on my computer I'll post for you.

Prepare yourself for a bombardment soon, as well - I'm working on a new, very angsty story; temporary title, Curséd. It'll make sense when I post it, if it keeps that title ;)

Anyway ... [shamless advertising time]. I have a new LJ! Find the link on my profile at the top. I'll be posting teasers, previews, chapter notes, author notes and replies to reviews on there, so keep an eye on for news on story progress and such.

For now, see ya ;)

Tears x