Chapter 13: Confessions
I took a deep breath as I stepped out into the blinding glow of the midday sun. I watched shock cross her face as I lay down on the soft pillow of grass the meadow contained. My chest was pounding so hard it was as if I had a heart. I felt her eyes on me as she took in my shimmering physique. I began to hum my favorite composition to calm my now frantic nerves. She looked so at ease. Her beautiful brunette hair ruffled slightly in the slight breeze, stunning me with her mouthwatering perfume.
Pull yourself together. Then I froze. I felt her warm finger slowly stroking the back of my ice cold hand. I suddenly opened my eyes to meet her bottomless brown eyes, and smiled. She was too beautiful to be real. I was afraid that she would disappear like a mirage my mind could easily conjure. Though, I was quite sure that I couldn't conjure anything that beautiful. The meadow paled next to her magnificence. I smiled quickly again.
"I don't scare you?" I asked curiously, but jokingly.
"No more than usual." Her beautiful voice replied. I grinned widely. She hesitantly inched forward to trace my whole forearm. She stroked my arm with the gentlest touch. Her fingertips were barely on the surface of my arm. The feeling could have been the wind, but the feeling was much too warm for that. I felt her fingers begin to tremble. I closed my eyes in relaxation.
"Do you mind?" she asked anxiously.
"No," I replied, "You can't imagine how that feels." I sighed. Her fingers floated up my arm and traced the crease of my elbow. She had reached over to turn my hand over, but I had already flipped it over by the time she had reached it. It startled her.
"Sorry," I murmured staring into her vast brown eyes, "It's too easy to be myself with you."
She lifted my hand, turning it so she could watch the sun glitter on my palm and then she held it closer.
"Tell me what you are thinking," I whispered. Her gaze met mine in blatant confusion; I quickly clarified myself. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."
"You know the rest of us feel that way all the time." she said flipping her hair.
"It's a hard life," I said. "But you still didn't tell me."
"I was wishing that I could know what you were thinking…" she hesitated. No she didn't. She didn't want to see the monster within me; the deplorable creature that craved to take her life at every moment.
"And?" I asked.
"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid." She admitted. A thought crossed my mind. She was afraid. Good. She needed to be afraid, to be able to stay alive. But at the same time I didn't want her to be afraid.
"I don't want you to be afraid." I murmured…almost to myself.
"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about." Her angelic voice replied. I quickly-for her anyway- propped on my right arm and leaned in toward her face.
"What are you afraid of then?" I whispered. She didn't respond. I became anxious. Then she slowly leaned in, inhaling deeply. I ran before her delicious scent would ram into me like a wrecking ball. I ran to the edge of the woods, underneath the shade of a fir tree. I watched the hurt and shock cross her face…I'm sure my expression mirrored hers.
"I'm…sorry…Edward," she whispered, but I could here well enough.
"Give me a moment," I called. The confusion, the idiocy, the complete insanity of this ridiculous situation was overwhelming. What a selfish creature I was. What a monster. The only thing that could be mine, I couldn't have. But I had to have her to survive. I needed her company. I needed her dry sense of humor and her beautiful eyes. I loved her…that was decided. I took a deep breath and walked back, this time sitting down a few feet away. I smiled in apology.
"I'm so very sorry." I hesitated.
"Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?" I asked, not quite able to smile at my own joke. She nodded once. I could smell adrenaline pulsing through her veins as she realized she was on death's doorstep. My smile turned mocking.
"I'm the world's best predator aren't I? Everything about me invites you in- my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I needed any of that!" I shot up and ran around the meadow before she had a chance to blink.
"As if you could outrun me." I laughed bitterly. Her blood raced and venom began to pool in my mouth. I reached up with one hand and snapped off the limb of a spruce. I balanced it, quickly exammed it, and threw it as hard as I could, shattering it against another huge tree. I ran back to my place.
"As if you could fight me off," I said gently. She sat, frozen in shock. What an idiot I'd been to lose control like that! My excitement grew dim as the endless seconds droned by.
"Don't be afraid," I murmured, "I promise…" I hesitated, "I swear not to hurt you." I was trying to convince myself more than I was trying to convince her.
"Don't be afraid." I whispered again as I stepped toward her with exaggerated slowness. I sat down slowly and lowered myself until our faces were on the same level, just a foot apart.
"Please forgive me, "I said apologetically, though, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't.
"I can control myself. You just got me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now." I waited for her to speak, but she was still frozen from shock.
"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." I winked. She laughed then, although the sound was shaky.
"Are you all right?" I asked tenderly, reaching out slowly so I could place my ice cold hand in her warm, soft hand. She observed it and then met my staring eyes. She looked back at my hand and began to trace the lines in my hand with her tiny finger-tip. She smiled timidly, but beautifully and I knew I was forgiven. I couldn't help but smile back.
"So where were we before I behaved so rudely?" I asked.
"I honestly can't remember." She replied. How could I have been so foolish? She couldn't remember what we talked about a minute before! I had frightened her and exposed her to danger. How could I have been so selfish to allow myself to be alone with her! I hid my internal monologue with a smile and said, "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."
"Oh, right." She recalled.
"Well?" I pressed. The suspense was killing me. The worst part was that she was doodling aimlessly on my palm. The seconds droned on…tick, tock, tick, tock…
"How easily frustrated I am." I sighed. She looked into my eyes and 'I realized that this was every bit as new to her as it was to me.
"I was afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid I'd like to stay with you much more than I should." Oh, no. She wanted to be with me. She didn't know how much I wanted to be with her…but I couldn't safely be with her. However, I could see that that was difficult for her to say.
"Yes," I agreed. "That is something to be afraid of indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest." Her brow furrowed.
"I should've left long ago." I sighed. "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can." She stared down.
"I don't want you to leave," she mumbled. I must leave to keep her safe. No. I contradicted myself. I was in too deep, and I couldn't swim out. I was drowning in my simmering love for her. I could only hope that she felt the same way.
"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company to, much to do what I should."
"I'm glad."
"Don't be!" I withdrew my hand, more gently this time.
"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I stopped abruptly and gazed into the forest. It was silent for a moment and then her angelic voice spoke.
"I don't think I understand what you mean- by that last part anyway," she said. I looked back at her and smiled.
"How do I explain?" I mused. "And without frightening you again…hmm…" I absentmindedly placed my and back in hers and she held it tightly. I stared down at our entwined hands.
"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." I sighed. A moment passed as I assembled my thoughts.
"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I began. "Some people love chocolate while others prefer strawberry?" This was not going well, no this conversation was crashing and burning. She nodded.
"Sorry about the food analogy- I couldn't think of another way to explain." She smiled, and I ruefully smiled back.
"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you place in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac- and filled the room with its warm aroma- how do you think he would fare then?" We sat silently staring into each other's eyes. I was confusing her just as much as I was confusing myself with this complicated analogy. I tried again.
"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should've made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead." I said, probably confusing her more.
"So what you're saying is I'm your brand of heroin?" she teased. I was thrilled she understood the gist of what I was trying to say. I smiled.
"Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin."
"Does that happen often?" she asked curiously. I looked at the treetops, collecting my thoughts. Only she would be inquisitive enough to ask such a question.
"I spoke to my brother's about it." I admitted while still staring into the distance. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I instantly regretted saying that last part. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? I glanced over at her in apology.
"Sorry." I said.
"I don't mind Please don't worry about offending me or frightening me, or whichever. That's just the way you think. I can understand try to at least." she replied. How incredible she was. How understanding and kind and brave she was. Any other person would've run, but she stayed perfectly at ease. I took a deep breath and gazed at the sky again.
"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as"- I hesitated searching fro the correct word- "appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. Hey says twice for him, once stronger than the other."
"And for you?" she pressed.
"Never." I simply replied. The silence lingered a moment before she spoke.
"What did Emmett do?" I couldn't believe she'd asked that question. My hand clenched into a fist inside hers. I looked away, and she knew I wasn't going to answer.
"I guess I know." She finally said. I lifted my eyes, pleading to her.
"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?" I asked trying to defend my brother.
"What are you asking? My permission?" Her voice penetrated through every fiber of my once impenetrable being like a thousand knives. "I mean is there no hope, then?" she asked her voice calmer this time. How calmly she could discuss her own death!
"No, no!" I was instantly contrite. "Of course there's hope, I mean of course I won't…" I left the thought lingering. My eyes burned into hers. "It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as practiced…as careful as he is now." I grew quiet, waiting for her to absorb all that I was saying. I was waiting for her to run away from me. I wouldn't stop her. I want this to happen because I wanted her to be safe.
"So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…" she trailed off suggestively. I began to explain the complicated feelings I now possessed.
"It took everything I had not to jump in the middle of that class full of children and-"I stopped, abruptly, breaking our gaze in each other.
"When you walked past me, I could've ruined everything Carlisle has built for us. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the past, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." I paused, scowling at the trees. I glanced at her quickly. "You must have thought I was possessed." I stated.
"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…" I couldn't believe I was explaining this to her!
"To me, it was like you were some demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin…I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to the. I had to run out before I could speak the words that would make you follow…" I looked up to meet her dazed eyes expression. My eyes penetrated into hers.
"You would've come." I promised. She spoke calmly.
"Without a doubt." I frowned.
"And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there- in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there-so easily dealt with." She shivered as I revealed my inner turmoil with her.
My confusion, frustration and worst of all, unbearable craving was all spilt before me and left out in the open. I continued.
"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home- I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew that something was very wrong- and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving." She stared at me, shocked.
"I traded cars with him- he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary.
"By the next morning, I was in Alaska." I admitted shamefully. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances…but I was homesick. I hated knowing that I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains, it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with this temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl"- I grinned at the irony of the moment. For she was now the most significant aspect of my world-"to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" I stared off into space.
She didn't respond. I started with me agonizing confession once again. She was either bored to death, or scared to death.
"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.
"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read you r thought to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind…her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." I grimaced, remembering. I continued.
"I wanted you to forget me behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would any other person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught in your expressions"- No need to tell her just how caught up I really was. How obsessed with her I truly was- "and every now and then, you would stir the air with you hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…
"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment- because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was… Not her." I closed my eyes, recalling that horrid moment in time. I thought about the alternative, if I hadn't saved her. My family would've been tested on, I would've drained her entire body of blood, and most significantly of all…she would be dead. This perfect girl wouldn't be sharing this perfect moment with me. She would be forever gone out of my world. She finally spoke.
"In the hospital?" she croaked at almost a whisper. My eyes flashed up to meet hers. I responded.
"I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us both in danger after all, put myself in you r power- you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." I flinched at the gruesome word. "But it had the opposite effect," I continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper when the suggested than now was the time…the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me and Alice. Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." I shook my head.
"All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you."- Too late now-"I did my very best to stay as far away from you as possible. And everyday the perfume of your skin, your breath, you hair…it hit me as hard as the very first day." My eyes met hers as I concluded my monologue.
"And for all that, I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here-with no witnesses and nothing to stop me- I were to hurt you."
Her angelic voice asked the question I was most looking forward to answering. "Why?" I took a deep breath preparing for my response.
"Isabella," I began as I played with a strand of her flowing brunette locks. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me," I looked down again as I admitted how weak I really was. " The thought if you still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable." I raised my head to meet her eyes burning through mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." I waited. She studied our hands as I stared intently at her.
"You already know how I feel of course," she finally said. "I'm here…which roughly translated means I would rather die than stay away from you." Her brow furrowed. "I'm an idiot."
"You are an idiot." I agreed with a laugh. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." I murmured.
"What a stupid lamb." She said.
"What a sick, masochistic lion." I replied. I was sick. I was sick for wanting her. And I was disgusted with myself for taking her. But also thrilled I could have her. She was mine, but more than that…I was helplessly hers.
"Why…?" she began. I smiled at her.
"Yes?"
"Tell me why you ran from me before." My smile faded away like the setting sun.
"You know why." I replied icily.
"No," she retorted, "I mean exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This for example,"- she stroked the back of my shimmering had, her warmth and love radiated from every part of her body: her fingertips, her lovely face, every angle of her was simply radiant- "seems to be all right." I smiled again. She had no idea how it felt to have her warm hand on mine. I wasn't eve sure how I felt about this entire situation. I felt wonderful, and disgusted, and thrilled, and selfish. The list of new emotions was endless. I was such a brute, a monster for taking her, but as she stroked my hand, I could feel nothing but pure joy.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."
"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." She was incredible, and perfect, and totally selfless; never thinking of herself.
"Well…" I pondered this for a moment. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." I stopped short. I hoped I hadn't upset her.
"Okay then," she responded and tucked her chin. "No throat exposure." At that I had to laugh.
"No, really, it was for the surprise than anything else." I raised me hand and placed it on the side of her neck. What was I doing? I had put her in danger. How warm her skin was, I could feel her delicious blood pulsing under my hand.
"You see," I said, "Perfectly fine." I lied. The temptation to take her life was rising, I wouldn't. I was strong enough. I wouldn't live with myself if I hurt her. She blushed making it even more tempting. No. I told myself… Keep it light.
"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I murmured. Gah. Epic fail. The blush on your cheeks is lovely? What an idiotic line. Recover. I told myself. I brushed her cheek then held her face between my hands.
"Be very still." I whispered. If I was going to try this, I was going to need as much help as I could possibly get. The slightest movement from her could push me over. My eyes locked on hers, as I leaned toward her. I gently rested my cheek at the base of her throat. Oh, the perfume coming off her skin was delicious! My hands slid down the sides of her neck and she shivered stirring the air with her scent. I instinctively held my breath for the briefest of seconds, my hands never stopping until I reached her shoulders. My face turned to the side, skimming my nose across her collar bone. I rested with the side of my face pressed against her chest.
Listening to her heart.
"Ah," I sighed. I was listening to most perfect sound in all of time. We sat like that for who knows how long. The throb of her pulse quieted. And then, too soon, I released her.
"It won't be so hard again." I said.
"Was that very hard for you?" she asked gently.
"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"
"No, it wasn't bad…for me." I smiled at her.
"You know what I mean." I replied as she smiled back.
"Here." I took her and pressed it softly against my cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?" My skin's surface temperature had risen exponentially compared to my usually icy skin. But I barely noticed, for she was touching my face.
"Don't move." She whispered. I became completely immobile. Then she caresses my cheek and she stroked my eyelid. She traced my nose with her fingertip. She ever so carefully traced the outline of my lips. Even though her scent was maddening, I wasn't tempted to take her life. I wasn't tempted to make the quick, fatal move because I knew I loved her. More importantly, I knew know that she loved me. She dropped her hand and I opened my eyes.
"I wish," I whispered, "I wish you could feel the complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand. I raised my hand to her hair and carefully brushed it across her lovely face.
"Tell me," she breathed. Ha. What was I going to tell her? That I needed her more than just her company and her blood? Certainly not. Keep it light.
"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand the hunger- the thirst- that deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think that you can understand that, to an extent. Though"- I smiled- "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely.
"But…" I touched her lips softly. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me." I just admitted to…wanting her.
"I may understand that better than you think." She wanted me too? That pleased me…far too much.
"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"
"For me?" she paused. "No, never before like this. I held her hands in mine.
"I don't know how to be close to you," I admitted sheepishly, "I don't know if I can." She leaned forward very slowly and placed her warm cheek against my ice, cold stone chest.
"This is enough." She sighed. I enveloped my arms around her fragile body and pressed my face against her hair.
"You're better at this that you give yourself credit for." She complimented. I beamed, even though this was something totally new to me, she thought I was good at it. We sat like that for another endless moment. I wondered if she was as unwilling to move as I was. However, the light was fading and she sighed.
"You have to go."
"I thought you couldn't read my mind."
"It's getting clearer." I smiled as I lied. Her thoughts were as clear as mud. She never did what I expected. I suddenly had an idea. I took her shoulders.
"Can I show you something?" I asked excitedly. Was the excitement in my eyes noticeable? Probably, but I didn't care.
"Show me what?" she asked.
"I'll show you how I travel in the forest." Her expression was priceless. I reassured her. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." My mouth twisted up into that crooked smile I knew she loved.
"Will you turn in to a bat?" she asked warily. I burst out laughing, I couldn't control how euphoric I was feeling.
"Like I haven't heard that one before!"
"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time." She added sarcastically. She was right, as usual.
"Come on little coward, climb on my back." She waited, to see if I was kidding. I wasn't and smiled to myself. I slung her onto my back with very little effort on my part. She clutched her feeble limbs on me.
"I'm a little heavier than your average backpack," she warned.
"Hah!" I snorted and rolled my eyes. I'd never been in such high spirits before. I grabbed her hand and inhaled her delicious scent.
"Easier all the time." I muttered. And then I was running. I felt the wind in my hair as the trees streaked passed us like they were the ones flying. My feet almost hovered slightly above the ground. This was the most fun I'd ever had while running! My breathing was steady and even as we flew through the forest. Then, too soon, we reached the forest's edge and I stopped.
"Exhilarating, isn't it? My voice was excited. I stood waiting for some response; waiting for her to get down.
"Bella?" I asked anxiously.
"I think I need to lie down," she gasped.
"Oh, sorry." I waited another moment. She still didn't respond.
"I think I need help," she admitted. I chuckled quietly, and unloosened her weak grip on my body. I pulled her around so she faced me, cradling her warm, delicate body in my frosty arms. I held her for a moment, and then carefully set her on the ferns below.
"How do you feel?" I asked.
"Dizzy, I think."
"Put your head between you knees." She did and we sat in silence for a moment before I spoke. "I guess that wasn't the best idea," I mused.
"No, it was very interesting." She lied unsuccessfully, her voice was very weak.
"Hah! You're as white as a ghost"- I corrected myself-"no, you're as white as me!"
"I think I should've closed my eyes."
"Remember that next time."
"Next time!" she groaned. I laughed. My mood had never been so radiant.
"Show-off," she muttered.
"Open your eyes Bella," I said quietly. I had leaned in until our faces almost touched. How badly I wanted to have total control of myself. I wanted to kiss her with a passion that would burn down the forest. Alas, I knew I never could. I probably shouldn't even try, but I didn't care.
"I was thinking, while I was running…" I paused, thinking of how to begin. What was I going to say? I was thinking that I really want to make-out with you. Certainly spoke, her hypnotic voice interrupting my thoughts.
"About not hitting trees I hope."
"Silly, Bella," I chuckled. "Running is second nature to me; it's not something I have to think about."
"Show-off," she muttered again. I beamed.
"No," I continued, "I was thinking that there was something I wanted to try." I took her face in my hands again. I hesitated, deciding whether to tell her what I wanted or go ahead and kiss her. Go ahead. Like Nike… Just do it. Could I though? Did I have enough control? I should've asked Alice. I leaned in, watching her expression as she closed her eyes, and hen, I pressed my lips gently against hers.
What neither of us expected was her response.
Her fingers knotted in my hair, clutching me to her. Her hot lips parted and I breathed in her delicious scent. I wanted so badly to kiss her and never stop. To mold my lips to hers. To hold on to her tightly and never let go. Temptation was overwhelming, so I immediately pulled away. She opened her eyes and met my eyes.
"Oops." She breathed. Oops?
"That's an understatement." My jaw was clenched.
"Should I…" she tried to move, but I held her safely in place.
"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment please." I responded, still safely in control.
"There," I said, quite please with myself.
"Tolerable?" she asked. I laughed.
"I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."
"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry." she said.
"You are only human, after all." I replied.
"Thanks so much." her voice mordant. I moved to my feet quickly, and held out my hand to her. She took it, needing the support, just as I had anticipated. Her balance had not yet returned…then again, was it ever present?
"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" How lighthearted, how human I seemed as I laughed now. I was a different Edward from the one I'd known.
"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy." she responded after a moment. "I think it's some of both, though."
"Maybe you should let me drive." I mused.
"Are you insane?" she protested in that tiger-kitten voice.
"I can drive better than you on your best day," I teased. "You have much slower reflexes."
"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, can take it."
"Some trust, please, Bella." Some trust? She had already given me much more trust than I deserved. She pursed her lips, and then shook her head.
"Nope. Not a chance." I raised my eyebrows. She was indeed very obdurate. She started to step around me, but she wobbled. I draped my arm around her waist.
"Bella," I like the way her name rolled off my tongue," I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind then wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." I quoted with a chortle. I laughed because we were not just simply friends. No we were in love.
"Drunk?" she demurred.
"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I grinned playfully.
"I can't argue with that," she sighed acquiescing. She held the key high and dropped it, watching me seize it almost simultaneously. "Take it easy- my truck's a senior citizen."
"Very sensible," I approved.
"And are you not affected at all," she asked annoyed, "By my presence?" I was affected much more than she would ever know. I loved her. I loved her more than anything else I'd ever loved before. Of course her presence affected me. I didn't answer her at first. I simple brushed my lips along her jaw, from her tiny ear to the point of her chin, back and forth. The skin there had a more concentrated form of her scent, but I barely noticed. I had made my decision. I knew that I would never hurt her. And I knew that I loved her. She trembled after a moment.
"Regardless," I finally murmured against her skin, "I have better reflexes."