A/N: So this is written in the wake of the newest DW episode "Listen" for those of you who haven't seen it, I suggest you turn tail and run. As this fic takes quotes directly from the episode. And while it probably won't spoil the plot too much for you-you'll just be really confused-it's better to be safe than sorry in the case DW ;)
This is really just a one-shot that sort of jumped into my head after Clara's line of "isn't it bad if I meet myself?" taken in conjunction with her instant reaction at the end of the episode I couldn't help but get to thinking that our little Time-traveler seemed to have a good grasp of the ever evasive 'Laws of Time' and so sought to explain it 'cuz...why not?
The second chapter isn't really story, just a list of my compiled "Laws of Time" based on info I've found lying about. Most of it (excepting the first law) is complete hogwash, and a large portion-excepting the names of the Laws-is taken verbatim from other websites. But I did flesh it out a bit. So if you're feeling extra nerdy you can go read my head-cannon of the Laws the Doctor so often breaks.
I don't know where I am. I just know I'm running. Sometimes it's like I've lived a thousand lives in a thousand places.
Oswin Oswald. Junior Entertainment Manager, Starship Alaska. Current status: crashed and shipwrecked somewhere…not nice. Been here a year, rest of the crew missing. Provisions good, but keen to move on.
I'm born, I live, I die. And always, there's the Doctor. Always, I'm running to save the Doctor, again, and again, and again. And he hardly ever hears me. But I've always been there.
"Oi, don't try to run away. Stay where you are."
Why would I run? I know what's going to happen next and it's funny.
"Remember this. This right now, remember all of it. Because this is the day. This is the day. This is the day everything begins."
Right from the beginning. Right from the day he started running.
I was going to travel. I came to stay for a week before I left and during that week…I keep the book because I'm still going.
Once you start running, you start to forget; slowly, after a while, you just stop asking. Who are you? Where are you from?
Still hungry? Well, I brought something for you. This. The most important leaf in human history. It's full of stories, full of history. And full of a future that never got lived. Days that should have been that never were. Passed on to me. This leaf isn't just the past, it's a whole future that never happened. There are billions and millions of unlived days for every day we live. An Infinity. All the days that never came.
What set you on your way and where are you going?
To you I haven't been born yet, and to you I've been dead a hundred billion years. To you I'm a ghost. We're all ghosts to you. We must be nothing.
Oh…and what is your name?
I don't want to forget, not all of it. The Library. I saw it. You were mentioned in a book. You call yourself "Doctor"—why do you do that? You have a name, I saw it.
You get used to not knowing.
The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what the Doctor says. I trust the Doctor.
I don't know where I am.
Hello. I'm Clara. We haven't really met yet.
I don't know where I'm going,
We've got enough warriors. Any old idiot can be a hero…be a Doctor. You told me the name you chose was a promise.
Or where I've been.
What was that promise?
I was born to save the Doctor,
You've been asking a question, and it's time someone told you you've been getting it wrong. His name…his name is the Doctor. All the name he needs. Everything you need to know about him. And if you love him—and you should—help him. Help him.
But the Doctor is safe now.
You asked me if you were a good man. And the answer is, I don't know. But I think you try to be. And I think that's probably the point.
I'm Clara Oswald.
When did you stop believing in everything?
I'm the Impossible Girl.
Listen. I know you're afraid. But being afraid is all right…Fear can make you kind. Fear's like…a companion. A constant companion, always there. But that's okay, because fear can bring us together. Fear can bring you home…fear makes companions of us all.
And my story is done.
lX-X-Xl
Pain. Searing pain. Radiating from the center of the forehead and branching backwards.
I don't know who I am.
A million thoughts flitting in and out, in and out, but always out of reach.
I don't know Who I am!
Like water slipping through ones fingertips, there yet not. Drip. Drip. Drip.
I don't know WHO I AM!
Drowning…deeper and deeper and deeper and Memories! But of lives not lived; moments not yet experienced. Bubbling, boiling, threatening to overwhelm.
I don't know…don't know…
One name repeating over-and-over-and-over
…'I'?
A name; on the tip of one's tongue, a name well known, a name that makes sense. A name…
…Doctor?
An identity…
…Clara?
A life…
Time Lord?
And Black.
lX-X-Xl
Pain. Searing pain. The same pain. But…less. No, not less, just…constant. There. A…
Companion.
Slowly the memories filter back, like water through a pipe, slowly drip by drip.
Your name is…
But they make no sense, they contradict, they're not compatible.
Oswin/Clara/Oswin/Clara
Yet they are compatible…a word…a term…
Echoes
A Teacher, a Governess, a Junior Entertainment Agent, a…
Time Lord.
All these memories fighting for dominance, pushing and pulling and stretchstretchstretching.
Teacher.
lX-X-Xl
Order. Order is good. Order is logical. Order the memories. First…first…
The First Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Introduction.'
Confusion. This is not order. This is not logic. This is not…
It forbids Time-Lords from meeting each other out of temporal sequence.
This is the…Echo, the Echo is not her, not her, not her.
It especially prohibits Time-Lords from meeting former selves.
This rings false; a tingling, a memory, bursting to free itself…
Three of you, and not one of you thought to try the door?
No not a memory…a future memory…a past vision…a…
The Third Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Causality.'
…a fragment of a lost girl.
This Law prevents Gallifrey's 'present' from interacting with its own subjective 'past' or 'future.'
Gallifrey; an impossible word for an impossible girl.
This includes learning anything about Gallifreyan history, out of one's own temporal sequence.
Another broken rule. Another broken promise. Falling, falling, falling…
London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my Fair Lady.
Fair? No, not fair. Never fair. Life's not fair.
Failure to adhere to this Law risks unbalancing the Concept of Causality.
She understands this. Why does she understand this? She shouldn't understand this!
The Fourth Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Interference.'
No more. No More. NO MORE!
A Law that restricts Time-Lords from interfering with the development and History of another planet…
Lies. Half-truths. Not-what-happeneds.
Excepting to defend the Laws of Time and to prevent alien aggression that is deemed threatening to the planet's indigenous population.
There it is. The loop-hole. Alien Agression. Her excuse.
They are not to interfere for reasons of personal gain.
That's right, that's why she did it.
They are not to interfere if in doing so they risk weakening the surrounding Timelines.
He was always breaking the rules…
They are not to interfere if they sense an impending Paradox.
She just wanted to try.
They are not to interfere if the outcome of the Causal Nexus has been previously decided upon by the High Council.
What use was all the knowledge in the world if never put into practice?
They are not to interfere in any and all actions taken by the CIA (Celestial Intervention Agency) in an attempt to stabilize relevant Timelines.
So she followed his lead…
They are not to interfere…
She interfered.
lX-X-Xl
She remembers now. (Although logic and reason are still elusive.) She remembers her childhood.
Some are Inspired.
Eight years old.
Some go Mad.
Looking into Time itself.
And some Run.
She didn't run.
lX-X-Xl
She's young when she realizes she's a trouble-maker. A rebel. No-one tells her, and no-one has to. She can feel the moment a her-who's not her-touches down.
Rupert?
Far away from her home in Arcadia. But crossing her Timestream none-the-less.
Oreson?
She's too young to realize how many laws this has broken. Too young to question why the Council would allow this to happen.
Hello?
But not too young to recognize what this means for her future.
She's a trouble-maker.
lX-X-Xl
Its years before she enters the Time Academy. And she has to beg and beg her parents to send her to the mountains.
I swear to protect the ancient Law of Gallifrey
She's a century behind him.
With all my might and brain.
The boy she saw through Time.
I will to the end of my days,
A mere novice while he and his friends plot and scheme;
With Justice and Honor,
Pyruvians the lot of them.
Temper my actions
She can't quite shake the competitiveness.
And thoughts.
Even if he never knows she's competing with him. Although he must suspect, she did join the Patrex Chapter after all.
lX-X-Xl
She's there when he takes his name. Makes his promise.
Never Cowardly or Cruel.
And the words ring true to her…no…
Never Give Up; Never Give In.
More than that, they seem to resonate with her, and a golden thread floats by…
If you're very wise and very strong, fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly.
A loop in time, a Paradox waiting to happen…
Fear can make you kind.
And she makes her own promise. Silently.
Doctor!
She promises to help him. Guide him. She's responsible for his promise. She doesn't know how, but she can feel her timeline intertwine with his.
You don't run out on the people you care about.
It's who she is, who she was and who she will always be.
Wish I was more like that.
So when the Time comes for her to take her own name. It's no question.
I was born to save the Doctor.
One who guides and protects, and above all Listens.
The Teacher.
lX-X-Xl
She doesn't see him for many years. Through her Patrex connections she learns to make sense of her 'visions.'
Time is ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-whimey stuff.
It's so hard. She's not a runner. She was never a runner. But when it comes to him she has no choice…
Sometimes it's like I've lived a thousand lives in a thousand places.
She studies the Laws of Time over-and-over-and-over again. Committing them to memory. Internalizing them. Laughing at how often he flippantly abuses them.
You should never pass into your own personal Timeline. Except for cheap tricks.
She can't be so flippant. She didn't run. She didn't go mad. Inspired they call her. She can see so far and help so much. She just laughs.
Then they went to war, and it changed them right to the core…
Such 'gifts' are a curse.
You weren't there in the final days of the War.
Her 'gift' does allow for one good thing though.
You never saw what was born…
She was never blind to her race's hypocrisy.
The Skaro Degradations, the Horde of Travesties, the Nightmare Child, the Could-have-been King with his army of Meanwhiles and Never-weres.
So yes, she studies the Laws of Time over-and-over-and-over again. But not so she can obey them, oh no. She's the Teacher, she understands better than anyone that in order to get around the rules, you first need to know them.
lX-X-Xl
It all came around one day. She wasn't supposed to be there.
Doctor!
She was meant to be leading the new initiates to the Schism in a couple of hours.
You're making a mistake.
But then she saw him, running in circles with his granddaughter hot on his heels.
You don't want that one.
And a golden-thread flew by;
I wanted to see the Universe so I stole a Time-Lord and ran away.
And she knew. This was how she could help him. He was just a 'madman and his box.' And while she could be a right cow at times the Universe needed the two to steal each other.
lX-X-Xl
She was charged of course. Brought before the High Council and accused of deliberately flouting the Laws of Time.
I don't know where I am.
Sentenced to the highest possible punishment.
It's like I'm breaking into a million pieces and there is only one thing I remember: I have to save the Doctor.
Death without regeneration.
He always looks different.
She always hated regeneration.
I always know it's him.
To be you and yet not, to have all their memories and yet not understand their responses, to not understand yourself…it would drive her mad.
Sometimes I think I'm everywhere at once, running every second just to find him.
But it was better than the fate that awaited her.
Just to save him.
Better to regenerate. To change face, and taste, and opinion but keep essence, than to look exactly the same but forfeit what matters most.
But he never hears me.
Memories.
Almost never.
Experiences.
I blew into this world on a leaf.
She was always the Echo. She knew this. Understood this. But she was different a Time-Lord. The Teacher.
I'm still blowing.
She had more mental fortitude than her predecessor could ever hope to achieve. If she wanted she could take control. Push her memories to the forefront. It would be so easy.
I don't think I'll ever land.
But it's not for a teacher to lead. They stand in the back. Instruct, guide, and then let go.
I'm Clara Oswald.
Watch as their pupil takes flight. But they don't abandon them. Oh no. The Teacher would never abandon anyone.
I'm the impossible girl.
She could see enough of the future to know that her promise would be kept.
I was born to save the Doctor.
She just may need to leave a little cheat-sheet behind…
lX-X-Xl
Clara woke with a start, sweat pouring from her face. She was having that dream again; the one about clocks and numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. She could never recall enough to make any sense, only the vague feeling that it was important.
She never told the Doctor; worried he would think she had gone mad after her trip through his Timestream, or worse tell her she had gone mad.
There was the guilt too. She didn't want to make him feel any worse about the situation than he already did. He tried to hide it, but Clara dealt with children enough to know when someone felt guilty about something.
No, she would just ignore it for now. It was probably nothing. And anyway, she hadn't seen the Doctor in three weeks since he left her in Glasgow so it's not like she could tell him if she wanted to.
Yes ignore it. That's the best plan. Except…
The First Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Introduction.'
Sometimes when the Doctor was talking extra fast, and trying to be particularly clever…
The Second Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Paradoxical Possession.'
As if to distract Clara from what he was about to do.
The Third Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Causality.'
The feeling from the dream would come back.
The Fourth Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Interference.'
As if to remind her of something, as if to bring her attention to something…
The Fifth Law of Time is known as the 'Order of Concatenation.'
"Doctor? Isn't it bad if I meet myself?"
"And in those moments," Clara decided as her hand instinctively shot from under the bed, "it's best to just follow the feeling."
Shush. This is all a dream.