It's always the little things that trip you up. Though if you asked her she couldn't tell you where it started. Perhaps it started with Susie. Yes, most likely it started with Susie. Sharing a voice, and a bit of a personality Alice and Susie always got on really well, better than Bendy and his voice actor did; though, that could have been because Bendy was still upset about being brought to life in the first place, and his VA was upset about the fact that Joey had essentially rendered his job moot. But then, Boris and his actor got on well too, so maybe it was just Bendy, when wasn't it just Bendy?
Being brought to life through satanic rituals was actually pretty uneventful after the initial summoning though. Though tradition stated they had to be monsters they had been conceptualized far too intelligent for it, and Bendy was more concerned with artistic process so here they were. But, as one might expect, Joey refused to allow them to leave the studio. That hadn't stopped Bendy, but more than once he'd almost gotten himself killed, and so he'd learned his lesson and stayed inside: especially as he began to take on the duties of head animator.
But where had she been going with this train of thought? Oh yes, it all started with Susie. Alice and Susie would often talk about anything and everything after voice recordings were done. Susie's favorite thing to talk about was her dating life. She had an exciting one to be sure, at least as far as Alice could tell, but Susie favorite part about said conversations was always about how each different man kissed her goodnight. Alice had never gotten that. Sure, she had kissed Bendy before, mostly to help the animators with key frames for an episode, or because if they were arguing and she pecked him on the cheek he would short-circuit and she would win by default. But the way Susie talked about it made it seem strange and grand and, perhaps a little gross.
"Oh Alice," Susie would twitter, "That's because you've only kissed one man, when you have variety, then it's more fun."
Alice had pondered that for a good while. If she had variety? But her variety was a single choice between Bendy and Boris, neither of which seemed appealing. So she opted for neither. Still, that didn't stop the feelings of anxiety from building in her. Ink demon or not she was still a woman, and there was this distinctive feeling of inadequacy that she didn't have as much experience as the women around her.
This feeling only got worse as the decades passed, and people grew more and more open about their romantic exploits in the office. Many was the time she had either walked in on conversation, or action, of romantic encounters. It was brazen, it was unapologetic, and to some degree it horrified her. though, she was certain that was because she'd been created in the forties, and morals were objectively stricter. But still, she believed in a time and place for everything, and the workplace was not the time or place for romance. And it didn't do anything to ease her anxiety.
Alice heaved a sigh, having just caught yet another couple in the throes of romance. She'd had to chide them and then stand there as they righted themselves and slunk off. At least they'd had the decency to wait until closing time, rather than in the middle of the work day.
"Nicely done Angel," she heard a voice.
Alice turned, "Oh, thanks Bendy," without a word more she went on her way.
In the safety of her room Alice stared herself down in the mirror. She didn't feel good about herself, and it was ridiculous! She knew she was different from everyone, part and parcel of being an abomination brought to life through black magic. But why? She wondered, was it because they had begun moving on?
Joey Drew Cartoons had slowly but surely begun branching out into more realistic looking animations: ones with five fingers on each hand and no gloves and colored and proportionate. Not that she wasn't that last one, but she had to admit that even with her redesign she still looked a little too rubber-hose to be real, neglecting the fact that she was quite literally black and white. She was still beautiful, but in a more abstract way. She didn't look anything like everyone else around her.
Her reflection looked like a fake, a mockery of what should have been there. Alice could feel her form becoming droopy and malleable as she moped. Wait, she was made of ink. Maybe if she… Could she though? Well, what would it hurt? She could always go back later, for now she just wanted to try.
She raised her hands and looked at them. Still the same white-gloved with the odd circle, four-fingered, slightly too large appendages she'd always had. But maybe if she… okay. Deep breath in, concentrate. She focused her gaze on her hands, watching as the ink slowly receded back. The fingers grew thinner and coalesced into an extra one. Still in white gloves, but she wouldn't complain right now. What next, probably her face, the rest of her was fine. Focus, focus, picture the face of a beautiful human woman, let the ink take shape. When Alice opened her eyes again she saw something far more resembling a human than not. She liked it, she liked it a lot.
She made a few faces, just to test the range of motion she had with this new face. It was a little difficult, as she realized she had to focus on keeping the shape or the ink would reset to her default form, but otherwise it worked and moved just fine. Now, all she had to do was keep this up forever.
"Hey Alice," Bendy burst in, as he was often wont to do, "Are ya alright? Ya seemed a little-"
Whatever he had been about to say was cut off as in her shock Alice whirled on him and he saw her new look. There was a few moments of silence in which Bendy, looking gob smacked, would attempt to speak but stop, causing his mouth to open and close and make him look like a fish. At last, however, he found his voice.
"Alice?" he said, tone incredulous, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, "Alice what happened to ya?"
Something in the way he spoke made her feel he was disgusted with how she looked. And it hurt, so much that she lost all concentration and she felt the ink revert her all the way back to her debut design. Bendy watched, expression surprised she went that far back.
"Alice?"
Her lip had been quivering, but that one word made her absolutely lose it. She felt it when the tenuous control of her form snapped and she felt the pull of gravity dragging her into nothing more than a stain on the floor. Through her outburst she heard Bendy sink to his knees, trying to calm her down. She felt him place a hand on her shapeless mass, felt the tension as the trail of ink stuck to his palm when he pulled away.
"C'mon Alice, it's alright," and of course it was. Of course he thought everything was okay, because since when did he worry about such things? He didn't, Bendy was more concerned with running the studio.
And suddenly she was angry, very angry. Why couldn't he understand? Why couldn't he be feeling the same way she was? Why did he have to be so… so… him! The ink began to rise and she felt something monstrous form around her feelings. When she spoke, her voice sounded warped and every bit as demonic as her creation was.
"You!" a black plasmic hand shot out and grabbed the tiny demon by the shirt, "You have no idea why I'm even upset, do you? No, no everything's fine in Bendy's world so long as the toon gets out on time, isn't that right? Personal issues don't concern you, being so different doesn't concern you because you have something to live for! You have a job, a title, something you enjoy! You're happy with yourself, and you never even think that anyone else might not be feeling the same way!"
Bendy's hands had curled over the one monstrous one keeping him aloft, perhaps in an attempt to loosen her hold, "Alice please," he tried to appease her, "Settle yerself an' we'll talk about it, that's what'cha need isn't it? Ya need to talk with someone."
"Talk?" she repeated, "Talk!" the word sounded fractured when she raged and practically howled it. Bendy was thankful the only ones here were the cleaning crew, who likely knew to stay far away at this point. But just as quickly as it had come he felt her anger recede, her form shrinking down to normal size.
She sighed, "There's nothing to talk about," came the curt response as she reformed herself properly and sat down, head in her hands.
Bendy frowned, "Now ya know that's not true or else that whole little…" he thought his words over carefully, not wanting to upset her further, "thing was. C'mon Alice, what's got ya bubblin' over?"
"I just," she started, stopped, and started again, "I'm just feeling a little blue,"
"You been drinkin' blue ink again?" Bendy cracked, trying for a smile but dropping it when faced with Alice's glare, "Alright I'll bite, what's gotcha feelin' blue?"
"I just feel, alone," Alice lamented, while trying and likely failing not to sound overdramatic, "I mean, we are , but you, you have Boris and I just get so frustrated sometimes that arrgh!" she ran her fingers through her hair. Bendy sat silent, allowing her to try an work through her thoughts even if they still came out somewhat incoherent, "Everything's changed, everything's changing. And I, I stay the same."
Bendy sighed, "Oh Al, is that all?" at her glare he quickly tried to backpedal, "I mean, of course that's important. But 't seems like there's more to it than that?"
"I guess there is," she admitted, "When Susie was-" she stopped a moment, "When Susie and I used to talk her favorite thing to talk about was her dates with numerous men, and the kissing, and now more and more I see all these relationships and then there's me… I might be a toon, but I'm still a woman, and I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me for being so inexperienced."
"I wouldn't call ya inexperienced," Bendy remarked slyly. When that failed to get any sort of response from her he tried again, "C'mon Al, we agreed no more satanic summoning rituals." Still nothing.
Bendy sighed, "Alice, is that really what this is all about? You wantin' a boy toy?" after a quick pause he added, "Or girl toy, I'm not one to judge."
And as ironic or paradoxical as it seemed, he wasn't. Not for that. Bendy's main concern was with the quality of the work, not the personal details of the one behind it. That had made Joey Drew Studios a popular haven for gay animators of both genders. Some of the veterans, and even one or two of the heads had complained; but everyone knew that they were just figureheads, and that Bendy was the real brains behind the operation, and what he said went.
Alice sniffed, "I know you're not, and I'm not sure I want it, maybe what I want is the option. I mean, there's no one else like me, except maybe you and Boris, and every time I see people it always seems to be with someone new, and if I wanted a relationship I have to choose between you or Boris. I don't have any variety like they do."
"Who says?" Bendy asked her.
"I mean, I'm –technically speaking- a monster. And I look so old-school, who would want to, and who could I, I mean how would a relationship with someone not like me even work?"
"Don't know much about that, but I know there's more than one who'd be willin' to try if you so much as crooked yer finger in their direction."
"What?" Alice asked.
"Hate the break that heavenly naïveté Angel, but do you have any idea how many drawings I've confiscated from both the animation and break room of you?"
"Of me?"
"D'ya know why I had to confiscate them?" Alice shook her head, "It's because they were widly inappropriate, and in some cases completely off-model, but all something ya wouldn't wanna see fer yerself."
Alice took a moment to think it over. Bendy saw the exact moment of realization as her cheeks flushed a dark gray color.
"Exactly Angel. If ya really wanna give it a go, then there's plenty of takers. But between you and me I wouldn't. messes up the workplace, and I got enough drama with the humans doin' it."
Alice laughed, "Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't need a man, or a woman, or anyone."
Bendy laughed, "I like that confidence Angel. But just in case, ya always have Boris, and me, if ya need us."
"I'll keep that in mind, thanks for the offer though." They sat in companionable silence for a moment before something occurred to Alice, "Bendy?"
"Yes?"
"Those drawings of me, what did you do with them?"
he could see she was really concerned about what had happened to them. In all fairness, he should have told her they'd been shredded and burned –not necessarily in that order- but the little devil in him couldn't help himself. He put on a grin that was more dirty leer than anything and made a show of looking her up and down before replying,
"Nothing you'd wanna know about Angel-face."
And there was that indignant gray blush rising to her cheeks again. Bendy hopped to his feet and backed away a few steps, knowing instantly that this was going to be fun. He had a head start on her, and people in the halls slammed themselves against the walls as two black and white blurs raced down them. All throughout the building echoed Bendy's iconic laughter and (at this point) Alice's even more iconic exasperated and angry shout of,
"Bendy!"