Love's Discovery
Though it's storming out
I feel safe within the arms
of love's discovery
Indigo Girls - "Love's Recovery"
Stef Foster didn't believe in angels. She rejected any remaining faith she had when her father sent her to be shamed by Pastor Dan when he caught her and Tess snuggling on the couch in high school. But the woman walking towards her with an outstretched hand made her temporarily reconsider.
She fumbled her way through their introductions, stumbling over an excuse for her estranged husband's absence. With just a smile and a lingering handshake, Lena Adams made her forget she even had a husband at all.
Lena noticed the hesitation and wondered what it meant. She was a student of human behavior, and something was off about Stef's explanation. Oh well. Not her business. Though something in her wanted to know, to make sure everything was okay with this cute, flustered woman. She hoped the husband was a good guy and that nothing untoward was going on.
"Well, let's get started," Lena led Stef towards the front door. "Here's where the elementary school kids enter. Any guests have to sign in."
"Oh, that's good." The cop in Stef appreciated that not just anyone could wander the halls. "What about the bigger kids? I appreciate kids going to the same school all the way to graduation, but I worry about my little guy getting trampled."
Lena smiled. "I totally understand. As much as I'd love to tell you everyone here is a model student, we have our issues. So we keep the elementary, middle, and high school kids pretty separate. The younger kids eat in their own cafeteria and have their own playground, and their classrooms are in a different building than the older kids."
"That's good too." Stef apparently had no other adjectives in her vocabulary that morning. What was wrong with her? Ms. Adams was going to think she was an idiot and Brandon's application would get rejected by association.
After walking through the school and peeking in on one of the kindergarten classrooms - Stef was pleased to see the teacher playing on the floor with the kids, rather than everyone sitting rigidly in desks - they went out to the beach. The idea of an oceanfront school was astounding to Stef, but she welcomed the thought of Brandon being able to enjoy the beach on a regular basis. Even when they were together, she and Mike rarely found the time to take their son for beach excursions.
A part of her wanted to ask some sort of parent-y question about how they kept the kids safe, but she was so tongue-tied around Ms. Adams that she couldn't manage it. She found herself looking silently at the beautiful woman, who was staring out at the waves.
Lena sighed.
"Is everything okay?" Stef asked. A woman like this shouldn't be sad, but that's how she seemed. "Am I taking you away from your work? I don't mean to stress you out or anything."
Lean looked over at her. "No, I just got distracted thinking about - well, something non-work-related."
Stef briefly put her hand on Lena's arm. "I understand." She took a deep breath. For some reason she felt like she could talk to this woman. Nervous as Lena made Stef, she radiated kindness. "Earlier, when I said my husband couldn't make it, that wasn't entirely the truth. I mean, he should still be here for his son, but he and I aren't living together right now, and I've kind of been the primary caregiver so I arranged this on my own, and - I'm just going to stop talking now. I just meant I understand being distracted by non-work things."
Lena smiled, albeit sympathetically. Stef wanted to make her smile again, but about something less depressing.
Lena considered the most professional way to say, 'I was thinking about the last time I was at the beach with a beautiful woman, who turned out to be a lying cheater.' She wished she weren't still so hurt by what happened with Gretchen.
"I'm sorry, Stef - that sounds difficult. I can't imagine what you're going through. Though, I will admit my thoughts were on a similar track. I recently got cheated on, and I suppose I'm not as over it as I'd like to be. I apologize for letting it creep into my work."
Stef was quick to reassure Lena. "It's totally fine. I mean, it's not fine you got cheated on - your ex is clearly an idiot - but it's fine that it's on your mind. It's not like we can just turn off our personal lives when we're at work. Although I'm probably a hypocrite for saying that - in my line of work it can get me killed if I'm not paying complete attention."
Lena was intrigued. "What do you do, exactly?"
"I'm a cop."
Lena was stunned. Stef was this petite woman, who seemed a bit tongue-tied and nervous, and she chased down criminals on a daily basis? Lena admittedly had a few negative stereotypes about police officers, and it threw her for a loop that this adorable parent of a potential student was one.
Well, Gretchen seemed like a nice, caring person and she broke Lena's heart, so perhaps people weren't always what they seemed.
Lena tried to hide her surprise as she responded. "That's great. Scary, I imagine, but great. It's such an important job."
"So is teaching. Important, and also scary."
Stef smiled at her own joke, and Lena smiled back, fully this time.
"Well, I suppose we should adjourn this meeting of the mutual admiration society and finish your tour. I still haven't shown you the auditorium. We have various plays and concerts there, even for the little kids. Most of them rather enjoy getting up on stage and being the center of attention, but we certainly don't force them. What's Brandon like? Is he a ham or more on the shy side?"
Right, Brandon. That's what Stef was here for. "He got one of those xylophones for Christmas, and he loves banging on it and singing songs he makes up. Mostly, they're about his trucks. I'm not sure how he'd feel about getting up in front of other people, but he sure loves to perform at home."
When Lena had shown Stef every corner of the school, they finally and reluctantly had to part ways.
"Thanks again for the tour. And all the information. It was really great." Stef had gotten more comfortable with Lena throughout their time together, but suddenly she felt tongue-tied again.
"You're welcome. Thanks for coming in. I hope you choose Anchor Beach for Brandon. I mean, you should make the best choice for you and your family. But I think Anchor Beach is the best."
"You sound like a cheerleader." Stef's mind flashed to Lena in a short skirt and pom poms. She shook her head. "In a good way. If you're the person they send to talk to prospective parents I can't see anyone saying no."
"Let me know if you need any help with the paperwork. Not that it's terribly confusing. Or if you have any questions. Here's my card. Feel free to call me."
Stef took the proffered card and put it in her purse. "Thanks. I'll, uh, talk to my husband and make a decision."
Right, the husband. Lena put back on her professional face. Really, where had her boundaries gone? Telling a prospective parent about the woes of her love life and offering personal assistance? It was inappropriate.
Lena reached out her hand, determined to keep this handshake shorter than the first one. But Stef held on, and her eye contact was electric.
"It was very nice to meet you, Lena. I hope to see you again soon."
"Me too," was all Lena could manage. Maybe Stef's husband would veto the whole thing and she'd never have to see the gorgeous cop ever again. Then she could avoid potentially humiliating herself, since she clearly had no self-control.
The summer passed, and Lena tried to forget about the fact that Brandon Foster's paperwork crossed her desk just in time for him to be registered for the next school year. She wondered if the husband was opposed and Stef had to fight for Brandon to attend. Or if Stef was just flaky. Or maybe busy keeping the streets safe. Or hurt. What if she had been hurt in the line of duty? Lena told herself it was concern for public safety that made her notice every siren she heard, but she couldn't deny her imagination filled in what Stef might look like in her uniform. She wondered if she'd ever find out.
Stef was neither flaky nor hurt. And Mike was fine with whatever school she picked out for Brandon. She just spent those weeks vacillating between calling Lena with some essentially bogus question just to hear her voice again, and shoving those thoughts down as far as they'd go. She wasn't stupid. She knew what the increased heart rate and sweaty palms when she thought about Lena meant. She hadn't felt this way since Tess. And, okay, there was that EMT she kept running into early in her career, who fortunately moved away before things got awkward. She had tried so hard for so long to be normal, to make her father proud, but separating from Mike had cracked open the door to imagining a different life. One in which she felt free and happy, not stifled and uncomfortable.
So she put off the paperwork until the last minute, finally filling them out when she realized she couldn't make Brandon pay the price for her confusion. Anchor Beach was a great opportunity for him, and she wasn't going to have him miss it because she couldn't control her hormones. She just didn't know what she'd do if him attending meant she'd have to interact with Lena on a regular basis.
Stef was anxious on Brandon's first day, and not just because her baby was starting kindergarten. She tried to stay focused on him, but she couldn't deny she was keeping an eye out for a certain assistant vice principal. But in the half hour she was there, settling Brandon in and meeting his teacher, their paths never crossed.
Perhaps it was for the best. If running into Lena wasn't going to be a regular thing, Stef could just put aside the spark she felt when they first met and try to forget all about it. No need to tie herself in knots about it.
Lena spent the morning as far away from the kindergarten classroom as possible. She couldn't risk getting distracted again. Seeing Stef again was inevitable, what with her son likely spending the next thirteen years at Anchor Beach, but Lena didn't have to seek her out. It would happen when it happened, and Lena was determined to be cool about it.
When it happened, Lena was anything but cool about it. She was sitting there, minding her own business waiting for the first PTA meeting of the year to start, when an incredibly sexy voice said, "Is this seat taken?"
She looked up to see Stef, looking as adorable as she remembered, this time in a short-sleeved blue v-neck sweater that drew her eyes to an unprofessional place on Stef's body.
"No, of course not," Lena replied, when she finally tore her eyes off of Stef's chest. "It's the parent teacher association meeting. You're a parent, I'm a teacher - why shouldn't we associate?"
It sounded clever in her head, but out loud it just seemed like a bad pick-up line.
Stef looked amused. Lena being flustered put her at ease, and she sat down.
Ten minutes into the meeting, Stef was bored. She wanted to be the picture-perfect parent, perhaps more so now that she was separated. She needed to prove she could do it all, so here she was, trying to be involved at school. That she assumed Lena would be there had nothing to do with it. But, wow, this was tedious.
"Are you kidding me?" she muttered. "It's a bake sale, not the Treaty of Versailles. Just pick a date and stop negotiating."
Lena laughed despite herself. As a young administrator she felt obligated to attend the meetings and interact both with the parents and her colleagues. But Stef was right - this group could take ages to make even the smallest decision. The parents were over-eager, and the faculty wanted to seem inclusive. It was painful.
"This is nothing," she whispered back. "You should have seen them last year when they had to decide on the theme for the annual fundraising gala. It took them months. And then they landed on 'Anchor Beach - your anchor to the community.' What does that even mean?"
"Seriously. They should have done something with pirates. Arr."
Lena laughed as quietly as she could. "That would have been great. At least it probably would have been more entertaining."
"Not a fun event?" Stef couldn't think of much more boring that a stuffy gala with a lame theme.
"Well, it didn't help that Gretchen - that's my cheating ex - spent the evening flirting with the volleyball coach. I guess I should have suspected then."
And there it was. Lena wasn't one to live in the closet, but she hadn't planned on coming out to Stef quite like that. Most people she encountered were fine with it, but she couldn't stand the thought of Stef thinking differently of her now that she knew.
Stef was desperate not to react overtly, but inside her mind was racing. Lena dates women? She found that fact way more interesting than she wanted to.
"I stand by my original statement that she's an idiot." There, that seemed appropriately cool but supportive.
Lena relaxed and smiled. "Thank you for that. Here's hoping this year's gala has a better theme and I have a better date."
Stef's mouth went dry as she smiled back and imagined herself by the taller woman's side, laughing and chatting, Lena wearing a gorgeous dress as she pulled her out onto the dance floor.
"Right. Well, I'll do my part to push for a pirate party when the debate occurs this year." Stef tried - and failed - not to let herself finish that thought, even in her own head: And to be a better date. There was no way that was happening.
It was 6:03 on a Friday a few weeks later. Lena had seen Stef in passing a couple of times as she dropped off or picked up Brandon, but they hadn't had a chance to talk again. Brandon participated in the before- and after-care programs due to the long hours his parents worked, but there had never been an issue. Until now. The program technically closed three minutes prior, but there was no sign of either of the Fosters.
Lena had been about to head out for the weekend when she passed by the elementary kids' after-care room. Brandon was the only child left, and she couldn't help going in to make sure he was okay. She told herself she would have done it for any kid, but she knew it wasn't true.
The two remaining staff members were finishing the cleanup, and one of them not-so-discreetly checked her watch.
"Why don't you guys go on home for the night? I'll stick around until Brandon's parent comes."
Not having to be told twice to get their weekend started, they shot out the door.
"Hey, Brandon. How's it going?" Lena got down on eye level with him. He was sitting at a table, listlessly coloring a picture of a tree.
"Not good. Where's my dad?" Brandon asked.
"Your dad?" Not having met him, Lena had managed to forget there even was a dad.
"Yeah, he picks me up on Fridays and we go to his apartment. Why do they call it an apartment? Is it because parents who are apart live there?"
Poor kid. Lena couldn't imagine growing up being shuttled back and forth between parents who had split up. "Oh, honey. I don't actually know why it's called that, but it doesn't have anything to do with your parents being apart. I do know both of your parents love you, and I'm sure there's a good reason they're not here to pick you up yet."
Another ten minutes went by, with Lena trying to engage Brandon and the boy withdrawing even further. Finally, she had an idea.
"Hey, Brandon. Your mom says you have one of these at home." She held up the xylophone. "Do you want to play a song for me? Maybe something about a truck?"
His eyes lit up. "Sure!"
When Stef burst in the door a couple of minutes later, she heard her son belting out lyrics about a cement mixer and banging rather tunelessly with a plastic mallet. And there was Lena, a genuine smile on her face as she clapped along. That may have been the moment Stef fell in love.
When Lena looked up, she had her own moment. Stef stood in the doorway in full uniform, her hair up in a bun, and Lena wasn't sure if she'd ever seen anything so sexy. She had so many reasons to be turned off by cops and uniforms, but, wow, Stef Foster was turning her on. Flustered as she was, Stef seemed to stand straighter and hold herself more confidently than when Lena had previously seen her.
The spell was finally broken when Brandon noticed his mother.
"Mommy! Where's Daddy? Are we going home? Do I still have to go to the apartment? Ms. Adams is so nice! She stayed with me when you were late. I played my music and she said it was lovely. What does lovely mean?"
"So many questions, little man. Where should I start? Daddy had to work late, so we're going home tonight. You'll go to the apartment tomorrow. Lovely is like Ms. Adams - nice and pretty. Can you say thank you for staying with you?"
"Thank you," Brandon said dutifully.
"Okay, B, now go grab your backpack."
Stef finally addressed Lena. "I'm so sorry to keep you both waiting. Thank you so much for staying with him - you didn't have to do that."
Lena interrupted, "It was my pleasure. Brandon is a sweet boy."
"You seem to bring out the best in him - he hasn't said that much all at once, probably since Mike moved out. I've tried so hard, but he's been so subdued. I think he's mad at both of us but doesn't know how to say it. Anyway, thanks."
"Stef, don't worry, it's fine. I was happy to help. I hope everything's okay."
"Mike got caught up with a late arrest and had to finish processing the guy. I was out in the field and didn't find out he needed me to do pick-up until right before 6:00. Honestly, I'm surprised we've managed to be on time every night up until now."
"Brandon's father is a police officer as well?" Lena was surprised. Stef nodded.
"And you work together?" Stef nodded again.
"That sounds...complicated."
Stef laughed. "That's one way of putting it. Hey, what do I owe? I know there are late fees or whatever."
"Don't worry about it."
"No, really - I should pay up. I've kept you here on a Friday night. You probably had a hot date or something." Stef hoped that didn't sound like she was fishing for information about whether or not Lena was still single. Even though she totally was.
"Hardly."
Whew.
Lena continued, "I didn't mind at all. It was nice to spend time with Brandon."
"Well, if it happens again I definitely owe you." Stef knew it wasn't Lena's job to do aftercare, and she was touched the other woman would look out for Brandon.
"We'll see." That sounded more coy out loud than Lena had intended. She cleared her throat. "I guess I'd better be going. Enjoy your weekend."
"You too. C'mon, B. Time to go. Let's walk Ms. Adams out to her car." Stef picked up Brandon's backpack and reached out to hold his hand.
"Stef, you really don't have to." Lena was inordinately charmed by the chivalry.
"Nonsense, it's the least I can do."
"Well, if you insist."
"We do, don't we Brandon?"
"We do. What kind of car do you have, Ms. Adams?" Brandon took Lena's hand in his free one as they walked outside. The two women made eye contact briefly, then looked away. It would be all too easy to get caught up in fantasies of something like this happening on a regular basis. Lena knew it was ridiculous to be drawn so quickly to someone so inappropriate, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from allowing the Fosters to extend their time together just a little longer.
The next Friday night found Stef wandering the aisles of Blockbusters. Mike had picked up Brandon, and she was all alone for the weekend. She didn't know what she was in the mood for. Nothing, really. Some people might appreciate the nights off that came with shared custody, but she just missed her son.
She had been staring listlessly at a copy of Terms of Endearment for too long, when she heard a voice.
"Tear ducts need exercise?"
She looked up to see Lena smiling down at her. Suddenly, she didn't know what to do with her hands. She and Lena were past the handshake point but perhaps not quite at the hugging stage. Stef settled for waving lamely, then shoving her hands in her pockets.
"Maybe. Brandon's with Mike for the weekend and I don't know what to do with myself. What are you up to?"
"I was in the mood for one of my favorites." Lena held up a VHS tape.
"Fried Green Tomatoes. Haven't seen it." Stef shrugged.
"You haven't? It's so great! Why don't you come watch it with me?" Lena wasn't sure how good of an idea this was, but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself.
"Oh, I don't know. I'm probably not very good company." Stef wanted to say yes, but the thought of being alone, probably in the dark, with Lena made her very nervous.
"Nonsense. It doesn't take anything to sit and watch a movie. Come with me - I guarantee you'll love the movie," Lena pressed.
"Okay, sure. Why not? I have to see this movie you're certain I'll like, even though you know nothing about my taste in movies."
"I don't have to know about your taste in movies - this one has universal appeal."
Two hours later, Stef turned towards Lena as they sat in the dark, at opposite ends of Lena's leather couch, an almost empty bowl of popcorn between them.
"You were right, I loved it," she admitted. What she didn't admit was how unsettled it made her feel. There was something between the two main characters, and though it wasn't explicit on the screen, she could feel their connection. Was this why Lena liked it - because it was about two women in love? What did it say about Stef that it resonated so much with her?
"Towanda, avenger of evil!" Lena quoted. "I've wanted to smash a few walls in my day. How liberating it must have been for Evelyn to just let it all out."
Or maybe it was just the message of female empowerment that Lena appreciated. Stef was probably reading too much into things.
Lena continued, "Is that what it's like to be a cop? Is it a little like being an avenger?"
Stef raised her eyebrows. "I don't know, maybe a little. There are so many times when you feel so powerless, though. It's one thing to stop a crime that's in progress, or to catch someone who's done something wrong and make sure justice is served. But the flip side is the victims, who've had their power - and other things - taken away from them. It's hard to see what that does to them and to know in most cases we came too late."
"I guess it gets glamorized. I'm sure there's all sorts of paperwork involved, too. The boring stuff no one ever thinks about."
"True. I imagine you have that as well. 'Administration' sounds like code for 'paperwork.' What made you want to move from teaching to being a vice principal?"
"Assistant vice principal," Lena corrected with a smile.
"For now. I see big things for you."
"Someday, maybe. For now I'm happy where I am. I loved teaching, but I'm interested in creating curricula that will help even more kids, making sure there's comprehensive programming that lets kids express themselves and explore. Being involved on the policy and administrative side lets me have a greater impact. At least, I hope it does."
"Well, you're great with kids, and I'm sure it's their loss you're not in the classroom anymore. But Anchor Beach is a great school overall, with so many opportunities, and I'm sure you're a big part of that."
"You flatter me. I do love my job. It's nice to get to be around kids of all ages."
"You're mostly working with the elementary kids, though, right?" Stef wasn't exactly sure how things worked at Anchor Beach; it seemed there were multiple assistant vice principals but she had only ever interacted with Lena.
"Yes, which is why I gave you your tour and get to check in on Brandon from time to time. He's doing really well, by the way. He's right on track with learning to read, and he's friendly with all the other kids."
Stef wasn't sure if Lena knew that level of information about every kindergartener, but she was pleased to hear Lena had continued to look out for her son. "He's a sweet boy. I hate that he's caught up in this thing with me and Mike. And I miss him so much when he's gone for the weekends."
She paused and reached her hand out to Lena's, making fleeting contact, then retreating back to her side of the couch. "Thank you for inviting me over tonight. It's so hard to be all alone when you're used to being with your family. I don't begrudge Mike his time with Brandon - of course he should have it - but being a single parent is the worst of both worlds."
"How do you mean?" Lena was curious.
"When Brandon is with me, it's just me as the parent. I have to be on and available all the time. There's no backup anymore. No one to give him his bath while I clean up the kitchen. And then when he's gone it's not like I'm enjoying some sort of vacation. He's a part of me, and he's missing. I don't want a vacation from parenting. I want my son with me."
"Sounds like all of the work and not enough of the fun."
"Exactly. It's not that Mike has it easy, but he gets to take Brandon out and do all the exciting things kids do on the weekends. I just have him for school nights, so there's no time for the kind of playing and relaxing we used to do on Saturdays and Sundays."
"Stef, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that must be like. But I'm glad you felt like you could share it with me. I get the sense you haven't talked about it much." Lena hated to see how tense Stef looked.
"You're right. My parents are divorced, and though they're mostly okay with each other now, it wasn't a pretty marriage or a pretty divorce when it finally went down. They're a little less than sympathetic. My mom's all about embracing freedom, and my dad hypocritically judges me for not staying with Mike."
Lena hesitated, then spoke. "I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but what do you see happening with you and Mike? When we met you said you were separated. Are you moving towards divorce, or are you working on reconciling?"
Stef sighed. "I honestly don't know. It's been something of a holding pattern for months. No movement in either direction."
"Do you mind my asking why you split up in the first place?"
Stef took a moment before answering. "I don't mind you asking. It's just not an easy question to answer. Mike and I met on the job. We just sort of got together and moved forward without really thinking about it. Dating turned into engagement, which turned into marriage, and then we had a kid. He's a good guy, but he's more into partying than I am. And in the last few years he's brought the drinking home he used to do out with the guys. I thought it had reached the point of being a problem. He disagreed. But it was about more than that. We had grown apart, and that was a manifestation of our issues. Protecting Brandon gave me an excuse to ask him to leave."
"But you let Brandon spend weekends with him - are you worried?"
"A little. In the first few weeks after we separated, Brandon was with me full-time. Mike got some outpatient treatment and has been going to meetings ever since. It's only been the past couple of months Brandon has been spending the night there. It seems like things are going okay. But I do worry." Stef reached over and grabbed her shoes, slipping them on. "Again, thanks for having me over. It was nice to take my mind off of things."
"Any time. I mean that. We should do this again. Maybe next time you can pick a favorite of yours." Lena knew it was getting late, but she was disappointed Stef was already leaving.
"Sounds good."
"Just one more question, then I promise no more interrogation." Despite knowing they'd be getting together again, Lena didn't want to lose the chance to understand Stef better. She got the sense the other woman wasn't always so open.
Stef laughed. "It's fine. It's nice to let this out. Fire away."
"It sounds like being a single parent is hard and that Mike is making progress on his issues. But it doesn't seem like you're counting the days until you ask him to move back in. What do you want?"
Stef shrugged. What did she want? She wanted an intact family, with Brandon home all the time. But when she imagined that second parent with her, waking up with her, making breakfast and getting ready for the day with her, it wasn't Mike she saw. Not anymore.
"I'm still trying to figure that out. Divorce feels so final, but staying in the place we're in indefinitely isn't fair to any of us. And reconciliation? I have to say I'm with my mom on this. I feel freer without Mike. I feel terrible saying that - he's not a bad guy. Maybe it would be easier if he were. He's made some mistakes, and I have a feeling he'll make a few more. But none of us is perfect. I just - it's like I can breathe more deeply and the colors are a bit brighter now."
"I think I understand, maybe just a bit." Lena's smile was sympathetic.
"Your relationship with the cheating ex?"
"Yes. While I was with her, I knew I wasn't totally happy, but there were enough things that were compatible between us I thought I should have been. Turns out, I should have trusted my gut. And when I caught her and had a reason to dump her sorry ass, I felt a weight lifted."
"But it's still sad."
"It's still sad."
"And it still sucks."
"It still sucks."
"But we're going to be okay."
"That we are."
"I seem to keep saying it, but thank you. For everything tonight."
"I have one more thing you're going to thank me for." Lena cringed inwardly as soon as those words were out of her mouth.
Stef's mind raced. She had a few thoughts on what Lena could give her that she'd definitely appreciate.
Lena got up and walked across the room to her book shelf.
"Here's my copy of Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. The book is even better than the movie. You're welcome to borrow it, but you'd better give it back. It's one of my absolute favorites." Lena was pleased they had made tentative plans to get together again, but it didn't hurt to have another excuse to see Stef again.
"Deal. I'll have it back to you by the next time we watch a movie."
"Next weekend too soon?"
"I'm not a terribly fast reader, but I think that'll motivate me. Next weekend is perfect. And I'll think of a good movie."
"Wonderful."
Lena was surprised to see a blonde head poke around the corner into her office Monday morning. Stef, looking totally sexy in her uniform, was holding up a well-loved book.
"I thought you said you weren't a fast reader. Or did you hate it and not even finish it?"
"I spent all day Saturday and Sunday reading. I can't remember the last time I've done that. It was wonderful. I can see why you like it so much."
Stef didn't mention just how much the book affected her. It turned out she wasn't wrong about the connection between the two women in the movie. In the book, they were most definitely together - like, together together - even though it was Alabama in the early 1900's. It sent her imagination spiraling off into directions it probably shouldn't.
"I remember discovering it when I was a teenager and thinking it was the most beautiful love story I'd ever read."
Stef couldn't tear her eyes away from Lena's. "Yes," was all she could say.
Finally, she looked away and moved to make her exit. "Well, thanks again," she mumbled.
"Wait!" Lena thought she sounded more desperate than she meant to. "Are we still on for another movie this weekend."
Stef looked up. Right, another opportunity to be alone with Lena. "Of course."
"I can't wait to see what you pick."
No pressure. Stef's palms were already starting to sweat. She wiped them on her pants as discreetly as she could.
"My place or yours?" Lena continued. "I don't want to be rude and invite myself over, but I also don't want to make you feel like you have to be the one to drive over."
Stef didn't know what she wanted. She liked getting out of the empty house, but there was something dangerous about being at Lena's apartment. It felt too much like being in a different world, one in which she was a different person who could do things the real Stef knew she shouldn't.
On the other hand, having Lena over to her house would be weird. There were still so many signs of Mike, at least to her eyes, and to have this beautiful single woman come over to her messy, lived-in house might change how Lena saw her.
"Your place is fine. I don't mind coming over."
"Great! Hey, maybe we could grab dinner first. There's this new sushi place I've been wanting to try. Do you like sushi?"
Stef had never had sushi in her life, and the thought of raw fish turned her stomach. But the thought of dinner with Lena, the two of them out together, made her feel a different kind of queasy.
"Uh, I don't know. I've never had it." Stef hated seeing Lena's face fall. She seemed so excited about the restaurant. "But I'd love to try it." There was that smile again. Stef felt like she'd do anything to make Lena smile. Apparently, that included eating uncooked, squishy sea creatures.