Blade here

ahhh the first chap is finally up...i already made a bunch so theyll be up as well soon...this was started a while ago, so the writing style will vary :)

feel free to praise, honor, comment on, flame, whatever, and enjoy the first chap of BaIROD XD Allons-y!

Blade and Izze's Roadtrip of DOOM

Prologue

Once apon a time there were two majorly fricking awesome people named Blade and Izze. Blade was British, and refused to say lovely. Izze was a sweet, cute, little asian girl...not. Ahem. Anyway it was the exceedingly dramatic LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! BEWARE! Somehow managing to sit next to each other on the last day, despite having no classes together, Blade was doing his best to annoy Izze.

Blade: I AM SO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED!

Izze: You don't have to shout.

Blade: :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Izze: *sigh*

Announcement: SCHOOL IS OVER SO EVERYONE GET OUT AND LEAVE US ALONE!

Blade: WOOT! (runs outside)

Izze: *sigh* (runs after Blade)

Blade: Hey! Look what I found!

Izze: (looks over at random dude with lizard legs) Ewww...!

RandomDudeWithLizardLegs: DONT INSULT ME YOU WILL DIE!

Blade: (claps hands together and pulls giant cleaver out of wall)

Izze: (claps hands and pulls giant invisible sword out of the floor)

RDWLL: LIEK OMG HOW DID U DO TAT?

Blade: SPEAK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! (decapitates random dude)

Izze: Heeey! I didn't get to do anything!

Another random dude pops out.

Izze: (decapitates other dude) YAY!

Blade: I wonder why he wanted to kill us.

Izze: *shrug*

(The two leave the dudes lying in a bloody mess on the floor.)

Izze: So! What should we do?

Blade: EAT CAKE!

Izze: No, cake is a lie, pie is constant.

Blade: :(

Izze: Anything else?

Blade: KILL RANDOM MONSTERS!

Izze: Well there aren't any monsters to randomly kill.

Blade: :((

Izze: We could go somewhere...

Blade: Where?

Izze: SOMEHWERE!

Blade: :(((

Izze: My dad's brother's son's mother's cousin's second cousin's friend's best friend's father's cousin has an RV that we could use.

Blade: O rly?

Izze: Ye rly.

Blade: Oh.

(1 hour and three unconscious bodies later)

Blade: Right, so now that we have it, do you know how to drive?

Izze: No.

Blade: Do you have a drivers liscense?

Izze: No

Blade: Cool.

Izze: How do you start this thing again...hmm...

Blade: Where should we go?

Izze: HOGWARTS OF COURSE YOU IDIOT!

Blade: HOGWARTS! WOOT!

Chapter 1: School of Magic

Blade: I just remembered, this car can fly can't it?

Izze: Ummm...yeah.

Blade: Well that would cut out travel time.

Izze: Alright...(pulls switch)

RV goes flying off dramatically into the sky dramatically.

PeopleonGround: HOW DRAMATIC!

(The two arrive at Hogwarts)

Blade: LETS GO BLOW UP STUFF!

Izze: Lets not blow up stuff.

Blade: :( Do you even remember how to use magic?

Izze: Stupefy! (plant grows legs and jumps into pond)

Blade: Hmm...Stupefy! (another plant grows wings and flies away)

Izze: I think we should stick to alchemy.

Blade: And get some more practice with magic.

Izze: LETS GO SEE SNAPE!

Blade: I thought he did potions...

Izze: Lets just say this is all Harry's years put together. So Snape is DATDA teacher and potions.

Blade: TO THE POTIONS CLASSROOM!

Izze: (marches behind Blade, and trips over a ladybug) STUPID LADYBUG! AVADA KEDAVRA (ladybug dies) Well at least I can cast that...

(4 unconscious bodies and 3 destroyed doors later, the heroes find themselves in the potions classroom)

Blade: (puts cleaver away) Well that was easy.

Izze: And there wasn't as much blood this time. :D

Blade: Where's Snape?

Snape: Who DARES! Enter the realm of SNAPE THE POTIONS MASTERRRRR!

Izze: Ummm...we do?

Blade: Are you ok dude?

Snape: OK? I am FINE thank you for ASKING!

Izze: We need to get better at stupefy.

Snape: NEVER shall I TEACH you STUPEFY! That WOULD be IMPROBABLE!

Blade: -_-" You've got serious issues dude...

Snape: I KILL YOU!

Izze: WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO KILL US! U WILL DIE SNAPEYPOODLE!

Izze and Blade: SNAPIUS EXPLODIUS! Snape explodes and Blade and Izze escape, while Blade laughs like a maniac. :P)

Fred and George join Blade and Izze and hatch a plan to embarrass Filch and all his Slytherin friends. Blade is still laughing like a maniac.

Izze and Blade steal Mrs. Norris and sneak around school posting threatening ransom notes addressed to Filch. They run back to the potions classroom, now empty cus Snape exploded, and laugh evily. (Blade tries to but his mouth is duct taped by Izze.) Snape suddenly rises from the dead.* HOLY COCKROACH CLUSTERS ITS SNAPEYPOODLE! *An epic duel ensues until Draco runs into the room crying cus Hermione doesn't love him. Hermione then runs in firing jinxes at him and calling him a moron. (Well... he is) Then Percy runs in and shouts "I AM HEAD BOY SO U ALL MUST OBEY ME STOP FIGHTING" Blade fires imperio at Percy and tells him to jump out of the nearest window. Then Luna falls through the ceiling and claims that she heard Gnargles playing hopscotch on the roof. Then Cedric Diggory flies in on a Hungarian Horntail shouting "THIS IS SPARTA!" Izze drinks some polyjuice potion and turns into voldemort so everyone runs away, except Blade... AND THEN Snapeypoodle (who just came back to life) fires Avada Kedavra on a book (which does nothing) then he falls asleep using the nearest cauldron as a pillow. AND THEN Dumbledore dives in (yes, dives) in and starts shooting random charms at people. And THEN Filch runs in crying cus he lost his cat. (Izze gives cat back) Filch smiles so much he explodes into 62,534,091 different pieces. that are shaped like jigsaw puzzle pieces. "Gee, thats a hard puzzle" Shouts Cormac McLaggon who randomly poofs into the room. "SHUT UP CORMAC NOBODY LIKES YOU!" Blade fires that bubble spell at him and he flies away in a bubble. THEN Harry oozes in and shouts "HEY GIVE ME MY INVISIBILITY CLOAK!" Izze: "YOU SAID I COULD HAVE IT" "I DID? O_o" Izze stares at Harry and then cackles like a witch and turns him into a leprechaun. Blade suddenly laughs like a maniac cus the duct tape dissapparated to go on holiday in Cuba. Then Izze and Blade start playing rock band cus they're bored with their lives and Luna joins too. (Username- )

So our heroes (and by heroes, I mean Blade and Izze) continue to play rock band, and get mad when Luna always gets 100 percent on expert guitar. Hagrid suddenly bursts into the room screaming something about fire - breathing woodlice. Then peeves decides to fly in, cackling about cheese. Hagrid starts crying because the woodlice set him on fire. Fred and George burst in (because that's all they can do) and try to comfort Hagrid, and try to convince him that the woodlice will die! Then fire - breathing woodlice attack Blade and Izze, so they start to fire random jinxes at them, then the woodlice have an epic battle with some blast - ended skrewts while a piece of cheese runs into the room shouting so Blade shoots it with a nerf gun, then the cheese proceeds to then explode over a sleeping Snape's face, causing him to wake up and trip over the jigsaw shaped pieces of Filch. So Cedric runs in muttering something about madness. "Dam you EDWARD CULLEN" Cedric proceeds to turn pale and suddenly become emo while rabid fangirls chase after him.

So Blade and Izze run over to the three broomsticks to drink loads of butter beer. While drinking their pleasant beverages Percy flies through the window and said "WHOS THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO JUMP OUT THE WINDOW?" Blade jumps up "I DID! IMPERIO!" Ben tells Percy to jump off the nearest astronomy tower. He does it. So then Harry runs in babbling about chocolate chip covered clocks, and Blade's like "I LOVE CLOCKS!" So he jumps out of the window to go steal the clock tower. Izze sighs and chases after him. When Blade gets to the clock tower he sees Colin Creevey staring at a picture of the back of Harry's head. Harry walks in.

"I LOVE YOU HARRY!" Shouts Colin and he swims over to Harry and he runs away while Colin continues to swim after him. (Colin isn't a great swimmer).

Blade: I JUST REMEMBERED! I hate clocks...

Izze arrives and sees a random slytherin and throws a large rock at him that proceeds to impale said slytherin in the head. Snape starts crying uncontrollably because his potion won't make him turn to into a fairy ballerina and then the entire weasley family jumps in and they all start yodeling to the tune of American idiot. Then Blade jumps on the table and shouts "LETS GO SOMEHWERE!" All of a sudden music starts playing and everyone teleports to some random boulevard. They see a whole bunch of dreams flying around that then shatter into approximately 345,210,532 pieces that look like peoples faces. Then Voldemort appears and is like "O MY GOSHES I LUV DIS PLAYCE!" Blade uses imperio on Voldemort and tells him to beat himself up with the nearest tree. Suddenly Izze engages in an epic battle with Bellatrix Lestrange. Izze throws a bludger and Bellatrix's head and then Bellatrix dies. :) Izze and Ben then fly away on Firebolt 10000's (which go faster then the best sports car in the world) and laugh madly until they fall asleep.

Blade and Izze happily go to eat ICE CREAM AND PIE!

Bellatrix Lestrange suddenly jumps through the floor and screams "THERES A CAT IN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS!" Izze and Blade quickly jump up from their dessert and rush to the CoS. Suddenly Blade's like "We need to speak parseltongue!" Because they're too lazy to find Harry they just blow up the sinks with a convenient pipe bomb lying next to them. They fall down to the chamber and see Lockhart having a tea party with some broomsticks. "WELL! Would you like to join us were having a jolly good time today YAHOOOOO!" They just stare at Lockhart and then both stupefy him so he goes flying up the tunnel and out of the CoS right into the cops who were conveniently standing there. They then find the door to the basilisk room conveniently open, so they swim (yes, swim) into the room and find a cat munching on the remains of a basilisk. All of a sudden Hannah Abbot appears "MRS. FLUFFYWUFFKINS! YOU JUST HAD YOUR DINNER!" Ben and Izze both had anime sweat drops going down their heads. "Fluffywuffkins?" "What? And you think BLADE, is a good name?" "Well... Yeah" "SHUTUP!" Blade throws the cat at Hannah and it claws at her face and she runs around screaming and she can't see so she walks into the basilisk's mouth and into it's stomach and she dies. :) The two apparate out of the chamber (because obviously they couldn't just apparate IN could they?) and run to Dumbledore. "DUMBLYDORE! WE KILLED HANNAH ABBOT! " "Oh that's nice Im busy now please go away." The two walk away and Izze randomly crashes into Percy who falls off the balcony onto some conveniently placed sharp objects that some first year conveniently dropped and dies. :) Then Penelope Clearwater finds him and faints and then she dies. :) Fred and George run up to the two (heroes? Crazy ppl?) "Wow thanks-" "-You killed-" "-Percy, that's-" "-Great!" Then VOLDEMORT! Appears and Izze's like "I wish he would die" It turns out that conveniently earlier she conveniently drew a flame circle on her hand so she snapped her fingers and Voldemort dies. :)

So DEN! Izee and Blade flew out of Warthogs woops I mean Hogwarts because they were bored with life in general. So allofasudden Bellatrix Lestrange pops out! "LIEK OMG ITS BELLA!" shouted Izze. Blade was thinking Bella Swan so he shot Bellatrix with a submachine gun that he conveniently had on his back. Then Bella conveniently fell onto some conveniently placed ground 4000 feet below. "Well THAT was convenient!" So they landed in some random place that looked conveniently like Central. "How convenient I always wanted to come here." Allofanothersudden some random dude that looked partially evil came out and did loads of partially evil things. So Blade drew a wind tm circle on his hand and Izze drew a fire tm circle on her hand and they both snapped their fingers and and then the somewhat partially evil guy died. XD. "How convenient that we both knew transmutation circles!" WOOT!

Then they go and eat ICE CREAM AND PIE!