"And then we add eyes, like that, and a nose, and then a mouth, and there you go!" Eragon ShadeSlayer folded the cartoon picture and passed it to his brother, Murtagh ShadeEater, across the aisle. Murtagh reached out and grabbed the picture out of his hand. He unfolded it and laughed out loud. Everyone looked around to see what the commotion was. ShadeEater managed to disguise his laugh as a cough. In front of Eragon and Murtagh, Nasuada turned and looked questioningly at them both. On the stage at the front of the hall, Principal Islanzadí continued her speech.

"As I was saying, I am pleased to announce that the school has an all-time low of two people who didn't graduate." The students cheered. "Incidentally, those two who didn't graduate happen to be the same students that, with their combined efforts, completely demolished the school safety inspector, Durza. Might I remind you that it is illegal to kill slash eat school safety inspectors, and 'Violence against Shades – Alagaësia says no'." Again, the students looked towards Eragon and Murtagh, this time shouting praise. Nobody liked Durza. And still, it seemed unlikely that anybody could like him even if he weren't a Shade or a safety inspector. There were rumors that he was Michael Jackson's evil twin… "You may go. But would Murtagh and Eragon please come to my office."

There was a steady stream of students, humans, elves and dwarves alike, heading towards the doors. Murtagh noticed Nasuada, and how her dark skin stood out against the crowd. Keeping his eyes on her, he said to Eragon, "This is majorly whacked out. Let's get away while we can." Eragon's eyes lit up. But then, two heavy hands landed on their shoulders.

"Where are you two going?" Eragon turned around and smiled. It was Brom, this should be easy.

"We're going to a restaurant for lunch. Wanna come?" he asked the teacher type dude. Brom looked as if he was making a huge decision. Should he go to lunch with the young troublemakers or turn them in to the principal? But then he remembered – he was having Chinese food with Galbatorix this afternoon.

"I'm sorry, I'm having lunch with Galbatorix this afternoon." Murtagh grinned evilly.

"Oh, yeah, old Galby, how could we forget? Sorry."

"Don't mention it, boys. But that means you both have to see Islanzadí about your… diploma, erm… things. Come on." The boys groaned as Brom led them to the office of Islanzadí. Their long wails could be heard from the other side of the school.

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Eragon jumped, and looked towards the 'Evil Lord' Galbatorix's office. The Evil Lord was laughing highly and cruelly. Eragon looked across Brom to Murtagh. "Hey, Murtagh! That guy was my science teacher!"

Brom stopped and held them back. "Oh no." Seconds later, there was a loud bang and a lot of black smoke in front of them. Galbatorix emerged, coughing. He leaned on Eragon's shoulder, and Brom whacked Galbatorix hard on the back a couple of times.

"Thank you Brom. But did someone just refer to me as 'that guy'? You don't know how rude that is!"

"Yes, they did. Now, out of the way, Galby, I have to take these two boys to the principal!" Brom's eyes fell to what Galbatorix was wearing on his feet. "Wow, those are some awesome fluffy slippers? Pink suits you! Later, do you want me to paint your nails as well?"

Galbatorix growled. "You know, it's because of people like you that I forced everyone to call me 'Evil Lord'!"

Brom smiled pleasantly. "As far as I know, you're the only one who calls anybody 'Evil Lord', and when you do, you're referring to yourself!" Murtagh grabbed the back of Eragon's gangster t-shirt. Let's go, he mouthed. They took themselves to the principal's office, looking over their shoulders as they went. Brom and Galbatorix were still deep in conversation. Eragon knocked on the door, and the boys waited.

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"As if failing all of your classes wasn't enough, you, Eragon, chose that time to experiment with your magic." Islanzadí turned to Murtagh. "Eating the corpse was just taking it too far."

"But I was hungry," wailed Murtagh.

"Silence. In normal circumstances, I'd at least hold Eragon back a year. But if I held you back as well, it would be your third time. Now, I've thought long and hard about this. I'm letting you both go." Murtagh looked up from the fray in his jeans knee. Eragon's jaw dropped slightly, his mouth forming an O. But their faces both had blank expressions on them. Seeing this, Islanzadí tried to explain further. "Umm, that means you're both expelled." Only then did she get the reaction she was hoping for.

Murtagh jumped up and shouted at the top of his voice, "FiretrUCK YOU!" Ah, he has such clean language.

Eragon glanced at his older brother with a scared look, and turned back to the principal, who was looking quite shocked at the display of language. "You can't expel me, I'm dropping out!"

Murtagh thought for a bit. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Eragon smiled evilly. "It's because you can't think!" Murtagh made to strangle Eragon, but Islanzadí held him back.

"Unfortunately, you will both need to attend a special school. It's for people who have killed or eaten Shades, so you both get in!"

Murtagh and Eragon looked at her intensely. "It'll have a vending machine, right?"

Islanzadí nodded. "There is also a giant waterfall and a lake."

Murtagh clapped his hands together. "My work here is done."

"Tell us about the school. Where is it? What's it called? How will we get there? Why--"

"SHUT UP, ERAGON!"

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Eragon looked down at his notes. "Ok, it's called the Varden, it's located in the Beors. To get there, we first go to Teirm to deliver a message for Islanzadí. And then we sail down to Surda in a ship called the Black Pearl. I recognize that name from somewhere… But anywho, I'm not sure what we do after that. I think we're meant to run as fast as we can across Surda, but then again we might just have to stun a faster lamb to cross further."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know. That's why I dropped out."

Murtagh thought for a moment. It looked hard. "Hey, this means I'll be leaving Nasuada for ever!"

Eragon looked at his brother with pity. "Hey, you can always take a memento of her with you…"

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"Eragon, is the coast clear?"

"Yep, you can go in!" Murtagh ran across the walkway and ran through the door of Nasuada's bedroom. He started searching the underwear draw, and found what he was looking for. It was a bright pink bra. They heard the doorknob turn behind them.

"Eragon! You were meant to be keeping watch outside the door! You idiot!" After a long while, the door finally opened. Nasuada came in, and dropped her books.

"What the hell are you doing in my room? Holding my lucky bra?"

Murtagh looked around. His gaze found the bra in his hand. "Oh, you mean this bra." He started walking out the door. Nasuada stopped him, so he explained. "We're going to a special school for people who have killed or eaten Shades, and I wanted something to remember you by." Nasuada's face softened.

"Oh, that's so sweet, of course you can have it!" That's why Murtagh walked out of Nasuada's room carrying her bra…

"Hey, Eragon, how exactly are we going to get to Teirm?" he asked.

"Hmm, we could ride Saphira?" Eragon suggested.

"Wow, you're a Dragon Rider?" exclaimed Murtagh. I love that word. Exclaimed.

"Duh. Now we can practice flying on her!"

What fun, Murtagh thought. He was afraid of heights.

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Once again, Murtagh fell off. Once again, Saphira caught him in her front claws. Once again, he was thrown to the ground. The only thing that was different this time was a loud snap. It was Murtagh's neck, and he's now lost the use of his arms and legs… He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pink mobile. He rang a number, held it to his ear, and waited. Eragon felt his phone in his pocket vibrate. He picked it up. "Uh, hello?" All he could hear was maniacal laughter from two places: his brother lying on the ground and his mobile. "Murtagh," he said into the phone's mouthpiece, "You're right in front of me. You don't need to ring… Wait a minute, the author said you'd lost the use of your arms and legs!" I admit I might have been wrong. Murtagh hung up, and got to his feet. He was still laughing maniacally. Eragon looked at him. He didn't have any scratches at all… "Ok, I think we can get going now!"

"Yipeeyiyay!" shouted Saphira.

"Wait a minute…" said Murtagh. "Where's Thorn?"

"Oh, him." Saphira looked away. "He's gone into labor." Both Murtagh and Eragon looked at her in shock. And here I was, thinking he was a guy… "Just kidding. He's gone on holiday to the Bahamas!" said Saphira happily.

"The bastard-type idiot thing!" Murtagh yelled. "Why didn't he take me with him?"

Saphira inspected Murtagh's body. "He mentioned something about you being too fat. I can't say I agree. That shows what a weakling he is." Murtagh growled.

"Let's just go…"

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Heh, told you I'd write it! Thinking about it, I gotta finish this, 'The Randomness Of Stuff' and I have to write 'Snapes on a Plane'… I'm gonna be real busy.