Hellraiser 2: How It Should've Ended- Kinda
Full Summary: Pure crack fic while working on another chapter of 'Hell of Rock' and became inspired from several Youtube videos of a series called 'How It Should've Ended' for movies, by a username of the same thing. However, they haven't done the movie 'Hellraiser'- or at least not yet to my hopes. Anyways, I watched the 'Twilight' how it should've ended and basically died of laughter. So, I became inspired, though the beginning is nothing like the Twilight thing either. Pinsty fans- I promise you will love this too. (And yes, I know damn well this is written in script. Don't like it- fuck off. Not every fic has to be taken seriously you know.)
laura 101- This one's for you!
KIRSTY AND TIFANNY: *accidentally find themselves trapped and run into the Cenobites*
PINHEAD: No more boxes...
KIRSTY: *frowns and places her hands on her hips* No shit sherlock. What do you think? I intentionally ran in here to profess some sort of a secret love to you? Psh. Yeah, right.
BUTTERBALL: Dammit! *grumbles as he fumbles through his pockets and pulls out a pile of cash, and hands it to a grinning Chatterer* *mumbling* I hate you Kirsty. I hate your blond friend. I hate this Institute. I hate my boss. I hate my Cenobite life. AND I HATE THIS MOVIE!
CHATTERER: *click translation* What a cry baby. *counts the cash and proceeds to wave it in front of Butterball's face*
KIRSTY AND PINHEAD: What the-
FEMALE: *groans annoyed* Ugh, don't ask. It's a bet they made to see if you were going to admit you had some sort of feelings for Xipe. It's completely stupid if you ask me.
CHATTERER: *dances around and waves the cash in front of Female's face* *click translation* Makes Chatterer rich if you ask me!
PINHEAD: *impatiently* Silence you fools. We've only got five minutes to show about fifty Pinsty moments before Tumor Boy shows up.
CHANNARD: *from another room* I HEARD THAT! AND IT IS NOT - A - FUCKING - TUMOR!
*awkward moment of silence*
BUTTERBALL: *peeps* Are you sure about that?
FEMALE: *jabs Butterball*
BUTTERBALL: *whines like a girl* OW!
FEMALE: *whispers loudly* Shut up! Have some respect you fatass- I think he might have cancer.
BUTTERBALL: *yells* CANCER? Oh my Leviathan! *yells even louder* POOR CHANNARD!
CHATTERER: *click translation* Poor Channard? Poor Channard my ass! He's the dude that's gonna kill us all in less than five seconds altogether!
PINHEAD: No you fools, clearly it is a mutated ugly tomato growing upon his head.
TIFFANY: Does it really matter what it is? We've only got a matter of time before Chan-
BUTTERBALL: *obnoxiously* Shut up Tiffany! Nobody likes you! That's why you don't show up in the third movie!
PINHEAD: *gawks* Dude...
CHATTERER: *click translation* ...That was pretty low...
CHANNARD: *still somehow in another room* *yelling* NOT AS BAD AS WHEN YOU HEAR THIS! PINHEAD- I AM YOUR FATHER!
CHATTERER: *gasp!*
KIRSTY: Hey! No ripping off Star Wars!
PINHEAD: *counts fingers and mumbles quietly* Well...then again the numbers add up-
KIRSTY: Pinny, trust me. I don't think he even existed when you were around even if he is naturally old and ugly.
CHANNARD: *in STILL another room* Who you callin' ugly?
TIFFANY: Wow. There's a lot of rooms here. Maybe-
BUTTERBALL: *demanding* What the hell did I just tell you?
TIFFANY: *looks to him* I- *stops and lowers her head down in shame*
BUTTERBALL: *nods* There we go. Much better. Now I get more lines! Yay!
PINHEAD: Oh my Leviathan! It's most likely true! is indeed my father! *looks around wildly to the others* Kirsty, my Mara Jade! *engulfs her in a hug suddenly*
KIRSTY: *enjoys the hug but then it gets tight and uncomfortable* *pins proceed to poke her as well and she flinches* Uh- erm- that's...very...*tries to say so delicately*...sweet?
PINHEAD: *drops her and runs over to Female and suffocates her into a ginormous hug* Oh Nikoletta my sister! My lovely twin sister, I'm certain father will be delighted to hear of the news of more than one sibling!
FEMALE: *groaning and trying to breathe* Argh...ergh...Pinhead...I'm not your...ergh...SISTER!
PINHEAD: *releases her and starts to run down to wherever the hell Channard is* Daddy! I can't wait to finally see you!
KIRSTY: *gawks* What the-
FEMALE: *immediately explains* He never had a real childhood.
KIRSTY: Ah...I see. Is this something to be concerned of?
FEMALE: Well-
PINHEAD: *runs back into the room* EEE! I can't wait for Daddy to come! I know! Let's play a game! HIDE AND SEEK! CHATTERER'S IT! *runs straight forth into Chatterer and basically shoves him back into a wall* *giggles* RUN! AND BE SURE TO MAKE CERTAIN YOUR GOOSE! *runs off to hide*
FEMALE: *gasp* Chatterer mi amor! *growls* That idiot has gone too far now!
CHATTERER: *helped up by Female* *click translation* What the hell? What kind of a game in he playing anyways!
BUTTERBALL: *shakes his head* Nobody knows...
TIFFANY: *snaps head up and grins* Oh wait a minute! I know this game! It's called-
BUTTERBALL: Tiffany shut the hell up!
TIFFANY: *grin fades and she immediately sulks again*
KIRSTY: *worried* I do hope he'll be okay though. I was going to originally remind him and you all of your humanity up until the sudden dramtic moment upon when enters in suddenly and you all are stupidly killed off so Pinhead and I can get a five minute stare to one another almost lovingly so it gives off the equation of five billion Pinsty hints before he is killed and escape. *sighs swooned*
EVERYONE ELSE: *gawks at her, astounded*
FEMALE: What the-
BUTTERBALL: Someone forgot to shut the front door! *points to the door that Channard could've easily entered in*
KIRSTY:*places hand to forehead and realizes* Hey! What do you know? Who knows what could've happened if we hadn't shut the door?
TIFFANY: Perhaps Channard could've entered in easily and destroy us all?
EVERYONE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
BUTTERBALL: *laughter dies* Ha ha...yeah but still shut the hell up Tiffany.
TIFFANY: *snaps* Okay! You wanna know WHAT?
BUTTERBALL: WHAT? Bring it girlfriend! *snaps like some ghetto girl and pouts his lips*
TIFFANY: *gawks as she took a stance of self-defense before face-palming herself and lowering her defense* Nevermind...
BUTTERBALL: *grins giddily* Yay! I win!
PINHEAD: *from a farther part of the room* You're cheating!
BUTTERBALL: Am not!
PINHEAD: Are too!
BUTTERBALL: Am not!
PINHEAD: Are too!
FEMALE: *facepalms* Ugh...kill me.
KIRSTY: *simply listening to what she said and raises a knife* Okay.
FEMALE: *jumps* Ack! No! Not literally! Ah! Chatterer my love! Help me! *runs away*
KIRSTY: *chases after Female* Pinhead my sweet, she's cheating!
FEMALE: Am not! You're trying to kill me!
KIRSTY: Lies! I am most certainly not!
FEMALE: Are too!
KIRSTY: Am not!
FEMALE: Are too!
KIRSTY: Am not!
FEMALE: Are too!
*Meanwhile*
CHANNARD: *stares at a mirror in the bathroom* Does it really look like a tumor* self conciously pokes at it, and the red thing on his head makes a weird noise* Ew.
*sudden sound of someone flushing the toilet*
CHANNARD: *jumps* Dammit Pinhead I was joking! I ain't yo' Baby Daddy!
TIFFANY: *comes out of the bathroom* What the hell? ?
CHANNARD: Tiffany? How the hell did you get in here? Were you spying on me? *pouts lip* I'm sensitive about my looks too ya know!
TIFFANY: Better yet, what are YOU doing in the girl's bathroom?
CHANNARD: *mutters* You're a girl?
TIFFANY: *slaps Channard extremely hard* YES! And this is the GIRLS BATHROOM!
CHANNARD: *folds arms* Prove it.
*Suddenly, Angelique, Dreamer, Joey, the Wire Twins, Bound, and other female icons from other horror movies such as Carrie, Nancy, Alice, Sidney, and more come out with unhappy faces to Channard*
CHANNARD: *sweatdrops* Heh heh...hello there ladies.
TIFFANY: *raises brow* You were saying?
CHANNARD: Damn...*nervously trying to change the subject* How many stalls are in this room anyways?
TIFFANY: *unconvinced* Uh huh. Yeah. Sure. GET HIM GIRLS!
CHANNARD: *screams* AHHHHH!
GIRLS: *charge after him* ARRRRGGGHHH!
*Meanwhile*
PINHEAD: *after receiving a long lecture from the others about how Channard is not his father sulks* So...you mean I'm not going to be like Luke Skywalker? And that Kirsty isn't a super-hot former Sith turned Jedi chick AKA my wife and that Nikoletta isn't my also hot twin sister? And that I'm not able to use the Force to blow up badass mahines that can destroy planets
KIRSTY: To put it gently sweetheart-
BUTTERBALL: No. Never. That life is a lie.
KIRSTY: *nods in agreement* Yeah basically.
CHATTERER: *click translation* Anybody wonder what happened to Tiffany?
FEMALE: *skeptical* Oh! So now you love that blond chick over me?
CHATTERER: *click translation* No! I didn't mean it that way!
FEMALE: *rolls eyes* Oh SURE. And that's what Pinhead told Angelique after he broke up with her and told her he was interested in someone else!
BUTTERBALL: You mean Kirsty?
PINHEAD: *snaps head up* THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET!
KIRSTY: I hate to break it to you but that was a poorly kept secret Pinhead.
PINHEAD: Doh!
BUTTERBALL: Dammit Pinhead! We don't have enough money to fight two lawsuits for plagirism of TWO movies!
CHATTERER: *click translation* The Simpson isn't a movie Butterball-
PINHEAD: Yes it is. Where the hell have you been living? Under a rock?
BUTTERBALL: Technically we do live under a rock. In Hell, which is underground-
PINHEAD: *hands him twenty dollars* Here! Will you please shut up? Go buy yourself a Big Mac, eat it, marry it, I don't care.
BUTTERBALL: *throws money back at him* At least I can show the Big Mac a better time than you could with Kirsty!
EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT PINHEAD AND BUTTERBALL: Ooooooooooohhhhh!
PINHEAD: *bluses furiously* Well- I- I- I- I-...uh...
FEMALE: You wanna know what Chatterer? We're done!
CHATTERER: Fine! Whatever! See if I care! *folds arms and the two turn each other's backs on one another*
KIRSTY: *whispers to Pinhead* I bet you they won't last like that for longer than five minutes.
PINHEAD: *whispers* I'll go for ten.
BUTTERBALL: Not even two.
KIRSTY: *smirks* You're on.
TWO MINUTES LATER...
FEMALE: *weeping in the arms of Chatterer as he holds her as though it's been ten years since he last saw her* Oh Chatterer I can't do this! Why must we fight when we can love?
CHATTERER: *click translation* I agree! Let's get married and have lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of babies!
FEMALE: *stares horrifed* Let's just start with one...
BUTTERBALL: *grins happily* Yay! I win!
PINHEAD: *groans as he digs through for some money* You sidekicks are making me broke.
KIRSTY: I feel your pain...so...I'm gonna guess they're the Ronnie and Sammi of Jersey Shore, right?
PIHEAD: Yup.
KIRSTY: So wait- who the hell is the Snooki?
PISTONHEAD: *randomly appears with a false wig over his head, and a pickle in his hand* Uh...I'm just gonna go. Yeah...*backs away slowly*
KIRSTY AND PINHEAD: *stare blankly and disturbed*
PINHEAD: Damn these later sequels for having me stuck with newer retards for my group.
*Awkward pause*
PINHEAD: So...while we all wait for Channard to arrive, what do we do now?
FEMALE: *snuggling to Chatterer* Hey I know. Here's a suggestion for you- why not just change Kirsty into one of us?
PINHEAD: WHAT? What the hell are you trying to make this into! The fucking Twilight saga! Do I look like a sparkling fairy wannabe for a vampire to ya?
FEMALE: No! Not like that! I mean, why the hell are we about to waste our time dying for her when you'll end up seeing her once again later on? Why not just save the time, money, and horrible sequels and just get it over with?
PINHEAD: No! I want to savior the perfect moment! Besides, she needs to have a bit of longer human life so she can be a little more prepared!
BUTTERBALL: *stares dull* Dude. You realize she just saw her skinless uncle, phsycotic skinless aunt, a dude with a big tumor on his head, and us?
PINHEAD: *flushes* So?
FEMALE: *gets impatient and a little annoyed* So? C'mon Pinny. What could she not experience as Cenobite than as human. Oh wait a minute! I know! *dry sarcasm* It's that guy! *points to Trevor who randomly appears*
TREVOR: *grins sadistcily* Dude check out the like fifty million mistresses I'm gonna fuck behind your back!
PINHEAD: *gawks with a big WTF face* How does Kirsty end up with tha-
FEMALE: *shakes her head and immediately answers* I don't know. The point is- we've got less than five minutes, so make up your mind...her choice is yours...
PINHEAD: *debates dramatically and romantically over whether or not to change his love when suddenly-*
KIRSTY: *appears in a sexy red and black leather- lace outfit with even paler white skin, darker brown hair, two scars that made a 'V' at her breasts', and a few cuts on her arms and a sharp whip weapon* *grins* Too late! Butterball already changed me!
PINHEAD: WHAT? *looks over to Butterball*
BUTTERBALL: *shrugs* What? You took to long anyways.
*Meanwhile*
GIRLS: *furiously storming about*
TIFFANY: C'mon ladies! We've got to find that bastard and kick his ass!
*once they pass by a trash can, it is lifted and revealed Channard has been hiding in there*
CHANNARD: Thank God! I thought they'd never leave! Now...where to go...yes..let's see...erm...well...*realizes he's lost and pulls out a GPS from his 'tumor'*
GPS: How may I help you ?
CHANNARD: *Growls and breaks the GPS* IT IS NOT A TUMOR!
*Suddenly a cough is heard from behind, and Channard turns to see Pinhead, Butterball, Nikoletta and Chatterer (whom are adorably holding hands) and the new Cenobite form of Kirsty lovingly stroking Pinhead's chin as she grins wickedly*
*Also, the army of females come up from behind and join them*
KIRSTY: Looking for us, Channard?
CHANNARD: Uh...
PINHEAD: *in girly voice* GET HIM GIRLS!
CHANNARD: AHH!
*The whole army charges after and kills Channard*
And everyone lives happily ever after! Pinhead and Kirsty become the King and Queen, Chatterer and Female marry, and Tiffany stills gets told by Butterball to shut the hell up. The End.
*EPILOUGE*
DREAMER: *just gawks* Yeah, this seriously isn't gonna work out.
PISTONHEAD: *makes an 'o' face in mock as he fixes his Snooki wig* Augh! Like -totally what the hell? *chomps down on a pickle and reapplies lipstick*
This my dears, is the crack-fic filled mind of mind. A plot bunny that was basically kicking my ass until I gave in and wrote it! A few notes:
Who doesn't find it funny that Pistonhead is a Snooki wannabe?
SERIOUSLY! Am I the only one here who thinks that thing on Channard's head was a tumor? LOL, long live Chatterer/Nikoletta and Pinsty even if it ended up being Butterball who turns Kirsty into a Cenobite. That's what you get Pinny when you take too long! XD