Summary: The Tallest decide they have had enough of Zim and tell him the truth of the mission. Of course, things never go exactly as planned. This is different and based off of something the Director/Producer Steve Ressel said about this topic.
"Incoming transmission from Earth!" the technician announced. The Tallest groaned and rolled their eyes. Honestly, this was the third call in eight hours. That's three too many viewings of Zim.
"Just patch him through." Red sighed with a small wave of his claws. Purple stood next to him shoving chip after chip into his mouth.
The monitor flashed "Transmission Accepted" before filling the screen with Zim. The defective was smiling his usual "I've got something 'evil' planned for the downfall of the human race" smile while GIR did random stuff in the background.
"Greetings my Tallest!" he exclaimed, saluting happily. Red let out an inaudible groan as Purple continued to munch away.
"Yes, hello Zim, what do you want this time?" Red asked in a monotone. The Irken on the screen didn't seem to care for the lack of interest and answered anyway.
"I just wanted to tell you about my new evil plan for the destruction of the human race!" Zim shrieked. GIR watched his "Master" and clapped for him while whacking the floor with a dead squirrel.
"How...interesting. I don't want to hear about it, but you're going to tell me even if I say no." Red said. Zim nodded eagerly and began his "report." It had something to do with a fish, a satellite dish, some rhubarb, and a deadly neurotoxin that would surely kill him with the humans. Red smirked at the thought but then frowned. No, Zim always managed to escape death by some dumb stroke of luck. He had luck on his side, even if he never realized. On Judgementia, the Control Brains let him go even after declaring him a defective...and they let him pilot the Massive for ten minutes! That was...no, no, not going there. Red shook his head to clear the memory, so many asteroids, so little time. On the bright side, Zim managed to destroy a small rebel ship. It hadn't been a total loss.
Even so, Zim needed to get out of Red's life once and for all. As Zim continued relaying his plan, Red floated closer to Purple and whispered something to him.
"Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Red asked quietly.
"What?" Purple said with a full mouth, but quickly swallowed when he saw the look on Red's face.
"This joke is getting kind of old, don't you think?"
"I guess so..."
"It's not nearly as entertaining as before and Zim's adapting to his position slightly better than when it all began."
"So, what are you getting at?"
"The truth." Purple's eyes widened at the bought as Red smirked next to him. Oh, the reaction would be priceless!
"Ok, let's do it!"
"Let's not go there..."
"You know what I mean!"
"I'll do all the talking though."
"Fine." The Tallests turned back to Zim who was still ranting about the humans and explosives.
"...and when they EXPLODE their goo wil go everywhere! It's the perfect plan, a very fishy doom indeed!" Zim shouted in triumph...even though there was no triumph to speak for.
"Yes, very nice Zim," Red said with faked kindness, "now listen, we have something to tell you, and you alone."
"Yeah! What he said!" shouted Purple.
"Ooh, special message for ZIM! Tell me! Tell it to ZIM!" Red suppressed a laugh as he watched Zim's excitement. Oh, he was going to get it!
"Well, you see Zim, your entire mission is a huge lie. When we sent you off, we weren't expecting you to live, let alone find a planet to land on. The whole empire has been watching your every mistake, every failure against an inferior race. We have watched you fail time after time. It was funny at first, but now its old news and we're not getting much out of it.
"Basically Zim, you're exiled to Earth for the rest of your pathetic life and nobody cares. You can go die in a hole and we wouldn't bat an eye. The truth is, you're a defective." Red finished with a smirk as Purple nodded vigorously.
"Yeah, that's right! And you destroy everything you touch! And you're stupid, so very, very stupid!" Purple added in. Red resisted the overwhelming urge to slap his co-leader.
Zim's smile was gone, replaced by a completely blank look on his face. There was no anger, no resentment...nothing.
"Um, could you cry or something because this is getting pretty creepy." said Purple, raising a nonexistent eyebrow. They all awkwardly stood in silence for another two minutes, only being broken by GIR death-hugging a ketchup bottle. Red couldn't take it much longer.
"Well, can you say something?" he shouted. Suddenly, laughter filled the Massive. The Tallest looked on in shock as Zim doubled over in his laughing fit.
"Oh my Tallest, you are funny! You had me going there! For a moment, I thought you had crushed my entire life's work in the span of 1.9 minutes, but you are indeed masters of comedy. Feel proud, you have fooled the mighty ZIM! But, not for that long." The Tallest stared at him with their jaws hanging out. Could Zim be any more thick-headed?
"Well my Tallest, it's been fun. Now I have to go destroy the humans with my evil and stuff. Invader Zim signing off!" With that, the transmission was cut and the Tallest regained their bearings.
"Well that was boring!" shouted Purple, throwing his arms up in the air.
"Wow, Zim really is that stupid. It's almost interesting...but now we're back at square one." Red replied.
"Not even a threat from him! What is that about?"
"Think about it this way," Red said to Purple, "We're back at the beginning, which means-"
"We can do this as many times as we want-"
"Until it completely breaks him! Oh, this is better than I could have imagined!" Both Tallest celebrated for a minute, before Purple stopped.
"Wait a minute; we were finishing each other's sentences. That's creepy." The awkwardness set in again until a small light flashed in front of them.
"Hey! The donut alarm went off! Donut time!" The Tallests floated out of the control room to get their beloved donuts. Zim would still be on Earth tomorrow, just waiting for them to break his facade. Oh, how amusing it would be when the time came. Zim, a pathetic mass of an Irken, slumped over in defeat just wanting to end it all. Once the day came, there would be a celebration across the stars.
Too bad that day would never come. Unbeknownst to the Tallest, they were all caught in a deadlocked cycle. Zim's too stupid to figure it out and the Tallests are too persistent to try something else.
So let's watch it all again, from the top everyone.
A/N: A small return back to Invader Zim from me. I needed a break from Portal and I'm sorry I haven't updated it yet. Anyway, I don't think Zim would do anything else if the Tallest told him the truth. It'd all sail right over his head and he would never catch on. That's Zim for you.