Troubling Thoughts

Tears stood in Emma Shannon's eyes as she bid goodbye to an emotional Sam Cain. She watched worriedly as he mounted his trusted steed Justice. Once astride, Sam glanced at Emma one more time, before kneeing his gelding into motion.

Slowly Emma turned and entered her house. She closed the door and locked it behind her. Her thoughts were troubled as she moved through her house, banking the fire, and blowing out lamps until she headed upstairs to her bedroom.

She stood before her dresser and removed the pins from her hair, shaking her head, until the curly red tresses hung loose around her shoulders. She stripped out of her dress and pulled a fresh nightgown out of a drawer, and slipped it on.

The night certainly hadn't gone according to her plans. She had invited Sam out to the station for an evening of dinner and talking. They hadn't seen much of each other since Evan had died. Sam was giving her the space she needed to mourn for the man her husband had once been, and to get her feelings right about how she felt about him.

She had appreciated Sam's willingness to give her the time she needed, because it had made her understand just how much she loved him. So she had carefully planned this special evening for them. She had cooked Sam's favorite meal, set her table with her best dishes, and wore the dress she knew Sam liked best on her.

Sam had arrived, on time, with a bouquet of wildflowers in his wore his best suit and had taken special care with his grooming. He had been sweet and attentive throughout dinner, but Emma sensed there was something troubling him.

"All the trouble we've been having lately in town reminds me of a time not so long ago." Sam said as he stared into the fire.

They had settled in her sitting room after dinner, Sam's arm casually strewn around Emma, her head leaning on his shoulder.

"A time when I was a much different man than I am today." He added.

"I doubt that." Emma said, "You don't strike me as a man who has changed much over the years."

"Listen…please." Sam pressed his index finger to her lips.

"Alright." Emma agreed, falling silent once again.

"I was married once."Sam announced. "Her name was Jenny. She was gentle, pretty, and kind. A fine hand with a needle, and a good cook. She loved me and I loved her. We were really happy."

Emma caught her breath. Sam had been married? His words stunned her. She opened her mouth to say something, but remember that she had promised to listen to him, so she remained quiet as he continued speaking.

"The trouble between the cattle ranchers and the farmers heated up. Homesteads were being attacked. Liverstock run off or stolen. Mysterious fires starting.

Because I was one of only a few farmers who knew how to handle a six-shooter, I was hired on with some others to try and protect the farmers being hassled.

One night, while I was away from our place-" Sam's voice caught, emotion clogging his throat, he said, "Men hired by the ranchers came to my homestead….they killed my Jenny."

Horror flooded through Emma. She couldn't imagine how it would feel to know that the person you loved more was murdered. Yes, Even had died at the hands of another man, but his own wrong doings had played a part in his death. Sam's Jenny was an innocent woman.

"Oh Sam."

Sam worked to control his emotuons. "Jenny was dead and there was nothing I could do about it." He cleared his throat. "We'd only been married for three months when the range wars broke out. Five months, when she died."

"Why didn't you ever tell me Sam?"

"Because of the man I turned into."

He turned toward Emma, his blue eyes searching her face,memorizing every little detail, fearful of losing her once she learned the truth about him.

"I hunted them all down Emma. Every single man who rode for the ranchers and might have been there the night Jenny died. I hunted them and I killed them all."

Silence fell between them for a few moments. Emma stared at the man beside her and couldn't imagine the agony Sam had been in to go to such lengths toseek justice for his wife's murder.

She could see the self-hatred shining in Sam's eyes, and knew he was waiting for her to judge him as well for his past deeds, but she couldn't. She wouldn't.

"You are a good man Sam." She told him at last. "I know the man you are today, and I know you would choose to act differently."

"How do you know that?" Sam asked.

"Because I do." she kissed him lightly on the lips. "Every day you show me and the other townspeople of Sweetwater that you are an honorable and just man."

Sam was humbled by her words. By her faith in him. He had laid his worse acts at her feet and Emma still thought he was a good man.

"I love you."

Sam tenderly cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. It was a soft, sweet kiss filled with promises and longing. Both were a little breathless when the kiss ended.

"I love you too Sam."

Sam kissed her again and then rose.

"Can't you stay?" Emma asked.

"One night soon, I will," Sam Promised her, "but not tonight. Not when my mind is…on other things?"

Emma nodded in understanding. "I'll walk you out."

Sam offered her a hand up and together they had walked out onto the porch. Sam had kissed her again before he walked out of the yard to mount Justice.

Emma crawled into bed and blew out her lamp. She settled on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't help feeling as if she should have insisted Sam stay the for amorous reasons, but because she couldn't share the feeling that trouble was brewing for Sam.

He had mentioned that the latest trouble in town reminded him of the turbulent times during the ranger wars. She wondered if he was right and there was more trouble coming for everyone in Sweetwater.

Emma sighed worriedly. She had never been one to borrow trouble, and she supposed she shouldn't start now. It was easier said than done. She sighed again and closed her eyes, willing her troubled thoughts to ease enough so that she could fall asleep.