Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Yuu Watase and associates. I'm not Yuu Watase, and I'm not one of her associates. I think you can do the math.
Author's Note: Hullo everybody! ^_^ Ahh, I finally got around to typing this up…Teresa and I have been working on it for almost a year, and sadly, only now do I have the time and motivation to post it. ^^;; Well, lately ff.net seems to have been deprived of HotohorixMiaka fics…with the exception of "Still Loving You…" by g3ozLizh (great fic btw—go read! ^-^) I haven't noticed many… (Or have I just been completely oblivious? o.O Well, with me that's always a possibility…)
Anyway…hopefully this will be a different enough fic that it'll hold your attention. The first chapter may start off slow, but it'll pick up…and I'll only continue if I get reviews. Even one counts! So please R&R! ^_^
That's enough rambling from me…you must be bored stiff by now. ^_^;;
((Yah know…I don't think I've ever seen a HotohorixMiaka lemon around here. Phooie. Anyone up to writing one? ^-^;; I'd gladly read it…err, did I just type that? o.O Shimatta… ::silently tiptoes away:: ))
Chapter One: Prelude
The full moon hung like a milky orb in the dark, vast blanket of night, illuminating the city of Eiyo with a soft, white glow. The silver beams shone dimly through the window of Suzaku no Miko's room in the palace, creating just enough light to see by, but not much. Blowing out the candle on her dresser, the auburn-haired girl changed out of her school uniform, leaving the white blouse on to sleep in. After taking her hair out of its customary style of two braided buns, Miaka flopped down on her bed, heaving a sigh of exhaustion.
The past month or so had left almost no time for rest of any kind. The Suzaku seishi had all been found—but soon after, one was lost to them. Tamahome, the first seishi Miaka met and the one she had loved, was killed by an assassin on a journey to Taikyoku-san. Devastated, the seishi and their miko consulted Taiitsukun, who promised to find them an alternative way of summoning the beast god. However, Miaka was still in low spirits; her first love was lost to her, not to mention one of the few means of summoning Suzaku and getting her wishes.
I wish we could go back to before all this…so I could be with Tamahome again. Demo…everyone's been so kind to me, even though I'm a lot less cheerful than usual…especially Hotohori…
Her heart jumped slightly at this thought, a feeling of guilt washing over her.
Hotohori…despite everything, he's always been kind to me…from the very beginning. I've never given him anything in return…he really does care about me. In a way, I suppose I'm attracted to him…I've felt that for a while, but I kept it in check while Tamahome was here…now, maybe I…
Lying on her bed, she stared at the ceiling, thinking back to a moment she'd spent with the young emperor earlier that day. Having gone to Taiitsukun's for more advice on their current situation, they had had a bit of time to relax…also giving Hotohori time to declare his feelings for her once more. She couldn't help but feel a thrill run through her as she thought of his kiss: soft, almost shy…
He's not as forceful as he used to be…actually, it's more like he's hesitant. Maybe because of everything that's happened…but there's also a sadness in his eyes when he looks at me, as if he's given up…a few times in the past month he's seemed completely emotionless; almost like a doll, or a puppet. I feel so guilty when I see him like that…but when he's with me…he's so much happier, and I can't help but feel that way, too. There's just something in his embrace that makes me feel safe…like nothing bad is going to happen to me anymore, that everything will be okay…
A chill wind blew in from the open window, causing the door of her room to blow open. Miaka got off the bed to close it, putting a stop to her thoughts; however, instead of closing the door and heading back to bed, she tiptoed into the deserted outer hall, only shutting the door once she'd gotten outside. Subconsciously, she began to walk down the corridor, finally finding herself outside the emperor's chambers…
How'd I end up…here? Was it that…
Shaking her head slightly, she put an end to her thoughts, smacking herself on the forehead.
"Baka!" she whispered. "No more night-time wanderings for you! 'Ttaku…what would Hotohori think if he saw you outside his room at this hour?"
Still muttering to herself, she turned to head back to her own room, only to find herself unable to leave.
Maybe…maybe he's still awake…
Looking back at the door, she saw a faint bar of light streaming out from under the crack. Hesitatingly, she walked back towards it, placing her slightly trembling hand on the doorknob.
Here goes nothing…
Slowly turning it, she opened the door, but only a tiny bit, not allowing herself to look inside the room. Her voice softer than usual, she finally mustered up the courage to speak. "A…anou…Hotohori?"
The young emperor was sitting at a desk near the window, poring over a book, using a single candle and the moon as his only sources of light. Hearing her voice and the creak of the door as it opened, he looked up, unable to see his visitor, but knowing her instantly by the sound of her voice.
"Miaka?"
He closed the book in front of him, rising and walking over to the door. Opening it more, he beckoned her into the room, shutting it once she'd entered. "What brings you here?"
"I…" Miaka stopped, flustered, now aware of how stupid she must look to him. Trying to come up with something quickly, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I wanted to see you, I guess." She mentally smacked herself for that one, blushing and looking down. Coming here in the middle of the night, and my reason? 'I wanted to see you.' Real smooth, Miaka…demo…I guess it's partially true…
Hotohori looked down at her, smiling slightly, glad that she'd come to see him, whatever reason it may have been. "You're always welcome here, Miaka…" Walking back over to the desk, he opened a drawer and put the book away, looking back up at her when he'd finished. Miaka shuffled her feet, then finally looked up at him, still blushing slightly.
"Anou…Hotohori…I guess I wanted to thank you…for how kind you've been to me lately. Actually…for how kind you've been to me since I met you. I would have been lost here if it weren't for you…" She trailed off, avoiding his gaze, and walked back over to the door. "I should get going…sorry for bothering you at this hour. Oyasumi…"
She reached out as if to open the door, but somehow couldn't bring herself to do it.
I…I don't want to go…
Hotohori noticed her reluctance to leave, along with the rest of her different behavior; true, she had been gloomier lately, what with Tamahome's death—but this was different, this was something he couldn't quite put his finger on…
Edging slightly closer to her, he pondered how to comfort her, if that was what she wanted; whatever it was, she acted as though she didn't want to leave.
"Miaka…you don't have to go if you don't want to…in fact…I'd rather that you'd stay…" His voice was soft and deep as he spoke, trailing off at the end, as if unsure of what he was saying. Miaka was caught slightly off-guard by this, blushing upon realization that he noticed what she was too shy to put into words. Still not turning to face him, she spoke.
"Are you sure? It's getting late…"
Hotohori sighed to himself, almost regretting the request, thinking that she was politely turning him down. "Well, what I mean is…you can stay if you want to, I don't mind…"
I'd rather that you did stay…I feel like I'm missing something when you're not around…I know that now…
Miaka took another step towards the door, placing her fingers on the handle. A few moments went by in silence, until she finally took her hand away, letting it drop to her side. She turned to face him, looking down slightly. She spoke quietly, shyly. "I…I'd like to stay…it's lonely by myself…"
Hotohori was slightly surprised by this, but didn't let it show. "Then you may stay as long as you like…" He paused, then lowered his voice, speaking his thoughts out loud. "Even I am lonely here by myself…"
"Is it all right if I stay the night, then…? Well, I mean…I can sleep on the floor or something, I just don't want to be alone…" Miaka trailed off, embarrassed by her unreasonable request, not having thought it out before she spoke.
Hotohori was visibly surprised this time; then, letting the gentleman in him take over, he shook his head. "You can spend the night…but if anyone would sleep on the floor, I would. I just couldn't allow you to, you're a guest here…I could just sleep in a chair, that'd be enough for me…"
Miaka shook her head as well. "Iie, I couldn't let you do that…I'd feel like I was intruding if…" She trailed off, seeing the set expression on his face, and knew instantly that he wasn't going to change his mind. She looked down, somewhat uncomfortable. "…all right…I guess that's okay…"
Noticing her discomfort, Hotohori smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Miaka, really. I don't mind, you don't need to worry," he said gently.
She looked up at him, forcing a smile so he wouldn't think anything was wrong. "I'm all right…I'm not even tired right now, anyway." Maybe if I keep myself awake he won't have to go out of his way for me…even if he says it's okay… As she thought this, she just barely stifled a yawn, silently scolding herself. Baka, that was real convincing…
Hotohori chuckled slightly, seeing her attempts to make him think otherwise, then smiled gently at her. "You're tired…you should go to sleep. You don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine…"
Sighing, Miaka smiled slightly in defeat, yawning again. "I guess I can't keep anything from you, ne? All right…I guess I'll sleep…" Feeling her body grow wearier as they spoke, she made her way over to the bed, climbing into it and pulling the covers over her, all manners forgotten for the moment. Her eyelids drooping, she smiled tiredly at him, before finally closing her eyes. "Oya…sumi…"
Hotohori watched her drift off to sleep for a few moments, surprised yet pleased at this odd turn of events. Finally, he walked back to the desk, pulling the chair over so that it was next to the bed and settling himself in it. "Oyasumi…" he murmured, before falling asleep himself.
* * *
The ki blast flew directly at him, a burst of white-hot energy. She watched, as if in slow motion, as the ball stopped in mid-air in front of him, hovering for a few moments before seeming to explode, slowly tearing his limbs apart with it, a silent scream wrenched from his throat…
"Hotohori!"
Miaka sat up suddenly in bed, panting, her eyes wide with fear.
That dream…that dream…!!
She began to shake uncontrollably, her breath catching in her throat. As she tried desperately not to cry, Hotohori stirred in his sleep, having heard his name called. He looked up to see Miaka sitting in bed, trembling, apparently distressed. Standing up, he moved closer to the bed, worried.
"Miaka, daijoubu ka? What's wrong?"
Miaka shook her head, trying to get the images to disappear from her mind. When she spoke, her voice was choked, quiet. "I…I had a dream…th-that you…you were…!!" Unable to go on, she covered her face with her hands, shaking even more.
Concerned for her, he tried to think of something to say that would comfort her. "It's okay, Miaka, I'm right here…you're safe…"
She shook her head again, uncovering her face, to show tears streaming down it. She squeezed her eyes shut, more tears leaking out. "Iie! That's not it!! After what happened with Tamahome…I'm so afraid I'm going to lose the rest of you…I don't want that to happen!! It can't happen!!" I've been afraid of this ever since…but I've never been able to say… She pulled the bed sheets up to her face, still shaking with sobs.
Hotohori could only stand there, helpless, as she continued to weep. I hate it when you cry…I feel like I'm the one to blame. Please don't feel bad…
Not knowing what else to do, he sat down next to her on the bed; his arms wrapped around her as he pulled her into an embrace, his back resting against the headboard. Surprised, Miaka immediately let go of the sheets, letting out a soft gasp. Stroking her hair in an effort to calm her down, Hotohori gently pulled her closer to him.
"You won't lose me, or anyone…I love you so much that nothing can stop me from being near you…nothing…"
Still completely surprised, Miaka could only sit there, still hiccupping occasionally with sobs.
Hotohori…you really…
Confused, and still shaken by the dream, she accepted his embrace, burying her face in his chest. Finally the sobs subsided, leaving her shaking slightly, the images from dream still vivid in her mind.
"We'll never leave you…that's what the seishi will always fight for, to stay with you, and protect you. I love you…nothing in the world could change how I feel, ever…I love you more than you'll ever know, more than I can ever show you…" He spoke softly, then trailed off, having never spoken his feelings that intensely, yet gently, before…
Still shaking slightly, Miaka looked up at him, even more surprised than before—but, in another way, reassured by his deep, warm voice, and his words.
"I…I was scared it was real…" she said quietly. Then, slightly embarrassed, she pulled away from him, wiping irritably at a tear that had fallen onto her already wet cheeks. "Demo, I'm all right…really, I'm all right…" She avoided his gaze, knowing if she looked into his eyes he'd see that she was lying.
Concerned, Hotohori put his fingers under her chin and lifted her head up until he was looking into her eyes—only her eyes, wanting to see the truth. She fidgeted slightly under his gaze, but didn't object. "Miaka…you don't always have to be strong for everyone…you're beautiful the way you are…"
Not looking away this time, Miaka's expression grew slightly sad upon hearing his words. "Honto ni…?" she whispered. "I always feel like I should be strong for everyone…because before, I was too dependant on all of you…" Feeling ashamed, she looked down slightly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "…I don't feel beautiful…" She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, another tear falling from them and landing on his skin. She spoke quietly now, lulled slightly by his warmth.
"I'm afraid…I feel like if I'm alone I'll get that dream again…and I'm so tired…"
Hotohori continued to stroke her hair, his arms still gently wrapped around her. "Hush…you'll never be alone again…I promise you, you'll never be alone…" He spoke softly, in a reassuring tone, causing Miaka to open her eyes, smiling slightly.
"Arigatou…" She closed her eyes again, nuzzling his neck and breathing in slightly. "You smell nice…" she murmured. Hotohori was surprised briefly by this, but smiled gently, glad that she was no longer upset. He looked down at her, to see that she had fallen asleep in his arms—the tear tracks still there, yet a content smile visible. Closing his eyes himself, he allowed sleep to claim him, a single word on his lips:
"Aishiteru…"
* * *
The young man sat up suddenly in bed, awakened by a dream…a dream about the past… Without hesitation, he got up and began gathering his belongings, his mind finally made up.
After all, I've been preparing for years…and I finally have an ally strong enough that it can be done…
"Akira-sama? It's late, why are you out of your bed?"
The man, Akira, turned around, to see one of his attendants standing by the door. Only mildly surprised by this, he continued to pack his belongings, making sure to pack one thing in particular…
"Prepare a horse for me immediately. I wish to leave as soon as possible for the capital of Konan Empire." The attendant bowed, leaving the room, not questioning his master's wishes. Akira dressed himself for travel, smiling slightly.
Saihitei…We'll finally meet again…
End Chapter One
Demo: but, however
Baka: stupid
'Ttaku: jeez, honestly
Anou: um
Oyasumi: goodnight
Iie: no
Daijoubu ka?: Are you all right?
Honto ni?: Really?
Aishiteru: I love you