Chapter 1

I'm Scared To Know

It's funny how much five years can change your life. Five years ago I was wild and living it up in Vegas. Like all young adults I was all about instant gratification. Drink a lot. Party hard. Short relationships that began and ended in rough sex. It was a live for the moment mentality. Everything was do or die. And I did it all. And now five years later... I don't know.

It wasn't a drastic change that happened one night. It was slow and gradual, sneaking up on me like a thief in the night. The nights at the bar got a little shorter. Having a hangover suddenly didn't sound worth it. The relationships got a little longer. The sex was still good but less frequent and not always necessary. And I wasn't the least bit disappointed by the small changes. Yeah, sometimes I still partied hard and enjoyed long bouts of rough and frequent sex. But I could now be completely content with sitting at home on a Friday night watching old movies in my pajamas.

It's not Vegas that changed my life. It probably should have. I should have sworn off of alcohol forever. But instead I returned home and my life returned to normal. Or at least what was normal for me. I met with a lawyer, in secret of course, signed some papers and that chapter of my life was over. In fact, it officially never even happened. And to celebrate Rose and I went out to a bar drank a lot and I left with a very cute boy. I panicked when I woke up in his apartment and double checked for a hidden ring or marriage certificate, you can never be too careful, but this time I was safe. I panicked again three weeks later when I realized I was a week late for my period. I praised the lord when the test was negative. And again I celebrated again with another night of drinking and a random guy hookup. Yeah, I know, you think I would have learned my lesson after all that. But at least I've gotten there now.

I never heard from Edward. But I never expected to. Sometimes I lie in bed and think about Edward. I wonder if his life has changed as much as mine. What's he doing? Is he married? Is he happy? Does he still sometimes think of me? I know it doesn't matter. That part of my life is over (or never even happened depending on who you ask). And my life is still changing. The thought of commitment doesn't make me break out into hives anymore. In fact, I kind of like long committed relationships. So much that I accepted a proposal a week ago. And this time, I plan on doing it properly. And that's where my story catches up with me.

I looked in the mirror again, making sure not a single hair is out of place. Five years ago, I wouldn't have given a shit. Especially since it's just family. But it's the first time I'm meeting his parents and that scares the shit out of me. I make a horrible first impression. I walk as fast as I can in the heels I'm wearing. It's moments like these that make me miss my old self. Being carefree and not worrying about what I look like. Those days are long gone. I do not want to see my picture in a tabloid under any headlines like these: WTF is he thinking? WARNING: troll spotted outside of most eligible bachelor's home.

I sigh heavily and straighten out the wrinkles in my skirt. I still hate dressing up. Maybe jeans and a T-shirt wasn't appropriate attire for breaking the news of my engagement but maybe a something more sensible? Something alone the lines of a pair of dress slacks and a nice blouse? Now I sound live my grandmother. I think I officially hate who I've become.

"I think something's burning," Jake shouts from the kitchen. I don't know why I left him in there by himself. He is hopeless.

I race into the kitchen and shake my head. "That's not smoke," I chuckle. "That's steam. It happens when you boil water."

"Oh." He frowns. "I'll try to remember that." He steps away from the stovetop and sighs. "I really wish you would have let me me take care of this all. You're doing so much work."

"This is not a moment that I want to happen in public."

"What? Are you that ashamed of me?"

"Me ashamed of you? Ha! What a joke. You should be ashamed to be seen with me."

"It's going to happen sooner or later. I don't know how long you want to continue sneaking around. I'm pretty sure that the media is going to get ahold of this any moment now. I'm surprised they haven't already."

"I know. I just like things the way they are right now. It's simple and easy. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a celebrities girlfriend yet. That's a big responsibility."

"If you want this to work, you're going to have to get used to it. And you're more than just a celebrities girlfriend."

"I know, now get out of my kitchen and let me work."

He laughs and takes a step back. "It's not too late for me to call for catering or find a restaurant."

I turn to glare at him. "I like doing this."

"Fine," he concedes and walks out of the kitchen and parks himself in front of his gigantic flat screen.

And with that mistake, it's time to kick him out of my kitchen. Not that he should have been in there anyway. He may be a man of many talents but cooking was not one of them. I think that may be the first time he's ever been in ours and actually did something more than put something in the microwave and follow carefully worded directions.

I keep the kitchen running smoothly for the next twenty minutes, preparing the spaghetti and all the trimmings I decided to go along with it. I'm a real fucking Martha Stewart now. I laugh it off and continue the dinner preparations. From the next room I hear the load roar of the TV. Always too loud and always on sports. It's funny how I ended up with him when I thought that this was the last thing I wanted in a guy. Rosalie was always the one to fall for the Mr. Football type.

I catch my reflection in the appliances. High heels, black skirt, button up blouse, expensive jewelry all topped off with an apron and some matching pot holders. For a brief moment I pause and feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes as my chest gets heavy and oxygen feels scarce. I am fucking Martha Stewart. Trapped in a self made prison and all.

I quickly push the thought from my mind. I am not trapped. I enjoy this. Most of the time. Everything has its exceptions. That's normal. And I especially feel pressured now planning my own engagement party and all. And having to tell my parents about it. And letting them know that I don't actually have an apartment in the city and that Jake and I have been living together for the past year and a half. Charlie is going to kill me.

I hear the doorbell and look at the clock. It has to be Charlie. He is always early. Renee can't be on time to save her life and Jacob's family wouldn't be coming for at least another hour. Before Jacob can even think about getting off the couch I rescue him. "I'll get it. You just try your best to keep an eye on the food." He groans but considering the alternative of being alone to greet my father, he accepts.

I pause, breathe deeply and open the door with the biggest smile I could muster. My smile slowly falls and I'm left speechless. It's not Charlie. It's not anyone who has been invited over. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Do you have something to tell me?" Rose sneers.

"Not now, Rosalie. I'm kind of in the middle of something." She crosses her arms and glares at me. Fuck me. I know this look. Rosalie with this look is not good. I sigh and look over my shoulder to yell, "I'll be right back."

"Who is it?" I see Jake peak around the corner.

"No one. Just one of those door-to-door church people. What do you call them?"

"The Jehovah's Witnesses?" He furrows his brow.

"Yeah, them." I nod, even if he can't see me.

"And you're going somewhere with them?"

"No, I told them to fuck off. But I think that cat got out. I'm going after her."

"Need help?" he asks, taking one step out of the kitchen.

"No. Just keep an eye on the food." I quickly push Rosalie and step outside, closing the door behind me. I ran her into the open garage and into the darkest corner. "What the fuck do you want?"

"I've tried calling you," she says, continuing to glare.

"I told you I'm very busy today. Like, don't have time for your bullshit kind of busy. So stop playing games and get to the fucking point or get the fuck out of here." I haven't cursed this much in a long time. It feels good.

She shrugs and lights a cigarette. "First, I tried to call you with some major news. Then I found out some major news about you. Well, I suppose they both concern you. And since you don't answer I decided to risk a visit."

I pull the cigarette from her mouth and stomp on it to extinguish it. "There's no smoking in here."

"No shit!" she exclaims. "You quit?"

"A long time ago actually. Don't you pay attention? Jacob..."

"I just don't get what you see in that asshole," she interrupted me.

"You're the one that introduced us," I remind her.

She rolled her eyes. "And I greatly regret that."

"The point, Rose?"

"First, I think you have something to tell me. I know that I don't exactly get along with Jacob but I didn't realize that meant we couldn't be friends anymore," she huffed.

"Rose, stop being so melodramatic. You know we're still friends. But I don't have time for this shit right now. Can we do this tomorrow or something?"

She shrugs. "Never mind." She turns to walk away but turns before she gets out of the garage. "I just thought that I would be the first person you would call."

"What?" I asked chasing after her. There is no way she knows about Jake and I. No one knows.

"You should watch T.V. more often. I learned a hell of a lot today. Nice ring by the way." Rose walks away from me again. "Is this your way of telling me I'm not invited to the wedding?"

How the hell did anyone find out. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Rose, this just happened. We set up a girls night for next weekend, I was going to tell you then. I wanted to do it in person. No one was supposed to know yet. Fuck!"

"I saw something else that I thought you'd be interested in too. But seeing as how you're so busy, I guess I will just be on my way," she says sauntering away.

"Rose, wait. I'll come over tonight. We can talk."

"Tonight will probably be too late."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. Please hurl at least one insult at Jacob for me. Later, bitch." And with that she disappears.

Just as my hand reaches the doorknob my phone vibrates in my hand. A text from Rose. Now what? Cant resist I have 2 tell U. Saw ur ex. May have told him where 2 find U. More big news on that but U will C L8R.

What R U talking about? I respond.

Told U I had big news. Now hes on his way 2 C U. Thnk me L8R! ;)

And before I can even respond I see what she means. Coming up my driveway with a cocky smile and fucking swagger is Mr. Vegas himself. This is a fucking nightmare. "What the fuck is this?" I ask to no one in particular. I bang the back of my head against the garage wall a few times. It doesn't help at all, but it is keeping me from hurting someone, well, other than myself. I respond to Rosalie quickly before I have to deal with another disaster. Will murder U L8R!

"Same old Bella," Edward laughs.

"Yeah, not exactly. What are you doing here," I snap, being less than hospitable.

"I was feeling a bit nostalgic. Thought it was time I see what my ex-wife was up to." He stops right in front of me, a little too close for my liking. I mean, I like it a little but I know I'm not supposed to now. Because we all know what happened the last time I let him get too close to me.

"I'm not your ex-wife, remember," I say taking a quick step away from him. "According to the papers we both signed, it never happened." I over exaggerate my smile and do a little danced, just to emphasize my happiness.

"But it did," he argues.

I groan in frustration. Of all the times to have my past come back to bite me in the ass. "Look, I'm all for this whole blast from the past or whatever you want to call it. But now is not a very good time for me."

"Hey, babe," I hear Jacob call out the front door.

"Yeah?" I ask, clasping a hand over Edward's mouth to ensure he will stay quiet. This is not even close to a meeting I want to happen.

"You're chasing a ghost," Jacob yells. "She's still inside."

"Ok. I'll be in in a second."

"Oh," Edward makes a face of mock surprise. "There is a new boy."

"Of course there is a boy. But he's not really new. And you never really were the boy. You were just... a bit of fun." I shake my head and walk towards the door.

Edward takes a step and follows. "So I get to come in and meet this boy?" He arches one eyebrow.

"No," I nearly shout. "Never." I say blinking a few times in surprise. He's even more of an ass today than he was five years ago. "I am going inside. And you are going home."

"Bella, I didn't come all the way out here for fun."

"I'm sure you didn't. Because this isn't fun. I know it's not for me."

"Just give me a minute."

I watch Charlie's car go past the drive and park in the street. Damn. Worst timing ever. "I don't have a minute. Try again later. Like in another five years," I say trying to push him out of my life, physically as well as mentally.

"Bella, I am trying to be nice here, can you do the same?"

No, not right now. I really don't have time." Panic begins to set in as my heart races. "Our lives intersected five years ago. For me, that's almost a lifetime. So much has changed. We've both moved on. Like normal people do. You never called. And I didn't care. I never expected you to. And I really didn't expect this."

"I tried to call," he argues. "But I couldn't call a fake number!"

I raise a finger to hush him. "And I left a real one too. But I really don't have time for this. You have to go." I speak quickly, moving him towards the side exit of the garage. "But this has almost been fun. Let's do it again in another five years." I again try pushing him out the door but he still won't budge. "Seriously? Do you have to always be such an asshole!"

"I'm trying really hard not to be," he defends himself. "But it's my only defense against angry bitches like you."

I hear a car door slam. "Whatever it is, fine. Whatever you want. I'll do it. It just needs to wait until tomorrow," I beg him. And he smirks at me. It's that crooked smirk that he gave me in Vegas when he was being so hot that I wanted to... must forget about that.

"Neither of us, are very patient people, Bella. And you haven't exactly proven yourself as very trustworthy."

"I don't care right now." I can hear Charlie's footsteps on the concrete of the driveway. "You need to leave." I push my index finger into his chest. "I will meet you tomorrow at noon in the coffee house in the center of town, the Cool Beans Cafe. I swear it. But I also swear to this, if you do not get off my property, without being noticed in the next thirty seconds, I will destroy you. You've seen my temper in action before and that is not even the half of it."

He moves closer to me. "I can see the familiar anger written all over your face. And I've heard you say what that does to you before. Is there time for a quick option B?"

I lean in close to whisper in his ear. I also reach between his legs and take his manhood in my right hand and give it a gentle squeeze, it's still enough to cause him discomfort I'm sure. "I don't know how you got in this development because the security is supposed to fucking awesome. But get the fuck out right now before I render your testicles utterly useless." I give a quick tight squeeze, enough to get the don't-fuck-with-me message across.

"I hear you," he says in a high pitched voice as he backs away. He gently massages himself and retreats through the door. "Tomorrow it is then." And he finally disappears.

I take several deep breaths to calm my nerves. I run my hands along the skirt and try to press out the invisible wrinkles. And I plaster on a big fake smile and walk out the garage and greet my father.

Crisis averted. At least for now. But what the fuck am I supposed to do tomorrow?