Nobody Loves You.

Crossover: Harry Potter & Twilight

Genre: Humour/Parody

Rating: T

AN: This fanfiction was induced by pregnant teenagers, CB regulars, molding cheese pizza and lack of sleep.

This is why medical students shouldn't skip their classes to talk to Swedish boys who look about twelve. (and deny it.)

If this authors note is any consolation of what's to come. You've been warned.

"Welcome students, new and returning. I hope you had a most delightful vacation." The Elderly man started at the podium his eyes sweeping across the corridor from above his half moon shaped glasses.

Footsteps echoed through the baron corridor, heeled steps taken cautiously.

"This year will be a most marvellous one here at Hogwarts. Many of you will over come great obstacles you never thought possible, some of you will accomplish your wildest dreams." The bearded elder gracefully walked across the stage, he walked along the entire table in which the staff sat.

Brown eyes flashed, as those careful precisely taken footsteps came to a stop at large, old wooden doors.

"As you have noticed, there have been a few additions to our staff for this semester. We have a 'new' defense against the dark arts professor, many of you are familiar with him however. Professor Remus Lupin." The headmaster waved his arm towards the man before speaking again: "We also have an apprentice potions master in our midst. Professor Sebastian Deiderich. He will be assisting Professor Snape this year. Many of you who are struggling in potions..."

The mans eyes flashed across the room singling out certain people, "Should use this resource well." He finished simply.

Impatiently a foot tapped against solid cement floors, until the old wooden doors started to open on their own. Those footsteps then started once more.

He opened his mouth again to continue his annual speech, but closed them in a little exhale as the doors suddenly creaked open. Taken back by this, he adjusted his half moon shaped glasses and the entire hall confused turned around to look what might cause this sudden hold up. Hundreds of eyes were met by the sight of probably the most average looking girl there was to be found.

This could only be discussion the way she walked. Without any apparent reason she walked very slowly and moved her head in a way that made Colin Creevey breath out in fright:

"Is she's having a seizure?"

Dumbledore raised his hand and coughed theoretically into his closed fist.

"Miss, do you need help?"

Not one of these questions reached the ears of Bella Swan – in her world she was walking, big winds with no logical source whatsoever were blowing her long curly hazelnut brown hair into cascades flowing behind her, as she walked into the great hall in slow motion to the sound of a badly remixed version of an old Roxette song.

Of course, this was not the case. It didn't take long until the entire hall had lost interest and turned around for Dumbledore to continue the speech. This is a perfect example how the human race functions, if something is bothersome one tends to just turn away and wish that the annoyance will go away. In this case, the entire Hogwarts student body wished Bella Swan would just go away.

Not that she would.

Dumbledore looked slightly disturbed, but cleared his throat once more.

"As always, the forest is strictly forbidden for all students and caretaker Filch wants to remind you that.."

The girl stopped mid way down the long stretch that was the great hall, totally flabbergasted by the response from the student body, back in Forks she would have been ogled like eye candy, what was the deal with these people?

Surely it couldn't be that they were British as the actor who played Edward in the upcoming popular movie about her was British himself. She stood there in utter confusion while the elder man continued to speak, she probably wouldn't have budged if she hadn't heard a hiss from her left.

"Girl. Didn't your family teach you manners? Sit down." This was the voice of the ever snide Draco Malfoy.

Bella was speechless, she quietly went to sit down beside the boy, but the nasty look she received told her to go elsewhere, after wandering around trying to find a seat and being shunned like the acne ridden mathletes were in her old school she finally managed to find a seat beside a few Hufflepuffs.

And even they were humiliated to have her there.

"Before we dine." The headmaster spoke up "I have been informed we have a new student. Isabella Swan, who has yet to be sorted. Isabella if you would come up to the podium." He signaled to the older witch to bring the sorting hat back up to the front

Hesitantly Bella stood once more, and made her way towards the front. Which was a great relief to the Hufflepuffs she had been beside. Carelessly, and more confidently then she should have been she picked up the pace, just to trip over her own heels and fall face first into the Slytherin table.

If one thing was for sure. By now. Nobody wanted this girl in their house.

The only one that offered the poor girl a hand was an average height boy with vivid red hair and freckles, as he asked if she was okay, Draco groaned in disapproval

"Albert, for Merlin's sake, get away from her, she'll be fine!"

The redhead turned his head as his name was uttered by the blonde and in the sudden scolding, he lost the grip of Bella's hand and she once more fell to the floor in a very unflattering matter. Albert jumped, startled and looked down.

"Oh, I'm sorry!", he said and reached out his hand again, but Bella just gave him an uncertain look and stuttered.

"N-No.. thanks, I'll manage myself".

Albert wrinkled his eyebrows and freckled nose, pouting a little confused at the girl who tried to make it up to the podium. The entire Slytherin table seemed to sink down and mutter insults, but when Albert carelessly shrugged his shoulders and went back to his seat they all fell silent and looked away.

At the same time Bella made her way up to the podium where McGonagall stood waiting with the hat. The old witch's mouth was a tine line as she watched the young girl getting closer. Why was it that every single year some girl had to turn up, and always at the most inappropriate time? Last year a girl had turned up just in time for the Christmas holidays, that is not a suiting manner for young ladies.

Bella smiled her most endearing smile as she sat down on the stool in front of the witch. Well.. at least it was endearing in the poor disoriented girl's head. To the rest, who blankly stared at her, it was just very average, like herself.

McGonagall sighed and put the hat on the girl's head. At least this girl wasn't blonde.

The girl had no idea what was to happen next, as the hat was placed on her head until suddenly she heard a chuckle in her head.

"Quite a display you put on there." The sorting hat said to her. Causing the girl to squeak and half the great hall to stare incredulously at her.

"Edward? Is that you?" Was Bella's most unintelligent response

"No, this is not Edward." The hat answered irate most likely from the girls two dimensional thoughts.

"Who is it then? Are you my conscious?" Bella inquired in an attempt to be cute.

"Ughhh, I can't deal with this. Every year there's one of you on the list." The hat laughed bitterly in the girls mind. "I suppose I'll put you the same place I put every other one..."

With that the hat called out loudly "GRYFFINDOR."

McGonagall snatched the hat off the girls head, scared if it stayed in contact with her much longer it may become contaminated and unusable next year, unhappy with the results of the sorting she waved Bella off toward her houses table.

Bella walked much more carefully this time towards her assigned table, she sat down in the only available seat, beside a pudgy brown haired boy.

Harry potter looked up as Bella sat down next to him. The years hadn't treated him kindly since Ginny broke up with him over some stupid incident involving too much alcohol, some underage muggle girls and an enhancement charm. In comparison to many other famous persons put under stress, he hadn't resorted to alcohol. Instead, he had fled into a world of chocolate frogs and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.

Ron, who was sitting next to Harry, raised an eyebrow as Bella sat down. She smiled confusedly at Harry's intense stare.

"It's fine, he's just hungry", a curly haired girl said and looked up from the year's newest study books.

"Shut up, Hermione", Harry grumped and wiped of his mouth on the back of the sleeve, still staring.

Later in the evening after people had finished their meals, Dumbledore waved with his hands and announced widely:

"Now, I will let all you tired students go to bed. Tomorrow starts the new semester, and you wouldn't want to the first thing you do to be disappoint your professors!"

Greasy haired Snape half smirked at this, and a swooning noise was heard from the Slytherin table—that sounded surprisingly a lot like a male.

The great hall started to empty as students left for their dormitories, and Ron had to pull away Harry from the very disturbed Bella. She liked attention, that was true, but that was just insane. Since no one wanted to talk to her, she had to try and follow the flow to find where the dorms were. Sadly—with her very average (read: low) IQ, she managed to lose everybody.

And ended up standing in an entirely empty great hall, alone.

To Be Continued.

Read & Review, please.