A/N: The title of a new episode inspired this fic. I always think, because of my line of work, about the end, about what we will be when we are old and all we have are our memories. When our minds are gone and we have the past...the present is nonexistant and tomorrow has no brightness. When there is no assurance for the memories that haunt us. (by the way, I'm a nurse in a nursing home for Alzheimers' patients)
Disclaimer; I own nothing..nothing, not one little lick of Hawaii Five-0...just my angsty depressing thoughts.
Warning: Future-fic...character death..full of angst and sadness.
Yesterday.
She tried to visit him everyday...some days when he was doing okay she would take his grandchildren to see him, some days he thought his youngest granddaughter was her. Other days he remember who everyone was. He was a nurse's favorite resident...a love hate relationship. A stubborn soul who tried the patience of the best, then the next second made you laugh. He was just an old man, and old cop who had forgotten he wasn't young. She was close to the nurse on the evening shift, who kept close tabs on her father. Tonight she called her. "How is Daddy."
There was a sigh, "He's...in rare form." was the honest reply.
"Should I come?"
"It's not that..."
"No, Hannah..I mean...should I stay away..would it be better?"
Hannah paused, looking over the nurses desk to where her aide escaped the cane as it was waved. "I would come. He's looking for him again."
She sighed. "I'll be there."
The home was lovely, beautiful landscaping, homey feel. She punched in the code and entered, nodding to the front desk nurse as she headed to the back to the unit where her dad resided.
"You're gonna fall down!" A concered voice said, the brunette aide had a hand on her father's arm, gently guiding him.
"No I am not..leave me alone." He wrenched away from her and their hearts both froze as he weaved, leaning on his cane. She swallowed hard, tears burgeoning in her eyes, his hair was white, and wild today. "Daddy." She breathed. The bent over man looked up, confusion in his eyes as he wobbled back to his favorite chair, griping about hovering women and he needed to *go*.
"Daddy.." Grace knelt by him, the old blue eyes met hers, aged with the years, blurry with time, "Hey Danno."
They lit up then...some days he didn't recognize her...but he recognized her old nickname.
"Gracie." He put a hand on her head, "I can't find him...he won't answer." There was worry..and it was real.
Grace swallowed, "Who you looking for, Daddy?"
"Steve..stupid Steve..." He got up again and Grace rose with him, "He's probably done something stupid, that stupid idiot, and I can't find him..I just saw him."
Every time they reminded him..it was like it had just happened. "I'm sure he's okay Daddy." Grace soothed, stroking his back, "Why..why don't we just sit for a bit, maybe he just can't call, you know how it is sometimes. Maybe he and Kono are busy. You know they have a new baby, they're low on sleep." For some reason her Dad was stuck a few years after his partners had married and had their first child. He didn't remember that his partner had died five years ago and that he had been to his funeral, that he had cried as he gave his speech, that he had clung to the widow as they both had mourned the death of their best friend. All he remembered was that Steve was missing..and he had to find him...
"He's my partner, Gracie..I have to find him..where is he. Gotta call him again." He stood up. There was no fighting him, Grace followed him closely to the phone on the wall the residents could use as he picked it up, he stared. She knew what happened next, he'd never remember the number, then he'd want to throw it. "Daddy, let me help." She took the phone and dialed her own number, by that time he'd have forgotton and moved on, and he did, wandering off to the hall, calling for his partner.
Grace understood that some patients became quiet and declined faster then others...her father seemed to be clinging to that last bit of cognition he had left. The last bit of memory he could cling to. She didn't want to see him sitting there zoned out and not knowing..and she knew he didn;'t either. They tried not to medicate him, tried everything they could before they got to that point. But her father had lived a hectic, scary life and sometimes he was trapped on some case, some hunt for the bad guys and all you could do was play along or medicate before he hurt himself or someone else unintentionally. She caught up with him in his room, he was holding a picture of them...years ago. "Danno." She said softly, laying her hands on his shoulders, tears smarting her eyes, feeling the failing muscle..she remembered the shoulders strong and young, picking her up and carrying her, swinging her and holding her. She was not looking forward to loosing her Danno...Kim had sobbed when her father had died, and she could only imagine she would too. Steve had been a ghost of his strong self, thin and old, withered and Grace knew her father was afraid of being that.
"he's not coming back." He said softly.
Grace swallowed back the tears, "No..no Daddy..he's not." He remembered on his own...
"He had a nice funeral."
"Yes, yes daddy he did."
"Kono doin' ok." He was still staring at the picture, his hands shaking with age.
"Yes..she is daddy. Kim and Jack take good care of her...Jack looks more and more like Steve every day."
"I miss him."
"I know Daddy." Grace put her arms around his shoulders, leaning her cheek against his wrinkle stubbled one.
"He was a good partner." They both looked at the picture, Steve's arm was drapped around Danny's shoulders, his fist playfully chucking his chin, Danny's eyes were sparkling...Grace had taken it when she was about thirteen and trying her hand at photography. "'s..he's gone too..isn't he."
"Yes Daddy." She said gently, stroking his back as he sat, still clinging to the picture.
"You would tell me when she leaves right."
"Of course, Dad." Grace soothed, his eyes met hers,
"I miss him. I miss him so much."
"I know Danno." She kissed his temple, leaning her head against his.
Nights at a nursing home weren't the brightest place...more often then not you were haunted by previous occupants, sleep was hard to come by. "Danno." He frowned, growling softly, he didn't appreciate being woken up at this hour, especially by his partner. "Danno, come on...we have to go." The voice was urgent, he rolled over, there he was. Just like he remembered him in his head..young..dark..tall..vibrant, urgent with that let's-go-rambo face on.
"What..now? I'm sleeping." The husky voice said, weird...he sounded young again.
"Yeah..now Danno, it's time to go Danny. You have to go now, we're waiting." He held out a hand and Danny sat, pushing from the bed, he looked down at himself and smiled..he could stand straight..his skin was smooth without a tremor and he didn't feel the need to grab his cane before he fell over, his bones didn't hurt. He looked up at Steve..
"I missed you, partner."
Steve smiled, that sideways smile he missed so much, "Yeah..well, I guess I missed you too. Come on, let's go."
"What's going on anyway?"
Steve laughed, "Eternal day off, brother." He put an arm around his back, clapping him soundly
"what? You don't get to go all Rambo in eternity?"
"Well, yeah, but it's just for fun now." He smiled.
"Wait." Danny stopped just before Steve pulled him deeper into the light, "Grace...I didn't say goodbye to her." His eyes were tortured, "I have to say goodbye to my Gracie."
Steve nodded, understanding, "I think we can do that." Suddenly Danny saw her as a child, curled up on his pull out bed, sleeping..he walked to her, tucking her blanket around her, situationg Dolphin Trainer Annie and her Teddy in her arms, he stroked her soft baby skin little girl cheek. "Remember Gracie...Danno loves you." He kissed her cheek, "See you in the morning, monkey." And then he turned back to his partner and joined him, walking side by side into a land where there was no more pain, and he could remember...he remembered it all, his whole life...and he was at peace, and of course it didn't take long before he and Steve were making up for lost time arguing as they walked the fields.
Grace awoke suddenly, swallowing. The dream had been so real..she was a little girl again in her dad's one room apartment, being tucked in. "Danno loves you." She scrambled up, awaking her husband and pulled out her phone calling the home.
"Aloha?"
"My dad..is he okay?" She asked..her heart pounding with a familial knowing.
The night nurse put down the phone and asked her aide to go check on him...what she found brought tears to her eyes. He was laying there as if he were sleeping, a smile on his face, for once the worry lines were gone..."He's gone." She whispered to her nurse, wiping tears away.
"Grace? I'm sorry honey..your daddy's gone."
And Grace cried. She distinctly remembered her dream...he must have come to say goodbye before he left. Danno would never leave her without that...she had comfort in that.."See you in the morning, Danno." She whispered.
