"I lost her."
With that, the elation Chekov had felt at saving Kirk and Sulu dissipated and he felt empty. A woman he'd never met, but someone the Commander clearly loved, was dead because he wasn't quick enough. Every inferiority complex he'd ever had surfaced and compounded the guilt: he failed because he wasn't big enough, old enough, smart enough…He was crushed under the weight of them all. So he settled quietly back into the chair, trying not to cry. The ensign knew he had to return to the bridge – he wasn't technically supposed to be down here anyway. It was a welcome escape, for every glance he stole at Commander Spock caused him greater pain.
He made the long trek back up to the bridge, slower now that he wasn't sprinting with excitement and adrenaline. Move, he though morosely. I couldn't do it.
There were a plethora of other problems presented to him as soon as he set foot on the bridge, so Chekov was forced to bury his guilt and get to work. Even after all was over, after Nero had been defeated and the Enterprise docked safely, Chekov kept his emotional turmoil to himself. No one could see the "Russian whiz kid" upset about something, no indeed. That would ruin everything he'd worked toward, and there was nothing he dreaded more than being treated like a child.
So he didn't apply for the Star Fleet counseling service, and hoped not to serve with Commander Spock (or any Vulcan for that matter, he felt as if he'd failed them all) again. Kirk, however, invited him to serve on the Enterprise, and Chekov couldn't refuse an offer like that. He'd gotten to know and like the entire crew, and so far Spock had shown no sign of appearing. Chekov allowed himself a deep breath, trying to steady his now constantly frazzled nerves.
Unfortunately, Spock stepped onto the bridge, causing Chekov to jump and gasp. Do not make eye contact, he thought desperately. Perhaps he will never notice.
Kirk appointed Spock First Officer with alacrity, and the ship would be underway shortly. Spock had left the bridge to see to his quarters, and Chekov couldn't remain silent any longer. He stood up and excused himself, hurrying after the Vulcan.
Chekov finally approached the Commander in the residence corridor. He cleared his throat and did his best to sound neutral. "Commander Spock…I am sorry but I must speak to you."
Spock turned. "Yes, Ensign?"
Chekov looked down and blinked several times, gathering himself. "I was the one who failed to beam your mother aboard this ship the day Nero destroyed Vulcan. I am not sure I can serve in your presence, sir. I mean no disrespect, but I have failed you and your people and Star Fleet. I fear that I must tender my resignation." He took a deep breath and tried not to flinch when Spock began to reply.
"Ensign, it is illogical to assume that the situation was your fault. My mother died because she fell into movement and you were not given sufficient time to recalibrate your sensors. You did, however, succeed in the rescue of the remaining members of the Vulcan High Council, which is in fact a great service to the Vulcan people." Spock regarded him with cool, dark eyes.
"I...sir, I am sorry…" Chekov couldn't formulate full thoughts.
Spock nodded once. "I urge you to continue serving aboard the Enterprise, secure in the knowledge that I blame you for nothing. Accept my congratulations on your position here." With that, Spock stepped into his new quarters.
Chekov watched the door close. "Thank you, sir," he muttered, and returned to the bridge.
When Spock appeared back on the bridge, Chekov looked up and gave a suddenly bright smile. The Commander nodded back, and the Enterprise shot off into space.