Ways To Kill The Pharaoh – Yami Bakura Style.

(I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or its characters)

OK, lets get one thing straight before we start. I am the murderer, assassin, hit dude here, so don't even think you can top me. No really don't. You'll end up in the shadow realm! Right you asked for it, I told you not to think it, so I'll deal with that later. Fool. Right so, today my wonderful minions, we is doing ourselves some pharaoh hunting. Yep. That's right. Hunting and killing. Brutally. With knives, vinegar and fluffy bunnies. Cos I'm evil like that and I know he hates their fluffy tails and floppy ears. Serves him right for destroying my home.

Now then, we shall start off by making a trap. Basically, I take over my hikari's body, walk Yugi to the docks then tie him up and dangle him over the water. Our pharaoh should them posses his host and voila! Pharaoh has been caught! But that's not all that fun is it now? No? Well, there are no bunnies, knives or vinegar. Yet.

So next we shall laugh as he struggles to get free. It will take around 5 minuets. Right, as soon as he is, talk about him being a rubbish duellist cos it really winds him up-cos he thinks he's great. So yeah, now he's gonna wanna duel. Just do it, you're gonna loose, get over it. I've had to for 5000 years. So anyway, when he's won and he's gloating, throw a smoke bomb at him. He should be knocked out now. Ok, now I know this is gross, and nobody wants to do it, heck, nobody wants to see it, but strip him, and put him in a bunny farm. Now, video record him when he wakes up. Make sure you have Kaiba on speed dial.

Great, so now our Pharaoh should be twitching, screaming and begging for mercy. Just laugh. Evilly. That sounds something like 'Mwhahahahahahahahaha!' sound familiar? It should. Practise it. Nothing is worse than a screwed up evil laugh, take Marik's for instance, not nice is it? Don't do it. Ok, when you've finished videoing, send it to Kaiba. It should be all over Japan by tomorrow morning. Charge him for the video, and don't feel bad, he has enough money. Why not help him spend it? Hell, I might just borrow some and not tell him, its not like he wouldn't know. Is it?

So anyway, now you have knives and vinegar? Any ideas on what you do next? NO WE ARE NOT COOKING HIM A MEAL. Knives shouldn't be wasted on such pointless things. Knives are amazing, orgasmic weapons. If used correctly, my hikari has learnt the orgasmic way, but watching the pharaoh suffer by a knife, is enough to drive you crazy. Just give him a wonderful new tattoo…anywhere you like, using the knife! Then, for antiseptic reasons, pour the vinegar into your art work, make sure to add lots we don't want to him to die of anything but us.

Now, you should have a bloody, messed up almost dead pharaoh. Ta-Da! Now's the time to take lots of pictures, cos in 20 minuets he's gonna miraculously get free and save himself. We don't know how he does it, logic suggests its cos he's the hero, the 'good guy'. IF HE WAS SO EFFING GOOD HE WOULDN'T HAVE DESTROYED MY VILLAGE!

So yes, thank-you for joining the 'How To Kill The Pharaoh Tour' I hope you had fun, and are all going to try out these ideas. You can stop by at your local library and also learn how to mummify. I suggest you do it to him while he is still alive. Have a nice day, good-bye. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Cough HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Splutter HAHAHAHAHAHA choke HA…HA…HA! Collapses