Hey guys! I'm back from a long absence (don't kill me!) but I still have major writers-block on my story "Damn These Stupid Hormones" so I'll be a bit longer on that! Anyway, about THIS story! It's a songfic inspired by a song by Edith Backlund called 'Skinny'! (I used to have the lyrics up, but then I realized that it wasn't allowed so I took them down. If you look up the lyrics it makes much more sense, so I advise you do that.)
WARNINGS: It's about an eating dis-order so if that triggers anything don't read it!
I rated it T because it's something a lot of teens go through and I think people wouldn't be shocked to read it, it's not gruesome or anything. But if you're not into this, don't read! :)
DISCLAIMER: (I know, I remembered. I'm shocked too) I don't own Harry Potter, or the song. I'm just a fan! :)
It's a lot to cope with, having to be perfect all the time. I mean, being the daughter of the Chosen One is hard work.
Paparazzi following you everywhere, changing stories so fast that I find out how my day went via the next mornings headlines.
And they change every single thing I do into criticism! I don't understand! My father saved the world, why do they make us look bad? Al say its because they're boring and they live vicariously through us.
After slamming down another report saying I'm pregnant (fucking pregnant! I'm fifteen!) because I have a 'baby-bump' I storm out of the Great Hall to the bathrooms crying, my friend Chloe yelling after me. Jesus, Witch Weekly has fallen to shit over the years. But unflattering picture of me are becoming more and more regular. Maybe that's saying something. Maybe it's saying that the pictures aren't unflattering, it's just me.
After casting a quick locking charm on the door, I strip down and look at myself in the speckled mirror. And it starts.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all
Fuck, I think to myself. How had I let my body get this bad? I play sport, I eat healthy food! Too much.. An evil voice whispers in my mind, hissing the things I believe to be true.
I guess I'll just cut down on meals. Dieting, right? Everyone does it.
"Lily, eat something" Chloe tells me as I get up, about to leave to get ready for Quidditch. "Already did! I really have to go Chlo!" I lied easily, whisking away before she could say a word. God I'm hungry, I haven't eaten in days. Every time I try I just get my reflection popping up in my mind, making me push the food away, feeling sick. I want to look like the girls in Witch Weekly that they call beautiful, not pregnant.
Skinny
"Lily come in the water! You need to relax, you've been studying for ages!" my cousin Rose calls from the shores of the Black Lake, splashing around with her boyfriend, Scorpius Malfoy. The one you liked.
It's because she's prettier. See how nice she looks in her bathers? That little snake voice whispers in my mind. Forcing a smile onto my face, I look at my cousin. She's beautiful in her polka-dotted bikini and the most loved-up smile you can imagine.
"No thanks Rosie, I really need to go over my notes for OWLs!" I call back from my position on the grass.
I'll never be confident enough to wear swimmers like that, in public. I'll never look good enough to have someone like Scorpius hug me as I splash him.
I will if I just lose more weight I think, determined. I want a fairytale ending.
Summer holidays, sleeping over at Chloe's house, we flick through a pile of magazines her mum bought. Page after page there are beautiful, skinny women wearing clothes I couldn't ever pull off.
The world thinks they're beautiful, so they must be.
I tell Chloe I ate before I came over, and fall asleep with tears rushing down my face.
"Lily what's wrong? You've been acting weird for months!" Roxy says, dropping down next to me in the common room. "Nothing Rox" I say lightly, my head spinning. I haven't eaten in almost a week and I feel a bit off, so my voice doesn't have much power in it.
Knowing she doesn't believe me I stand up and walk away, leaving her to murmur words to my brother, both gazing at my legs. I feel relieved that they can't see the fat on them, as I'm wearing my loosest sweats. No-one realizes a thing! I think, glad that I'm pulling the long nights in the bathroom stalls off without my family getting suspicious.
That's what I think.
Mirror, mirror on my wall
I'm not the fairest of them all
It's been a year since that article in Witch Weekly. I don't read the papers anymore, afraid of what they'll say about my weight. Every night before I go to bed I look in the mirror, hoping to see a skinnier person, and every night it seems like I'm gaining weight! The cracked bathroom mirror has become my best and worst friend. It motivates me to keep working harder, but it makes me feel like shit whenever I start to feel normal.
I want to be Skinny
I finally break. Christmastime, in a room I'm sharing with my cousin Molly, I snap. I pour every tiny detail out, into the darkness, afraid of what she thinks. I've been wanting to tell someone for months, but I'm afraid they'll try to talk me out of doing this. That they'll always be judging me, that they'll always be watching me. I pour my heart out, and I finally feel like I did the right thing. Anxiously waiting for Molly's response, I sit quietly, and the door to my room opens. Mum walks in. Begging Molly to keep quiet until we talk more, I sit silently. "Did you say something Lils?" Mum asks as she kisses me goodnight.
"No Mum, I didn't say anything.." I murmur back, rolling onto my side and wishing her away.
"Lils, we know. We've all been worried about you for so long. I'm glad you talked to me." Molly says, hugging me tight, and I don't realize that she's holding wrists frail enough to be twigs, or that she can count my ribs. I just see fat.
Laughing. Taunting. Teasing. All the fucking time. That's what I get as I walk down the halls. Girls telling me I'm attention seeking, that I'm trying to get sympathy by being sick. Boys saying they won't date a pile of bones. Of course, my friends say they're just jealous of my strength in admitting I have a problem. How can you be jealous of somebody that has less than you? That is less than you. I'm trying to stop but it's so fucking hard.
Skinny
What am I doing?
Skinny
I'm destroying myself.
Skinny
But I can't stop.
Skinny
And it kills me.
Skinny
I just want to be normal again.
Skinny
I want people to stop tip-toeing around me.
Skinny
I just want to smash that stupid mirror.
That's the end of the story! Hoped you like it! Gosh, my stories have been getting a bit depressing recently…
I just got inspired, it was such a moving song. I want people to be aware of anorexia, and how hard it is.
Anyway, please review, it means the world! And check out my other stories if you liked this! xxx ~Sophie