Author: Angel of Fire SG1
Rating: PG
Pairing: John/Liz
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis.
Spoiler: Hot Zone sorta
Note: This is not beta'd and it's quite possibly a peice of crap, consider I wrote it in a horrible bad mood but here it is anyway...for Nat cos she keeps bugging me to read lol

Trust Me

"And I swear, one more time Major, once, and I'll have you banned from going offworld forever," she shouted.

Boy she was pissed. Elizabeth Weir was one pissed of woman, and there was no way I was going to piss her off even more.

"I said I'm sorry," I tried again.

She sat down in her chair, I was surprised she didn't break the thing, and stared directly at me. Yep there was real pissed off-ness in those eyes.

"You can't just go and undermine my authority like that," she said, slightly calmer now.

"Well I thought it would be better if we checked it out…"

"You almost got your team, including yourself, killed!" she replied.

Well what did she want me to do? We were all fine, sure I'd gone against orders, but it had seemed at the time that there was a Wraith ship in the area that needed dealing with. OK in hindsight maybe not such a good idea to take a team of four into the vicinity of a Wraith hive ship.

We'd escaped narrowly with our lives. McKay and Teyla had been set up in the infirmary and Ford and myself had extremely minor injuries. For an encounter with the Wraith.

"But we weren't," I replied, smiling slightly.

In hindsight maybe the smile hadn't been such a good idea either. Elizabeth stood up, still glaring at me.

"Get out of my office," she said.

I didn't move.

"Major Sheppard get the hell out of my office," she screeched.

OK so maybe at that point I should have moved. But somehow I was stuck in chair. I felt as though I was back in high school being shouted at by the principal for letting a pig loose in the middle of the cheerleading squad during a football match. Or the General's office in Afghanistan before I'd been sent to Antarctica to serve out the rest of my career…

Not that I'd minded that so much.

I realised she was still glaring at me, angrily.

I lost the smile I realised had crept onto my face while thinking about her acting like a school principal.

"I did nothing wrong," I replied.

"Major for the second time this year you undermined my authority, in front of others. I gave you a direct order to get back here and instead you go off and try to get yourself killed!" she shouted.

"It was the right thing to do!"

That was when she marched around the table and grabbed the back of my chair, wheeling me to the door and pushing me out onto the bridge that connected her office to the control room. One last shove sent me flying away from her office.

That was unexpected.

I turned back around to see her re-enter her office and sit down on her own chair. She didn't open her laptop or pick up a report to read, instead she just sat there, staring blankly ahead.

Yep she was seething with anger.

I suddenly became very aware that everyone in the control room was watching me. I stood up, leaving the chair where it was and turned to face them all.

"I don't suggest trying for a pay rise at the moment," I said, before walking off.

I wasn't sure where I wanted to go, just that I needed to get very far away from her. Who the hell did she think she was anyway? Making military decisions for me. She wasn't in the military, hell she didn't even know anything about the military. That was my job.

I found myself out on the balcony, the one place not to far from the main part of Atlantis where I could always be alone. The only problem with it was that it reminded me of her in so many ways.

This was her spot. Her special place she went when she wanted to get away from people. She couldn't do that in her office because the doors were glass. But out here it was free, free from people, and from work, and was also out in the open air.

Even I found it instantly calming.

Maybe, just maybe, I had been wrong, maybe. But still, that didn't mean she had to shout at me. Couldn't we talk it out like rational human beings?

She's supposed to be a negotiator, I thought to myself.

She avoided me the entire rest of the day, which was only a couple of hours. I saw her in the mess hall at dinner time, but for some reason when she walked past I completely ignored her. As much as I wanted to talk to her, ask her why she was so mad, I decided against it.

For all I knew it could just be PMS week.

I spent dinner sitting with Ford and Zelenka and some German scientist I didn't know the name of. Wasn't even sure what they were talking about as I spent the entirety of dinner watching Elizabeth. She was sitting with Bates, just the two of them alone, obviously discussing something important from the serious looks on their faces.

During dinner I made the promise to myself that I was going to go and face her, but by the time I had finished up my dinner she was gone.

Damnit

I made my way up to her office, the control room relatively empty at that time of night. She sat again in her chair, now staring blankly at her laptop rather than the wall, but I knew she wasn't doing any work.

I located the chair she'd exiled me on earlier and wheeled it back to her office, pushing it inside.

"I thought I'd return this," I said, smiling.

She didn't smile back or even move her eyes to look at him. "Thank you."

"You know, I really am sorry," I tried again.

"I know," she replied, still staring at her laptop screen.

"I won't do it again," I said.

"I hope not," her voice was softer now, she looked up at me sending a jolt of…something through me.

There was something there in her eyes that looked unfamiliar to me, I didn't know exactly what it was. Anger, anxiety, tiredness…fear…worry…I searched her eyes, trying to look deeper, see what was really happening behind that look of hers.

"I'm sorry I over-reacted," she after a moment, looking away from me. "It was just…I…it…I was worried about you."

I froze inside. She'd been angry at me because she'd been worried about me? OK that made sense…

"How very mother-like of you," I replied, cringing as I said it.

"I suppose so," she sighed, shutting her laptop lid and looking at me. "I thought you weren't coming back this time…and that scared me."

Now I was really surprised. Elizabeth didn't usually open up so much…

"Why?" I asked, sitting down on the chair and pulling it back up to her desk.

She looked at me for a long moment.

"It doesn't matter," she said, looking away again.

"Elizabeth…you can't just get mad at me and not tell me why every time we're in danger," I replied.

"It's not that you're in danger, John, I feel betrayed every time you undermine my authority, like you don't trust me, don't believe in me," she paused. "And then you go and get yourself in trouble and leave me worrying that I couldn't do enough to stop you, that because you don't trust me I'm going to lose you…"

What was she trying to say? I wondered for a moment if she was trying to tell me more than she was saying, or if she was just saying exactly what she meant. I was completely confused. Sure I had feelings for her, probably more than I should. I would go to any length to protect her, but it had never occurred to me that she might feel the same.

"I…" I didn't know what to say.

I saw a flicker of emotion cross her face before she hid it again. She knew that I didn't have any idea what to say, I had expected to come here and be shouted at again, but instead I felt guilty, I hadn't realised exactly what it meant to her.

"Atlantis can't lose you, John…I can't lose you," she almost whispered it.

"Why?" I almost whispered back.

"Lets go for a walk," she replied, standing up and walking out of the room.

I jumped up and followed her, now completely confused. I then noticed the audience that had gathered in the control room, watching us. She wanted to get away from them, for exactly what reason I didn't know. I followed her silently, half expecting her to head towards the balcony.

She didn't.

I found myself following her through silent, empty corridors. Neither of us spoke, but between us I could feel the tension. The definition of tension exactly I wasn't sure of, but something between us. I had a feeling I knew exactly why she was afraid every time I got in danger, not that she wouldn't be for anyone else, but I knew exactly why she got angry at me and not the others.

She finally led me outside, onto a balcony I'd never seen before. The moon hung low above the water directly in front of us, lighting the balcony up enough so we could see each other clearly.

"It's beautiful," I said, looking out at the ocean.

"It'll be orange in a minute," she replied, nodding to the moon and leaning on the railing.

Why was she telling me this?

We stood there for a long time, five, maybe ten minutes, in silence, watching the moon dip below the ocean, following its counterpart – the sun. I was aware of her closeness to me, how alone we were and how far away we were from everyone else.

"McKay and Teyla have been discharged from the infirmary," she said suddenly.

I looked at her, although she didn't alter from her watching of the ocean. "That's good to hear."

"They shouldn't have been there in the first place," she said, the coldness returning to her voice.

"Elizabeth…don't get angry at me again, I said I was sorry," I said, still staring at her.

She turned to face me, taking in a deep breath. "I have to, John…because if I don't you'll do it again and I can't let you do it again, for two reasons…"

She seemed uncertain as she spoke the last part.

"And what would they be?" I asked quietly.

"It undermines my authority," she said, sternly.

"I got that bit…what's the second reason?"

She looked away for a moment before looking back up at me. "I shouldn't say."

I looked right, noting her left hand still resting on the railing. I reached my hand forward and covered it. She closed her eyes briefly and then looked away.

"Elizabeth…" I said, surprised at the own softness in my voice.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt, but I wasn't sure myself. I wanted to be angry at her for being angry at me, yet I wanted to reach forward and hug her. I was torn.

"It's because…" she paused for a moment, then looked back up at me. "God what am I even doing here?"

OK not what I wanted to hear.

She pulled her hand away from me and started for the door.

"Elizabeth!" I said, hearing myself being angry now. "Why the hell are you doing this."

She ignored me and tried to escape through the door, I stopped her just before she reached the door and turned her around, holding her close enough to me that there was no way she could escape.

"I'm sick of you shouting at me, telling me there's a reason for it and then not god damn telling me the reason!" I shouted.

She stepped back slightly, leaning against the wall.

"Just tell me," I said, hearing my own exasperation.

"Because I love you!" she shouted back.

That wasn't exactly what I'd expected to hear either. My insides completely froze. I suddenly realised the incredibly close proximity of her. I let go of her arm.

"What?" it was barely audible.

"I love you," she whispered.

"That's…good…" I found myself saying, at the same time cursing myself for being such an idiot.

"I shouldn't have said anything," she said. "I should go…"

But she didn't move. Instead I saw her eyes flicker to my lips, which were already so close to hers.

"That's…not what I meant to say…" I said, deciding to try opening my mouth again. "What I meant to say was…"

She looked at me expectantly.

"…well I think you know what I meant to say," I whispered.

I leant forward and closed the distance between our lips. I hadn't realised exactly how much this woman meant to me until now. I'd always known that I cared about her more than the others, but I hadn't realised exactly how much. Now that I was here, able to taste her lips, feel them move against mine, now I knew how I felt.

Her hands slipped around my neck, pulling me even closer. I felt her pressed against me and put my arms around her waist. I didn't want it to end, but I knew it had to. Rumours would have already started back in the control room.

I pulled back and looked her in the eyes.

"I love you too," I replied.

So maybe being shouted at all afternoon hadn't turned out so bad after all…