Disclaimer: you know the rules, I borrow and somebody else owns. Tough luck it'd be otherwise.
Summary: Typical case AU; princess is forced to marry Lord Alien Frieza, refuses, and is then asked to propose instead to the Lord's foster son, the Prince. B/V. On-going.
A/N: I can't think seriously in all my life so expect this to be comical (a little). My first Dragon Ball Z fic and probably my only non-yaoi fic. So…what to expect? Read on.
Warning: I swear a lot in my fanfics, really. This one is just like any other. Bear with it if you please.
Chapter I
Bulma's POV
Screw this. Mom and Dad just got another missive from the outer space for the one hundredth time (I suppose it's the 27342845938th but what the hell; I lost count) saying this and that, demanding this and that, and threatening to blow up this whole goddamn thing otherwise known as the planet earth. You know, they've been doing that for so long and not even an extra terrestrial dust ever touched this soil I'm standing on. That's just what those bullying aliens are; all words, no actions. For the past one hundred million years that they've been sending those crap notes 'we're gonna conquer you!' and not even the first step of the operation has been covered. Hell, they haven't even sent a little ET just to warn us of their arrival!
So a little earlier we were dining in the Royal Dining Hall; me, mom, and dad and a whole lotta servants attending to us. Useless. And then Chichi, the head maid came rushing in to announce another note of the kind. It was signed by some odd name called Frieza with a haughty word 'Lord' before it as usual. Whatever lord of he was; maybe lord of half witted fly killers. But the note was concise; 'give up the kingdom or we'll blow you up.' As I've said I'm no longer blown away by that kind of shit he gives us; the first time, that was about 12 years ago, was ominously frightening because it was new but this time, more than a decade of being bombarded by notes like that, is just pointless. Corny. It's just like the plays I watch when I go to town incognito and watch public stage plays and circus. Typical bad guy wants to rule the world and usurp the monarchs so he can satisfy his greed with the overwhelming wealth stocked in their treasure room. Sometimes they even go beyond ordinary by raping the girl princess of the palace and forcing her to marry the ugly leader and so on. Ha! I see that crap all the time and nothing ever changes things because guess what? A hero surely comes in and beats the bad guys' asses out! Okay, that's fiction. A product of a half educated playwright's fancy. And this one, my family's case, is for real. Darn, I hate to admit it but this note is different from the 752038 rest because Lord Frieza placed a PS saying that they'll be here by tomorrow morning, finally. And they're gonna wipe out the hell of our lives in no time. He sounds excited but more importantly, he sounds like he really means it. The fucking sick sonuvabitch. I wonder who my hero could be. Gokou? Krillin? Yamcha? Tien? I don't know, and I don't think they could take on a spaceship full of distorted creatures with fanciful colors. Damn, I hate being a royal. I hate being fucking targeted all the time just because I have a room brimming with jingles, whatever you call those stones.
Next day.
Just woke up. It's 7:30 in the morning. I head down to get a grab of my breakfast with my folks. Mom and dad seem jumpy. Mom is even greenish in color, maybe nauseated. But not as much as looking nervous. Dad is no better. Look at him, he hardly even touches his food and, god, is he fucking trembling?
'What's wrong?' I ask, slicing my roast beef and potatoes before placing them to my mouth. Delicious.
'They've come.' My parents chorus in a solemn undertone.
'What? Who came?' I ask, still enjoying the juicy meat.
'Lord Frieza and his crew.'
'What the fuck! But…they haven't killed anyone yet, have they?' I drop my meat knife, together with what's left of the chewed meat in my mouth. I don't think my parents would have it to bother with my etiquette again but this is serious to have a row about petty table manners. Here we are, the royal family, eating in abundance on this gold plated table when our men are out there, possibly being murdered in queues!
'I don't know.' My father says. But by his looks, it seems like the animals are done with genocide. 'They said they'd have us executed after they decimated the population.' That's it. Just what I've been dying to hear.
'Oh, so the mass murdering fuckers are nice enough not to let our people see us hanged. Great. Where are our warriors anyway?' I shout.
'In the dungeons, bound by Lord Frieza's men. Be calm, my child—' mom puts in. That fills in why there aren't any servants around.
'Be calm? Be calm when I'm just hours or probably minutes away from my infamous death with nothing to'
'What's this? A family tiff.' A voice rings from the entrance of the hall. It echoes with sarcasm and lustful delight; the kind that urges one to take something seriously.
'And who the fuck do you think—' My words trail. Here is the funniest costume I've ever laid an eye on; shiny white leather with large purple patches and oh, a massive, wriggly tail of a lizard. 'For chrissake mister, take off that costume and I'll consider talking to you.' I sneer. Damn, what a goofball.
The creature reddens and until that, I never realized that it wasn't much of a joke of a clown. It is…this man—no, not man—this creature is wearing his true skin. Of course, he may be one of those weird alien races. Weird for earthlings, that is.
'Child,' my dad butts in. 'This is Lord Frieza—Lord Frieza, this is my daughter, princess Bulma of Antiopia.' Dad finishes. So does he mean to say that this dwarfish funny creature is the ruler of the universe? What, I can roughly restrain my snigger, and please stop dropping bullshit that he's awfully strong. Goddamit.
'Well then, princess, may I have a private word with you? I've been waiting for you to rise, my dear, but I would love it more if you're not disturbed from your sleep so I made sure I come upon you not forced from shut-eye.' Frieza smiles. Holy cow! His lips and tongue are purple! He reminds me of a drag-tailed whore in the pub nearby; I wonder if he's gay.
My parents immediately move out as they hear the request and the lizard man and I are left alone in this solitary caved-in room. Heaven help me with this.
'So, dear, it seems like your parents and I have come to an exquisite understanding.' He says as soon as he's sure we're out of earshot. Exquisite understanding? Fuck, I haven't even heard of it.
'Aye, what's that?' I say absentmindedly. This is boring me to death and it's only starting!
'Well, thing is, they don't want themselves executed and they don't want you dead too,' he gives it a start. Well, it's only natural that a king and queen wouldn't want their princess dead, right? 'I quite understand that sentiment, of course, since I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to me or my children,'
'You have children?' I ask, not being able to hide my shock. I can't help but to imagine mini versions of him sending the whole town into a smother. Gods, this terrifies me like fuck alright.
'Not yet. But I'm planning to.' He says as a matter of factly, his lips widening into a malicious grin. 'And you, princess, is going to bear my children for me.' He laughs, holding his stomach tightly, he laughs.
'Holy fuck!' I yell even before I can control it. 'Are you insane! Have you ever looked at yourself in the goddamn mirror, mister?' I never bother calling him 'Lord', really. Not now that he's forcing me into the most dreadful thing. And honestly, do I look like someone who'd commit bestiality by coupling with an overgrown lizard? Me? When I'm the prettiest girl who is and shall ever be in this goddamn planet?
'Be careful with your words, princess.' He warns as soon as he's caught hold of his maniacal laughter, and at this point his eyes are glaring. 'Has it ever crossed you that you are face to face with the most powerful being in the universe?'
'Yeah, alright. But that doesn't give you license over me, you hideous louse. I mean, look at yourself for once.' I say, angrier than what I expected.
He grabs hold of my hair and pulls me to him. I grit my teeth only to be leaned closer to his monstrous face.
'Goddamit, bitch-'
'What is this mess, my lord?' A gruff voice cuts the action. Frieza's clutch on my pitiful hair loosens until finally letting go of me completely. He pushes me down on my knees and turns to the newly-come visitor.
'Well, Prince, this woman is being obstinate. I think she needs a good deal of forcing.' The lizard man says more calmly than a little earlier.
'Good deal of forcing? You almost stripped me of my scalp, isn't that a good deal enough, you motherfucking cold-blooded amphibian!' I yell just as the 'Prince' chuckles sarcastically. I haven't taken a good look at him due to the pervading expectation inside me that he looks no better than this Lord fucking Frieza.
But he is. I mean, he's perfectly human like me, like our warriors, like the residents; only he's a little darker and more devilish in the face. No surprise; who in bloody hell would expect anyone from that pack to look like angels anyway?
'What's so funny, Vegeta!' Frieza screeches at the Prince, ready to send him to ashes. So his name is Vegeta. Prince Vegeta; how barbaric. Look at that bush of hair he has; it's blacker than the coals we use in the fireplace, and those eyes…they're so—
'It's funny, alright.' Vegeta forces to suffocate his giggle. 'Lord, if I have known you well enough, you would've long ago choked the life out of this bitch after she just called you that…what was that you said?' He turns to me as I get up on my feet.
'Motherfucking cold-blooded amphibian, and that's not even enough for killing my people.' I say only to extract another set of hearty snigger from the prince. Frieza is looking boiled all over, I can't help but to feel like laughing had not the situation been so fucking grave.
'You call yourself a Princess, girl? What do they teach you here, rotten manners?' Frieza hisses at me. Manners? I don't need good manners, and who or what the hell does he think he is? A refined gentleman?
I didn't have the chance to answer for Vegeta interferes again.
'This is the princess?' He says in a maintained disbelief. Seeing that Frieza gives an affirmative, he turns to me again, 'Yeah, what kind of manners do they teach you here?'
'A lot that's none of your frigging business. And you, what the hell are you?' I snap petulantly.
'I was a Prince of the Planet Vegeta. Lord Frieza here is my father--'
'Your father? Are you shitting me, Mr. I'm-so-cool Prince of Planet Whatever?' I say in worse disbelief than his. Frieza? His father? What, is he another crossbreed born of accident? Who is the unlucky woman…?
'Think, dimwit.' Frieza seethes venomously at me which sends me a few steps back. 'I told you I haven't got any children. Vegeta here is my foster son and my right hand general. Now as I've told you, I want a true heir, born of my blood, and you're going to provide that for me!'
'No fucking way.' I say flatly. Vegeta is beginning to smile again only this time I find nothing funny about it.
'So this is the woman of your choice. How lucky you are, Lord father.' He says in a facetious voice that resembles mockery.
'I'm not going to fucking marry you; not now, not ever, and not even in my worst nightmare. What's gonna happen to the creatures I'll bear you? Have you imagined what they'll look like?' I reason to Frieza. The thought of half human offspring sends chills all over me and much as I can't help it, the images of these half-breed younglings flood my head. Perhaps, I would slaughter them even if I was to be their mother. Yuck!
Frieza freezes while his foster son drops his hands on his side. I can tell from their faces that I've said something terrible, something that no one has ever dared telling Frieza. The lizard man breathes calmly again and without looking at the prince, says,
'Vegeta, would you leave us two alone?'
'Yes, lord.' Vegeta says, bows a little, and walks out of the hall. Now it's me and Frieza again in the solitary world of near-death moment. The Lizard man turns to me once again.
'For the last time, princess, I ask you; would you not take my hand in marriage?' He asks, not letting go of his composure as he has only minutes ago.
'Over my smelly carcass.'
'Your parents will be killed.' He warns.
'I'm going to make sure I'll kill myself if you did so. By that, I'm certain no one will get the benefit.'
'Sigh. Well then, I reckon it'd be better if I go look for some other dame.' He says. Now, why is he so considerate all of a sudden?
'Yes, you should do that because I'd never, ever budge.'
'So be it.' He says and clasps both his hands and just when I think I'm done with it he adds, 'But I need your kinship for you are a royal. I need loyalty among the captives, your people, so that your race shall submit to obedience to me…'
'And what does that mean?' I ask although I know just perfectly well what he means; he wants me to marry any relative of his if I can't be his.
'That I'm giving you a choice; marry me or one of my kin. And since I have only Vegeta…It's me, him, and death on your selection list, choose if you will.' He offers, a passive smirk playing on his lips.
'You mean that bastard who just walked out of us?'
'Yes. You should be content because he's no other species unlike me.' he smiles. Him, Vegeta, or death? The middle seems to out-best the 2 and…well, it shouldn't really be that bad.
'Of course I'd be glad if that means getting rid of you.' I smile at him too. 'so feel free to make arrangement for our marriage and do the honor of breaking the news to him.' I say.
'Oh, I can't do that.' Frieza snickers evilly. Even his humongous tail is shivering with delight. How gross. 'I am your Lord now; you don't order me around for your personal matters. You do that yourself while me, well, I can only wish you luck.'
I stand rooted, motionlessly digging the meaning of those words. And then it comes to me, like an overflowing dam full of wild ideas…
'Are you asking me to propose to your foster son?' the words come out of my mouth, uncontrolled and almost frightened of the inevitable truth behind it.
'Do you have anyone else to do that for you, my lady? And besides, it's not he who wants to marry you, rather, it's vice versa. The one who wants the nuptial shall be the one to take initiative, am I correct?' He laughs again, this time withdrawing a maximum volume from his throat.
'Excuse me? I don't remember saying I want to marry your foster son; what I said is that I'll do that if it means getting rid of you.' I retort. I know it's pointless to say that but I can't let my pride shatter to pieces, can I?
'Well, be my guest, dear. But let me warn you that he's not, as of yet, welcoming the concept of marriage, and just in case he rejects you I'll be here ready to receive you with open arms.' The Lizard man retains the evil grin.
'Reject me? Now who's the dumb fucker who'll refuse the hand of the most eligible princess of the world anyway?' I spit with my usual sky high pride and if needs saying, I say it with full conviction.
'You can ask that to the princesses of the other hundreds planets we've been into. Hahaha.' Frieza's guffaw reverberates in the hollow space, multiplying the tone as if to chill the already dead air. But I'm more troubled with the enterprise I will have to undertake than I am with his icy laughter. Me? Force or offer myself to a man I just met half an hour ago? I don't think I can sleep on it. And the salamander was even kind enough to warn me about this Vegeta man. He does reject women, princesses, and no doubt some of them are just as alluring. That's if Frieza's not shooting the bull, but what if he isn't? What if Vegeta really is a morbid girl dumper? What if he says 'no' to me? Shall I be Frieza's? I'd rather be dead and fed to mongrels.
TBC
A/N: Just some brief points here; I apologize if I don't get the names' spellings right because I'm just following what's in the cards I have here. Also, the plot is not very original; as I've said it's kinda typical, you know, the-princess-and-her-kingdom-in-trouble cliché. I will also welcome constructive criticisms about my technical errors and other stuff, like the swearing. I'm really sorry if some are so offended with the f-word; it's just that Irvine Welsh is my favorite author too that I can't help inheriting that one.