Disclaimer: All recognizable Rizzoli & Isles characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners including, but not limited to Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and TNT. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fan fiction story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No financial gain is associated with the publishing of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: My last few Rizzles pieces have been for mature audiences only and smut-filled. I thought I'd take a step back and write something slightly more accessible for a variety of audiences. I can't seem to help myself with the smut when it comes to Jane and Maura. This piece has been banging around in my head for some time. It is a post-ep for the season finale "No More Drama In My Life" (3x15). Thank you all for your reviews of "Too Close." –DKC
From the Rubble
Maura walked into her house and just stood there. Not moving, she watched as her best friend walked over to the kitchen table and slumped down. Neither woman said a word. This day had taken a great deal out of both of them. The adrenaline of trying to get to Tommy, TJ and Frost had worn off. The tears from hugging Hope dried up. The sadness and frustration of watching Jane get her heart broken by Casey once again had dissipated. There was just silence now.
"Shower?" Jane questioned.
"Go ahead," Maura whispered.
Neither woman looked at the other. They were both covered in dust and grime. Both looked like they had been to hell and back. Both felt they had as well. Jane stood up and walked past Maura, angling for the stairs.
"Jane?" Maura whispered, her voice cracking with the only emotion she'd shown since she had found Jane watching Casey walk away.
Jane turned and looked at Maura for the first time, knowing that cracking sound to mean Maura's emotions were about to get the better of her. She looked at her best friend and saw the tears forming in her eyes. Without thinking she walked straight to Maura and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman.
A strangled sob escaped Maura's lips as she held on to Jane for dear life. She let herself fall apart in Jane's arms.
"It's okay, Maur," Jane whispered against Maura's matted, dirty hair.
The two friends stood like that, Maura softly crying with Jane soothing her, for several minutes. This day had taken an untold toll. Chances were this was but the tip of the iceberg.
"Not to be rude or anything, but you don't smell so great," Jane offered her trademark comedic distraction.
Maura chuckled. She pulled back and looked at Jane, but never let go.
"I can't always smell delicious," Maura countered.
"Delicious, huh?" Jane's eyebrow was up, a smirk on her face.
"You disagree?" It was certainly not lost on the doctor that the detective enjoyed her scent.
"Hmm…well, you smell like concrete and live bodies. That's definitely not your standard dead bodies smell," Jane dodged.
Maura softly punched Jane's shoulder and then pulled her friend in again for a tight hug before releasing her entirely.
"We should shower," the doctor acquiesced.
Jane started walking to the stairs, Maura on her heels. They parted at the guestroom door. After showering, Jane wandered down to find Maura in the kitchen in yoga pants and a tank top as she sautéed vegetables on the stove.
"After the day we've had you still feel like cooking?" Jane asked.
"Cooking is relaxing. I find it cathartic," Maura responded, not looking at Jane to reveal the tears that had once again been streaming down her face.
Jane sat down at the kitchen island and kept her eyes on her best friend's back.
"I can't believe how terrible I was to him, Maur," Jane said out of nowhere.
"Casey?" Maura managed to say as a lump developed in her throat.
"Who says that? That I couldn't wait for him? Jesus!"
Maura was doing everything in her power to keep her emotions in check and not reveal to Jane how torn up she was. There was no mistaking what she was feeling. Ever since Dennis Rockmond returned to her life and nearly took her away from Jane, there was no question in Maura's mind that she was hopelessly in love with her best friend. But Jane was hung up on Casey and Maura couldn't interfere with that. She offered a listening ear and consolation as best she could, but she didn't reveal anything of how she felt to Jane.
"You were worried about Tommy, TJ and Frost. You can't help what you say in those kinds of moments, Jane. Don't beat yourself up," Maura managed to respond.
"But what if I hadn't said that? What if I'd waited? What if I'd said something else?"
"Stop. You know how I feel about what ifs," the doctor demanded.
"We aren't right for each other," Jane muttered into the air, tears welling up in her own eyes at the admission.
"What?" the doctor turned around and looked at Jane.
Both women had tears in their eyes. The exhaustion on both their faces was undeniable. But there was something in Jane's eyes that spoke to Maura. Something in Jane's eyes that she had not seen before, especially not since one Casey Jones walked back into Jane's life.
"I…" Jane's voice trembled. "I know we weren't right for each other."
"Then why would you question what might have been had you said something else in that moment?" The anger was rising in Maura, her voice betraying that fact.
"Because!" Jane's voice returned to full strength. "Because if I'd said something else, if he'd reacted differently, god, Maura!"
"I don't understand," the truth was the easiest thing to say at this point.
Jane ran her hands through her wet hair, wiped her tears from her eyes and sat their in silence as she worked up the courage to tell Maura exactly what she was thinking and feeling. Maura turned to shut off the stove. Ever practical, she didn't want to burn their dinner while she was distracted by whatever this was.
"What if I had convinced him to be with me? What if I had convinced him that we could have a life together despite all of what he perceives as his shortcomings?" Jane said, holding her head in her hands.
"I thought that's what you wanted?"
"It's what I thought I should want at this point in my life," Jane answered truthfully.
Maura leaned forward against the island, Jane sitting across from her. She was positively perplexed by the conversation they were having. It was revealing so much about Jane that she never saw. Maura believed she knew Jane nearly as well as Jane knew herself, but this conversation was challenging that belief.
"The husband? The children? Is that what you mean?" the doctor quietly asked.
"Isn't that what we should want at this point in our lives, Maur?" Jane asked, making eye contact with Maura for the first time in minutes.
"I don't know, Jane. I've never wanted quite the same things as my peers. I have a best friend who I share my life with, I have her family who accept me as their own and I have a job that makes me happy. I have almost everything I want," the doctor answered.
"Almost?" Jane questioned.
"Well, you know, there are a pair of Manolo Blahniks that I have my eye on," Maura answered with a smile.
"You joke!" Jane chuckled. "I would have been throwing my life away to be with a man who may or may not have ever committed fully to me."
The tone went from light to heavy in an instant. Maura didn't know what to say. She had seen this with Casey from the beginning, but she wanted her friend to be happy. She said as little as possible when it came to their relationship. She couldn't be the reason it didn't work between them and she wanted to support Jane. Maura reached her hand across the island and placed it over Jane's.
"What would you have been throwing away, Jane?"
Jane let out the breath she appeared to have been holding. She didn't answer for a moment. She just stared at their hands knowing that Maura was looking at her.
"You," she breathed as she looked up into Maura's eyes.
"That isn't true," came the hesitant answer.
"Maura."
The air around them became charged and Maura could feel something shifting. Not knowing what her best friend, the love of her life, really, was thinking, she simply waited for Jane to say it.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane asked.
"Tell you what?" Maura asked, somewhat aware of where this conversation was going.
"Maur…" Jane's frustration was softened by the sincere look in her eyes. "You never said anything about Casey, good or bad. I didn't see it. You should have told me."
"I don't know what…" Maura started.
"You should have told me you were in love with me," Jane interrupted her.
Maura couldn't respond. She couldn't move. She simply looked at Jane and felt a tear slipping down her cheek. What do you say when you are found out in this way? She had wanted Jane to be happy. She had wanted Jane to be happy even above her own happiness. But Casey couldn't make Jane happy. Maura wanted to make Jane happy.
"You are in love with me, right?" Jane asked when Maura didn't say a word.
"You know I can't lie to you Jane," Maura said, simply too tired to attempt to deflect.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Jane asked.
"Because I know how badly you wanted it to work with Casey. I know how badly you want someone to share your life with. I know how much you have railed against the stereotype of liking women. I didn't have anything to offer you," Maura responded as tears began to steadily fall.
"Are you kidding me? You have everything to offer me, Maur. I share my life with you. I share my family with you. I wanted it to work with Casey so I could stop thinking, hoping that there might be something in our future. I thought that at this point in my life I was supposed to want a husband and children. Did I love Casey? Yes, I did and had since we were in high school. But not like I love you. I don't love anyone like I love you," Jane said, turning her palm up into Maura's hand and squeezing.
"I, um…" Maura didn't know how to respond and then, very un-Maura-like, she let a yawn overcome her.
"I'm glad to see I'm so stimulating!" Jane joked.
"I'm so sorry!" Maura was mortified in the way only the perfectly ladylike Maura could be.
"We've had a long day, I'm just joking with you. Let's go to bed."
"But, I started dinner," Maura said.
"I'm not hungry anyway. We need sleep far more."
"I suppose you're right," the doctor answered as she let go of Jane's hand, dumped the pan of vegetables into the compost bin and placed the pan in the sink. "Let's go to bed."
"Maur?" Jane asked in a near whisper.
"Yes?" Maura asked as she turned back to see Jane with a pleading look on her face, filled with love and what Maura could only describe as a touch of arousal.
"Let's go to your bed," came the confident response.
A smile broke out on Maura's face as she shut the light off and began to climb the stairs with Jane close behind her. This day of pure fear and adrenaline had ended with a safe Tommy, TJ and Frost. But more importantly, from the rubble came this moment with Jane-this moment at the beginning of the rest of their lives together.
-finis-