You cAN'T Date Fletcher

by therachelofaspens

When Fletcher finally works up the nerve to ask out Chyna, an unlikely someone cancels their date. Now Chyna must protect their identity and motive. Meanwhile, Lexi learns to walk in her new heels.

[Chyna enters the ANT Farm Monday morning. Fletcher is sculpting a life size, purple zebra.]

Chyna: Hey, Fletcher! I like your princess zebra.

Fletcher: Really? You like my zebra?

Chyna: Yea, but why is it purple?

Fletcher: Why not?

Chyna: Is it because that's my favorite color?

Fletcher: What? It is? Never would have guessed...

[Violet rushes in.]

Violet: Fletchy! Chyna! Come out quick! [Violet smirks.] It's Blondy!

Chyna: I have noticed Olive was late, she's never late.

[Chyna runs out, quickly followed by Fletcher and Violet. In the hall, Lexi is lying on the floor, feet up.]

Lexi: Help! I'm having a CRISIS!

Violet: She bought these new foot-tall heels. She just tripped over them. [Fletcher and Chyna exchange glances.] Hey! Blondy! I give that wipeout an eight-point-five, at best.

Lexi: It's not funny! I think I twisted something!

[Paisley helps Lexi up.]

Paisley: No, you're fine!

Lexi: Thank you, Paisley.

Paisley: You're welcome!

[Lexi and Paisley walk away. Violet re-enters the ANT Farm.]

Chyna: School starts in 10 minutes, and Olive isn't here. She told me she always waits outside a half-an-hour before school starts so that she is always on time. It really annoys the staff, and it makes me worry about the idling busses.

Fletcher: She's fine. She's Olive. She'd 'factoid' her way out of anything.

Chyna: You're probably right. I shouldn't be so worried.

Fletcher: Then I have an interesting factoid for you! In India, it is legal to marry a dog.

Chyna: Cool. Weird. How do you know that, and why are you telling me?

Fletcher: Because here, in San Francisco, it is legal for me to date you. Want to?

Chyna: So you learned about Indian dogs just to ask me on a date? Sure.

Fletcher: Well that's okay, too. I'll just try not to cry too ha... Wait, you said yes!

[Olive walks in. Neither Fletcher nor Chyna notice.]

Chyna: Yep. So, where'd you like to go?

Fletcher: Well, there's that new movie out.

Chyna: Cool. How's Saturday at seven?

[Olive runs into the ANT Farm. She throws herself on the couch, her hands over her eyes. Violet sits next to her.]

Violet: What's wrong?

Olive: I can't tell you.

Violet: Tell me or I'll get my knife shoes!

Olive: If I tell you, you'd kill my best friend. But, interesting factoid about murders, a human head remains con...

Violet: Your best friend... I'll ask Chyna what's going on!

[Violet runs into the hall. Olive stands up and proceeds to run after her.]

Olive: Wait! No!

{ANT Farm}

[Lexi stumbles down the hall, her hands on Paisley's shoulders.]

Lexi: These heels are impossible! I hate them! Paisley, halt.

[Lexi lets go of Paisley with one hand. Paisley stops for a second.]

Paisley: Hot? I'm not hot. [Paisley keeps walking, causing Lexi to fall, dragging down Paisley, too.] Oh my God, Lexi! If you're going to stop, you have to tell me first!

Lexi: What do you think 'halt' means?

Paisley: Halt means stop, but you never said halt.

[Lexi and Paisley stand up, but Lexi immediately falls back down.]

Lexi: Help me up!

Paisley: Hot? I'm still not hot!

[Paisley walks away, leaving Lexi lying on the floor.]

{ANT Farm}

[Violet goes up to Chyna at lunch.]

Violet: Hello, Chyna. Anything new?

Chyna: Why?

Violet: Just striking a conversation.

Chyna: Well, I got an A- on a quiz I thought I failed in history. What's new with you?

Violet: Olive said you did something that would make me mad. What was it? Be honest.

Chyna: OK. I'll tell you. . [Chyna shields her face.] Please don't kill me!

Violet: But why would Olive cry about that? I mean, I might, but why would she?

Chyna: She's here, and she's crying? Where?

Violet: I don't know. Maybe the ANT Farm.

[Chyna runs out of the cafeteria.]

Violet: Can I have the rest of your sandwich?

[Chyna peeks her head around the entrance to the cafeteria.]

Chyna: Sure.

{ANT Farm}

Angus: Olive! She's coming!

[Olive climbs into the sound booth in the ANT Farm and pulls down the cover to make it look empty. Angus scrambles into his seat at his desk just as Chyna walks in.]

Chyna: Angus! Oh thank God you're here. Do you know where Olive is? I've been looking for her all day.

[Angus shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and there is a long silence.]

Angus: She's in the panic room! [Angus covers his mouth.] You didn't here that.

[Chyna pulls up the cover on the sound booth. She opens the door and drags Olive out and onto the couch.]

Chyna: What is wrong with you? You've been avoiding me all day.

Olive: What is wrong with YOU? I've told you I like Fletcher, but you are going out with him!

Chyna: I seriously had no idea. When did you tell me?

Olive: In Australia, when we were on the car.

Chyna: To be honest, those emus were really loud. [Chyna notices Olive started crying.] If you want, I'll cancel my date.

Olive: You'd do that?

Chyna: Sisters before misters. And, you are the only girl I'd even slightly consider my sister.

[Chyna and Olive hug.]

Olive: Same here.

{ANT Farm}

[Fletcher and Chyna are standing in the hall. Fletcher has no idea of what's to happen. Chyna has a guilty look on her face.]

Chyna: Fletcher, I have to tell you something.

Fletcher: OK. What's up?

Chyna: I have to cancel our date on Saturday. I'm really sorry, I just have other things planned.

Fletcher: Oh, that's cool. When should we reschedule? I'm free Sunday! Any time past noon.

Chyna: No, I'm booked pretty solid for a while. Like I said, I'm so sorry. I was looking forward to this, too.

Fletcher: Did Violet hear about our date? Did she make you stop it?

Chyna: Violet? Uh... Yea. That's it. Yea, she got, mad... She said, I quote, "Don't you dare take my Fletchy! He's MINE!" Then, she, uh... She smashed a chair into the wall. She said to, uh, watch it or, uh, the chair would be me. That's right. That is exactly what happened!

Fletcher: That's fine. Violet intimidates everyone. No worries.

Chyna: Thanks so much for understanding. [Chyna hugs Fletcher.] I'll see you later!

[Chyna walks over to Olive who was sitting behind a newspaper in the background the whole time.]

Olive: So, how did it go?

Chyna: Great! He thinks Violet put me up to it. Shockingly, I think Violet actually had less problems with the whole thing than you!

[Chyna laughs, but Olive shoots her a stern look. Somewhere in the background, a grunt and a smash is heard. Violet comes storming out of the ANT Farm.]

Violet: How DARE YOU break up me and Fletchy? We were SOULMATES!

[Violet karate-chops the bench Chyna and Olive were sitting on, but they get off of it just in time.]

Chyna: I stand corrected. Anyway, Violet, how come you didn't nearly murder me in the cafeteria?

Violet: My therapist says I often have very delayed reactions.

[Violet punches a hole in the wall.]

Olive: Interesting factoid about reactions, a chemical reaction is when two or more elements or compounds meet and interact to form new compounds or separate out some of the elements. However, reaction can also refer to an allergic...

[Olive continues to rant about reactions while Chyna and Violet talk.]

Chyna: There is no need to attempt murder! I broke my date with Fletcher.

Violet: Why? It's obvious you're crazy for him! But, who wouldn't be? He's just so dreamy.

Chyna: Sure, I guess. But it was for... [Chyna looks at Olive, who is still listing facts about reactions.] You!

Violet: Me?

Chyna: You! I knew you liked Fletcher, and our friendship is still bumpy, so I broke the date so you wouldn't hate me!

Violet: That, [Violet touches her heart.] is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me. Thank you!

[Violet goes back to the ANT Farm and Chyna and Olive walk away together.]

{ANT Farm}

[It's the next day. Lexi is now practically on top of Cameron, her feet dragging on the floor, still wearing her new heels.]

Cameron: I don't get why you're still wearing those things. You know you can't walk in them.

Lexi: I told my mom they were fine when I got them. If I don't wear them she'll return them. She practically screamed, "I told you so!" when I came home with nine blisters and a twisted ankle yesterday. I told her they were from gym. She knows I don't have it today, so if I'm still limping when I go home after school, she'll make me wear, [Lexi cringes.] sneakers for the rest of the month!

Cameron: So you're climbing me like a tree, why?

Lexi: Because Paisley doesn't know the difference between hot, halt, and help.

Cameron: Wait, what IS the difference? [Lexi shoots Cameron a death glare.] Anyway... Why don't you just take the shoes off then put them back on when you get home?

Lexi: You just said something intelligent. [Lexi takes off her shoes.] Thanks for the tip!

[Lexi walks away.]

Cameron: So you're just going to walk away?

[Lexi turns to face Cameron, a grin her face. She then returns to walking away.]

Lexi: Yep!

{ANT Farm}

[Fletcher waddles into the ANT Farm. He's wearing a heavily padded white suit. You can only see his eyes and mouth. Violet is talking to an un-named ANT and Olive is sitting at the desk.]

Fletcher: Violet! I need to talk to you!

Violet: Just a second. There is giant marshmallow calling me. [Violet turns toward Fletcher, who is slowly walking toward her.] What do you want?

Fletcher: It's me, Fletcher.

Violet: Hi! Oh, isn't Chyna so nice to break her date with you for me?

Fletcher: Yea, that's why I'm here. I know you like me, Violet. But telling Chyna to not date me is just not cool. I've been wanting to date her since I saw her. You just ruined that. I'm very mad.

Violet: What? Chyna told me that she canceled the date because she knew I would never be her friend if you two were dating.

[Just as Violet says that, Chyna walks in the door. Violet and Fletcher just stare at her.]

Chyna: Hi, guys. What's up?

Violet: Why'd you really break your date with Fletcher?

[Chyna tries to leave, but Violet pushes her back into the ANT Farm. Olive stands up and walks over to Chyna, a pleading look on her face.]

Fletcher: Yea! If you didn't want to go out with me, you should have said so.

Chyna: Truth is, I did this all for Oli... [Chyna looks at Olive who is shaking her head furiously.] My father. My father still has those big issues with me dating.

Fletcher: I just want to tell you that you are the worst liar. [Violet nods.] I wouldn't lie to you like this.

Chyna: I can't tell you. And I'm not just saying that. I made a promise.

[Olive sighs. Violet grins, but it instantly turns to a frown.]

Violet: Fletchy, I hate to say this, but you have to leave.

Fletcher: Why? [Violet kicks Fletcher in the gut and he doubles over in pain.] Ow, but now I know the suit doesn't work. Bye!

[Fletcher exits the ANT Farm.]

Chyna: Why'd you get rid of Fletcher like that?

Violet: I know why you didn't tell us why you broke your date with Fletcher.

[Olive shifts uncomfortably.]

Olive: Why?

Violet: You know why, Doyle, and I should have seen it earlier. You were the one that told Chyna to stop the date in the first place. You obeyed, Chyna, because she is your best friend.

Chyna: You are not wrong.

Olive: But, Sherlock, you don't know why I wanted the date cancled.

Violet: My best guess is that you like him. He is adorable.

[Olive snorts and rolls her eyes.]

Olive: Yes. I, Olive Doyle, am in love with an immature little weirdo.

Chyna: Violet's still not wrong.

Olive: I know.

{ANT Farm}

[Chyna sits at the counter at her house. Darryl walks in the front door and over to the kitchen.]

Darryl: Hi Chyna! [Darryl hugs Chyna.] How was your day?

Chyna: Good. I have a question for you. My friend is mad at me for something my other friend did. If I tell him what really happened, my other friend's secret will be out. What should I do?

Darryl: Just do what feels appropriate to you.

Chyna: What is it with parents and doing the right thing?

[Chyna goes up to her room.]

{ANT Farm}

[Chyna runs out of breath into the ANT Farm the next day.]

Chyna: Angus! I need your help! It's really important.

Angus: Why should I help you? I'm sure it's not a matter of life or death.

Chyna: It's for Olive.

Angus: What do you need?

Chyna: Do you still have the ball that hangs from the ceiling with the lights? [Angus presses a button and a disco ball drops from the ceiling. Romantic music starts to play and spotlights sweep the room.] Good. I need you to rig that so the music doesn't play when you press that.

[Angus types a few things on his keyboard and the music stops.]

Angus: There you go!

[Chyna hugs Angus.]

Chyna: You're amazing.

Angus: Duh!

Chyna: Now do you know anyone who can build a stage?

{ANT Farm}

[Lexi walks up to Cameron in the hall. She is wearing hot-pink skater shoes.]

Lexi: Cameron! I hate you!

Cameron: What did I do?

Lexi: You told me to take off my shoes. Now I have to wear these, [Lexi gestures to her feet.] for a month!

Cameron: They're cute.

Lexi: That part's obvious. They're on me! But I forgot to put my heels back on before I went inside my house yesterday and my mom returned them.

Cameron: It's not my fault you forgot your shoes. And why didn't you just tell your mom that you took them off when you got inside?

Lexi: She was waiting at the door when I got home.

Cameron: Well, that could've happened if you came up with the plan yourself. Why do you hate me now?

Lexi: Oh, I've always hated you. That just seemed like the best way to get your attention.

{ANT Farm}

[Olive and Fletcher walk into the ANT Farm. The lights are dim and it's very hard to see anything except faint outlines.]

Olive: What the heck? [Angus presses the button in the corner to start the lights and drop the disco ball. Chyna is revealed to be on a slight platform with a microphone and her guitar.] Ahh! Mirror ball!

Chyna: Oh, forgot about that. Just ignore it. I'm going to sing for you.

Fletcher: Right. You haven't sung for us in over a week. We're long over due.

Chyna: OK. I know you're mad, but no one asked for your opinion. [Fletcher shrugs.] Anyway, I think you'll like this. [Chyna begins to strum her guitar and starts to sing.]

Ooh
Hey
Yeah
I quite like the way you smile
I quite like the way you say my name
Somewhat of a fascination
How you swirl a conversation
And when we're apart
I think about you all the time
Tell me quick
Are you thinking about me?
You don't know how much I care, do you?
You don't realize that this song is about you
So come play a song for me on
Your beautiful guitar
Got everyone falling in love
Standing there, looking special
But if I saw you in the pouring rain
The illusion wouldn't be the same
I think you should know
You'd still be strangely beautiful
When the music stops
And the crowds go home
You take your rock star self apart
I want you to know
You'll still be
In my heart
You're strangely beautiful
Strangely beautiful
Oh
You're strangely beautiful
Strangely beautiful
Oh
You're strangely beautiful

Fletcher: That, [Fletcher runs on stage and hugs Chyna.] was amazing.

Chyna: Thanks.

[Fletcher goes back to the now formed crowd between Violet and Olive.]

Fletcher: But why did you do it?

Chyna: For the person on your [Chyna does a few hand motions, implying she's calculating something.] right.

Violet: Thank you Chyna! [Violet hugs Fletcher.] Wait, I'm on his left.

[Violet lets go of Fletcher and sulks to the back of the room.]

Olive: Now, really, WHAT THE HECK?

[Chyna sets down her guitar and gets off the stage. Olive looks mildly annoyed and Fletcher just looks confused.]

Chyna: Can I? [Olive nods.] Fletcher, Olive likes you. She's the one that told me to break my date with you. [Olive starts to slowly retreat, but Chyna stops her.] I told you I broke our date because of Violet to protect Olive. The same thing happened with Violet. It's not that I don't trust either of you, but Olive trusts me. I asked my dad for advice on this, and he told me to do what felt right.

Olive: So you sang, because singing is ALWAYS the answer.

Chyna: Yea. So there. That's the truth.

Fletcher: You really like me, Olive?

[Olive nods sheepishly. There is a silence, then Fletcher slowly grasps Olive's hand.]

{ANT Farm}

[Chyna walks into the ANT Farm the next morning. Fletcher is sculpting a life size rainbow puppy.]

Chyna: Olive's favorite?

[Fletcher nods.]

Fletcher: Yep.