A/N Oh no, I hear you cry, she's back. That girl who is totally obsessed with all things ER, especially if it's vaguely to do with Ray and Neela. Well, its true I'm afraid! I can't help myself, I've told you's! So, here we go again. Nope, don't worry it's not the same story! I shall try to be original, though the amount of fantasmical stories in the Roomies c2 do make it hard! What to expect... well, a lot angst (as per my usual) and fluff, and um... yeah, what more does a story need? Lol! Hope you like anyway.

Background-ness: This is set two years after Neela married Michael. Everything happened the same in season 12 (I think that's the right season) except for the events in "The Gallant Hero and the Tragic Victor" and "21 guns". They're living in some place that isn't Chicago but is a couple of hours drive away, just close enough that I can throw in some visits, but far enough away that they'd be few and far between. If any one has any good ideas, I'm all ears but I don't know anywhere... Anyway! Everything would be running a lot smoother if memories of a certain Roomie would only stop haunting her. There shall be -as I've decided to make it my "thing"- alternate chapters from Neela, then Ray etc.

Disclaimer: Damn it, I don't own ER. It's such a damn shame... I would be a genius if I did, and that, I'm sure, would be fun! I've also decided that at the beginning of each chapter there will be a line or some lyrics or a quote or something that will summarise the chapter or a point of the chapter, but they will all be accredited. Although the full song or whatever probably has nothing to do with this story, it's basically something I thought went.

Had enough of me talking now? Me too!

Chapter 1- Neela

"If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"

-Britney Spears "Lucky"

"Happy anniversary." I opened my eyes, sunlight pouring into the bedroom and saw Michael -my sweet husband, Michael- standing over me with a tray. I smiled and he sat down on the other side of the bed. I sat up, propping myself on pillows and he gave me the tray. There was a rose in a small vase, croissants and some orange juice. I couldn't help but thinking that a red rose was so cliché. I gave him a wide smile though, one I used so often these days -he probably thought it was real.

"Thank you, this is beautiful."

"Anything for my Neela," he said with a smile, kissing me on the cheek. "Can you believe it's been two years? We're practically an old married couple."

"We are an old married couple," I said, shaking my head with a smile. Don't get me wrong, I probably sound depressed or something, with my fake smiles. I'm not. I love Michael a lot, I just don't know if it's the right way you're meant to love a husband.

I ate a croissant and gave him one, "I don't have time for two, work."

He rolled his eyes, "You never have time to eat."

I shrugged, "I have to work hard, especially now. I really want to get accepted on the surgical rotation."

"I'm sorry Neela, if it wasn't for me you would already be on it."

He always apologised, it was wearing thin. "Michael, we got married, of course I was going to come with you when you moved out here. Even if it did mean leaving County. I know that you didn't want to, it wasn't your fault." If only you hadn't joined the army, I thought silently. When he'd got back from Iraq we'd had a couple of months before relocating. It had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but I left the home I'd made in Chicago so I could stay with my husband. So we would be a proper couple, for once. It had been strange at first, actually living together, but now we'd got into our own little routines and it was comforting to be stable for a while. I dreaded that a day would come when he said the army wanted him somewhere else.

He looked at me, sadly, "I can't help being sorry Neela."

"I know," I said, looking back at him equally sad. We'd both left things behind to come here, but sometimes I thought -in moments of anger- that I'd been the one who didn't gain anything. Except a husband, the little voice I assumed was my concious would mutter, You gained the perfect man, sweet, kind, everything you could ever wish for.

But I still wished for someone else. Someone who was only a memory from my past.

I had to drive to the hospital, there wasn't an El because we weren't in a big city, just a vaguely big town. The hospital had a car park so it wasn't a problem but I used to enjoy the El. I could just sit there, and veg out, when I was driving I had to concentrate. Not good when I'd finished a double shift, something I was doing a lot more often. I needed to show I was dedicated. They still didn't know me here, even though I'd been here about eighteen months. I'd expected to go and be accepted, like I was at County. I'd expected jokes about my seriousness, and my tendency to repeat whole passages from textbooks when a simple sentence would do. But no, there was none of that, they were all their own people. They worked well together when they needed to, but they all preferred to be separate, none of them went for drinks after work, no-one was really friends, no-one had relationships with other members of staff and certainly none of them lived together. It was weird, and I wondered if I'd ever find a place like County again. It was so sad that I'd felt so at home at a hospital where I worked but I had. All the people were my friends and family. And now I didn't have them.

I got home and stepped straight into the shower. I was so tired, and covered in all sorts of gunk that just didn't bear thinking about. I hadn't got the surgical rotation. This guy called De Winters had, he'd been there longer for me, had more experience apparently. I sighed as the hot water burst over me. I didn't know what this meant. I'd been working towards this since we'd arrived, trying to get in the same place I'd been at County. Maybe it would be good if Michael got relocated, I could try again. But we'd probably be even further from Chicago then.

I'd only been back for a visit once, when Abby had had her baby. It was a beautiful baby girl with raven hair, they'd called her Jasmyn. When I'd goneshe and Luka had looked exhausted, but they were beaming and giddy too. It was so sweet. I was so glad my friend was happy. We still regularly exchanged e-mails but whenever she was free I was busy and vice versa.

I got out the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, wrapping one round my head too. I padded into the master bedroom, I'd always thought that was an odd term, and sat on the bed. I towelled my hair and then went to my chest of drawers, searching for something to wear to bed. Michael was working so I had the house to myself, I wished I had something interesting planned but I just wanted to sleep. Maybe watch a little t.v first, but my priority was sleep. I opened the drawer and rifled through the pyjamas. It was quite hot tonight, and everything seemed to warm.

I went to the wardrobe and pulled a box off the top, it was labelled simply; Chicago. I heaved it to the floor and looked inside. There were all the cards peoples had given me on my last day, and presents too. One was still wrapped, I hadn't needed to open it at the time -I already knew what it was. I pulled apart the paper and brushed my fingers against the black fabric.

"I can't help how I feel, Neela."

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly, as if that would stop me seeing him. Darkness surrounded him and hurt filled his eyes as he tried to get me to take the t-shirt. But I wouldn't, I couldn't. It meant so much more to me than a t-shirt of my old room mate should. I drove away from him that night. Ran from my feelings, and I'm still running now. I'd admitted that a long time ago, I just couldn't seem to stop.

The day I left I'd tried to avoid him, I didn't want to have that conversation with him, I couldn't say goodbye. But he'd found me in the doctor's lounge as I was having my last ever coffee- one of the only things I didn't miss. We looked at each other for a minute and so many unspoken things went between us. I wish I could have spoken, but my throat was dry.

"I got you a leaving present." He said simply, after so long. He handed me a gift bag. I looked inside, saw a tissue paper wrapped package.

"Thank you," I meant so more than just thank you. "Thank you for everything." I gave a forced laugh, "I would have been homeless for a while if it hadn't been for you."

He gave me his smile. God, that smile. "I must be your guardian angel or something."

"I'll miss you," I choked out finally.

He came and wrapped his arms around me, "I'll miss you too." He pulled away too quickly, I wanted to stay like that forever. "Who else am I going to watch poker with?"

I smiled, and willed myself not to cry. I couldn't cry. He gave me one last smile and turned for the door. He opened it and was about to walk out when he said quietly, so I almost didn't hear, "Goodbye, Roomie."

It wasn't until I saw the drops on my skin that I realised I was crying. I was sitting in my room, holding his t-shirt, crying. I'd cried too much. I got up, and put the t-shirt back in the box, closing the lid. I'd rather overheat than bring up old memories again.

When I'd dressed, my damp hair combed out, I went to the study. I had an urge to e-mail Abby. I switched it on, thinking. We'd lived here eighteen months or so. And yet my past still haunted me. I couldn't forget my friends, I couldn't forget County. Michael told me he missed Chicago too, but he was used to moving around -he'd always done it, following his father. County had been my first home. When I'd lived with my parent's I'd always thought I wasn't good enough, I was the eldest and should have been doing more. But at County I had friends who loved me, and I loved them. Funny, even my relationship with my parents had improved once they'd realised I was taking "this doctor thing" seriously. The computer had started and I opened my e-mails page, opening a blank message.

Dear Abby,

How are you? How is Luka? How's Jasmyn? I began as I always did. Then I paused, what did I want to tell her?

I didn't get the surgery rotation, so it looks like I'm going to have to start all over again. Great! I miss everyone still, maybe I could come up for a visit soon?

It was Michael and I's 2nd anniversary today, I keep thinking about how crazy it was to plan a wedding in a day! What a mad idea, completely not like me -but I guess that's why I did it, right?

Well, I hope everyone is good there in Chicago, how's the weather? -Such an English thing to say.

I braced myself, then typed the thing I'd really wanted to ask, but had never mentioned before. In the whole time since I'd moved we'd never talked about him, but right now, I needed to know.

How's Ray?

Lots of love,

Neela x

I sat back in my chair. To send it or not. I pressed the send button, before I could change my mind. I bit my lip, wondering what she'd say. I hope she didn't tell him. That'd be just like her. Maybe she wouldn't though. I was just about to switch the computer off when it dinged. I was puzzled for a minute then I realised I'd gotten a new message, I never was good with technology. I saw the message form Abby and opened it.

Hi Neela,

It's good to hear from you. Everyone's fine, we're all exhausted but fine. I'm on the night shift, which is completely and utterly DEAD! I know it's terrible, but sometimes I wish people would get sick, just for something to do. I'm so bad!

I'm sorry to hear about you not getting the rotation, you deserved it! But you'll get something else, you're too good not to.

Happy anniversary! Did you get my card? If not it's in the mail.

And as for Ray, ask him yourself; She'd put his e-mail address. He's on the night shift too, we're both stuck to our computers. Unsociable lot that we are here at County!

Abby,

p.s I'd love to have you up for a visit asap!

Shit, I thought to myself. I hadn't expected his email address. Now it was almost as if I had to e-mail him. Would he even reply? I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't, I'd cut him out completely. He'd sent me a few e-mails before, but I'd just never replied. Out of sight, out of mind was the theory I was going on. It hadn't worked.

Hey Ray, I typed, thinking that at least I wouldn't have to send it.

Abby just gave me your address, I guess I must have lost it. She told me the night shift is dead there, poor you!

How's the music going? Still rocking out?

I'd love to hear from you, it's been too long.

Your ex-roomie,

Neela (she's the nagging one in case you forgot)

I looked at it, it looked casual. Good, he wouldn't read anything into it. I sounded joking and like I was just catching up. It sounded alright. I heard the door close downstairs and hit send quickly before switching off the computer. I went downstairs to see what my husband was doing home so early. Emphasis on the husband part.

A/N So, what did you guys think? Does it have potential? Do you like it? Please tell me all in your reviews!