Hi everyone!!..this is my first instant star fic...i decided to write one now lol the lyrics in the story are not mine..they're property of linkin park..Instant Star is not mine either..the only thing here that is mine is my story..now..the italic words are what Jude is saying in her mind..the bold words are the conversations Jude is having with someone...well i hope you all like it! and don't get confused! lol

Jude's POV

Today is the day…the day I move to a new place, new faces and my father. My mother died a few days ago in a car accident and well I've dealt with it. We were really close, she was my idol. She loved rock music from The Clash to Linkin Park. I was the same way as her. You could say we were twins. I lost my twin a few days ago and yet I don't feel anything at all...

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself myself
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

Ughh...the thought of being alone…bothers me so much but its what I choose to have…I rather be alone than get hurt by anyone that I put my trust in…like my dad…my mom and him got a divorce when my mom was still pregnant with me…I never knew the reason why it happened but it did and my dad had left and moved away to Los Angeles…now I have to go there and be with him…I've held so much rage against him for many years…the fact that I have to live with him is sickening…time to get off the plane...

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

As I got off the plane…I bumped into a man…he was tall…with his hair spiked up…he had beautiful blue eyes…

Jude: Oh I'm sorry…

Man: It's okay don't worry about it…

I left the man and kept walking…I saw my father…he looked different…very different…he looked as if he was happy…last time I heard he had gotten married and had a kid right after he left…my mother said that they had gotten a divorce because they didn't love each other anymore…but now that I think about it…I think it was that my dad had cheated on my mom…but I'm not sure…

Jude: hello Stuart…

Stuart: hi Jude…how was the flight?

Jude: it was okay…it was just a plane ride…what's the most that is supposed to happen?

Stuart: okay then…well give me your bags and lets go home…

Jude mutters: I wouldn't exactly call it home...

We arrived home…when we went inside I saw a woman, and a girl…the girl was all dressed up…I felt disgust because she looked like a Barbie doll and yet I was dysfunctional, beat up Barbie…

If I Turn my back I'm defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they'll
Take from me 'till everything is gone
If I let them go I'll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun
If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer
by myself myself

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

Stuart: Jude this is Yvette and our daughter Sadie…Yvette, Sadie this is my daughter Jude.

Stuart: Jude, we are going to have dinner in few minutes…

Jude: Actually, I'm not hungry…the plane food filled me up…

Sadie: Are you sure?? I'd really like to get to know you more…

Jude: yea I just wanna go to bed…if that's okay with you all…

Yvette: of course it's okay with us…Sadie can you show Jude up to her room?

Sadie: Sure mom

Miss Barbie took me up to the room that I was going to have…it was painted all pink with flowers... little miss Barbie doll and her mother must've done this…

Sadie: Okay there are some ground rules you and I have to talk about… you don't speak to me at school, you don't borrow any of my clothing, you most definitely do not go into my room...got it ?

Jude: yea sure…like I'd really wanna wear your clothing…

Sadie: Whatever…

I locked my room and decided to unpack…I took out all of my stuff and started to rearrange my clothing in my closet and my cabinets…I put the song back to where it was playing before…

How do you think I've lost so much
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch
How do you expect... I will know what to do
When all I know Is what you tell me to

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can't rely on myself

Don't you know
I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself why
I'm stuck on the outside

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

This song helped me so much today…even though I had to pause it in order to meet Barbie and her mother…but its all good…I can now just fall asleep and not be bothered till morning...

Jude fell asleep on her bed but didn't realize that someone had gone to the balcony of her room and watched her sleep…

A/N: please review!!!! please i'd like to keep on with my story!!! please !! thank you!!