A/N: Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own either anime/manga, but I, like many others, wake up every morning thinking I do, but then I am struck by reality and am brought to the harsh realization that I don't really own Naruto. So sad…

Thoughts

Sakura POV (First Person)

Kakashi POV (First Person)

Chapter 1: Thoughts

I didn't really know when it had happened. It might have been there, all along. It might have started that time, when he had always been for me, sheltering me when my parents passed on. It might have been a seed in my soul, slowly blossoming and growing until it filled my entire being. Maybe it had been one of those over-night things.

I hadn't really realized it until recently. Sure, there had been that time, when we were coming back from training, that he had told me, out of the blue, that he liked my hair short and that it made me look older; more sophisticated. The next day, I had chopped off my long strawberry locks until they barely brushed my shoulders. He had smiled and ruffled my hair, saying something about indulging my good old sensei and saying that I was his favorite student and whatnot. I had just rolled my emerald eyes and told him to reign in his ego, saying that I hadn't cut it for him, but that I had done it because it was easier that way. But, inside, I glowed nonetheless. I was becoming more accustomed to lying to him; lying to me.

Whenever and why it had happened wasn't important anymore. All I knew was that I was falling, and falling hard. I didn't know why, but I felt something entirely different for Kakashi than what I had for Sasuke. It was warmer and bigger, filling my entire soul to the brim with joy and elation. It was stronger, taking hold of my soul and unwilling to let go. It never left me, filling my dreams when I slept and conquering my thoughts when I was among the awake. Whenever I was with him, I felt tingly and warm and my stomach clenched in pleasure. Whenever he smiled and sat by me, everything seemed brighter and warmer. Whenever he complimented me, whether it was a gruff "Nice job during training today, Sakura" or a warm "You look very pretty today, Sakura", it made my heart soar among the clouds. I knew that he could not possibly return my feelings but, foolishly, I went on loving him, nurturing it and aiding it in its growth until it was my everything; until he was my everything.

I never told a soul, not even Ino, who went on and on about each little crush of hers. I hid my feelings, hoping that no one would find out. I didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. I didn't want to ruin his reputation. My mind didn't want this because it would hurt him. But, my heart was selfish and wanted another chance at love; it wanted redemption. It wanted kind words, warm smiles, cute dimples, whispered promises, walks beneath the lonely moon, days spent at the beach under the fiery sun, picnics beneath the glittering stars, quiet moments lost in the endless sky… It wanted so many things; it wanted Kakashi. But, I could not indulge its wants and needs. Kakashi was too important to me.

I spent my days loving him from a distance, like one of those selfless characters in my romance novels. But, I did not feel like a selfless martyred. I felt like a criminal struggling to change their ways. I felt worthless and unloved, watching him give those warm, secret smiles I loved so much to other girls; watching his eyes soften when he saw her walking down the street, purple hair radiant, smile just as bright. He loved her; I knew that. But, I couldn't help but feel that lance of jealousy strike my heart when I saw him take Yugao's hand and his as they wandered through Konoha. I couldn't help but wonder if that could have been me if I had had the strength to tell him how I felt.

I was disgusting. When Yugao's name was carved into the memorial, I felt a sickening elation that she was gone and I now had a chance. Kakashi had another name to visit every morning; he had another ghost to linger about him. Some said that Yugao was pregnant when the enemy shinobi had taken her life. Kakashi was hurt. I had no right to feel joy.

Shortly after the loss of his fiancé, the real battle began. Akatsuki came to Konoha's gates, demanding that we surrender Naruto, saying that they would spare us if we did. Tsunade felt that it would be wrong to force shinobi that did not believe in their cause to fight. In the end, the only ninja that descended the battle field was the Rookie 9, Team Gai, and Team Kakashi along with a few of Kakashi's friends from ANBU.

The battle was long and fierce. I fought along side Naruto and ended up healing rather than fighting. In the end, it came down to Tsunade and Pein, along with Kakashi and a blue-haired woman. I had watched Kakashi and the woman fight, because Tsunade was a medic and did not need my skills. I had never seen such skill. They did not fight. They danced.

They seemed to float, striking with blinding speed as they weaved and ducked, circled and spun. In the end, Kakashi rose as the victor. I ran to his side and healed his wounds. I could feel his sweet breath against my hair as I bent over his chest, healing a long gash. Thankfully, it was the only wound he had sustained. It still amazed me how powerful my sensei was and is.

Unfortunately, that day wasn't without casualties; the numbers of our shinobi were cut in half and many ANBU were losy, along with Yamato. The pain was unbearable. Yamato had managed to defeat Pein, but just barely. He and his ANBu team had died in service of Konoha, as had the other elite ninja. They had died the way they had lived: for Konoha.

And now, I wonder, if that is to be my fate. If it is, I shall die with no regrets, for I have followed the path that I chose: the proud path of a kunoichi.

I've always loved spring. I love the heady scent that lingers in the air, the silkiness of the Sakura petals falling against my cheeks, the sweetness of their perfume, the texture of their bark… I loved Sakura trees more than anything because of him.

Maybe I had always felt something special for Sakura. Probably not. I didn't like the Sakura who though only of Sasuke. She was no better than Ino. She could not think for herself. She would not make a good Kunoichi. But she changed. It was that desire to be recognized by Sasuke that influenced that change in her, but she changed for the better. She got stronger, body and soul. Was that when I started loving her?

For my sixteenth birthday, he got me a Sakura tree. Or, more accurately, apicture of a Sakura tree. There was a little pink card in the frosted envelope. It read: "This flower could never compare to your beauty." It was corny and boring and totally inappropriate for our relationship at the time, and it was one of those stupid cards you get from the Hallmark down the street, but it was a sweet, thoughtful gesture from a man who went through life in his own little bubble. I put it on my nightstand I would look at it every day when I went to bed.

It was when I first saw her smile through her tears. She was still a weak girl then, but she smiled, because she didn't want others to worry. It was then I saw her beauty and her strength. I saw my first glimpse of true Sakura. She was breathtaking.

Every day after that, when Sai called me a hag and Sasuke called me weak and Kakashi said nothing at all, I'd think of it and remember that he really did care and that I did matter to someone in the world. It made it easier to bear.

Maybe that was when it really started.

Maybe that was when it really started. It was so wrong. I was and am fourteen years her senior. I was her sensei. The village would hate her if we were to be together. They would talk about her behind her back. They would call her a whore. They would say she was trying to sleep her way to the top. I love her too much to do that to her.

Then again, she might not love me.

Am I just an old man to her?

Probably.

Does she love me?

Unlikely.

Will she ever like me?

Probably not.

Is there any point in hoping?

No. There never is with me. All those I have ever loved have left me. I can't do that to her. She has her entire life ahead of her. Mine ended with the death of my team. All I am worth anymore is my ability to serve Konoha. Konoha… is my everything.

I tell myself this everyday, but my heart will never listen to what my mind preaches.

In truth, Sakura is and always will be my everything.

It was when Kakashi had become my everything.

A/N: Tell me what you think in a happy little review.