Where'd You Go?
I don't want to do this anymore.
I want us to be a normal family.
How can you be here one day and gone the next?
How can you stay away so long?
Don't you understand? I sit here at night, until all hours, waiting for your call. Waiting for you to call to tell me you love me, to take away the loneliness I feel the minute you walk out that door to go back on the road. I want to tell you about my day, about the girls' day. About how we're doing. But when that phone rings, everything I have to tell you, everything I have to say goes out of my head and I'm left sounding like a bumbling, fumbling idiot.
So I guess I just want you to know that it's really fucked up. Marriage is supposed to be fifty-fifty right? I don't know if this is what I signed up for. Sometimes I feel like it's become all about you, about your career and I'm supposed to sit at home waiting. Waiting for your phone call or for you to come home. I've had it with this job that takes you away from us. I'm your wife, but your job has become your mistress. She's stolen your heart, your soul. She's what you dream about at night, when you should be dreaming about me…
So where did our marriage go? Our life? Where did it all go?
Remember this house? This was supposed to be our place, our little bit of paradise, of calm, in a crazy mixed up world.
Remember how we used to have barbecues on Memorial Day and the Fourth of July? Our friends would come over and spend until all hours of the night with us, just celebrating being together.
Remember Halloween? It used to be your favorite holiday. You would buy so much candy, much more than we would ever need. And you would dress up to take the girls trick-or-treating and tell us ghost stories until we were all huddled around you, your strong arms keeping us safe?
Yeah, I remember those things too. But I guess it's not your life anymore. You're only around every once in a while, and when you are, it doesn't seem like you really want to spend all that much time with your family or friends doing the things you used to do. So even when you are home, I find myself trying to keep myself busy, trying not to think of how things used to be, of how you used to be.
Oh, I'm doing okay. I'll be just fine. I'll smile and laugh – but it'll sound hollow. My eyes won't sparkle like they used to. And let me just tell you…I don't how much longer I'll sit around here waiting for you. If you've got something to tell me, something meaningful to say, then you can pick up the damn phone and call me. Because right now, right at this moment? I'm wondering why I'm still here, why I'm putting up with this shit. Why I'm waiting for you realize that your family is more important than anything else in your life.
So where are your priorities? Where is the family man I married? Where did it all go?
I tried. I really did.
I stuck around as long as I could.
But the girls need a father. I need a husband.
You used to be those things to us. Not anymore.
I guess when it came right down to it, I got tired of waiting. Tired of waiting to see if we would ever come first in your life. Tired of the midnight phone calls. Tired of the missed birthdays and anniversaries. Tired of it all.
I made excuses for so long for why you weren't here, with us. Work is important. He's trying to make a better life for us. He doesn't have a choice in how many appearances they schedule for him. He'll realize soon enough that he needs to spend more time at home. He'll realize how important we are to him. He'll realize…
When you come home this time, just know we won't be here. And I hope that the old saying holds true: You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone. I tried, I really did. But I've had it with all the excuses, with the lies, with the promises I know you won't be able to keep. I've had it with this job that seems to have become all-consuming. Your career has taken over your life, and slowly but surely pushed us all away.
So this time, when you come home, we won't be here, waiting for you with open arms. And you can wonder…
Where did my marriage go? My family? My life? Where did it all go?
I'll miss you.
And one day, maybe things will be different and we can come back home.
But until things change? Until things change, this is goodbye.
Please don't hate me. I'm just trying to do what's best for our family.
And even if you never want to speak with me again, call the girls. I know they'll want to hear your voice.
They still love you with their whole heart. As do I.
He crumpled the letter, letting it fall from his hand to the floor. He had read it probably fifty times by now. But it didn't take away the shock, the pain, the hurt, the unnerving quiet that surrounded him. He should have expected it, should have seen it coming. He knew he was working too hard, wasn't around enough. He should have sensed it in her voice when he talked to her at night. He should have been able to tell that she was unhappy, lonely, in desperate need of something to change in their life.
But he hadn't.
Dave Bautista stood from the couch, walking over to the fireplace mantle. Picking up a picture, he ran his finger lightly over the glass, staring at the smiling faces of his wife and daughters.
Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone.
Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone.
Please come back home...Please come back home...Please come back home...Please come back home...Please come back home...
She was right – his job had become his mistress, dominating his life, controlling his heart. He let everything slip away…his life, his love, his family. And now he was paying the ultimate price. He was the one who was alone, waiting for the phone to ring, waiting to hear her voice.
But she was gone. And now he was left to wonder.