The would be mess hall of Atlantis was dark and held a gloomy atmosphere, its gothic like geometric windows arching into to the late night darkness, reaching points that disappeared in a gloom that human eyes could not pierce. Rodney McKay sat with a cup of coffee in one hand and a PDA in his hand its light providing the only illumination in the room.
It wasn't unusual to find any of Atlantis's senior staff in this room long past the time most would be busy slumbering. Events often held their minds captive whilst their body cried uncle under the strain. Rodney was not the only member of the senior staff awake and as she saw him, focused intently on his work she thought to herself how lonely a figure he cut.
She watched as he picked up his glass of dark liquid surprised that he would be drinking the rot-gut Zelenka had produced what with his hypochondriac tendencies, she was then struck by how inherently sad she felt knowing he drank the stuff alone. Moving over to him coffee cup in hand she sat down, eliciting no response from the man in front of her.
"Rodney?" her gentle voice carried to him and whilst, with ever fiber of his being he wished to answer her, he knew he would most likely push her away with some form of acerbic comment. Tonight he knew it would show that his snark wasn't up to par. She snuck her hand out and took his drink hand in hers.
"Rodney, I know it was your birthday." She said quietly, concerned for him, and what his reaction would be.
"Yes well," he said sharply withdrawing his hand from hers as though he had been zapped by an electrical discharge. "no one has ever cared, so it has lost its meaning." He took his glass of potent smelling alcohol and took a deep swallow of it. She watch as he gulped the fluid down, ignoring the burning she knew he would feel, saw his Adam's apple bob and felt her mouth water.
"Then perhaps we ought to make it important." She said with finality.
"I'd prefer not to." He said after several long moments.
"Can I ask why?" Silence stretched between them, Rodney's face flushed with controlled anger.
"Because it holds far too many memories I would rather not have. Now unless you have created time travel or your friend Janus left some handy dandy sketches on his version, then I never want to know I have a birthday." He stood up and began walking away.
"We all have issues with birthdays Rodney, but we don't suddenly wish to suddenly not have one. It's the reminder that we are alive because everything went well the day we were born!" She said ending on a breathless and suddenly understanding note. "You don't wish to celebrate that? But why?"
"Yes Elizabeth that is exactly it. My childhood was so crummy it wasn't celebrated and since I left home I have had no reason to celebrate a day that my parents wish had never happened. I was the surprise, the accident, the child that forced two people who should never have been together into marriage. It was marginally better for Jeanie, but not by much. She was at least wanted by Mom." Noticing he still had a glass in his hand he felt the anger the rage he had held in check for so long bubble up in him reaching critical mass he launched the glass across the room, shattering by the glass yards away from Elizabeth.
She looked at him, but not with pity. She too felt angry. "So you're just going to wish you were never born, because someone else compounded one mistake with another? That is rather defeatist on your part Rodney. "
"Elizabeth…" His shoulders slumped.
"Rodney," She crossed the space between them in quick calculated strides. "Can't you imagine one person might be glad you are alive? That you were born?"
Rodney looked at her as her hands cupped his face gently. "No one has been so far." It wasn't pity in his voice as he said those words, just resignation as he admitted all the failures romantically and friendship wise in his life.
"Could it be that you pushed them so far away, saving you from what you felt would be inevitable hatred that you heralded a self fulfilling prophecy?" She said gently as she looked into his soulful eyes, hurt burning in them along with signs of desire and uncertainty, she could see it all in his eyes. They were so full of expression, only no one it seemed had ever told him so.
"Or they saw what the real me was like and thought better of knowing me." He said quietly not wanting believe what he saw in her eyes.
"Well I have seen the real you, Rodney and it is nothing like the façade you show. A person shows their real side in crunch time and sure you are gruff as hell, but in a way you are showing your fear.
"Fear? Ha I laugh in the face of fear." And then I run and hide, he thought to himself. She looked at him sternly and continued.
"You stood in front of a gun for me Rodney. That is the real you. Someone who when the chips are down can be relied on. You even helped save John on the planet near the satellite, you are a stand up man, Rodney McKay. Just because your father and maybe your mother left you unloved because you were a reminder of two mistakes they made, never doubt how much you have achieved and affected others positively."
"Much as I love the ego stroke, just where is this coming from?" He was uncertain and a little weirded out by her ramble.
"Ego stroke? You think me telling you how I see you is an exercise in ego stroking?" Anger began to rise up in her and she drew in a breath and as she was about to let him have it squarely he spoke first.
"That's really how you see me?" His face held glee. Some one had seen beneath the venire of arrogance and cantankerous behavior and seen the man he was when he was alone, though the stepping in front of a gun thing was not something he did in his off time.
"Yes, Rodney. For a genius you are quite dense when it comes to knowing people." She smiled and lowered her hands to his, trailing her hands along his arms and noting his biceps were getting be quite muscular and toned, then again scientists did tend to carry heavy things as pas de rigueur. Rodney shivered and inwardly Elizabeth glowed knowing it was her touch that had led to it.
"Um Elizabeth your holding my hands." He felt off kilter. He liked the feeling of her hands running down his arms and had often fantasized of its occurrence but the reality no matter how wonderful worried him.
"I know" She smiled, it would almost be considered shy were she not possessed of any self confidence. She leant over and kissed him on the lips, gently at first and then more insistent. He began returning the kiss, tentative and shy, worried that he was really asleep and probably kissing his computer, then he gave way to himself and kissed her with all of the pent up feelings he had, they parted breathlessly.
He stared at her a moment, "You kissed me!" His mind boggled a moment then he pinched himself. "Ow, Not a dream then." He looked back at Elizabeth's frowning face. "You, you kissed me?" He said again, this time with questioning disbelief.
"Yes Rodney I did. I have had I am afraid, had feelings for you despite all your façade's." Elizabeth admitted sighing with relaxation.
"Feelings for me?" His disbelief was palpable. "For me?" Elizabeth laughed.
"Yes you Rodney. Nice warm fuzzy feelings." She was getting too happy not to play with this disbelief.. He rolled his eyes. "Know this Rodney, you aren't unloved, not here, on Earth things may have been different but this is a new life for everyone, including you. And therefore here you are loved, if only by me."
Rodney looked at her and in his ocean blue eyes the hint of tears showed; Elizabeth suddenly realized that someone finally breaking through those well constructed barriers through friendship and then admitting strong feelings might be enough to make this strong man shed tears. She kissed him again and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her like she was the only thing keeping him alive. Her hands in his hair kissing him back as fervently as he was.
"I'm not making any guarantees that I am not going to be an arrogant son of a bitch, but I will try to at least be considerate of you, that is if you mean what you say." Rodney said looking into her eyes earnestly, barriers lowering, leaving him vulnerable to her.
"Rodney, I mean everything I say most of the time." She inhaled and continued. "And I meant everything I have said tonight. I take you as you are."
He smiled. So this is real, there is going to be more than friendship?" He smiled, a full grin.
"Yes at the point of sounding a tad redundant I meant everything said tonight.. We're going to be more than friends. If you'll let me in." She smiled knowing the battle was won long before it was started.
"I think this was the best birthday I have ever had."