This fanfiction contains gay guys being gay. If you are offended by this kind of stuff, then why are you viewing this? Seriously.
Also, spoilers up to about chapter 170 or so.
D.Gray-man is not mine. I wish it were, though.
The days before the move to the new headquarters are dark and stormy, and Kanda feels something ominous coming, sort of like how the old man's joints stiffen before the rain (except not exactly in that context, because that simile is truly awful). He is proven correct, though not in the way he would have wished to have been.
The news about Walker housing the soul of a Noah (or something along those lines; Kanda hadn't really been paying attention to the exact words) shocked all the exorcists, even him. He isn't really sure what to make of the calm manner that Walker had treated the whole subject, either. And he is constantly frustrated to no end at the confidence in his voice as he declares over and over that the Fourteenth will not take over and destroy the whole Order because he, Allen Walker, will make sure he will stop it, no matter what. He has always hated this about him - he was always making rash promises, even when the future was guaranteed to be bleak.
But if Kanda thought deeper, he would figure that he was, in fact, afraid that Walker would be unable to carry out his promises. And if he peered even more deeply, he would realize that this is because he is concerned that if Walker was unable to carry out his promises, he would get seriously hurt, or worse. Thankfully, Kanda isn't all that smart, and he never really does bother to delve deeper than necessary into subjects.
Kanda doesn't know the exact moment his hate for Allen Walker becomes love. But he does know that the moment he realizes that he does loves Allen Walker is during a mission with said exorcist to Bombay, India.
He hadn't been enthusiastic at all about his mission, especially when he found out he was to be paired up with Walker. It was just going to be the same cycle; they search for innocence, find some akuma, and Walker attacks without thinkng because he's just that stupid, gets hurt, and Kanda, being the oh-so generous man he is, cleans up after him, but not before he spews a string of nasty curses at Walker, which would reduce a normal person to tears. But Walker is not a normal person; he had learned that the hard way.
Allen Walker is the only person who Kanda cannot describe. Anybody else, he can describe so easily - Lavi is annoying, and needs to understand the concept of personal space, Lenalee has the temperament of any average woman, except she can hit a lot harder than any woman he's ever known, Tiedoll is an annoying freak of nature, Komui is a man who seriously needs a hobby, and the list literally goes on forever. But Allen Walker has a personality he cannot put into words. He doesn't bother, because all that matters to him is that he detests Walker and he would be a whole lot happier of he could get the hell away from him and stay away. But the only thing he wants is the only thing that is denied to him, and Kanda thinks, that if there really is a God, He has an awful sense of humor.
The train ride is uneventful, with him glaring at the wall and Walker avoiding his gaze (he doesn't wish to know why, because he isn't sure he'd be too pleased with the answer). Timcanpy is there, too, staring at him with its nonexistant eyes. That thing looks droopier than usual. It probably misses its dead master. He honestly can't relate.
The moment they get off the train, Walker stumbles, but he manages to catch himself before he falls by getting a grip on Kanda's exorcist uniform. He is about to start insulting the other, but then he notices the curse in Walker's eye has surfaced, and the younger teen states the obvious: that there's an akuma nearby.
It is a level three akuma, but he isn't worried, because he is confident it isn't a problem. It was holding the Innocence they were looking for, bouncing it in its palm, and laughing loudly, a sound he wishes he will never, ever hear again because it's an unpleasant noise, rivaling even The Earl's laughter. Walker is glancing around him in a sort of paranoia, and, though he really, really doesn't want to, he asks what the hell is wrong.
His reply is barely audible, but he can hear it anyway: there is a second akuma, but it can't be seen; it's either hiding or can camouflage itself. Walker is frantically trying to pinpoint where it is, and he can see that disgusting contraption over his left eye spinning and spinning like he was using it to find the akuma, perhaps seeing if he can spot a random lost soul floating somewhere. It's a good idea, he acknowledges; Walker had never offered to let Kanda see the soul of an akuma before, but he was pretty sure that even he could recognize one in broad daylight if he had the ability to.
The akuma has finally stopped making that awful noise and has turned its attention to the both of them, but in a second he doesn't care because suddenly he feels pain exploding from his side and he collapses, stunned. He hears Walker call his name the same time a cackle resounds through the air, as the missing akuma appears.
When he wakes up, the first thing he sees is Walker's face leaning close over him. A little too close. He hisses in annoyance, and Walker takes the hint and backs off, just a little.
Walker grins at him, the smile reaching his eyes and beyond. Kanda cannot recall ever seeing this smile directed at him, nor anybody else Walker had come in contact with before. The thought elates him, like he had something no one else had, though he can't explain to himself why he feels this way.
"I'm so glad," are Walker's first words to him. Kanda stares at him, not comprehending the meaning behind the words, and Walker blushes a lovely shade of pink before he edits his statement: "I'm so glad you finally woke up." He shifts a bit, turning his head slightly to his left, and Kanda notices that Walker's right cheek is plastered with bandaids. And that's when it occurres to him that Walker fought the akuma for him.
This kid really has a heart of gold, he thinks to himself (though he will never, ever say this aloud), as he stares at Walker's face. Said teen squirmed uncomfortably under the attention, and the air between them suddenly becomes so thick it's nearly suffocating. Kanda continues to watch the other, taking in everything about the exorcist, from the elegant curve of his pale face to the way his exorcist uniform complimented his thin figure. He wonders why he never noticed such things before; this boy is like a diamond, beautiful, but hard enough to withstand damage, admired by everyone; everything he hates. Yet, he thinks to himself, as he ends up looking at the other's face, that maybe, he can make an exception for Allen Walker.
As he wonders how the fuck he came up with this, he gets the bizarre thought that he might actually not hate Walker; the thought repulses his mind but not his heart.
The sudden but not entirely unpleasant realization jolts him like a flash of lightning; he loves Allen Walker.
Kanda remembers the hours after special inspector Lvellie gave the news about Walker vividly, like they had just occurred.
Walker had disappeared soon after the announcement, leaving all the other exorcists worried about him. Almost everybody had come up to him, expressing concern over the lack of appearances from their favorite exorcist, though he couldn't fathom why they would come to him. He managed to get asked enough times that he became curious himself, and began searching for him.
It was about an hour after he began his search that he realized the one place Walker might take refuge in; the Ark. He was slightly unnerved when he found out that he was correct.
Walker had been retracing the steps they had taken through the Ark while it was crumbling, apparently. Kanda had found him in the hideous gayly decorated room he himself had fought the Noah Skinn Boric in. What happened after was the most awkward conversation he had ever had to date.
"When I was younger, I was a total jackass," Walker had told him with the most bitter tone he had ever heard from the white-haired teen, and before Kanda even had time to protest, he was learning everything he never wanted to know about Walker's lifestory, how he was abandoned by his parents, how he learned how to survive on the streets, and the happiest moments of his life with his foster father, Mana Walker, to the gruesome scenes after his death. And Kanda realizes, Walker is not the way he is because he is naïve, but just the opposite. This revelation instills a sort of respect for him - to a point.
His and Walker's pasts are similar, he realized. Yet the way they had turned out was different. Walker's attitude towards life, despite the hardships he had suffered, was almost admirable. Almost.
And soon, he finds himself telling about his own past to Walker. It's a horrifying past, but he explains everything in detail, while the other listens to his every word, eyes glazed in sypathetic pain as he finds out exactly how similar they are. In the end, Walker embraces him, and whispers "Thank you." He still has no idea why he said that, and he has yet to ask.
It is the the night after they return to Headquarters when Kanda does ask, catching the other exorcist right outside his room.
Walker stares at him for a few moments, a blank expression on his face, and doesn't reply, insead, he hugs Kanda yet again, his chin resting on his shoulder, his cheek brushing his jawline, and his warm breath tickling his neck. Kanda stiffens, his mind blank from shock.
"I love you," he heard Walker whisper, and he feels his heart pounding faster. He doesn't wait; he pulls away from the embrace, and places his lips on the other boy's, and Walker - no, his mind tells him, it's Allen - kisses back.
It's when they hear somebody walking in the hallway they pull away, just long enough to take refuge in Kanda's room and close the door behind them. When their lips collide again, it's considerably messier. Tongues clash against each other, and Kanda's hands roam a bit further than they should, but Allen doesn't try to stop it. Their embrace heats the air around them, suffocating them as they desperately kiss.
Eventually, it's too much, and they collapse onto Kanda's bed, panting hard, and that's where they fall asleep together.
The days weeks are the happiest in Kanda's life. Even though he and Allen hardly have enough time to see each other because of their constant missions, every minute they spend together is worth the seperation.
"What is that hourglass for?" Allen asked him on one particularly dreary morning, and Kanda explained everything; how the lotus was a curse tied to his life, the petals representing how much he had left, the way he could heal himself quickly with the curse, and Allen listened attentively. After he finished speaking, silence descended upon them, during which Allen inched closer to him. After a moment, Kanda asked in turn how he could be so sure he could protect the Order from the wrath of the Noah within him, voicing what had been on his mind for so long.
Allen rested his cheek on Kanda's chest and murmured, "I love you. The Fourteenth will not come between us."
And Kanda believes in Allen's promise. They are still, basking in each other's presence. He doesn't want this to end.
But it does.
Lenalee is the first to fall, and Lavi follows her. Miranda and Krory submit to defeat soon after; all by the hand of Allen Walker, controlled by the Fourteenth. None of them could bring themselves to retaliate in time, all unable to bring themselves to hurt the exorcist they have known for so long and loved unconditionally, even though they knew it was not him.
The Fourteenth then proceedes to kill Komui, Inspector Lvellie, the Crows, and the remaining exorcists, all except Kanda.
As for Kanda, he can't believe Allen allowed himself to be taken over. The thought instills anger with him, mixed with the pain of betrayal; he trusted Allen to keep his promise. But in the end, the one person he trusted and had given his heart out to was the one to destroy it, to betray him in the worst way possible.
It was a week after the Fourteenth took over when he decided to go after Kanda. They met in his room, where he had been waiting for the inevitable. He couldn't help but be amused by the irony; this is where it started, and where it would all end.
It happened in the blink of an eye, and all Kanda could see were glass shards; the Fourteenth shattered the hourglass and picked up what remained of the lotus, ready to destroy that as well.
"I hate you, Allen Walker," Kanda snarled. The Noah in Allen's body hesitated, and for a minute, he could have sworn the old Allen was back, and for a moment, he almost believed it. But, he remembered bitterly this was not Allen anymore. Taking advantage of the pause, he grabbed Mugen, which was resting on the floor, and pointed it over what was once Allen's chest.
"You wouldn't," the Noah breathed, but Kanda ignored him and plunged his innocence into his chest.
"It's over now," Kanda said in barely a whisper, and he his heart constrict painfully as he watched Allen's face twist in pain and blood stain his shirt.
"Oh, really?" The Noah, not dead yet, grinned maliciously at him, and crushed the lotus he held in his hand.
At that moment, Kanda felt the tattoo imprinted on his chest burn and consume him.
I complain about a fanfiction being too short and yet later I write something even shorter. What the hell? And what's with these Fourteenth-themed fanfictions? I really don't know.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Have a nice day.