Prologue
Wake up…
?
Wake up Cloud…What's going on…?
"Is that you Cloud?"
Someone's shaking me…
"Cloud?"
Please, go away…
Get up Cloud…"…Cloud?"
I just want to be alone…
Wake up Cloud…
Light…
No, stop opening eyes…
You must wake up Cloud…
Who…who's there…?
I am nobody…wake up Cloud…
But I...
Wake up!
Is that…?
"Are you…?"
"Tifa…?"
"Cloud, is that really you…?"
"Tifa!"
"Cloud!"
"Oh Cloud, it's really you!"
"Yeah Tifa, it's me."
That was how Tifa found me. Lying next to a train station, unconscious, surrounded by the filth of run-down slums in the mako-infested equivalent of Gotham City, Midgar. That was how I began remembering who I was, what I was, and why I was there. It was the ending of my mysterious life before, the beginning of a new one, and the merger of the two in ways that I didn't understand until much later.
Most everyone knows what happened after Tifa found me--my joining of AVALANCHE, our struggle with and eventual victory over Shinra, my breakdown and recovery in the Lifestream with Tifa, the defeat of Sephiroth, the destruction of Meteor. That's all been recorded and logged into the collective memory of Man that has been with us for as long as we have been here on Earth.
But does anyone know what happened before then with me? Only three people truly do, and two of them are dead. It took me many years to figure out and remember just what happened to me back then. There were many occasions when the pain I felt then was so fresh and real even after all these years that I had to remind myself that it's not happening now. Just in the distant past which no longer occurs but still haunts me to this day.
One of the many reasons I was able to stay sane was my wife, Tifa. For without her, not only would my life before be a mystery to me, but I wouldn't be here now. I probably would've perished next to that train station, cold, alone, with almost nothing to call my own and no one to call a friend. I'm not saying this because it may sound dramatic; I'm saying this because it's true. The same applies for my past; it's true and I can't run from it any longer.
When Meteor was destroyed I was finally free to figure out what really happened to me, to find out why I suffered from nightmares so terrible that when I woke up the next morning after a peaceful night's sleep I'd feel as if I missed out on something. Nightmares so terrifying that I'd still be trembling and feeling the adrenaline crackling through my veins like a whip hours after they'd end and I'd wake up screaming and sweating. I'd be scared stiff just thinking about going to sleep again; in the end though, my body would win the battle just by being exhausted and I'd either pass out in a chair or on a couch, or I'd manage to stumble into bed.
It hasn't been easy remembering my past; many times I couldn't do it simply by sitting down and concentrating--I'd go under hypnosis, which scared me almost as much as the thought of going to sleep again. But it's been fruitful. I've been able to come to terms with my past and can start healing, this book being the final step in a process of healing that seemed to have no end in sight and appeared impossible. I thank the scientists whom I interviewed, if I didn't maim them beyond repair or kill them before talking to them. They told me in rather cold tones the experiments they performed on me, as well as on my friend Zack. And while it's been rather difficult to handle the overwhelming amount of things that were done to us, particularly me, I believe I've come quite far from where I was. The final process, for me anyway, of healing is now underway with the writing of this work, and as I continue to do so and eventually move on after writing this, I can only hope that all ghosts from my past have disappeared and I can finally enjoy my life.
Chapter 1: Kid Life
As everyone knows, I was born twenty-one years before my quest with AVALANCHE began. The fact that I even know my age is something that I attribute to Tifa--I didn't know it when she found me. By doing a little arithmetic, one would find that I'm thirty-six now. Although my life may be easy and relatively laid back now, when I was a kid, indeed, the moment I was born, I had a hard time. Very early in my life, my father suddenly wasn't around anymore. For the majority of my life I thought he was dead.
Within the last few years though I discovered, by pure accident really, that he actually left my mother for another woman. My mother was devastated, but she hid her pain well. In order to hide the shame and hurt she felt, she told me he was killed in a freak accident while climbing one of the many mountains near Nibelheim. Everyone in town believed her, since it's usually impossible to find a body on the mountains of Nibel. One would think that in a small town like Nibelheim, something like what my father did would've leaked out, but he kept it under very tight secrecy, my mother not even finding out until the day he left, when she found the note he left behind.
Speaking of the note, the very reason I know about it, and my father did, is because I found it. I'm sure right now you're probably saying "But Cloud, your house burned down. How could you have possibly found it?" Well, the reason is surprisingly simple. I remembered that my mother kept everything she held dear to her, or at least things that were of importance, in a small steel safe. It measured about eight or nine inches in length and five or six inches in width, pretty small for a safe. I knew where she had kept it in her room and, knowing Shinra "restored" the town of every single thing after burning down, decided to look for it. The old woman who lived in the house when we went through Nibelheim died a few weeks earlier, so Tifa and I bought it. We had the gil and requested a tour of the house before the deal was final. Upon entering the old woman's room, which was my mother's room, I found the safe, sitting on the dresser. I was surprised at first because of its looking new, but after a couple seconds it made sense to me. Shinra probably found the old one too damaged to use, but its contents intact, so they simply got a new one and put the contents from the old one into the new one. I guess the old woman didn't have any family to speak of, because all of her things were still in the house, which was fine with Tifa and I.
I tried the combination that I remembered my mother using, and sure enough, it worked. And lo and behold, the very first item sitting in the safe was the note my father left my mother when he walked out the door. I sat on the floor in stunned silence as I took the note out and read it again and again, not quite believing what I was reading. My mom said he was killed when I was very young, but this note said differently. Tifa entered the room and asked why I was on the floor. Getting no response, she sat down beside me and saw the note I continued to read over and over again. She gently took it from my hands and read it herself, then put it back in the safe. Closing it up, she put her arms around me and stood me up, and we walked out. We never discussed the note, never came up in any conversation. Not for a long time anyway. After almost a year she mentioned it, and I expressed my anger and sadness of what my father did. She didn't reply, just sat beside me on the couch and put an arm around my shoulders. I laid my head on her shoulder and we ended up falling asleep there, never bringing up the note and its contents again.
Like Tifa, and later I, said before, I used to get into a lot of fights when I was a kid. I wanted to get stronger, to become better than I was, to banish the weakness from me. I think in a sense, even at that young age, I hated myself; not just my weakness, but my whole person. I hated it all. I wanted so badly to impress the one I thought I would never be able to reach: Tifa. I wanted so much to impress her, but I couldn't, and that kept driving me until I made the decision to join the military and get into SOLDIER.
Before then though, I was a quiet kid for some time in my life. Up until I was about eight or so, I was such a quiet kid. I didn't have anyone to hang out with, and when I did, it was only one kid and he or she would leave after a few minutes because of my unrelenting silence. I guess you could say I was simply a spectator in and of life. And not only was I quiet, but I was picked on mercilessly, which only reinforced my silence. I remember times when, after school, three, four, sometimes as many as five kids at a time, would grab me, drag me behind our school and beat me up so badly that I could barely stand up and walk back home. My mother would nurse me back to full health and the cycle would continue all over again. I never knew why those kids would do that; I still don't to this day.
My mother, as I told the others, was a vibrant woman. She was always there when I needed her, or at least she was while she was still alive. Whenever I'd get beat up or hurt or otherwise felt down about something, she was there, there to make me feel better. She somehow knew the right things to say every time to lift my spirits back up, and I always felt confident when I was in her presence. When I'd go to bed, she'd tuck me in and kiss me on the forehead, saying, "Without you Cloud, I wouldn't be who I am now." I never really knew what she meant by that, but it made me feel important, like I was worth something and needed, and that was very special to me, because I didn't feel it anytime else. Later on, when she was killed at the hands of Sephiroth, that feeling disappeared and didn't really come back until just before we defeated Sephiroth, when Tifa and I spent the night outside the airship Highwind on that desolate rock. That was the night I told Tifa I loved her, and she told me the same.
My relationship with Tifa at first was one of, "I hope she sees me today." I didn't know much about her, except that I was stunned when I first laid eyes upon her, when I was about nine. I had just been through a particularly vicious beating, so vicious in fact that, when I went to the doctor's later that day, he had to do a full x-ray of my right arm to make sure it wasn't broken anywhere, because he couldn't tell any other way. I actually blacked out for a few minutes during and a bit after the pummeling, and when I woke up, I found myself staring into the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen, with the exception of my mother's.
She peered down at me curiously and said, "Are you okay?" All I could do was shake my head and continue staring into her eyes, as if they were a set of magnets and I was the raw steel attracted to them. She helped me to my feet, and, after assisting me in dusting me off, aided me in walking back to my house, where my mother took over and Tifa left. I didn't even learn her name; all I knew was that she was beautiful, and in fact still is.
After that initial meeting, I decided I would never let her see me like that again. I decided I would get stronger to prevent what happened to me then from happening again in the future. But the embarrassment of her having seen me left me in a state of fear, in that I was afraid to talk to her or even look at her. But I kept the vow I made with myself, and it was tested about a week later, on a Tuesday, two days after my birthday. I was nine years old, and felt like a God because I had finally recovered from the soreness and later stiffness of what I had endured the week before.
As I walked to school, one of the kids that loved to beat me up felt like doing it again. He wasn't involved in what happened the week before, but that made no difference. I pretended not to notice him as he started walking up behind me, and this seemed to anger him. He grabbed my shoulder, and, to his apparent shock, I responded by immediately turning around and cold-cocking him right in the jaw. He fell flat on his ass and tried to get back up, but I was all over him by then. I walked over to him and shoved him back on the ground, kicking him in his side once he fell. I then planted my foot on his chest and bent over so I could whisper, "If you ever touch me again, I'll pound you so bad you'll wish you were never born." And with that, I got off him, turned back around and walked into school. There were no witnesses, but the kid didn't mind what I said.
Some time later, a few weeks to be precise, I was confronted by Liam, the kid I'd beaten up, and his two buddies, Alex and David. It was after school this time and I was on my way home. I hadn't been pestered at all by anyone ever since I had dropped Liam, so I felt pretty cool. I guess word had leaked out of my accomplishment. Surely nobody would try and mess with me again right? Wrong, as I found out in a very harsh way.
Liam's two friends approached me from the front, while Liam walked up from behind. This time, I didn't see him. When his two pals stopped in front of me, I gave them a cocky look and crossed my arms over my chest. "What d'ya want?" I asked in a loud, challenging voice. "Wanna get your butt kicked just like your stupid friend?"
They merely smiled in a way that resembled the look I had on my face. This made me angry, and I began to draw my fist back when I suddenly felt a blinding pain smashing into my senses. My kidneys felt like someone decided to hit them with a wrecking ball. I whirled around to find myself staring at a fist coming right at my face. I tried to dodge it and barely did so. Only problem was, in the process of dodging the punch, I was caught by Liam's too friends, whom I had forgotten were now behind me. They held me by my arms, holding them out like I was some sort of human cross. There was no way I could fight back, nor dodge the punches Liam started to slam home on me. He punched me so many times in my face and gut that I lost track after getting to a couple dozen or so for each area. I blacked out, and when I came to after what may have been anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, they were gone. I lay broken and bleeding, wondering how fucked up I was and if I could get away from where I was. I tried to move, but the second I moved my arm I was jolted with unimaginable pain. Turns out, I found out later, that when I blacked out, Liam's two comrades-in-beatings had bent my arms back so much that they popped out of their sockets, dislocating them and rendering them useless. Great, I thought, just what I need at a time like this: messed up arms. I tried moving my legs, but they felt like two-ton weights were attached to them. I was so tired and in so much pain that I felt like I would die there.
After what felt like a few hours of just staring at the sky, I noticed someone approaching me. I tried to move my head to look, and was surprised when I found I could. The person was blurry in my pain-filled vision, but as they got closer, I realized it was Tifa. That's when she saw me and ran over. At first she just stood over me, her eyes filled with the curiosity all children have when they see someone so messed up lying on the ground. After a minute or two, she shook her head and bent over to look me in the face.
"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.
At first I didn't think I could speak, but I cleared my throat and was again surprised that I was in fact able to speak.
"You don't wanna know...I can't move at all, I need some help," I said. I felt like a total fool saying that, but it was true, I needed help. She simply nodded in understanding, and ran off back to town. After a few more minutes of looking back the way she had gone, I saw some more figures coming towards me. When they arrived, I saw it was some people from the town's medical office with a stretcher, as well as my mother. After spending a few minutes of trying to figure out the best method to move me into the stretcher, failed methods that involved even more pain for me, they finally figured out a working way and loaded me on the stretcher. As they marched back to the medical office, my mother's hand on my forehead for support, I stared at the sky and vowed once again that I would never, ever, let myself get into that situation again. I vowed that I would get so strong that my enemies would cower before me and I'd be able to get Tifa to notice me. At the time, though, I only knew her as "that brown-haired girl". As time passed, this would change, but for the moment, that was the status quo.
When I came to in the hospital, I was confused at first about my surroundings. I had momentarily forgotten where I was or why. I knew I was in pain, of that I knew for sure. I felt it all over my body, throbbing in some areas, dull aches in others. After a minute or two, it all came back to me. Where I was, and why I was there in the first place. As I looked around the room to take it in, I noticed someone sitting next to my bed. It was my mother, sleeping in the chair right next to me. She looked terrible, which was unlike my mother. She was always vibrant and beautiful; but now she wasn't. I didn't understand then why she looked like she did, and I wouldn't until later on. I turned my head to look back up at the ceiling and fell asleep once more. Just before I did though, I caught sight of the clock above the window opposite my bed. It read 3 AM…
When I woke up again, there was not the temporary amnesia I suffered earlier. There was instead a feeling of relief, that I was safe and not dead. I still felt pain, lots of it, though. I was awake, I knew where I was and why, but that was all I knew. I didn't know how badly I was hurt, how my arms had been dislocated, how my stomach was punched so many times that emergency surgery was required to fix the severe internal bleeding that had resulted. I looked around the room once again, and still, my mother was where I saw her earlier. I glanced back up at the clock. 9:45 AM. I looked back over at my mother. She looked pretty again, not messed up like she did before. Her eyes were closed, she looked serene in her sleep. As if she was at peace with everything, despite what happened to me. I stared at her for a few moments, then looked out the window.
Sunlight poured in and signaled a bright new day for the world. The skies were the deep blue of fall and I didn't see a cloud anywhere blemishing the sky's perfection. The rough peaks of the mountains that surrounded Nibelheim loomed up it the distance, tall and jagged. The Nibel Mountains are among the strangest mountains in the world. Apart from the gigantic range of uprooted, blasted mountains that surround the Northern Crater, they're the only mountains in the world devoid of trees, or really any form of vegetation. The two are alike also in that they're both literally saturated with Lifestream and mako energy. The Northern Crater Range, as it's now known as, is full of these energies because of the crater itself and the wound it represents for the planet. However, nobody really knows why the Nibel Range is so full of Lifestream and mako; for as long as humans have known, it's always been like that.
Chunks of materia in its purest form are imbedded throughout the Nibel Mountain Range. Although I've only seen one, at the mako fountain, it is known that these materia chunks exist. They lie under thousands, even millions of tons of rocks inside natural cavities. The sheer weight is pressure enough to turn Lifestream to mako to materia. It's unknown just how many of these natural cavities exist, but it is known that most are very small, few bigger than golf balls or even marbles. I wasn't thinking about any of this while I stared at the mountains, mainly because I knew nothing about of it. The mountains themselves were and still are fascinating, even enchanting, and I soon found myself caught in a trance, unable to move my eyes from the Range's sharp-cut beauty.
"Cloud…?" I heard a quiet voice say.
I snapped out of my trance and turned my eyes and ears toward the source of the voice. It was my mother. Her eyes were open, revealing eyes that were as deep and blue as the sky. They still held a bit of sparkle in them, her face as young and happy as ever.
"Mom," I asked, "how long have I been out for?"
She stared at me, unbelieving, not quite sure what she was seeing. Her son was awake, finally. I seemed to be okay, although I knew I wasn't. She shook her head to get herself out of her own trance and said, with a voice filled with relief, "Three days son…I'm so glad you're awake now."
"Yeah, so am I Mom," I responded. "How…how bad was I hurt?"
My mother stared at me again, but not in a trance. She broke into a small smile, the smile I recognized as the one she only used with me and nobody else. A mother's smile. She reached over and patted my arm, saying, "To be perfectly honest, we weren't sure you'd make it through the first night. When they brought you here, you were unconscious and your vital signs started dropping like a rock. They managed to do some surgery to fix the immediate problem, but even still, they didn't know if it would be enough…"
Her voice broke off and almost cracked. Instead of continuing after clearing her throat, she simply smiled again in her sad-sort of way. It was then that I realized what was right there in my face the whole time: this was all my fault. My mother had gone through so much grief and sadness in the last three days, and it was all because of my own stupidity and weakness. I knew I couldn't let something like this happen again, couldn't let my weakness be so obvious. I would never show my weakness again. I would lock it away and throw away the key.
It took me a couple of months to totally recover from the full extent of my injuries, which included a concussion, two broken ribs, punctured lung, both shoulders dislocated, severe internal bleeding in my abdomen, broken jaw, fractured left femur, and split right kneecap. During my recovery, I learned about the man that would be my source of inspiration for the next six years…the Great Sephiroth.
Chapter 2: Grab for GreatnessI was lying in bed one day while still recovering from my injuries that my mother handed me a newspaper. While I enjoyed reading, I generally regarded newspapers as boring and out-of-date. Let's face it, the events it talked about were either speculative stuff for things that hadn't even happened yet, or the events had already occurred. What was the use in reading about stuff that had already gone down? Despite this mentality however, I decided to go ahead and read the Shinra-regulated paper. I didn't have anything else to do, not that I could do anything anyway. I looked at the front page and BAM! I saw a picture of him, the Great Colonel Sephiroth, one of Shinra's finest officers and its best soldier ever. It showed him with his legendary sword, the Masamune, at his side. I'd heard of his sword before, but didn't know much about it. I knew only he could wield it and that it was made only for him, making it one-of-a-kind, but I wasn't too sure about the latter. It looked awesome though and I wish I could have one just like it. This, in turn, led to me wanting to be just like Sephiroth. I made the fateful decision that I would do whatever it took to meet that goal, to be just like him, maybe even surpass him. Unfortunately, the only problem was that I didn't know what I'd have to do or even where to go to do it. I thought about it greatly, never asking nor talking about it. When it came time for physical therapy, when all my injuries had healed, I pushed myself so hard that I passed out from sheer exhaustion on a number of occasions. I wanted to prove myself, to show that I was worth something. But to whom was I proving myself? The nurse and my mother were the only people who would watch me, but I didn't care. An audience is an audience, right? When I finished my physical therapy, I came out stronger than I had ever been, and I knew it.
The first thing I decided to do was get revenge against the fools who put me in the hospital at all. During my recuperation, whenever I wasn't practically torturing myself, mentally and physically, I studied battles Sephiroth had been in. While there wasn't much to study in terms of material, since anything I got came from Shinra, and everyone knows how secretive they are of sensitive information, I learned enough to develop a good sense of battle tactics, especially close range tactics. I wanted to put this to use, and thereby spent about a week or so following the three guys around, studying their daily patterns. Nobody really messed with me; everyone could tell how much stronger I was. Even the ones who put me in the hospital stayed away from me. Whenever our eyes met, they would look away and walk in the opposite direction as fast as they could. I discovered the many ways one can psych out others. The most I would do was leave notes in their lockers explaining how much I was going to kick their asses. I never put my name on the notes, nor did I say when or where I'd act against them. I knew it scared them and that they were a bit worried, to say the least. They say to expect the unexpected at all times. But how can you prepare for something you're not sure when or where will happen?
It was about 3 PM on a Tuesday after school. Hanging low over the mountains, storm clouds were gathering and darkening, becoming ever more ominous, threatening more torrential rain, booming thunder and blinding lightning. Those storm clouds were odd in that they weren't coming from the north or west. Rather, they were coming from the south, indicating Cosmo Canyon had just gotten drenched in a rare storm. A minor detail really, something I never really noticed before. I guess I was just trying to take my mind off of what I was going to do, or maybe seeing the storm itself was just intriguing, who knows. I myself am not sure just why I remember them so clearly, but I do.
I watched the clouds for a while as they built up in the huge anvil formation of a super cell, their tops touching the Stratosphere. I remembered I had plans, though, and quickly looked around, seeing nobody. I knew the three would be coming down the street I was on shortly and I would be there to confront them. I stood beneath a tree, a stupid thing to do, what with the upcoming storm, staring straight ahead. I didn't bother hiding myself—ambush is a cowardly thing. For ten minutes I simply stood under this tree, waiting for them to arrive. They hadn't come yet though; they must've been caught up by something. I turned my attention back to the storm and was amazed at how much it had grown in that short time.
The clouds themselves weren't much bigger than before, but they were much closer now, racing towards my little town. But the lightning I saw, oh, the lightning. Brilliant flashes of blue, white, red and purple met my eyes as huge arcs of electricity hit the ground every few seconds. Thunder was booming constantly, giving my ears an idea of the power of the storm that my eyes were already seeing. I realized that, despite how strong I had gotten, that I was nothing but a peon compared to that storm. It could wipe me off the earth with just a strike of lightning, and considering how much lightning there was, another bolt would've cost it nothing. But I didn't want to feel weak, to feel inferior to anything. I looked away from the storm and was delighted to see three figures walking toward me. They were pretty close, which was surprising to me, but at the same time it didn't matter. About a minute or so later, they saw me but continued walking, stopping just a few feet from me. Nobody said anything, nobody moved. We just stared at each other, fire in my eyes and ice in theirs. I know it's terribly cliché to say that when a huge bolt of lightning struck the earth just a hundred feet away, I lunged forward at them, but that's what happened.
I charged forward with everything I had and punched at Liam, who was directly ahead of me. I nailed him right across the face and he dropped like so many potatoes in a sack, out cold. Alex and David, however, reacted a bit faster than Liam did and grabbed each of my arms, pulling them outward just like last time. Alex smiled at me and swung at me, but I was gone, had dropped down so quickly that they'd lost their grip on me. I performed a sweeping kick as I dropped down and knocked David's legs out from under him, making him fall on his face. Alex kicked at me but again missed. I took his leg and tugged hard, causing him to lose his balance and fall back on his ass. David by this time was back on his feet and he kicked at me as well. As with Alex, I grabbed his leg and managed to him fall on Alex. The two landed on the ground in a heap and struggled to get back up as fast as they could. I was faster than them though and jumped up before they sorted themselves out. I ran over and grabbed David by the hair, tilting his head up. I kneed him in the face, but this time Alex was quick enough to grab my foot. I was prepared for this though, and dropped down again, punching him squarely in the jaw, knocking him out immediately. I got back up and looked down on David, then took a couple of steps back to allow him to get up. David stood up slowly and looked at me, barely contained rage and hate for me evident in his face and voice.
"You loser…you knocked out two of my friends for no reason," he spat.
"No reason? You were the ones who put me in the hospital for a month. You brought this on yourself, so don't blame me you fool," I retorted, gloating in my apparent victory.
He stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes no longer like ice but blazing infernos. I, on the other hand, felt very calm. The fight had gone as I had wanted it to, and now I had only David to knock out. He suddenly charged forward, throwing his punch at me so fast I barely had time to react. I grabbed his arm just in time and pushed it out, away from both him and me. He punched again with his other fist, which I also grabbed and pushed out of the way. He tried kneeing me in the gut, but was stopped by my knee. I forced his aside and finally kneed him in the gut, giving him a taste of what he was going to do to me. He gasped for air and I let his fists go. He doubled over in pain, sucking for air and contorting his face in obvious pain. I once again grabbed his arm and raised his face, punching him in the jaw just as I had done with the others. He fell to the ground, a block of concrete falling from a building. I walked over and checked him out. He was breathing, but unconscious, just like the other two.
I looked up at the storm and saw that I was almost directly over us now and the rain was on the way, I could smell it in the air. I grabbed David by his shoulders and dragged him over 'til I got to his house. I dropped him at the front door, and went back for Alex. I did the same thing for him with his house, and for Liam at his house. The fight and "cleanup" had taken about fifteen minutes; quite remarkable really. By now, rain was falling heavily and getting even heavier every second. I couldn't just leave the three outside their homes, so I stood next to David's house and knocked on the door, remaining out of side. The door opened and I could hear his mom gasp, then drag David in through the door and close it. I did the same thing with Alex and Liam, and once they were in their homes, I went back to my home. The storm pounded away the rest of the night, but I didn't mind. I'd gotten my revenge, and that was all that mattered to me.
The next day, I went to school like normal and a lot of my fellow students walked up to me throughout the day to ask if I was the one who'd beaten up Alex, David and Liam. I always replied with "yes," but didn't say anything more despite requests for more information from virtually everyone. While I felt joyous in my victory over the three and the fact that everyone knew it was me, I also felt that no one needed to know any details. What happened was between Alex, David, Liam, and myself; nobody else was involved, and I wanted it to say that way. As for Alex, David, and Liam, well, they never messed with me again. Didn't even so much as look at me in a way I didn't like. In fact, I was rarely bothered by anyone. I kept to myself, was pretty quiet most of the time in fact, just as I'd been my whole life. If somebody provoked me, I'd fight him. Sometimes I'd win, other times I'd lose. After a while, it took very little to provoke me into a fight. Someone might set their coat or something too close to my stuff and I'd fight him over it. I wouldn't do it in school though; no, not in school, where I could get in trouble. I'd save it 'til after school, then pound the offender.
During this whole time though, my desire to get stronger never went away. If anything else, it became an obsession, and I often tested myself in the fights I'd get in to see how well I thought I did. My performance was never enough to meet my impossibly high standards, but I didn't care. I felt that Tifa was just beyond my grasp, that I would get to her soon. This lasted for four years, until I was thirteen and made the biggest decision of my life that would alter the course of not only my life, but also the lives of others who would become either my friends or enemies in the future.
Chapter Three: My Fateful DecisionWhen I was thirteen, I made the decision that forever changed the course of my life. I decided I would join the Shinra Army and apply for SOLDIER, Shinra's elite troops. Those who were not involved with SOLDIER knew nothing of their activities or what they did—just that they were good at it.
Most who tried out for SOLDIER didn't make it—in fact, the SOLDIER training program had a ninety percent failure rate amongst its trainees. Out of 100 people who might try out for it, ten might get in, and that was a pretty high number. Those who were able to complete the program were given the rank, SOLDIER, 3rd Class. This is the rank that most who got into SOLDIER stay for the rest of their lives. 3rd Class SOLDIER troops are generally used to support regular army troops and make small units stronger in combat. It was during the training for 3rd Class that I met Zack, who ended up becoming my best friend.
Those who show great bravery or skill in combat or just in general are promoted to SOLDIER, 2nd Class. 2nd Class troops are infused with a small amount of mako energy, making them stronger, faster (mentally and physically), and able to recover from small wounds, such as first degree burns or cuts, with little to no treatment. Out of the ten that are able to make it into 3rd Class out of a class of 100, one might get into 2nd Class. With the infusion of mako into their bodies, however, comes a risk. The new 2nd Class troops get incredibly sick as their bodies adjust to the energy now thundering through them. The adjustment period lasts anywhere from two to four weeks, during which the soldier will get symptoms similar to those one would get from undergoing chemotherapy. Your hair falls out, you feel nauseous and vomit frequently, have muscle aches, feel very anemic, etc. It's a grueling time that most 2nd Class soldiers feel is the roughest of their lives. Upon recovery of the sickness, the new 2nd Class soldier undergoes further training that helps them adjust to their new abilities. When they complete this training, they are considered true 2nd Class soldiers. This is the rank of SOLDIER that one sees the strange greenish-blue glow in their eyes, no matter what color their eyes are. 2nd Class soldiers are used primarily as field commanders and occasionally serve as bodyguards for high-ranking Shinra officials.
Every once in a while, a 2nd Class soldier comes along that seems to completely stand alone amongst his peers. These people are promoted to SOLDIER, 1st Class, the highest and most prominent rank in all of Shinra's military. Those in 1st Class are immediately made full captains, but can override any decision made by any regular Army, Navy, or Air Force commander, including generals, with the exception of people like Heidegger. Achieving higher ranks in 1st Class is extremely difficult, but possible. When I first heard about Sephiroth, he was already a full colonel. Not that it matters, since whoever is able to get into 1st Class is considered a true soldier and is therefore just as good as anyone else in 1st Class.
Upon being promoted to 1st Class, the soldier is infused with first more mako and, once they get back to full health, they're injected with JENOVA cells. In this process, cells from JENOVA are injected directly into the soldier's bloodstream, making them even sicker than when they're infused with mako. The JENOVA cells go through their body, multiplying and adding their own quiet strength to the already strong body of the soldier. During this time, which takes anywhere from four to six weeks to recover from, the soldier usually goes into a coma for the first two weeks as the JENOVA cells do their thing. All the symptoms that come with the mako appear as well, only much more intense. After coming out of the coma, the soldier continues to feel weak and sick, but not as bad now. A soldier might even experience a mild hallucination or two, but it's perfectly normal and rarely serious.
Once a soldier fully recovers from being injected with the JENOVA cells and the extra mako, they go through training similar to the training they received in 2nd Class. They're tested to see how many pushups, sit-ups and pull-ups they can do in a minute, how fast they can run a mile, how well their senses of eyesight, hearing, and smelling are. They're tested to see how fast they can sprint, how long and far they can possibly run before having to stop, how strong their arms, legs, heart, lungs and every other muscle in their body is. This training was not only designed to make them stronger, but also to let the soldier know what his limits were so they didn't get too ahead of themselves. It's also done to help them adjust to their new abilities, and with the extra mako and the JENOVA cells, those are quite a few. They can recover from injuries such as third degree burns, deep slashes or contusions with little to no medical treatment, depending on where they are wounded, in a matter of weeks or even days. Once they're able to complete this training, they are considered part of Shinra's highest elite personnel, SOLDIER, 1st class.
Of course, I didn't know any of this when I made my decision to join SOLDIER. And since most know that I told Tifa I'd be leaving when I got to be fourteen, I think I'll just skip that part and get to when I actually left. I told my mother about my decision the day I told Tifa. She was thrilled that I had made such a "grown-up" decision. She was worried though, there was no hiding that. She made it clear that I'd have to be careful and come back to her some day. I said I would, and when the time came, I left. My mother and I exchanged hugs and good-byes, and when this was over, I gave her a smile and a wink. I turned around and walked out of town, my duffle over my shoulder, never looking back. I wouldn't see her again for two years, nor would I have any real contact with her. I'm sure it must've been hell for her, because I know it was for me.
I arrived in Midgar some two weeks later, having gotten there with no problems. When I arrived, I was amazed at the size of the city. It was huge! I walked around for hours just looking and marveling at all the sights and sounds of it, almost forgetting why I was even there. I'd run out of gil getting there, but I didn't care, I was too busy just checking everything out. You can believe what you want about the city, but I won't be the first to tell you that, above the plate, the city was clean as they air is after a spring rain. I didn't know about the slums, and even if I'd found out about them, I don't think I would've cared. Why should I? I was there to join SOLDIER, not worry about a bunch of homeless poor people below the plate.
After several hours of admiring the above-plate spectacle that was Midgar, I finally tore myself away from it all and went to Shinra Headquarters to enlist. I was told there was a small transport plane that would be leaving in a few minutes for those who wanted to join the military. I rushed to it and got on, relieved that the flight itself was free. The plane flew for about half an hour and soon crossed over the blank, blue expanse of ocean to a small island that was far enough out not to have a view of the coast. The plane landed on its airstrip, and we were ordered to get off and head to a large barracks that was located not too far from the airstrip. The island wasn't too small; it looked to be about twenty or thirty miles in length and half that in width. It was large enough to hold a training facility with all the room we could want and need, but small enough that it'd be hard to get lost on it if you knew where you were going.
First off, let me just say that anyone who's been in the military knows what it's like when you first arrive at what ends up being your home for the next two months or so. Those who haven't been in the military have no clue what it's like, and therefore shouldn't try to imagine it. Most military movies are bullshit, but a few are right on the mark.
We were all led into a room, where all of us enlisted and became property of the Shinra Armed Forces. Our uniforms were handed to us after measurements were taken of our sizes. We then were led into a different room, where they shaved our hair off. Yes, that's right, I was actually bald for a while. Hard to believe with the hair I have now eh? After our hair was shaved, we were led down a hall and into yet another room, this time for processing, receiving our dog tags, and other necessities, such as a bar of soap, boots, etc. After receiving pretty much everything we'd need, we were led to a large sleeping chamber, filled with bunk beds. There wasn't enough time in the day to teach us to make them, and I guess the Shinra guys there knew that, so our bunks were already made. They had us just toss all our stuff onto our bunks, then took us to the mess hall for chow. Chow that night consisted of beef, mashed potatoes, carrot cake, and milk. That ended up being the staple diet while I was there, and let me tell you, I always craved chow time. True, I got tired of the food itself after a while, but chow time offered me, as well as everyone else, a chance to relax a bit and re-energize ourselves.
When we finished eating, we were led back to the bedroom chamber and went to bed for the night. It was about 9 PM or so when we went to bed, and when 4 AM rolled around, we were given the awakening of a lifetime, and were shown what military life is and isn't.
Chapter 4: The TrainingBlinding lights and deafening sounds exploded into my brain and the minds of everyone else who'd been peacefully sleeping at precisely 4 AM. I jolted awake and sat straight up, and saw three men holding trash cans and banging the insides of them with batons to wake us up. I quickly got down from my bunk, which was on top, and stood next to it at attention. My mind felt groggy and I could hardly keep my eyes open from the harshness of the fluorescent lights, but I stood firm nevertheless. After everyone had gotten down and was standing next to their bunks, the beds messy and their physical selves unkempt, the three men spread out across the room. The one in the center stepped forward and began walking around in front of us, looking us straight in the eyes, challenging us, daring us to do anything against his will.
"I am Gunnery Sergeant Twain, your senior Drill Instructor! From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words outta your filthy sewers will be 'sir,' do you maggots understand that?"
"Sir, yes sir," we all replied half-heartedly.
"Bullshit, I can't hear you, sound off like you've got a pair!" Twain roared.
"Sir, yes sir!!" we responded.
"When you ladies leave my island, when you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of Death praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth, you are not even human fucking shit! You are all unorganized, grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit!
"Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless! And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved corps. Do you maggots understand that?"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Bullshit, I can't hear you!"
"SIR, YES SIR!"
He seemed satisfied that we knew his word was law, and proceeded to walk over to the bunk next to mine. He grabbed the sheets and pillow, then threw it all to the floor in front of the kid standing there. He then turned to the kid and told him to make his bed. The kid picked up the pillow and sheets and made his bed, but as soon as Twain saw the finished product, he threw the sheets and pillow back on the floor. He then made it the proper way, with the four-inch fold and everything, and called us over to take a look at it.
"This is how you will be making your beds from now on. I expect each and every one of you to get to the point where you'll be able to do this in your fucking sleep. Remember what you see in front of you, and make your beds. Now!" he yelled.
I ran over to my bed, hurrying to make it just like he'd shown us. He walked rapidly around to what I felt were random people and screamed in their ears to get what they were doing right or "I will gouge out your eyes and skull-fuck you!" I saw him start coming towards me out of the corner of my eye and I furiously worked on my bed. Just as he was about to yell at me, I finished and stood at attention, my face just inches from his. A powerful shock ran through my spine as I did so and saw his angry face, a face contorted by rage. I looked in his eyes for a second and didn't really see any anger, which meant in my young mind that maybe he didn't mean all the stuff he was saying. That didn't matter though, not really. He looked over my bed, back at me, back at the bed, and finally back at me again. He then just left me standing there and went around to other recruits, checking their beds and yelling at them if the way they were making them didn't suit his needs.
I allowed a small sigh of relief to come from me. I'd done it right. Such pride! I could hardly contain my excitement and pride, knowing that I'd done my first assignment right. I quickly shook myself from this and took a slow glance around the room. Most of the other recruits had finally gotten it right, although there were a few stragglers. Eventually, Twain grabbed the last three that still weren't done, brought them to the front, and pretty much humiliating them by declaring that they were not fit to be in the military. He then had another drill sergeant escort them out of the barracks and onto a transport plane that would be leaving later that day. The rest of us, about 100 or so were left to stand there and ponder what would happen next in silence. This didn't last long, as the drill sergeant came back and all three, including Twain, were now in the room again. Twain walked around the different bunks, calling out various people's names and having them walk to the front. I was called. A shiver of uncertainty ran through my spine. After a couple minutes of this, ten of us stood in front of the others. Twain walked back and stood in front of us, his back facing us ten.
"These ten will be squad leaders. They will show the rest of you scumbags how to make your beds and, as time goes on, they will teach and assist you with other essential topics, such as dressing appropriately, cleaning your gun, and managing the obstacle course. If they are unable to do their jobs to the best of their abilities, they will be replaced. Is that clear?"
"Sir, yes sir!!"
And so it went on from there. We trained relentlessly, from 6AM to 8PM. We did the obstacle course so many times that I lost count after the first couple dozen times. We got to the point that we could do several of the obstacles in less than ten seconds, and the course itself only took a couple of minutes at the most. We trained with rifles, bayonets, trained in marching, basic military commands and orders, basic infantry strategies and tactics. We tried for long-range combat with rifles, and for short-range combat with bayonets and sometimes not even that. We trained quite thoroughly, as much as Shinra trained its new recruits at the time. It wasn't enough for me; I managed to graduate tenth out of a hundred people. I wanted more, and soon after graduating from boot camp as a private, I signed up for SOLDIER and waited for the program to start so I could prove to myself and others just how good I could be.