Disintegrated
"Now, Now, Honey. We've heard enough about you. Let's talk about me."
Roxas sometimes wished they were normal. Instead of going to a restaurant and ordering nothing but dessert, they would've had courses - light conversation and mumbled complements to the chef - they would pay the bill and then leave, perhaps closer than when they went in. Instead, of course, they ate their dessert and laughed riotiously, knew all eachother's in-jokes and referred to them whenever conversation lacked. They would pay a hefty tip, wink at the waitress just so that she would spasm, and leave well apart - though later they both knew they'd be tasting ice-cream in eachother's mouths.
He laughed,dragging the toe of his shoe in the sand - it made a mark he couldn't even feel, a deep scoop of sand, and made him slightly sad to see it so lacking in delicacy. Axel looked at him expectantly.
"Come on, usually you've told me to shut up by now." He muttered confusedly, stopping his long, languid strides down the beach. Roxas looked at him.
"I want to hear about you."
Axel blinked. "Take off your shoes, first. You've been dying to since we hit the sand."
"But it's freezing!"
"Stop pretending you give a shit." the redhead laughed, pulling off his own - Roxas tried not to love that he didn't wear socks, and wrinkled his nose.
"Your feet stink."
"So does your apartment, but I don't say a word."
"I live with you."
"And our apartment smells like shit! What kind of woman are you?"
Roxas chuckled softly and tugged away his socks and boots, leaving them in a lump, far from the ocean. Axel did the same, wriggling his hairy toes in the sand. Roxas laughed at him. "You're like a hobbit."
"You're a nerd, Elf-boy. Not many people make daily Lord Of the Rings references."
"...I'm not a nerd. I just finished reading them!"
"Ooobbsessed." The elder boy laughed, prompting them to walk further along the beach. He was slowly spurning them into the ocean, and Roxas silently thanked him - he'd never have the courage to do so himself.
"Shush, you. What was that about talking about you...?" He muttered under his breath, "And not my nerdiness."
"There's not alot to say."
"Well, good! We can get it over with quickly."
Axel pushed him so he stumbled, tottering uneasily towards the ocean and only just not falling in. "I was hoping that'd discourage you, but if you so insist..." He drew in a large breath, smirking craftily at Roxas from the corner of his eye. "I was born in a small log cabin, in western canada..."
Roxas started sputtering with laughter. "Lemme guess, your father was a lumberjack...? Do you honestly think I'd believe that shit?"
"I was considering it."
"So where did you really come from? And don't say something like 'Kansas, with my little dog toto...', for god's sake - i'll have a conniption."
"I could be from Kansas!"
"But you couldn't befriend scarecrows. You're more Flying Monkey than Tinman."
"And you're more Batshit Crazy than Wicked Witch, so shut your face. Where was I?" He tapped his chin in mock-thought, casually pushing Roxas into the waves that were now so close. Roxas squealed like a little girl, his toes hitting the freezing cold water. "Ah, yes!" Axel exclaimed, ignoring Roxas' yelps of shock. "I'm from New York."
"I thought as much." Roxas was beside him once more, flushed red. "C'mon, a little more than that! Brothers? Sisters?"
"Only child. I thought you'd have worked that one out!" He slipped an arm around Roxas' waist. "I always get what I want."
"Sicko." The blonde boy pushed him off. "And actually, I thought you'd be eldest of four, or something. Those kids are always full of shit."
"Thanks, honey. I am definitely telling you more about my life now!"
"You know I don't mean it." Roxas smiled. "But I'm interested! You know everything about me, down to cousins-" He laughed at Axel's visible shudder. "Sora is not that bad."
"Oh yes he is. The boy wouldn't recognise privacy if it bit his face."
"It was only one time!"
"If he doesn't...I dunno, put a bloody cowboy hat on his doorhandle, or something, next time, I will personally rip off the bits of him that are causing so much trouble."
Roxas winced. "Ouch. You're just jealous, though, aren't you?"
"That I'm single?" He laughed. "Yeah, since you still don't count us as a relationshi-" The blonde's smile disintegrated and he punched Axel feebly in the arm before turning away, a scowl etched into his features. Axel looked at him. "You don't, though, do you?"
Roxas said nothing, folding his arms and staring deliberately at the ocean. Axel, fuelled by the silence, stood beside him.
"I never say the right thing, do I?"
The blonde boy bit his lip. "You and me, Axel...we're not real."
Axel laughed. "You don't get much more real, actually. I wouldn't say true love right now, but..." He was looking at Roxas' face now, frowning angrily. "I don't get you."
"It doesn't matter. Can't we talk about this some other time?"
"No. You never want to talk about it - you've never talked about it before. So, c'mon. Why do you let me kiss you, and then claim - oh, I don't know, that you're not attatched to anything right now?"
"Axel, I'm not talking about this." He stepped further into the water, up to his knees, and looked back at Axel on the shore. "Lets just finish our walk. Finish talking about you."
"We're done with that."
"Then we're done with you and me, aren't we?" He reached into the water and gave it a feeble splash, his fingers red from cold. Straightening, he returned to Axel's side. The redhead regarded him with sadness.
"Would you consider it? Surely I'm not just a pretty face."
"I wouldn't consider it, Axel. It's...it's too complicated." He started walking down the beach and Axel joined him quickly, brushing his shoulder, cautious.
"Just tell me why, and i'll never touch you again."
"I can't."
Axel shoved him, hard, so he fell backwards into the water. It was barely inches deep - but freezing cold, and he looked up at the redhead with contempt.
"Was there any need for that?"
"You're screwing with me again." Axel spat, sitting down in the water beside him. "Roxas, you're my best friend. I know everything about you. We've been together in so many ways, I just...why won't you ever acknowlege me?"
The blonde boy simply sighed, making the water around him slosh. "I do."
"Not in the way I'd like."
"No, I guess not." He was caught when Axel cupped his jaw with one hand, gently tugging his face forward. Like always, he did nothing to stop the contact, knowing all too well the feeling of Axel's lips agains his own. The kiss, however, was chaste - Axel pulled back all too quickly and frowned at him.
"And that's probably why I hate you right now." He furrowed his brows deeper. "Talk about mixed messages."
To his shock, Roxas began to laugh, standing up gingerly in the ocean and offering Axel a hand once he was standing. He sighed.
"I'm sorry." He said seriously, holding Axel's hand in his own and pulling him upright. Once they were stable, he didn't let go. "I really am. I just...I don't know where I am."
"You're here with me, if that helps." the redhead gave a bemused smile. "you know, i'd really appreciate some sort of explanation. Did you get raped, or something? If I finally get inside your pants, will I find scars? Are you just horribly disfigured? What?"
Roxas started to laugh hysterically. "None of those."
"Then why?" He sounded far too desperate, and it unnerved Roxas.
"Why else? I'm your best friend."
"Who regularly makes out with me. Yeah, we're platonic."
"Mm." Roxas shrugged. "How do you feel about me, anyway? I've never been told."
"Liar." Axel paused. "I'm head over heels for you, Roxy-dear."
"Shit."
"How do you think I feel?"
There was silence - Roxas took Axel's hand into his own, and for a moment they were okay. More than okay.
Then Axel gave a disgruntled sigh and wrenched himself away. "What about you?"
"I'm your best friend."
"Anything else?"
"I think you're gorgeous."
"Thanks." The sarcasm wasn't lost on Roxas. "How about 'i love you too, lets finally get this piece of shit together'?"
"I don't think I could."
Axel nodded.
"Whenever you're ready, I guess."