A/N: Holy French Toast! FullMetalButterfly is alive! o_O
Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing. All credit for the characters and series goes to Tite Kubo. I'm just the weird fangirl who came up with this story
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"Ichigo, what's wrong?" He called out from a distance, his voice rustling like leaves in the wind.
"Renji?" I answered as I quickly wiped tears from my reddened face. "Nothing's wrong. Don't be such a worrywart." I tried to hide my discomfort.
"Ichigo, you shouldn't blame yourself for these sorts of things," His voice now calmly whispered behind me. I didn't turn around though. I knew something would happen if I did. "You're alive, and that's all that matters. Not every battle ends in death."
"But-!" I shouted, quickly turning to face the voice. I knew I shouldn't have done that. I knew something would have happened.
Renji was gone. No trace of his having been there could be seen. I was alone. I don't like being alone. It scares me.
"Renji…" a tear rolled down my cheek.
Today was Renji's memorial service. I didn't want to go. But what would he say if he knew that? Nothing good, that's for sure. So an hour before the burial, I put on my best suit and tried to face the world without Renji. My best friend. My lover. I've never felt so lonely before in my life.
Our friends were there; some crying, some hiding their sorrows behind sullen faces. But all were crying on the inside. Renji had been a good asset to the Soul Society, and everyone was saddened by the loss. Their loss. The loss of an exceptional Vice Captain. It was almost too much to bear.
I set flowers on his grave after everyone had left. Our relationship had been a secret, and even now I didn't want anyone discovering it. It would only complicate things. I sat in front of the stone with his name imprinted on it, talking to him, but no one in particular. I wanted to tell him how much I loved and missed him, but it didn't seem to want to come out. So I talked about the hollow attack on Karakura Town.
I rambled for five minutes, telling him how everyone worked together to defeat the invaders. It was a lucky counter-attack on the Soul Society's part. One that normally probably wouldn't have worked. I told him I was proud for what he had done. It wasn't just his job to me, it was his duty. His duty as my lover to protect me and the people that I care about. Unfortunately, he failed to protect the most important person to me.
I started to call him names. I told him how much of a dumbass and bastard he was for leaving me. I said he wasn't fair, and that he shouldn't have taken the easy way out. Now that I look back on it, what I said had been quite selfish. I broke down, worn out both physically and mentally. I cried on Renji's tombstone for what felt like ages, but was only in reality three minutes. Quite disappointing for a lover. I'm pathetic…
"Ichigo," His voice called again, from atop a hill under the shade of a great Oak tree. "Come here Ichigo."
I listened to the voice's command as I walked towards it, the wind rustling my hair. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining brightly on the velvet sky. There were no worries floating around in my head. Everything was clear, and it was wonderful.
"Ichigo," He said as I arrived, taking my place next to him, "are you sure you're alright?"
"Don't worry Renji, I'm fine! You worry way too much!" I laughed lightly. There was no way I was going to ruin this atmosphere with my gloomy problems. We were together, and that's all that mattered. Why waste it?
"I would really like to believe you when you say that Ichigo, but for some reason I just can't…you don't hide dishonesty very well."
I was taken aback by his accusation. I didn't expect him to read me like a book so easily. But I wasn't about to lose. "Why would you say something like that?" I retaliated. I wasn't expecting the reaction I got.
"Ichigo…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you…I just wish you would talk about things with me. About your problems. I wish you would trust me with that responsibility…"
Again, he vanished. I was left alone for the second time. I hate being alone.
I went to Urahara Shoten today. I wanted to pick up some of Renji's belongings. There wasn't much there. But I wanted some part of him to keep close, even if it was just an old shirt or hair band; it didn't matter.
Kisuke brought back a box from storage. Renji's name was on it. I guess after hearing about his death, Kisuke figured that there wasn't much point keeping his stuff out. He had a point though. No one really wants to see belongings of someone who has recently passed away. It brings back painfully sweet memories.
I looked through Renji's box. Just as I had thought, not much was there. I decided on keeping a small baboon stuffed animal: something I had actually given him a year prior. I told him it reminded me of Zabimaru; he just laughed and proceeded to tease me. I still don't fully understand why he did that. Embarrassment, maybe?
I walked home, clutching my new belonging as if it were as expensive as diamonds and as fragile as glass. I don't believe anyone has seen me guard something so possessively. It was quite a sight. When I got home, my dad proceeded in his daily bombardments of kicks and punches. I was caught off guard though, and was round-house kicked in the jaw. I flew back and slammed my head against the door.
As I fell to the ground, semi-conscious, I heard Karin and Yuzu yelling at my dad. They didn't think he'd ever take it that far. Now my dad was concerned. Of course, the only time he is is when I'm not pummeling him back in the face. Great, isn't it?
"You know what, Ichigo? I think you have a lot of problems in your life. I'm not putting you down though, because so do I." I was lying next to him, my head on his chest. I intently listened to his heartbeat, as if it would disappear without a moment's notice.
"Hah, yeah, you're right. I do," I replied, my eyes narrowing slightly. I didn't like it when Renji talked about my problems. It made me seem weak. I didn't like that. I didn't want him to feel like he always had to protect me.
"I think that's a good thing though," he wrapped his around my torso, pulling me closer. I could almost smell the faint scent of shampoo. "I think that if you didn't have any, that you and I wouldn't be able to connect as well as we do."
"I guess so…" I mumbled. I wasn't quite interested in where this was going, but I paid attention to what he had to say. In some sense it was important, and I just like hearing his voice. It was soothing, and I felt my eyelids grow heavy. I closed my eyes only for a second, planning to open them after a quick rest, but soon discovered myself lost in sleep. When I awoke, Renji was gone.
I woke up in my bed. I didn't remember anything past my dad asking if I was ok. I knew I had passed out. But that was ok, I didn't really mind. I laid in bed for a couple of moments before I remembered my new item. I freaked out when I realized it wasn't in my bed, or anywhere near it. I frantically got out of bed, but not before wrapping myself in the blankets and falling face first onto the floor. It just couldn't get any better, could it?
"Yuzu! Karin!" I shouted as I ran downstairs. No reply. "Yuzu! Karin!" Still no one. "Where are they…?" I started to panic. Now was not the time to do that. But it started regardless, and I sat on the kitchen floor, my back against the cabinet while my head was on my knees. My hands were over my head, as I clutched angrily onto my hair. I knew that wasn't going to help, but it kind of made me feel better.
I sighed after getting over my fit; my knuckles were white. My head hurt. My body ached. No one was around to comfort me. A very sad situation indeed. I walked over to the door I had used to enter the house previously, but the stuffed animal wasn't there. Of course it wouldn't be. Upon my realization of having already lost my chosen reminder of my lover, I was struck with grief. How could I have done something like that?
Although I didn't want to, I decided on going back to Urahara Shoten. I figured that if I didn't go now, I never would. I did it so that I would always remember Renji. Not for his achievements in Soul Society, but for something greater. For him as a person. I hoped I wasn't doing it just to be reminded of him sexually. Those memories were different in and of themselves.
I trudged along the sidewalk, still unsure about my decision. What if Kisuke asks why I'm coming back? I can't just tell him I lost what I had taken earlier…if I did, he probably wouldn't let me take anything else. So I decided upon telling him that the baboon was for Rukia, and that I had decided upon giving it to her, that I wanted something to remember him by too. After all, we were friends.
Something was odd about the air around me. It smelled and felt differently than the air from before. I wonder why? It didn't bother me too much though. I had more important things on my mind than why the air was different. As I neared the shop though, I did have to start thinking about the different air. And quickly. There was someone there, standing in front of Kisuke's shop. Someone I didn't recognize. I walked closer, making the figure turn. It was a man, with teal hair and what looked like a jaw bone on the right side of his face. Something was telling me he wasn't there to shop.
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Hey guys, thanks for checking out my new story! I know I haven't posted anything in 2 ½ months (yeesh o_O) but after I promised myself that I would have something up after the last day of school, I knew I had to work on something. This style is completely new for me, I hope you like it. I think it kind of adds to the angsty atmosphere (short sentences anyone??) Anyways, thanks for checking this out! Please R&R, I will love you if you do! I need some opinions on the writing style!
OH! Btw, the italicized parts are kind of like flashbacks / dreams. I wanted to portray Ichigo's relationship with Renji, but didn't want to actually include his person in the story. Those will start to slowly die down. They'll be replaced with something though. Possibly. But I'm not telling :p you'll just have to read more to find out :D
(I think this will be a three chapter story, because (at the moment) I can't really think of anything for a fourth chapter. Don't take my word completely on that though~)