Gundam T
With Guest Stars Mr. T and Mike Tyson
A/N: I don't own Gundam Wing, Tyson or Mr. T, so don't sue! If you don't get it, view the Mr. T vs Everything website at wrote this story back in my freshman year of high school. It involves my hero, Mr. T, in the setting of Gundam Wing. It's stupid, but just go with it.
It all started when Heero Yuy wanted to borrow Mr. T's 1982 GMC Custom Van that goes helluva fast. Mr. T accepted, on the condition that Yuy would take full responsibility for any damages to the van. Yuy agreed, and took Mr. T's van. He was so confident of his skills that he was sure that the van would not be scratched. But halfway through the mission, Yuy was surrounded by Mobile Dolls, and was forced to self-destruct Mr. T's van. When Mr. T heard of this, he said, "That Yuy foo is gonna get thrown helluva far!" So, to take revenge, he disassembles the Wing Zero, and makes a van out of the pieces. "It's not fast as my old van, but it'll get the job done for now." He drives to the spot of the self-destruction, and finds Yuy lying stunned on the ground. "Prepare to fly T Airlines, sucka!" With these words, Mr. T picks up Yuy, and throws him helluva far.
Mr. T then reassembles his original 1982 GMC Custom Van that goes helluva fast. He then drives to the Cinq Kingdom (In three seconds, his van is fast, foo!) and throws Relena helluva far, all the way into outer space (she doesn't explode because she has a protective Ditz Field). After Relena is out of sight, Mr. T gets to work converting the palace into a youth center for the ghetto children. However, leadership of the Cinq Kingdom carries many responsibilities.
"Mr. T, we are being attacked by Mobile Dolls!" "What? We're being attacked by moving Barbies?!" "No, Mr. T! Mobile Dolls are gigantic robots! The same that forced Heero to destroy your van!" "What?! Them suckas is dead foo!" Mr. T gets into his van, and pushes the button labeled "I PITY THE FOO!" His van transforms into the powerful Gundam Clubber Lang, or "Foo Blaster" and blows the Dolls away.
Later, back at the Cinq Youth Center, Mr. T and the pilots were all drinking milk. Relena said "This milk tastes awful!" and throws the glass of milk across the room. Now, everyone knows that you never, ever waste milk in front of Mr. T. "That's it, foo! Your gonna fly T Airlines." Relena wakes up somewhere in Brazil.
A few hours later, Mr. T receives bad news. "Mr. T! Mr. T! White Fang is attacking us!" "White Fang? Who da hell is White Fang? Do they have a halitosis problem or something?" "No!" "Well, I guess your right, 'cause if they did have a halitosis problem, then they would call themselves 'Yellow Fang' instead of White Fang." "They are a group of rebels bent on destroying us!" "What? I pity the foo who tries to destroy the Cinq Youth Center! I'm gonna throw those suckas helluva far!" Noin says, "We'll take the Peacemillion Ship." "What?! I ain't getting on no plane, foo! My van is helluva fast!"
Mr. T flies to outer space, in his van, all the way to the Libra space station. He is almost there, when an image of Zechs appears in front of Libra. "Zechs! You're transparent! You haven't been drinking your milk, sucka!" Zechs replies "I have too! This is a hologram of me! I am here to say that this is the end of the road for you." Libra fires its main cannon at Mr. T. The beam bounces off Mr. T's gold chains, and smashes right back into Libra, completely destroying it. "That's not fair! You'll pay, Mr. T!" screams the Zechs-hologram. With that, it disappears.
Mr. T flies back to Earth, intent on finding Zechs. Once back at the Cinq Youth Center, Duo informs Mr. T that Zechs has been sighted singing in a kareoke bar on the South Side. Mr. T arrives at the Bronx in 10 seconds flat. It would have taken him shorter, except a redneck shot at his van and Mr. T had to throw him.
Mr. T enters the bar to find Zechs singing kareoke surrounded by a pack of screaming girls. Zechs sees Mr. T, and sings "I have to go, there's a mohawked psycho at the door!" He only walks three steps before Mr. T grabs him by the hair. "But Mr. T, it wasn't my fault! Mike Tyson made me fight against you! He threatened to eat my children if I had any!" Mr. T believes him, and hunts down Tyson, dragging Zechs along for the ride. Sure enough, they find Mike Tyson giving orders to a bunch of Oz soldiers in Trieze's hideout. "Tyson foo! Your ass is about get thrown helluva far!" "That's what you think, Mr. T! After I'm done with you two, I'm gonna eat you both, and then I'm gonna go to the Cinq Youth Center and eat your children!" "Shut up foo!"
Mr. T, Zechs, and Mike Tyson battle it out, but in the end, Tyson gets thrown, helluva far, into outer space, and flies toward a spaceship full of Oz soldiers. "Look! It's a reverse meteor! It's headed straight for us!" Tyson crashes through the windshield. "The vacuum! AHHH!" The soldiers get sucked into outer space, where they promptly explode.
Back at the Cinq Youth Center, everyone is very happy that the war was finally over. Zechs married Noin, and then returned with her to his kareoke bar, but since arson is quite common in the Bronx, and since a music-hating firebug had gotten loose, they didn't stay for long. Relena found a splinter sect of "Ripley's Believe it or Not" in Brazil. She is now the star attraction. After he reassembled his Gundam, Heero found a job at the Cinq Youth Center, teaching the children self-defense. Duo became a teen idol. And Mr. T? Mr. T abolished the title of "Queen of the World" and broke the Earth back into separate countries. He directed the Cinq Youth Center wisely, and thanks to him, 'ghetto kid' is now a term of the past. But maybe, one day, it will-SHUT UP FOO!!!