At first, I was just trying to catch some breath, leaning back against the wall.
I don't know how long it took me to realize how noisy the place was, but honestly, it was all the better.
I listen to the rollercoaster roar, kids scream and cheer, friends banter and laugh, the ferries wheel turns ever so slowly, gently, softly, carrying couples up into the air where they can see the amusement park from the birds eye view, enjoying each others company as the wheel circles. I hear kids laughing, giggling and squealing for their parents, wanting to try new toys or a ride, tugging and begging to try it with them, and I heard people, different ages, shapes and sizes walking around, happy, chatting with each other.
I'm here under a bridge, alone and miserable.
My family was separated, probably injured.
I bit back a low, snapping growl, clinching my fists real tight, my nails digging into my palms, rage and anger welling in my chest, swelling, growing and expanding. I was a failure! We- I was supposed to stand my ground! To fend my home, to protect my family! With Leo missing, as second in command, it was my duty to fend off the enemy and protect my territory!
'But they were too many!' a voice inside me said, 'You had no choice!' the voice spoke truth, and at that moment, I knew it was the only option I had. The only thing I could do was tell them to split, and then meet topside, and I didn't even say where!
Consumed by guilt, I wondered if master Splinter was okay.
When the Foot attacked our home, forcing us to flee and escape, I was so angry! I was angry at them for barging into our home, destroying everything! Angry at myself for not being able to render them, or at least lessen the density of their strike! Angry at everything for not working out right! Everything was all wrong! Everything was going all wrong!
Even till now, I still can't figure out how they even found us, how could they? The lair was very well hidden in an old abandoned area within the outskirts of town, sheltered under many abandoned buildings, buried and tucked carefully deep down underground, and with Donny's genius brain and security system, it just- it still didn't make any sense.
I bit back a curse, clinching my fists even tighter; pain started throbbing though my left leg, my strained ankle was tingling again, reminding me of the bump it took when that mechanical tin can gripped me, crushing me. Heck! I even heard the edges of my shell crack under the massive strength, if he hadn't thrown me off, slamming onto the wall, he could have easily killed me.
I closed my eyes real tight, suppressing the pain that tingled in the back of my sockets, hot salty moisture was filling my eyes, but I did my best to suppress them, before moving a hand, rubbing them away.
Leaning my head and shell back against the wall, trying to clear out my racing, angry, frustrated, irritated and apprehensive, cluttered thoughts, I sucked in a few calming breathes, tasting the warm, thick, midnight, salty air, mildly stained with the scent of a sandy beach, cotton candy, popcorn and hotdogs, and those smells made my stomach roar out loud, protesting.
I knew there was no chance for me to go undetected, so I had to wait, it was very late at night and the place was nearing closing time. I stayed in my spot for a good two or three hours, resting and lightly meditating, trying to clear my mind, but the task was hard to do, knowing your stomach wouldn't leave you alone, not even for five minutes, before pinching your inside and protesting out loud again.
I bit back a growl, and a whiff of hotdogs assaulted my nose, making my mouth water, and I knew I had better get something to eat before my stomach puts me in trouble. 'Besides!' I then thought, 'It's pretty empty, I can just grab any leftovers, they ought to do.' I reasoned simply, pushing myself off the soft, damp sand and up the bridge, careful with the hurting ankle.
I made my way up the bridge, careful not to be seen, snuck behind a closed shop, then towards the closes diner.
Patiently, I stayed hidden, eyeing a waiter leaving a table with dirty dishes in his hand, telling someone inside that their day's work is almost done, and something about the good profits of today.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type who goes after leftovers, that's Mikey's job, with that killer appetite of his. I'm just so darn hungry, I'm willing to eat just about anything! Well, almost anything. At any case, I know better than to throw away food, or half-eaten food for that matter. I mean, some people are just so damn rich and spoiled, they don't know how precious a meager morsel is to a homeless. Some people take just one bite, and when they don't like how it tastes, they throw it away, just like that.
Bah! Such a waste! The ungrateful idiots.
Perching atop the diner, hidden in the shadows, trying desperately to subdue the twisting in my empty stomach, and trying to ignore the mouthwatering aroma whiffing out of the diner, I eyed a far away table, there was a small plate, it had a half eaten burger of some sort, half wrapped up in it's paper, along with the paper cup of coke that sat next to the plate.
Whoever bought it was probably not all that hungry, or didn't have time to finish it.
So with ninja stealth, hungrily, I stalked closer to the diner, watching the waiter chat with another guy, so I took my chance and hopped down silently, snatched the leftover burger and coke, before dashing back into the shadows. When the waiter came back, aiming to grab whatever leftovers or dishes were left, he was clearly puzzled, seeing there was nothing to pick up, but then he shrugged it off, mumbling something to his friend, before he took off his apron piece, his friend stepped out, and then they closed the small diner, locking it, they picked up their stuff and left.
I made my way back under the bridge, knowing I will not be disturbed during the meal, and sat down, growling at the fact that that simple task make my ankle hurt, but my stomach was roaring again, and I just had to shut it up.
Famished, I hungrily unwrapped the paper and took a vicious bite from the burger, my teeth digging into the bread and meat, cutting it and tearing it out, chewing it eagerly; but then froze, only to mildly wrinkle my face, grimacing inwardly at the taste of greasy, cold mayonnaise, and the lack of onions or garlic, there was a bit too much mayo on the meat, not enough veggies, no hot sauce, barely even a leaf of lettuce, tomato or even cucumbers, 'What? What's a cheeseburger without veggies and fries?' I growled, eyeing the offending bun with distaste.
Halfheartedly arguing with my stomach, I was hoping for a more balanced meal, but my stomach won again, and I was too damn hungry to argue, so nevertheless, I swallowed the bite, before opening the bun, with a careful finger, I scooped out the extra mayo and wiped it in the paper wrappings the burger was placed in. I wondered how humans even eat something so darn greasy!
'Well what would you expect, bonehead? Something healthy?' I snorted a laugh, but then paused, thinking about a certain member of the family, who's known for his bit appetite, and who would very well could or would eat something this greasy, 'Does it matter?' I snort a laugh, 'Mikey can eat something this greasy, and no one cared.' I thought to myself.
'I wonder if Mike's okay.' worried again, thinking, worried all over again about my family's welfare.
Tired, I devoured the burger quickly, ignoring the unpleasant and mild way it tasted, I just want to shut my stomach up, that's why I'm eating, and once I'm done, I took a sip of coke, drowning it down; it felt like a dry lump in my throat, and I had to help it slide down somehow. I took only a few sips, trying to gather my thoughts, lost in my own world.
After a moment, I stopped sucking on the straw, I needed a breath, the fizzy drink was warm and it bubbled in my throat, it filled my stomach with air, so I had to let out a small belch. Of course, unlike Mikey, I don't let out a long, disgusting belch, not unless it's a challenge with Casey or something, besides, I think belching it quite disgusting at times.
On a side note, belching too hard would only end up making me throw up, and I don't want that.
Putting the cup aside, pretty much empty, I relaxed, my stomach finally silent, after being fed.
I closed my eyes, leaning back against the wall again, trying to relax, clenching my fists a bit. I winced, feeling something prick at my palms, so I looked at my bruised palms and grimaced. The nails had dug a little into my hands, I remembered that I had clinched my hands real tight earlier, so my nails had probably dug into my skin, and the bruises they left behind stung.
The damage done to my hands hurt, I knew I won't be able to hold my weapons for long with such bruised palms, so I secretly prayed that I wont get caught any time soon, cause I'm in no condition to fight.
But that thought sparked something else.
'And to think, after so many years of training, we still couldn't hold our ground in our very own home.' The bitterness of the thought bit me, and it made me angry all over again! 'Karai, you freakin' b!tch! Leo should have killed you when he had the chance, the idiot.' I grumbled angrily, 'That way, you would have been dead, and tin-head wouldn't have been our problem anymore, we could live the rest of our life not having to worry about karma coming around to bite our ass!' I bit back an audible snarl.
I knew, that it was not the only thing bothering me.
It was the fact that right now, we lost our second homes, and there is no one to greet Leo when he returns.
True, I wouldn't be the first in line with hugs and kisses, welcoming him home, but that don't mean I wouldn't want it to be somewhere where all of us are together, someplace safe and protected, a place to call our own.
To me it was depressing, having to life on the run, hiding from some b!tch who dare attack us in our own home, someone who got the kicks in tormenting us, tearing down our lair, scattering us across the city.
I felt terrible enough the first time we lost our home, back many months back when Stockman's rock munchers tore down our old home, we've been living there since we were little crawling critters! It was our home for fifteen years!
When those rock munchers tore down the place, making us homeless, when Leo and I had to retrieve our old stuff to the new place, I still didn't feel too happy moving out of the place, I dunno why.
I missed the small, cluttered, closely bundled and homey little living room, with that tiny television screen, that single couch, that small coffee table. I miss the single bedroom the four of us shared, where we all talk the night away and laugh, share thoughts and simply be closer to one another, to comfort each other during a bad dream or sickness. And most of all, I miss the small dojo, that humble little place where we can all train side by side, we can see each other, feel each other, it gave me a sense of belonging, and I loved it.
The new lair may have provided us with more space, individual rooms, and a separate kitchen and monitor area, too; but to me, it felt like it provided a little way too much free space!
I ain't Argo-phobic, I'm not afraid of wide open spaces, they just make me feel- exposed, you know? It makes me very uncomfortable. Because of the wide open space, I seriously felt that the living room area was too wide! Even the bedrooms were too wide, I had hard time thinking up stuff to put in the room, in hope making them feel smaller, but seeing how Leo, Don and Mike loved the wide open space, I never dare complain about it, because I didn't want to end up being the weird one in the bunch, preferring a small, cluttered room to a new, wide clean one.
True the living room, monitor area and dojo were all opened out on each other, but I don't now, it just didn't feel- home, you know? It didn't feel quiet right, it made me feel a bit out of place, like I'm ma kid who just moved out of a tiny, humble and homey cabin, and moved into a giant, wide open mansion. Some people might like change, but sometimes, I don't!
I know Mikey hates the change, emotional change is worse than location change, though; but he gets over it once he sees the good side about the change, and sometimes, I envy how quickly he adapts to changes.
To think that after months of residence in our new home, just as I started getting used to it, Karai just had to spoil the party and trash it, sending us homeless again, with no place to go and no one to call. Calling April or Casey would only put them in trouble, and I know that they know better than to come looking for us, or else they'll just get themselves killed, and we don't want that.
For a moment, I paused, listening to crickets chirp, and I knew the amusement park was now empty.
Everyone had gone to their homes, to their families.
I was here alone, homeless.
I don't like this, I don't like this at all! Everything started going down ever since we took down the Shredder, ever since Leo started with that attitude, I started seeing more and more of my angry side, it sickened me, it made me wonder 'Gee, was I ever this bad?' I felt ashamed of myself sometimes; gawking at Leo's strained nerves, aggravated and disrespectful outbursts at Sensei and the others, it was so unlike him.
Leo used to be a kind, gentle and caring brother, his voice was kind and soft, he never had that thick, angry hissing sound in the pit of his throat before, it didn't sound right coming from his throat, it- it just felt so wrong! Ever since the mood swings, when turned into a Raph-wannabe, as Mike likes to call it, I just couldn't take it anymore, I wanted my brother back, I didn't want this- this- thing!
That was not my brother!
Clutching the cup, I sucked on the straw, only to be greeted by empty fizzing, the coke was already gone.
With a frustrated growl, I tossed it away.
Go ahead! Call me a litter bug, I don't care! I'm feeling bad enough as it is!
I palmed my face, trying to calm down, I felt like an emotional wreck!
I tried to think more clearly, but the sound of feet stepping on soft, damp sand caught my ears, it perked my alarmed senses, and in the darkness that surrounded me, I perked, alarmed and ready for a fight. I gripped my twin sai and twirled them, ready for the attacker, but the darkness I laid in, in contrast with the brightness the one before me stood bathed in, blinded me for a minute.
When he spoke, in that humble, kind, gentle brotherly tone, I smiled, a relieved grin spread on my face.
It was Leo! I couldn't believe it! He was standing right there in front of me!
I didn't care about the when, where, what, how or why, I was first overwhelmed by his return, then just as quickly, was reminded of the others, I had to tell him what happened, I didn't know where to start, but before I could even think of where to start, he simply put his hand on my shoulder, telling me that he had already found them, that they're all alright, and for that brief moment, it cast all my worries away!
Following him to our new shelter, an old abandoned pumping station, it had a giant, medieval looking castle-like place built over it, probably used to be an old tourists attraction, I dunno; but anyway, when we got to the other, I had to keep my grouchy self in check, and though it kind of bit me, how disappointed Donny looked when I passed him by, I was still swelling with anger, I was fuming.
Honestly, I'm glad I'm here with the family, and I'm glad to hear, see and feel that my dear brother Leo is back to normal, or at least, he is trying to act back to normal, but ever since master Splinter mentioned that he saw something else in Leo's eyes, I knew that it wasn't over, and the demon inside of him had not been relinquished, it had just been put to sleep, and could easily pop out if he got too angry.
When Leo left one last time after that, I knew he was going to settle the score with tin head's little puppet, and I sure hope Leo knocker her head off her shoulders this time, cause she deserves it! If not, then he had better have a good reason.
I leaned closer to Donny, while Mike petted Klunk and Sensei meditated in his makeshift bed.
I was weary, and I still felt bad for blowing Donny off, when I first arrived with Leo, so I laid on my side, arms somewhat crossed, resting my heavy head tiredly on Don's thigh, eyes closed. I could sense Don was a bit startled, looking down at me, and I wondered if I were resting on his hurting leg, I could tell from the way he used his Bo staff like a crutch, that one or both his legs hurt; but then he relaxed, I could feel him smiling. He put a hand on my shoulder, before he then gently moved it upwards and stared caressing my head, softly massaging my scalp.
I relaxed, I was pretty tired, I didn't really care what he did. I didn't care if Mike saw us, then again, I could sense something, and it felt like a bigass grin, so yeah, that's enough for me to know Mike saw me. I didn't have to open my eyes to feel Sensei's smile, either. I drifted into light meditative-like nap, and it helped me relax even more.
Later that night, a short while after I rose from the nap, resting on my side, propped on an elbow, Leo came back with Chinese food, I weren't really hungry, all the grease from that burger still pretty much gagged my stomach, even after so long, I felt a bit stuffed, so I shared my meal with Mike, he sure looked hungry, nothing new. We all talked, sharing what we did when the Foot chased us, and started struggling with the tidbits of info gathered.
We realized that during the time we've been slacking off, after the fall of the Shredder, Karai had improved herself, advancing her weaponry, Foot and tech related contraptions. We were now being hunted by a new enemy, and I've got the bad, gut feeling, this lady is going to be one hard bite to chew out, I just hope we can do it right, now that Leo is back.
To be honest, I'm half glad he's back, I seriously missed bumping heads with him, but I'm also half upset, cause- well, I don't know, I don't want to act like he never actually left, but something just doesn't feel right.
I mean, he can't just leave us, then come back two months later like nothing happened! Heck! We didn't even give him a 'farewell' party, and now that he's back, with the lair destroyed, we can't even give him a 'welcome back' party, either!
Tired, we all decided that this abandoned pumping station will be our new home, so we all settled on the floor with little blankets Leo managed to provide from the old lair and April, we all settled down for the night. Leo to Sensei's left, Don to the right, I'm at the far side of the room, leaning against the wall, and Mike curled up near Donny, Klunk sleeping peacefully on his plastron.
I couldn't sleep, even if I wanted.
There was just so much I was thinking of, I couldn't sleep.
I closed my eye for a moment, missing the warmth and comfort of my hammock, yet trying to rest, willing myself to relax, and I think it worked, cause I could feel my mind fogging up with sleep, my neck straining itself, trying to keep my head from nodding into sleep, but I felt so heavy, I wanted to just drop to the side and sleep, but I didn't want to, I tried to resist.
Suddenly, there was a touch over my shoulder, and I arched my brow ridges sleepily, snorting in start, I tried to prey my eyes open, but I was just so darn tired and sleepy, all I felt was a hand, clasping my shoulder gently, pulling me closer, a chin on my head, arms wrapped around my shoulders, resting my head on the collar bone, under the head.
My breath was warm in my throat, and my eyelids started dropping again, and when I tried to push myself away, a gentle, kind voice shushed me, rubbing my shoulder, pulling me closer.
My snout rubbed the collar bone a bit, and I took a sniff, recognizing the scent of mountain due and grass.
I smiled, recognizing that it was Leo.
'Missed ya, bro.' I murmured sleepily, nuzzling his throat.
He chuckled softly, 'I missed you, too.' he nuzzled my forehead.
I dare snuggle closer, wanting more warmth, and I felt him smile, 'Okairinasai, Aniki.' I breathed out sleepily.
He chuckled, holding me closer, tighter, 'Un,' he hummed, smiling, 'Tadaima, nii-san.'
It's true, what master Splinter said, it doesn't matter where you are, for home is where your family and loved ones are, it abides by no time or place, the location varies depending on who it is you consider a family.
I smiled, because my family was right here.
Right now, it was holding me, in his arms.
And I couldn't have felt anymore at home.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A/N: um, yeah… I was originally aiming for it to be a half Raph-Leo, Raph-Don oneshot, but in the end, I was only able to put small hints, nothing too detailed, so it's more Raph centric, I guess.