Sorry, not much magic. Curse words and sexual themes.

Once upon a time, a long time ago...

There was a boy named Steven Quartz Universe.

Steven was the son of Greg, the jack-of-all-trades. Greg could fix your cart. He could shoe your horse. He could be your bard, your minstrel, your tanner and your blacksmith. People generally liked him. Steven and him lived in the woods, next to a small lake, and lived happily and quietly.

Steven's mother had been very different. He barely remembered her (all he could really picture was the smell of roses and a mass of huge curls.), as she had died when he was 3, but what he'd heard from his father was that she was great. Stole from the rich to give to the poor, almost never got caught, and had the best fighting skills you've ever seen. A warrior descended from the likes of Arthur or Boudica, surely. There was even a ballad about her.

It was a cloudy but warm day when his Dad died. The first day of Spring. So Steven and Greg decided to go on a picnic. They had just caught a rabbit, and Steven was happily using his rabbit trimmed boots. They had packed some sheperd's pie, and were planning to catch some fish and go berry-picking. A perfect day.

Steven had been taking a swig of his water when a bolt went through Greg's heart.

Greg dropped the piece of pie he was eating, his eyes bulged slightly, giving a cry as he fell over, dead. Steven looked past his father's fallen form. A woman with yellow hair, on a palamino horse, cantered over. A lighter blonde was on a white, and she was smirking, from a distance.

"Oh, was he you father?" The woman grinned, shouldering her bow. Steven could only nod, wide-eyed. 'Well," she said, grinning truimphantly. "He was the husband of Rose Hood, the bane of my existence, AND a tax evader. Pay up now, or you'll die too." She said it simply, with no remorse.

Steven was shocked, and couldn't reply, until something got and sticky started warming his pant leg. The sensation of warm blood on his pants awoke his thoughts.

Steven knew that this woman was the sheriff of Nottingham. No one liked her. He could, perhaps, punch her, but she or her second-in-command, Yellow Pearl, would strike him dead before he could really do anything. He was a good fighter, but he had left his weapons at home. Even if he could reach them, they had long range weapons and the advantage of added height due to horses.

There wasn't much he could do.

"I have a good stallion and a jenny mule. Would that be okay?"

He couldn't let her take Lion. Lion was his nearly pink mule-horse hybrid, and was so odd looking that he'd be a valuable addition to a stuffed animal collection.

The sheriff tossed her head, mollified. "For now. We will discuss further compensation later." She flicked her hand at him. "Lead me to your hovel."

Steven ran quickly. He knew the horses would have trouble getting through the trees, so he hoped to get home before the sheriff and deputy could see Lion.

He reached his stable, where the herd was grazing. His mother's stallion, Robin, and his father's mule, Van, were in the outer field. Lion, their son, was luckily right by the stable.

Steven jumped over the fence, pulling his belt strap from his pants, and fastened it around Lion's muzzle. He knew it was cruel, but if Lion made a single noise, all could be lost. Lion was a miracle, after all. Not many mules could have children.

Swiftly leading him to the barn, he locked Lion up in his stall, and ran outside. The sheriff and her deputy hadn't arrived yet. He grabbed Robin and Van by their bridle, and put leads on both of them.

When the women grabbed his stallion and jenny, they sneered at him, and Yellow Diamond said,"Next time, I want 3000 guineas, not animals, nor things. You have three years." And they left, as quickly as they appeared.

Steven could only fall onto his knees and cry.

3000 guineas was no small amount. Steven and his father had made about 10 a year. And Steven didn't have 300 years. He had 3.

As Steven thought if ways to make money, he cut out a wooden plaque, after laying his father under many stones, next to his mother. It simply said Greg. He placed a pebble on top of eachq markers, and left to go to market.

Steven took with him many things, his books, the metalworks his father made, their furs, and his mother's dresses. He made 50 guineas. And that was all the things of value he had.

"Welp, least I made that. It's a start."

For the next 3 weeks, he tried his hand at being a minstrel. But most would not pay more than a guinea a gig, and soon his renditions of "If every porkchop was perfect, there'd be no sausages", "The ballad of Rose Hood" and "Giant Woman (in your bed)" were not paying enough for his food and shelter costs. So he turned back, with less money than he had when he started out on his venture. His spirit was still high, though. There may still be a chance.

A new idea had started forming in his head.

His mother's band had split up. It was said there were 4 other members. Ruby and Sapphire left early, sailing westward, where they had been heard last in Ireland. That was actually in the early years. Then there had been Pearl, his mother's right hand woman, who left right after his mother was courted by Greg. Steven didn't know why. And Amethyst.

Amethyst had actually lived with them, right until Steven was 13. Then she left. Amethyst and his Dad had wrote each other occasionally, and she lived in London, the City of Wonders. Maybe she could help him raise enough money. Perhaps he could find a job there.

On the way home, he stopped by his favorite bakery, The Big Fartura. It was run by his friends Sadie and Lars. Lars' family was orginally from Portugal, so they had a variety of baked treats.

Parking Lion outside, he strolled in, happy to get some farturas for on the way home. "Ho, Sadie!" he greeted the woman next to the oven.

'Ho, Steven!" she replied. "You want the usual?" He nodded yes. She got to work right away. "I'll be about an hour. You just leave Lion here. Take a stroll. Peedee will probably want to see you."

He payed her, and then went off around town. He stopped by Peedee and Ronaldo's Bar. Ronaldo, was, as usual, telling his fish stories to the children of the patrons, and Peedee was washing dishes. When Steven arrived, they bowed, and shook hands. Steven started helping with the dishes, and they were quiet for a while.

"So, how are you doing?"

"Okay. How's your father?"

"Still in prison. Last I saw of him, a week ago, they had used the cat-o'-nine-tails on his back. It was a little green."

"What did your dad do? Or rather, didn't do?"

"He was out after curfew, talking to someone they couldn't identify. A man with an eyepatch as a mustache."

Peedee talked so calmly, but Steven knew it was an act. They were silent again. Finally, handing Steven a dish, Peedee started a new topic.

"Hey, um, did you know that the sheriff is going to make an announcement today?"

"No, why?".

"Because I think she's going to say something important. About the forest."

After helping Peedee, and grabbing his farturas ad Lion, Steven travelled down to the Main Square.

Yellow Diamond was on her balcony, looking down at the people of the town. 'A sign of the summer to come, a warm summer breeze wafts through the air." She gestures out. Steven blows a raspberry. Peedee giggles. Others smile. Yellow Diamond doesn't notice. "It is April, so the sound and smells are coming to us again." Steven blows another one. Sadie, Lars, and a few others join in on the giggles. "The hot wet parts" Here Steven made a moaning sound that makes half of the crowd start giggling. The sheriff acts like she doesn't notice. "of summer are coming." He moans again, louder this time. The whole crowd is tittering. Steven didn't usually make rude jokes to that extent, but the sheriff deserved it.

After it quieted down again, Yellw Duamond frowned and then continued.

"Anyway, Princess Blue Diamond, my cousin, needs a break sometimes, from that nasty, pox-ridden city. She needs a hunting lodge. The Princess of Wales just has a ton of pressure she needs to let off, and coming here could be a release or her." This time Steven doesn't even have to make any noise, stinky, sexual, or otherwise. Everyone's mind was on the dirty side of things. Everyone was laughing.

Yellow Diamond was furious. "All of you, SHUT UP!' Steven was able to tell she was trying to find to whoever was making the jokes. He thought, 'Face it, lady. You have a ton of enemies in this town, and no one really likes the Princess, either.,

After several minutes, she gave up, and was silent for a while. "The princess is going to build a hunting lodge here, called the Cluster. That means that a lot of trees are going down, and you all will pay more taxes. If any of you have things there, you better move them, because we are taking it." Annoyed, she turned about-face and went through her curtains.

Steven could only think of one thing as he rode home that night. 'The Diamonds have taken everything I have.'

But when he and Lion got home, he had a new thought. 'I'm not going to let them.'

It was time to take out his sword and shield, and to find Amethyst.

Hello peeps! As usual, criticism is welcomed. :)

Explanation for some things.

There isn't a gender bias in this story. Also, I won't mention religion. Asia and Southern Africa are not unknown to Europeans, and so it is not completely unusual to find a non-European in this England. America, however, has not been officially discovered yet.

Blue Diamond is like Prince John, from Robin Hood.

Farturas are like Portugeuse donuts, from what I've heard.

Jenny mule = Girl mule.

Guinea = Probably like a fifty dollar bill in those times. I don't know exact conversion.

Mules can occasionally have children with donkeys or horses, and it is extremely rare. Lion, because I wasn't sure how to sneak a lion into 1300's England, is 3/4 horse and 1/4 donkey.

Next chapter is Connie. Even though Steven is trying to reach Amethyst.

Thanks! See you in two week's time!