The trails my tears made are permanently etched in my cheeks
And no matter how many people try to make me, I don't want to speak
Keely ran up to her room, her mascara dripping down her face, making it black. School didn't matter. After she had refused to speak to the teachers, they had decided she must be sick, so they had sent her home. But she was sick. Sick with love, misery and heartbreak.
"Keely! Honey, what are you doing home?" Mandy Teslow called up the stairs after her daughter. Then she sighed. Barb had informed her that they were moving again. That must be it. Phil had gone. And the school had sent her. Well, Mandy didn't blame them. Or Keely for feeling that way. Having your heart broken was something Mandy knew all about.
The last thing I said was to you
And that memory, is something I don't want to remove
Nothing around me looks familiar, anymore
All the colours fade, and blur
Keely sat on her bed. Not speaking. She couldn't even remember what her voice sounded like. The last thing she had said was to him. She had said goodbye. And it was like a kiss. When the person you loved kissed you, you didn't want to wash that kiss away. She didn't want to get rid of knowing that the last words that came out of her mouth were to him. And she would have to speak eventually. That much was obvious. But she wanted to keep her vow of silence for as long as she could.
Everything was black and white now. And the tears in her eyes were blurring everything. The world wasn't the same without him.
Your voice, was my lullaby
That made me fall asleep at night
Your smile, was my shining sun
And when you shone it, it proved you were the one
The only one to help me through the day
But now you've gone away
It was night now. Keely heard her mother going to bed. She had knocked on her door a few times, but at no reply, she had left.
The last words he said weren't clear in her head anymore. She couldn't remember them exactly. His smile didn't look right in her head. It looked different; different to the one she remembered him as having. But now he'd gone away, back to the future. And she'd never see him again.
The sun is rising on the horizon and I haven't slept all night
And people can try to convince me but it will never again be alright
Daylight seeped in through the curtains.
Keely hadn't slept, but she didn't want to sleep. Sleep would make her dream of Phil, maybe even leading to the false pretence that he was here. Dreams did that to you sometimes. You believed them, even though they were only imaginary.
"Keely, honey? You don't have to talk, but can you please just listen," Mrs Teslow knocked on her daughter's door. Then, after waiting a few seconds, she came in. "Keely. You don't have to go to school today. But you will have to return. You can't just ruin your life because Phil left."
A single tear fell onto Mandy's hand, from her daughter's eyes. She looked at Keely and her heart shattered. Love had many different ways of hurting people. But she hated seeing it hurt people right in front of her eyes. And this wasn't the hurt that she could kiss better, and cover with a band aid. This was the sort of hurt that ate away, and kept eating.
The last moments we had
More than anything I wish I could go back
Sitting here staring at the walls
But no one to catch me, cause I'm falling
Keely sat alone in her room. She hadn't spoken for 24 hours, nor eaten or had a drink. But she didn't care.
The last moments replayed in her head. And she wished she could have done it differently. Have changed things. And maybe he would have stayed. Just maybe…
Your voice, was my lullaby
That made me fall asleep at night
Your smile, was my shining sun
And when you shone it, it proved you were the one
The only one to help me through the day
But now you've gone away
He couldn't help anymore.
He couldn't smile at her and pick her up.
He couldn't hug her.
Or ever speak to her again.
And she had never admitted that she loved him.
You can't sing me to sleep anymore
You can't smile at me, anymore
No one can see me anymore
Keely got up, and stretched the cramp in her legs. Then she looked around at the familiar territory. Her room. With things that reminded her of Phil on every inch. Seeing them hurt. When she closed her eyes, she saw his face, which hurt. Pain was her only emotion. And he couldn't heal it. Nobody ever would be able to heal it. The cut was too deep.
People are trying to get me to talk
But I can't talk, I don't want to talk
My memory is slowly fading out
But I can't let it fail
I can't have both you and my memories go away
She took a huge box from the bottom of her wardrobe. A huge box filled with memoirs of the past three years. And as she sat on her bed, her bakc to the door and looked at each picture, and remembered it, the tears got thicker, the sadness increased, but somehow, the pain became a dull one, instead of a sharp, quick, stab-like pain.
Your voice, was my lullaby
That made me fall asleep at night
Your smile, was my shining sun
And when you shone it, it proved you were the one
The only one to help me through the day
But now you've gone away
She tossed aside the last picture.
The one of her and Phil, together outside the Broadcast Lab.
The one that she treasured the most.
It hurt.
A lot.
"You don't want to lose this."
Your voice, was my lullaby
That made me fall asleep at night
Your smile, was my shining sun
And when you shone it, it proved you were the one
The only one to help me through the day
But now you've gone away
Keely closed her eyes. She couldn't be hearing this. It was an imagination thing. Her mind playing tricks on her.
"Keely?" The voice repeated.
She had to have a look. If it wasn't him, the disappointment would be bitter, but at least she had tried. So she turned.
"Phil!"
Her last words, 24 hours ago had been to Phil. Now her first words since them, had been to the same person.
The boy of her dreams.
Now you've gone away
I actually wrote this song on impulse. I have no experience of this sort of thing, it just came to me. So, yes I own the song! And the fanfic. But nothing else.
I hope it wasn't too depressing. Oh well, if it was, it's written and posted now, so there's nothing I can do about it.