CHAPTER 1
The Break-Up
I carefully slid open the window, and shimmied under it, closing it quietly behind me. My heart pounded, as it always did when I snuck out. The risk of being caught silenced my footsteps as I crept across the lawn, hopping the fence as quietly as I could. I would do it every night if I could, but Mer wouldn't be able to handle it if I did, fearing for me more than I feared for myself. America was worth every punishment I would've endured, every whipping worth it. America was worth everything. I hurried across the neighbourhood, across lawns and through thick bushes. I spot Mer's oak, and my heart rate increased just by the thought of seeing her. I hopped the fence, and freeze at the sound of my feet landing heavily on the other side, staring at the small one storey house, peering in the dark windows for any sign of movement. Upon seeing none, I hurry across the grass, and scramble up the sturdy wood slats, sliding into the dark of the small tree-house.
"Boo." I jump, the disembodied voice of America Singer startled me. I chuckled, and waited a moment as my eyes adjusted, and I lean forward to kiss her. She had told me she would beat me one of these days, and today was that day, apparently. She accepted the kiss and smiled, lighting a candle. It was risky, even to have this small light, but she seemed fairly excited, so I don't comment. "I never got to tell you about the sign ups." She said, and I raise a brow. "How'd it go? Mom said it was packed." I whispered, and she nods. "It was crazy, Aspen. You should've seen what people were wearing!" She shook her head. "And I'm sure you already know that it's less of a lottery than they're saying. There are far more interesting people than me in Carolina, so I was right all along. This was all a big nothing." She said, and I grabbed her hand. "All the same, thank you for doing it. It means a lot to me." I confess. I didn't want her to miss out on anything, especially Royalty. She changes the subject.
"My mom bribed me to sign up." She admitted, hiding a smile. I blinked. "Bribed you? With what?" I ask excitedly, probably knowing the answer already. "Money, of course! Look, I made you a feast to celebrate!" She turned away to the bundle of cloth behind her, and I scooch closer, crossing my legs Indian-style. "What's all this?" I ask, my heart sinking after a moment. Wait. "Food, I made it myself." She beamed, and my smile fades. Wait wait. She- I- I can't take this
She looked up at my lack of a response. "Aspen, is something wrong?" Her brow was creased with worry, and my chest constricts as I see her expression. "This isn't right." I mumbled, pulling my eyes away from the food. There was too much. Why was there so much? Was she not eating everything she was given? Was she starving herself? "What do you mean?" She asks, resting on the balls of her feet. "America, I'm the one that's supposed to do this. To provide for you." I swallow. "It's humiliating for me to come here, and you do this." America pulled her legs under her, and touched my hand gently. "But I give you food all the time." Her tone was upset, and I sighed, my voice growing frustrated. Why had I even let it get this far? "Your little leftovers. Do you think I don't know better?" I shake my head. "I don't feel bad taking something you don't want, but Mer, to have you- I'm the one that's supposed to-" I cut myself off, and ran a hand through my hair. No, no. I'm the man, she shouldn't-couldn't do this.
"Aspen, you give me things all the time. You provide for me," She grabbed my hands in both of her own, and I look up, gazing into her blue eyes. "I have all my penn-" I interrupt, growing annoyed. "Pennies?" My voice grew angry, and I felt my face heat as I whispered feverishly. "You think bringing that up right now is a good idea? Don't you know how much I hate hearing you sing, and not being able to pay like everyone else does?" I turn away, and tried to calm myself. Stop it, stop it Aspen, it's not her fault... "You shouldn't be paying me at all! It's a gift. Anything you want of mine, you can have." She said, and I look up at her sharply, glaring. "I'm not some charity case, America. I'm a man. I'm supposed to be the provider." I look away again, letting out another frustrated sigh.
America was silent for a moment. "I love you." She whispered. I shake my head. "I love you too, America." Guilt weighed on my shoulders, and I couldn't bear look at her. Stupid. She hesitantly placed a slice of bread in my palm, and I felt my stomach growl, taking a bite against my better judgement. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I thought you would be happy..." She trailed off, and I glanced up, shaking my head. "No, no Mer I love it. I can't believe you did this for me, I just-" I sigh again. "You don't know how much it bothers me. That I can't do the same. You deserve better." I took another bite of bread, and she leaned closer, resting her hand on my knee. "You've got to stop thinking of us that way. It's just you and me." Her thumb rubbed against my knee soothingly, and I closed my eyes for a moment, opening them when she speaks again. "I'm not a Five, and you're not a Six. We're just Aspen and America." She smiled. "And I don't want anything else in the world, except for that."
I swallow, both my shame, and the bread. "But I can't stop thinking that way." I mumbled, staring into my lap. "That's how I was raised. 'Sixes were born to serve', and 'Sixes aren't meant to be seen'." My whole life, I've been taught to be invisible." I grab her hand and squeeze, looking up as I speak. "You'll be invisible, too. And I don't want that for you." I said sincerely, and she made a face. "Aspen, we've talked about this. I know that things will be different, but I'm prepared." She put her hand on my chest, right above my heart. "I don't know how to make it any clearer." She gazed into my eyes, and I gazed into hers. "The moment you're ready to ask, I'm ready to say yes." She said softly, and my breath caught.
Marriage. She was ready to marry me. But- but she couldn't. She would need to give up her love of singing, to clean people's filthy houses. She would need to give up eating steadily every night. No. There was a difference from being stuck as a Six since birth, and choosing to marry down. No, she- I- I wouldn't- couldn't let her.
"No." My heart constricts again at that one word. The single syllable that would change everything. America blinked. "What?" She asks softly, almost as if she was afraid to speak. "No." My eyes slide away from hers, and I pull her hand away. "Aspen-" I shake my head. "I don't know how I tricked myself into ever thinking this could work." I run my fingers through my hair. "How would it work? I'm such an idiot!" I say, frustrated at myself. Of course it couldn't work! "B-" She started, and swallowed. "But you said you loved me." She whispered, and I grab her hands again. "I do, I do Mer. That's the point. I can't make you like me." My mind flashed to all the times I had been scolded by my clients for them getting in my way, and to the times I had lay curled up in my bed, fighting for sleep against the gnawing pain in my stomach.
"I can't stand the thought of you being hungry, or cold or scared. I can't make you a Six." I gaze into her eyes, and saw them glisten with tears, one rolling down her face already. I desperately wanted to wipe it away, to take back my words, to kiss her. Instead I turn away, moving towards the small exit. I couldn't stand her expression. I couldn't stand her tears. "Where are you going?" Her voice was constricted, and I fought to keep mine from constricting as well. "I'm leaving. Going home. I'm sorry I did this to you, America. It's over now." She grabbed my shoulder. "Aspen, Aspen please. You're just upset." She nearly sobbed, and I shrug her off as gently as I could, my own tears rising to the surface. "I'm more upset than you know, but not at you. I can't do this Mer, I can't do this to you." I say over my shoulder, my feet dangling off the edge. "Aspen, please..." America begged quietly, and I turn, pressing my lips against hers firmly. I wanted her to know how sorry I was, and how much I didn't want this.
I pull away, and climbed down the tree as quickly as I could, the slats no longer feeling sturdy. It took me longer than usual to return home. I guess I wanted to delay what little sleep I would have, as if sleeping confirmed everything had just happened. I sighed, and slid open the window again, slipping through quietly.
HOLY MOLY I AM APOLOGY. I first uploaded this story in, what, 2015? And now here I am, four months left of 2018, and I'm finally finishing this. I've slowly gotten reviews, reminding me of what a total jerkbag I am, (F you too, Guest!) so now I'm finally doing something! Think of it as a very very very late Christmas present. I guess.
I'm going to do 10 or so chapters, and all of them varying in length. I've been held up by a few problems, like that tornado in Gatineau, (Don't worry, I wasn't hit, though it knocked out my power for the night, and I couldn't write at all because my laptop was out of power) to having no internet from the 4th of September to the 18th, to laziness, tbh.
But here I am! I pushed through it! Assuming I hit my deadline of the 25th-30th, next update of the last 5(?) chapters will probably be in 2-3 weeks, so I won't be as stressed. o.0
Thank you for reading my trashy story, and onto the next chapter!