I stood on the sidewalk watching the movement around me. Not even remembering how I got out here. Sonny, badly beaten and holding onto my arm is glancing around for Jason.

I can't think. I can't remember. I can't feel. Surgery on Robin, Emily saying Alan was dying. Gunman about to shoot Lulu, the last thing I remember was pushing Lulu to the ground ready to take the bullet for my teenage cousin who had so much to live for, a full life ahead of her.

Before the gunshot could ring out something had happened. I don't know, it was loud, it was smoky but we were alive. I was alive, my cousin was alive, Sonny was alive. I was even hoping Robin was going to be okay.

I see Sonny find what he was looking for. Jason coming out from the rubble and smoke he had a shaken up looking Emily in his arms but he looked okay. Around me things were happening in a fast past yet everyone stayed still.

Luke held Lulu in his arms while Lucky checked on Elizabeth putting his hand on her belly.

Nikolas taking Emily from Jason's arms while Sam raced to Jason to see if he was safe.

Patrick holding onto Robins hand as he and Robin we leaving in an ambulance.

Alan being wheeled out on a stretcher with Monica's hand clenched in his.

Mac hugging Maxie with a relieved but terrified look on his face that one daughter was okay but another could lose her life.

One person didn't belong. One person shouldn't be here. Two people deserved to be in there with masked deranged gunman and not us. I break away from Sonny and make a shaky step towards her, wanting her to feel some pain. Wanting her to see the hell we've been through for the past 12 hours. I wish she could have been shot instead of Robin. I wish she could have suffered the heart attack instead of Alan. I wish she could have been beaten instead of Sonny.

"Are you happy, Skye? Did you and Alcazar have a happy time planning to put his arms deal in vault while not caring at all about the lives. The innocent lives you put at risk?"

I scream, with pure venom in my eyes. I see a look shared between Sonny, Jason and dear Uncle Luke a knowing look that meant I could kill her right here and now if they didn't get me out of there.

She tries to defend herself but I can't hold back the pain and the anger and the torment of the past 12 hours and I slap her with all the strength I could muster in my madly worn and emotionally drained body. Sonny grabs me from behind but it's too late. I'm too angry and I fight back.

"Robin is dying and could have bleed to death if Patrick hadn't shown up and talked us through that surgery. Yet you got mad at him because he left your precious Lorenzo at the hospital? Oh yes, to hell with us and Robin. It's Lorenzo who should Patrick's first priority? You cold sadistic bitch! Alan could die. You remember Alan don't you Skye? The man who gave you a roof over your head and adopted your skanky ass when the Quartermaine's should have thrown your ass in the street. Is this how you repay them? Is it? Letting them all die, letting us all die and for what Skye? For what? To save Alcazar from going to jail? For his precious shipment?"

I laugh, a cold dry not funny laugh before I just continue on. Sonny still trying to stop me and the more he stands as a barrier trying to save me from tearing her apart with my bear hands, the more angry I get.

"Was it worth it? Was it? All we suffered through and the lives that could still be lost, was it worth it to you? My god, he is your father. You named your baby after Lila and this, this is how you honor her? Lila would be disgusted and rolling in her grave right now."

I can't take anymore and collapse. I collapse in a heap at Sonny's feet. I am drained. I am exhausted and I need to see my boys. I need to see that there are okay. I need to make sure Robin lives. I need to make sure Alan lives. I need to check on Lulu.

But I just can't. I'm empty and broken and just numb all over. The hostage crisis may be over, but this is just the beginning. None of us who were in there will ever be the same again and that frightens me more than anything.

We'll never get to be the people we were just 12 hours ago.