A/N: Drabble based on episode 15 in which Hikari finally loses it. Hikari-centric.
Sillage
('sE-yazh)
The scent that lingers in the air, the trail left in water, the impression made in space after someone or something is gone.
...
Hikari snapped.
Bitter, stinging irony rolled down his cheeks as fingers curled and yanked at Tsumugu's collar. Hikari raised his straining voice, yelling till his lungs ran raw. Pent up frustrations doubled from his lips, crashing against the backs of his teeth before flying off his tongue in violent streaks. Bruised words tumbled to the ground as angry blacks and lonely blues.
He had tried to be okay. He had tried to keep his emotions in check. He had tried to keep the gut wrenching longing and loneliness from overpowering his senses. Yet the illogical sense of betrayal persisted. Here he was, stuck in a world five years ahead of him.
His childhood friends had moved on to bigger and better things. They'd moved from middle school, to high school, to university or a job. Regardless, they had moved on from him. Everyone had changed despite promises to remain as they were. His friends, his family, even the little seaside town he would stroll about had changed.
And what was he?
The same.
Now that he was back amongst the living, all that was left to him on these empty streets were lingering memories. Each place that had been graced by her presence was now left with a strange, cold emptiness. That dainty figure that twinkled under the airy moonlight, gone. That sweet innocent smile he had sworn to protect, gone. Everything he had fought so hard for had slipped through his fingers and disappeared into the abyss.
It hurt.
The fact that no one could even begin to comprehend what this otherworldly suffering was like made the days intolerable. How could they expect him to simply waltz up to someone he'd grown up with, known since their diaper days, and be okay? How could they expect him to look into the eyes of the girl he knew yesterday only to see her as a woman today? If she had changed, which he was sure she had, there was no way he'd be able to handle it. Everything was foreign now.
Everything hurt.
Hikari was lost. Lost in a world that he once knew. It was so painfully blatant yet no one could see it.
He hated it.
He hated everyone.
He hated himself.
He hated the child that he was who could do nothing but yell and cry in hopes that his pleas to be saved from this torment would be heard. He hated the pathetic, sniveling weakling he was, powerless to do anything. He hated the self who failed to save the girl he loved.
She had told him to wave the ceremonial flag at the Ofunehiki so that no one would get lost. Ironic that he would end up as the lost one.
Separated by ice and a current, he couldn't even see the home or the people he so desperately longed for. Now here he was, stranded in a familiarly-unfamiliar world without her. He was abandoned in a world where he felt he knew next to nothing. Nevertheless, there was one thing that he did know.
Without her, he was lost.
A/N: The repetitive structure was on purpose in order to convey Hikari's frustration because people just don't 'get' it. Also, the latest episode (20) made me indescribably happy. I promise future drabbles/ficlets will be on more recent episodes. I swear I have a bunch of Tsumugu-centric and TsumuguxChisaki stories swirling in my head.
If you'd like to see more drabbles, please leave a review, I'd love to hear what you think! I'll respond as soon as I can!