In case you aren't quite with the times, I DON'T OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS AND I NEVER WILL, NOT EVEN BIG BIRD AND I CERTAINLY DON'T OWN THE STRAWBERRY COWS, unless (Smiles psychotically) … Anyway this is bad so don't read it… and if you do and suffer a fatal boredom attack don't blame me or I will sue… Oh and by the way I use ellipses a lot so… On to the snore inducing story…
In 1991 the first Sonic universe was born, but over the years this one universe split into many… and so in each universe Sonic would have a different fate. Most of these universes are well known, the one where Sonic runs a lot, the one where Sonic lives underground with a squirrel with a stub for a tail, the one where Sonic lives underground with his brother and sister, the one where Monica cooks Chandler for Hanukah and of course the one where Sonic marries a hippo made of chocolate. But this is a tale of a lesser known Sonic universe, one we shall refer to as Bob… no that sounds crud… how about pi… that's bad too but we'll stick with it because I can't think of anything else.
This universe split from the original universe at the exact same moment in time that the Sonic Adventure 1 universe split from the father universe and it is at this moment that the story begins…
As Knuckles slumbered in the warm glow of his master emerald, Eggman's airship, the Egg Carton, flew past. Knuckles was a heavy sleeper and therefore didn't notice the cardboard calamity's roaring engine.
"Okay… Tails Doll… ready…Aim…FIRE!" Eggman whispered.
Tails doll pulled a lever towards him and a river of bullets flew towards the Master Emerald. Everything was silent, except the engine and the bullets.
One bullet missed the Master Emerald, then another two hit a rock, another 5 hit a Flicky, another 12 hit a randomly placed statue of Sonic, but where did the other 3 go?
"DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! Who could've done that? Maybe it was someone in that big cardboard ship." Knuckles screamed as he stared at the bullet wounds in his leg.
"No… it wasn't." Eggman replied over a loud speaker, "It was the Master Emerald."
"Take this!" Knuckles shouted as he smashed the Master Emerald into a huge number of shards.
The many shards flew all over the world.
"Thank god it's gone…" Knuckles sighed before noticing the shard sticking in his eye, "Oh God! There's one in my eye, and my forehead!"
Knuckles ran back and forth with blood pouring from his face. He gathered up the courage to pull a shard out of his forehead. One… two… three… PULL, he thought to himself and plucked it out. More blood poured out of his head, so he stuck it back in and twitched for a while.
"I need medical help!" Knuckles scream as he ran off a cliff into the sea.
With all the shard induced craziness, Knuckles had forgotten that Angel Island, which had recently been renamed from floating island to attract more tourists, was plummeting towards the sea at an amazing rate of knots.
In Station Square hotel Sonic was sleeping, he had been very lethargic since he found out he wasn't going to be working with a girl called Tiara Boobowski. He was missing out on a girl called Tiara BOOBowski… BOOB… he felt so depressed. Suddenly he noticed a woman in a bikini standing near the pool.
"Why hello pretty lady. What's a girl like you doing in a dump like this?" Sonic asked charismatically.
"My father owns this dump." The girl replied and gave him a backhand slap.
"SONIC!" Sonic shuddered as he heard Tails' nasal voice, "Angel island has fallen from the sky! We've gotta find out if Knuckles is okay."
"We? You're the one who got yourself into this mess, why should I help you out." Sonic scowled.
Tails looked confused for a second before hearing a familiar sound.
"Is it a bird?" The bikini clad girl asked.
"Is it a plane?" Sonic asked.
"No it's the Tornado." Tails exclaimed.
"You're right that's not a plane, it's a flying death trap." Sonic laughed.
Tails cried gently for approximately 3 seconds, then he noticed his plane crashing into emerald beach. Boobowski.
"Life is so boring since Sonic chewed his arm off to escape me. I even wrote a song about him…
My life is perfect
My love is pure
I saw a blue face just standing there
And I stalked him on the highway
Hid in his bed
When he tried to sue me
I kicked him in the head"
"THAT'S ENOUGH! You didn't right that, the author did and it's terrible already without you singing in public… you strawberry cow." Cream screamed, which was slightly more tuneful than Amy's singing.
The whole street turned to face Cream, it was a busy street as well, had she just interrupted Amy? Would she live to tell the day?
"How dare you?" Amy screamed as she grabbed Cheese, "You aren't getting him back until the end of the day."
Amy stuffed the little bubble pet in her bra, its muffled cries were a reminder of Amy's harshness to anyone who even thought of offending her.
"OH NOES!" Amy cried as she caught sight of Metal Sonic, "Oh phew he's framed in clouds… I thought he wasn't a flashback for a minute there…"
"OH NOES!" Amy spotted Big Bird, her arch nemesis.
"Amy… Amy… Amy… what brings you to my territory?" He asked, while twirling his gun in his hands.
"Big Bird?" Cream gasped, she obviously knew him from somewhere.
Big Bird pointed the gun at Amy's bulbous pink head. His finger was on the trigger.
"Oh my no! You've got to be kidding me! No gun crime… it's a bad influence, now let me crush you with my hammer. No child would have access to a hammer, but a gun? Boy, every child has one of them!" Amy explained.
Amy swung her hammer, not once, not twice but two times and left a Big Bird corpse on the floor… groaning.
Big walked slowly down the road, he had to get to the lab quick, he only had a few minutes before the big adventure began and his robot had to be ready. He opened up the lab doors slowly, there was a whooshing sound and loads of dry ice poured out of the minimalist white laboratory. Big stepped through and picked up his invention, and a soldering iron. Carefully he stuck two arms, two legs and a propeller onto the little robot.
"Hi I'm Omochao!" The robot squealed joyfully.
"Noooooooooooooooo! What have I created? I have become a destroyer of worlds! I know what I'll do… go do some charity work to make up for it." Big had always been a quick thinker.
Big walked out of the lab like the respected super genius he was and walked down the road, past his mechanical wonder, Twinkle Park, and his architectural marvel 'Casinopolis'. But as he walked into the train station a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible thing happened. A whale fell on his head. When I say whale I mean yo momma.
When he regained consciousness he didn't know who he was, all he could remember was his name, Big the Cat. And that gruesome image… yo momma. Well not yo momma personally but yo mommas in general.
"I like fishies…" Big said slowly and thoughtfully as he sucked a goldfish.
In fact Big was in a helicopter high above the jungle, but he wouldn't be for long.
"He's no use to us now… tip him out." The pilot said through tears.
Big rolled across the floor like a fat barrel of super economical duper lard (Cough yo momma cough) and eventually rolled out of a door into the jungle far below.
This time when he woke up a girl was standing above him.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" She asked.
"Yes." Big replied and crawled away screaming.
After hours of crawl-screeching Big met a little Frog and they built a little house on the prairie, yes the jungle prairie, and lived not-so-happily ever after.
Sonic and Tails loomed over the crash site of the Tornado. Tails looked shocked, and Sonic looked confused. The silhouette of a fox rose from the ashes like a phoenix rising from ashes, or a flying Charmander rising from ashes, or Australia losing the Ashes.
"Soooooooonic! Its him! Its him! He's back…" Tails screamed shakily.
"Aw geesh, not another adventure." Sonic groaned.
"And here's Omochao's fact of the chapter- Amy's 1997 redesign was based on the scrapped character, Tiara Boobowski's clothes. Or at least that's what I deduced from the outfits." Omochao grinned robotically and flew off.
I told you it was bad, so bad in fact that even the Strawberry Cows don't want it back. In fact one of them puked on me after reading this. Why am I even putting this online? It's terrible. If you aren't already in a coma then review this. I'll start you off… Chapter 1 of SAPI makes strawberry cows puke because… You can make an essay out of it. It might distract you enough to not read the next chapter.
(P.S. I wish I owned a strawberry cow, but I don't. They rock out loud.)
(P.P.S. If you own a strawberry cow please tell me, I'd like to steal it, get someone to milk it, sell the milk on Ebay and buy a banana cow