The disclaimer telling you all that I don't own any X-Men characters has gone to the movies. Again. Ever wonder how the Evolution-verse Brotherhood would respond to X-Men First Class? Wonder no more. Oh you weren't wondering? Well here's the fic anyway!
Brotherhood: No Class
"Hello and once again welcome to Brotherhood Sneaking in the Movies!" Todd whooped from the plush movie theater seat.
"Ironically this time we didn't actually have to sneak in," Lance grinned as he sat in his seat with a soda drink in his hand. "The Brotherhood is in the movies with tickets and everything." Indeed in the seats were Todd, Fred, Lance, Pietro and Pyro all eating and drinking to their hearts content.
"In the deluxe dining theater no less!" Fred grinned as he chomped on a bucket of chicken.
"Yeah and you won't believe who's footing the bill," Pietro snickered as he ate a small salad. "Thanks Uncle Xavierbucks!"
Xavier was sitting in a plush movie chair. "Look I agreed to pay for the tickets. I agreed to feed all of the Brotherhood. Even though it cost the same as the national debt of a small country. I even agreed to sit here and listen to Pyro's theories about how pineapples played a cruicial role in the fall of the stock market in 2008 and how they influenced kumquats to cause the recession. And by some miracle I restrained myself from using my powers to influence the minds of your followers despite the overwhelming temptation…Now give me back my wheelchair and let me out of here!"
Magneto was sitting in a seat next to him, he was wearing his uniform complete with his helmet. "No," He smirked as he sipped a glass of wine. "You have to do the show, Charles. That was also part of the agreement."
"Haven't I been punished enough?" Xavier moaned.
"Not really, no," Magneto shook his head and took another sip.
"You can't hold me here forever!" Xavier snapped. "Sooner or later my X-Men will find me and rescue me."
"Who do you think gave me the idea of punishing you like this?" Magneto asked sharply.
"For the fifteenth time I had no idea what they were going to do with the X-Men First Class script!" Xavier groaned. "How was I supposed to know they were going to twist all the facts like demented pretzel?"
"It's Hollywood, man," Todd gave him a look. "Seriously, after all these years of watching the shlock and stupidity and then seeing the same shlock and stupidity with just a number two added onto it, you would have come up with some idea on how these things end up!"
"Has TV taught you nothing?" Pyro asked. "Years of watching TV shows like Seinfeld, Entourage, 30 Rock, Episodes, The Simpsons…Even the classic British show As Time Goes By on PBS…That never gave you a clue?"
"The end of the movie 'Chicken Little'," Fred thought as he looked at the drumstick. "Okay it wasn't as good as the other Pixar movies but still it's the same point."
"I mean I know you're a Judi Dench fan," Pyro said. "I saw you had the whole series collection as I was looking through your room earlier for something to burn. So I know you must have seen that part of the series where they turn Lionel's book into a complete and total farce!"
Everyone looked at him. "What? I wasn't stealing anything or looking to burn anything fancy. Just some trash or clothes or hundred dollar bills or stuff."
"Charles for once this lot is making more sense than you!" Magneto snapped. "It was bad enough you sold our life story for forty pieces of silver but to let them change everything so it's not even recognizable…"
"Look do you have any idea how much money it takes to repair the Danger Room?" Xavier snapped. "Especially after Wolverine gets done with it."
"That doesn't give you the right to sell our history like it was an old piece of junk kept in the closet," Magneto snapped. "In fact junk is a very apt word for the script of this film!"
"Again I had no idea they would change so much of the story," Xavier groaned. "The first script I saw was very good and accurate."
"Of course it was. The first script is always the one that's rather good and accurate," Pyro snapped. "That's when they move on to the other twenty seven so they can take out everything real and throw in as many car chases, sex scenes and explosions as possible!"
"Pyro knows what he's talking about," Todd nodded. "He had the same problem when they made a film about one of his novels."
"Excuse me, Pyro wrote not one but several books?" Xavier was stunned.
"Pyro here writes several gothic romantic novels under a pseudonym," Magneto explained. "Apparently they are quite popular."
"And they bring in the cash too," Pyro nodded.
"Ah. So that's why you still keep him around," Xavier nodded.
"Would you throw out the guy who pays for your cable?" Todd asked.
"And we're not just talking basic but all those HD movie channels too," Fred added.
"I must admit his writing although not my cup of tea does alleviate some of the financial burdens I have in my organization," Magneto sighed.
"Yeah well I know how it can be when a movie script goes way off track to what you write," Pyro said. "I remember when they made a movie of one of my first novels. Fangs for the Memories. Completely made a mess of the whole story. They turned a beautiful novel of young vampires falling in love and discovering their inner spirit over the centuries into a sex filled blood bath full of half-naked women running around tearing people's heads off!"
"Your book is a sex filled blood bath filled with half naked women running around tearing people's heads off," Pietro blinked.
"Yes, but I used it as a metaphor for life," Pyro snapped. "And those wankers completely ignored the sub plot about the neurotic werewolf in love with the bi sexual warlock coming to terms with his failed relationship with his mother."
"Unless you count that scene where a that werewolf had a three way with two witches," Todd pointed out.
"Let's move on shall we?" Magneto sighed.
"It was a tasteful scene," Todd said. "Not hard core. You didn't see any junk!"
"That is a matter of opinion," Xavier blanched.
"Maybe we should get on with it?" Lance suggested.
"Please!" Xavier moaned.
"Okay now for all you purists out there who love the X-Men…" Pietro rolled his eyes. "Some of you may have problems with X-Men First Class. It's supposed to be the prequel to the movies and show how the X-Men got together."
"Like the government giving out a huge bailout and extra money to banks and companies that didn't need it was supposed to give our economy a shot in the arm," Todd scoffed. "Surprise! It didn't work!"
"As you viewers might have already figured out by now, the story…for lack of a better word," Magneto gave Xavier a look. "Actually there are several better words but I am a gentleman and I do not want to be fined by the FCC…The story lacks not only credibility but the truth of how Xavier and I met and how the X-Men were formed as well as the details of our eventual parting."
"So if you really are a fanatic about X-Men history and a purist when it comes to stuff like this," Pyro shrugged. "You're not gonna like where this film goes."
"Us on the other hand had no problem with that aspect of the movie," Lance smirked. "But this show is to separate the facts from the fiction."
"In the case of this movie, the two or three facts from the ton of fiction," Pietro smirked.
"And save some of you two hours of your time," Fred agreed. "And a couple bucks."
"In other words: Spoiler Alert!" Pietro grinned. "Well several spoilers you should be alerted to!"
"I'm going to start by saying this now! There was no Sebastian Shaw or Emma Frost back then!" Magneto snapped. "They had nothing to do what happened to me in my past or anything with the Cuban Missile Crisis!"
"We weren't even there during the Cuban Missile Crisis," Xavier sighed. "I mean we were alive at the time but had nothing to do with its resolution."
"Where were you guys?" Todd asked.
"It's not important," Xavier waved.
"Then you shouldn't have any problems telling us," Todd blinked.
"There's nothing to tell," Xavier said.
"We spent the week in Vegas," Magneto admitted. Xavier gave him a look. "What? Mutants aren't allowed to go on vacation?"
"Erik we agreed! What happened at Vegas would stay in Vegas!" Xavier snapped.
"So that's where the saying comes from!" Fred said cheerfully.
"Now this is a story I would like to hear!" Lance grinned.
"We'd all like to hear this one!" Pietro agreed.
"No! No! No!" Xavier snapped.
"Was it anything like the Hangover?" Todd asked. "The first one I mean."
"No! What a ridiculous question!" Xavier shook his head.
"Pretty much, yes," Magneto admitted. "Just change the major celebrity cameo from Mike Tyson to Frank Sinatra and substitute five drunk showgirls for the naked Chinese mobster and that's the gist of what happened. Oh but we didn't get caught and tasered."
"You're the one who stole that police car!" Xavier snapped.
"Yes, but I'm not the one who mind wiped that obnoxious desk clerk into thinking he was a lion," Magneto pointed out. "Or set that hotel room on fire."
"Accidentally set on fire!" Xavier snapped.
"Really? Wow Professor we have more in common than I thought!" Pyro grinned. "Was it a big blaze?"
"It was just a small fire," Xavier said. "A very small fire! And it was an accident. I was thinking of quitting smoking anyway."
"You used to smoke cigarettes? Shame on you Professor!" Fred tisked. "That's a dirty habit."
"Yes it was. When I was young I had a bad habit of smoking cigarettes and I quit," Xavier said.
"Yes, let's call them cigarettes," Magneto made air quotes with his fingers. "And let's say you stopped smoking them when you were young."
"Are you saying the Professor here…?" Lance pointed.
"Look it was the Sixties! And I was only using it to help control my powers!" Xavier snapped. "There was so very little research and facts at the time! Almost every doctor was running some sort of study with it! I was just…doing research!"
"Research. Yes. Let's call it that," Magneto smirked. "You were doing research that weekend you hung out at that commune with those three women who wanted to form their own rock band. And you wanted to call yourself Professor Charlie Goodtime…"
"That's enough!" Xavier snapped.
"That was your songwriting phase wasn't it?" Magneto smirked, clearly enjoying himself.
"Songwriting? The Professor wrote songs?" Pietro was stunned.
"During that week he was doing research at the commune," Magneto told him. "He had this bizarre idea that he would be able to bring world peace with his music."
"I take it the plan had its flaws?" Pietro smirked.
"Not entirely," Magneto said. "Those songs did unite people. United them into an angry mob whenever you played them."
"All right…" Xavier sighed.
"It didn't matter if you were human or mutant," Magneto went on. "Those songs were so horrible everyone hated them no matter what their genetic background."
"Yes…All right Erik…" Xavier gave him a look.
"It's strange. You would think that with all your powers and intelligence, all that culture and breeding and academic credentials…You would think that somewhere, somewhere in that body of yours would be some kind of songwriting gene," Magneto said. "Some small talent for putting together words and lyrics. Sadly there isn't…"
"That was a long time ago…" Xavier tried to move on.
"I can remember your first and last concert," Magneto said. "Who would have thought a group of nuns would react so violently?"
"Now why couldn't have they made a movie about that?" Pyro asked. "That's a movie I would pay to see!"
"How do you know all this stuff?" Todd asked Magneto. "And why didn't you tell any of us this before?"
"You forget that I was friends with Charles for nearly twenty years before our little schism," Magneto pointed out. "Of course I know things about him."
"And I believe it's rather obvious why he did not bring this up before!" Xavier glared at Magneto. "Besides I know one or two stories about you myself Erik!"
"Please tell me none of them are about how you fooled around with Mystique," Fred frowned. "Because I do not want that picture in my head! I mean…Besides what we saw in the movie."
"No, that was complete and total fiction!" Magneto grunted.
"You sure?" Pietro asked.
"She was eight months pregnant and vomiting like rock star when I first met her," Magneto said. "I'm not saying she wasn't attractive but…."
"I got ya, yeah," Pietro nodded.
"Still it sounds like you guys were some major players back in the day," Todd said.
"Please, compared to Charlie Sheen we're a couple of monks," Magneto waved. "Well except for the Vegas incident. But even then…"
"Are you done now dredging up some of the more unsavory details of my past?" Xavier gave him a look.
"No. Fun fact, Charles was already bald by the age of seventeen," Magneto smirked. "Again, another part of the movie that was complete and total fiction."
"That had to do with my powers coming into full fruition!" Xavier snapped.
"More like the discovery of his powers not working on a very small but very active percent of the human population," Magneto remarked. "Which included a very angry RA of a girl's dormitory during a certain panty raid that went wrong. And this RA happened to be a cosmetology student with her own experimental electrolysis machine. A very powerful and rather successful electrolysis machine…"
"THERE'S NO NEED TO GO INTO THAT!" Xavier snapped. He calmed down. "I'd also like to point out that I never used my powers consciously on my mother like that. Or anyone else for that matter."
"Does that include that party you threw at your place when you were a teenager and your parents were out of town for a month?" Magneto asked. "And for some mysterious reason all the cheerleaders in the county decided to not only come to the party, but hold a wet T-Shirt contest. I wonder what influenced them to do that?"
"Again, a movie we would actually pay to see!" Pyro threw up his arms. "What's wrong with you Hollywood?"
"Look I admit I made a few selfish and bad decisions with my powers in my youth," Xavier interrupted. "But I learned from my mistakes and grew from them. I can honestly say that although I may have used my powers to persuade people to come to my house for a party, I immediately regretted it. I learned from it and I decided on that night to not abuse my powers or use them for selfish reasons."
"However," Magneto added. "The day after when his mother came home and there was a car in the living room…"
"YOU PROMISED YOU'D NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT THAT!" Xavier snapped.
"I lied," Magneto said.
"Wow it sounds like Sorority Sex Kittens Seven, Sexy Kitten Sleepover!" Pyro said. "You see it's about these half cat half human girls who work for this shy teenage nerd of a magician while running around half naked in…."
"Just what kind of movies do you people watch?" Xavier was stunned.
"Oh come on Professor! Magneto just confessed everything about your wild teen years!" Lance snorted.
"Well I know I've done some things I shouldn't be proud of…" Xavier began.
"Yes you should!" Lance said. "Those are the sort of things you should be proud of!"
"If I did half that stuff you did I'd be shouting it from the roof tops!" Fred admitted. "Or at the very least a sturdy second floor window. Because….You know?" He indicated his body with his hands.
"To be honest Professor our respect for you just tripled," Todd said. "I mean finding out you were once a major player? Dude, I am so impressed!"
"Yeah you were pretty wild and cool back then," Pietro said. "What happened?"
"What do you think happened?" Xavier snapped. "I grew up! Plus becoming paralyzed from the waist down does tend to make one a bit more serious in life! I decided to devote my talents and what energy I had left to helping mutants with their powers and peaceful coexistence with humanity."
"Oh please! You had plenty of excess energy when you fooled around with your nurse in that hospital while you were engaged," Magneto waved. "It was being married to that horrid shrew you call your ex-wife that killed any sense of fun you had! That's when you started to get truly serious about mutations. Then again I suppose a man would do anything not to spend time with that woman!"
"You leave Gabrielle out of this!" Xavier snapped.
"You know Charles for a telepath you are a lousy judge of character! Especially when it comes to your romantic entanglements," Magneto went on. "But out of all the women you got involved in she was clearly the worst!"
"Gabrielle was not that bad," Xavier said.
"For a man eating, selfish society climbing parasite," Magneto said. "I warned you about that woman and look what happened! If I had thought she'd have willingly touched you more than once I'd have kept an eye on her and found out about your son and told you! Quite frankly I'm amazed the woman didn't hit you up for child support and take more money from you!"
"So she was….?" Pietro raised an eyebrow.
"Let's just say she saw Charles' disability as a plus in their relationship," Magneto folded his arms. "Until she discovered there were parts of his body he could move below the waist!"
"That's enough!" Xavier snapped.
"I guess that nurse at the hospital was really good at her job huh?" Todd asked.
"How very perceptive of you, Toad," Magneto agreed.
"Well then why didn't he run off with her instead of the gold digger?" Todd asked.
"Because he's an idiot that's why!" Magneto said.
"That's enough!" Xavier snapped. "Can we get back to the movie? Please?"
"Obviously some of the cast of characters in the movie was different," Lance decided to give Xavier a break for a minute. "Like having Havok become Summers' Dad or something? Seriously? That's what they went with?"
"I know…" Xavier sighed. "Scott was not exactly thrilled with that particular aspect of the movie."
"Oh so that's why Alex was laughing so hard," Fred nodded. "And why Cyclops was so insistent that Pyro tell Xavier all about the kumquats. That explains it."
"What about Moira McTaggert? Was she real?" Lance asked.
"Yes. We were dating for a while…" Xavier sighed. "So that part of the movie is true."
"Before or after the hot nurse?" Todd asked.
"Before!" Xavier gave him a look. "And she's a Scottish geneticist and never was with the CIA. Obviously."
"I take it she's proud of her heritage?" Fred asked.
"Why do you ask?" Xavier asked.
"Because you got about twenty messages on your phone's voice mail and they're all from some very angry Scottish woman," Fred held up a phone. "I couldn't make out half of what she was saying but I'm pretty sure half of it was swear words."
"Oh no…." Xavier winced.
"I did manage to make out the words, 'decapitate', 'painful maiming', 'coffee' and one other one…" Fred thought. "Something about her putting her foot up your sparse? Is that some kind of tree?"
"Arse, Blob…" Pyro translated. "The word is Arse. It's slang for bum."
"She's threatening to beat up some poor homeless guy Xavier knows?" Fred blinked.
"See what I have to live with?" Magneto told Xavier. "If you'd let me have a couple decent recruits I wouldn't have to put up with this garbage!"
"You don't live with us! You just dumped us in some crappy house and pay checks whenever you feel like it!" Pietro snapped.
"And you wonder why I do that?" Magneto asked.
"Moving on before this becomes another 'Daddy Why Don't You Love Me Argument'…" Lance sighed. "They did put in the Beast trying to cure himself of his mutation and it backfired. They got that right. Although there was no rampaging Beast about to shred Kelly. I would have loved to see that on the big screen!"
"Believe me, he's not in the minority on this!" Pyro nodded.
"What about that Banshee guy?" Todd asked.
"He works for Interpol and is currently on staff with security at Muir Island Research Center in Scotland," Xavier said. "And is currently dating Moira."
"Oh ho, ho…" Pyro grinned. "The plot thickens."
"Again another part of a movie we would like to see," Fred shook his head. "What is wrong with Hollywood anyway?"
"Let's move on," Xavier sighed. "Obviously Mystique was never my 'adopted' sister."
"She was not exactly thrilled with the movie's interpretation of her past either," Magneto groaned. "And she made that very clear to the both of us."
"And that is why she is now currently using one of my credit cards on a shopping spree," Xavier moaned. "Although if I know Mystique she is probably out buying weapons instead of shoes."
"And Storm and the X-Girls have your other credit cards," Magneto remarked. "And unfortunately for you Charles a new Brighton jewelry store has just opened up downtown."
"How do you know that?" Xavier asked.
"My daughter told me before she left with them," Magneto said.
"So that's why Wanda didn't want to come to the movies with us!" Todd snapped his fingers.
"Yeah, that," Pietro snorted. "Certainly not because she wasn't going to spend two hours stuck in a dark room with you."
"You're not exactly on her list of favorite people either right now, Pietro," Todd glared at him. "At least I never stole her designer face cream with Shea butter or her lip gloss!"
"I was running low and that particular brand is the best combination for making my face silky smooth and my lips perfectly poutable!" Pietro snapped. "And it was clear lip gloss so…"
"WHAT?" Magneto shouted.
"Moving on…" Xavier sighed. "Just to get this nightmare over with. There was also no woman named Angel back then. No Riptide. No Darwin. I have no idea where they came up with Azazel…"
"Uh let's just say I know the man and leave it at that…" Magneto coughed. "But you are right he had nothing to do with us getting together back then."
"And of course we did everything possible to keep the government from finding out about mutants back then," Xavier added.
"That part we figured out," Fred nodded.
"Seriously? Do you really think any mutant with half a brain would simply walk into one of the most paranoid and secretive government agencies in the world and tell them that mutants exist and offer their services?" Pietro scoffed.
"As opposed to simply announcing it to the world at a high school soccer game?" Xavier gave him a look.
"It still wasn't the government," Pietro pouted.
"And then moving into a facility filled with government agents crawling all over the place gawking at you and making fun of you? Seriously?" Lance added. "And of course those guys turned on the X-Men at the last minute!"
"Here it comes…" Xavier sighed.
"See Charles? Even idiotic script writers know how your ideas of humans and mutants coexisting are going to turn out!" Magneto snapped.
"I'm not saying that there's no suspicion about mutants among members of the government," Xavier sighed. "But I think it's safe to say it's a little far-fetched that people will be shooting nuclear torpedoes at us."
"It's not that far-fetched. Remember Charles?" Magneto snapped.
"Hello? Anybody remember the giant robot that outed us?" Todd said.
"Even before that!" Magneto snapped. "Remember that little incident that finally caused us to part ways?"
"You are not going to bring that up again are you?" Xavier moaned. "I said I was sorry!"
"Sorry? We were nearly dissected guinea pigs in a non-sanctioned government lab because you couldn't say no to a man who treated you like garbage your entire life and all you can say is that you are sorry?" Magneto snapped.
"Wait what?" Lance asked.
"The short version, Charles thought it was a good idea to work with some scientists on a secret mutant research project because he thought he could somehow make a connection with his estranged father and his evil half-brother," Magneto sighed. "He thought it would be a good way to study mutant powers and begin some kind of cooperation between humans and mutants. His father however saw it as a quick way to make an easy buck off of his freak of a son."
"I had no idea my father was that kind of person!" Xavier said.
"Charles! You're a telepath! You've known he was abusive to his other son for years!" Magneto snapped. "Did you really think he just wanted to work with you out of the goodness of his heart?"
"Hold on…" Todd held up his hand. "I know the Juggernaut is Xavier's half-brother. So Juggernaut's Dad and Xavier's Dad…?"
"Was a money hungry fool who only cared about himself and what wealth he could acquire," Magneto grunted. "Let's just say he got what he deserved and leave it at that."
"I know the writers of this movie deserve something similar…" Fred grumbled. "Look I get that this is an alternate version of us and everything but they didn't even get all their facts right for their own movie series! I mean, in the Wolverine movie Xavier could walk but at the end of the First Class movie he can't? What's up with that?"
"There is a problem when even writers of alternate universes can't follow their own continuity," Pyro agreed. "I know I had a lot of problems keeping things straight when I wrote Lust on the Interdimensional Highway. It is so hard writing fifteen different alternate versions and histories of three different couples without making a list."
"I take it that the movie's interpretation of how Xavier ended up in a wheelchair was also changed?" Pietro decided to keep things on track for now. "You know, it had nothing to do with Magneto's Powers, A bullet from Moira's guns and some nuclear torpedoes fired from Russian and American submarines?"
"Again a complete fabrication of the truth," Magneto snapped. "It was Charles' loving half-brother that was the true cause and as usual I had to come in and save your backside from death!"
"To be fair although it was an accident you didn't exactly help the situation," Xavier gave him a look.
"I was trying to keep him from killing us at the time!" Magneto snapped. "Considering his powers I think the both of us were lucky to get away with our lives!"
"Yes, extremely lucky…" Xavier said dryly.
"If you hadn't been so naïve to work with your monster of a father and an even bigger monster of a half-brother we would never have been put in that situation in the first place!" Magneto snapped. "And the worst part of it all is that you still didn't learn your lesson!"
"Why do we always come back to this?" Xavier sighed. "Why do you always assume the worst of humanity?"
"Because that has been the side I've seen since I was a child!" Magneto snapped. "And it hasn't exactly improved over time!"
"Anybody seen my Snow Caps?" Fred looked around.
"Erik I know you have had a tragic history but there is good in humans," Xavier said.
"Well if there is I haven't seen much of it," Magneto snapped.
"What are Snow Caps?" Todd asked.
"They're those flat chocolate drops with all those little white things all over them," Fred looked around. "I could have sworn I had them."
"Look what's going on in the world now! The greed that nearly sent the United States and the entire world into bankruptcy," Magneto counted. "The stupidity that destroyed the housing market for years to come! The carelessness of the pollution that is destroying the world little by little! Wars and dictators all over the planet threatening to burn the world into the ground!"
"Burning doesn't sound so bad," Pyro added. "At least things will be nice and warm."
"What about the good that is going on in the world?" Xavier said. "Democracy is growing in the Middle East. Major criminals have been brought to justice. Technology is bringing people closer to cures for diseases…The Royal Wedding!"
"I always said you watch way too many of those entertainment shows," Magneto grumbled.
"Pyro have you seen my Snow Caps?" Fred asked.
"No, have you seen this potato chip I have?" Pyro held up a chip. "It looks just like Abraham Lincoln."
"My point is that not all of humanity is evil and is out to destroy us," Xavier said.
"Maybe not all of it, but more than enough of it is!" Magneto snapped.
"That's not Abraham Lincoln," Pietro snapped. "That's one of the guys from ZZ Top!"
"Peace is just not possible!" Magneto snapped.
"I disagree; peace is not only possible but attainable!" Xavier said.
"No you're both wrong," Todd spoke up. "It's Marge Simpson. You're holding it the wrong way."
"Oh yeah," Pyro turned it around. "So it is."
"It always comes down to this, you put too much faith in humanity…" Magneto said.
"And you don't have enough," Xavier added. "We don't have to be enemies!"
"I agree! The problem is the majority of the human race thinks very differently!" Magneto snapped.
"Lance do you have my Snow Caps?" Fred asked.
"No, I don't like them," Lance said. "I prefer yogurt covered rasins."
"Ewww…" Pietro winced.
"What do you mean eeww? They're good!" Lance said.
"Yeah they are!" Fred agreed.
"Oh big surprise. The man who eats everything agrees with him!" Pietro rolled his eyes.
"I don't eat everything!" Fred bristled. "I certainly would never eat anything Kitty cooked unlike a certain rock head I know."
"This is true," Pietro shrugged.
"HEY!" Lance snapped.
"Magneto when are you going to stop looking for fights and reasons for violence?" Xavier asked.
"When are you going to wake up and realize that these fights are necessary for our species' survival?" Magneto snapped.
"When are you going to stop making cracks about my past with Kitty?" Lance asked.
"Oh I don't know. Maybe until the next Tuesday of NEVER?" Pietro snapped.
"You want to be rocked into next week?" Lance asked.
"You can't just rely on violence to defend mutant kind," Xavier said.
"Oh yes we all know how well talking works!" Magneto drawled.
"It can work if you just give it a chance! Humans will one day want to get along with mutants! And mutants can get along with humans without war," Xavier said. "You say mutants are more evolved than humans? Then why can't be evolved enough to find peace?"
"Pietro have you seen my Snow Caps?" Fred asked.
"How am I supposed to know where your stupid candy is?" Pietro snapped.
"You use your eyes!" Fred snapped.
"Why don't you use your eyes?" Lance snapped.
"Because he can't see anything beyond his big stomach!" Pietro snapped.
"Charles, even mutants can't get along with each other! What makes you think that we can get along with humans?" Magneto snapped. "And vice versa."
"Hey! Why don't you chill out Lance and lay off Freddy?" Todd snapped.
"And what are you gonna do about that Toad?" Pietro snapped. "Give me warts?"
"No, I'm gonna give you some of my slushie," Todd readied his slushie cup.
"You wouldn't dare!" Pietro snapped. "Besides you can't hit me anyway!"
SPLAT!
"No, but I can," Fred smirked as he dumped his giant slushie cup on Pietro's head.
"AAAH! MY OUTFIT! YOU JERKS! TAKE THAT AND THAT AND THAT!" Pietro used his super speed to throw candy around.
"That does it! You're going down Pietro!" Lance shouted as he started to throw candy as well. Food was flung everywhere.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Xavier yelled as he got caught up in the food fight.
"I believe my Brotherhood has rested my case," Magneto sighed as he created an electromagnetic bubble around himself to protect him.
"THAT'S ENOUGH OF THIS! STOP THIS NOW!" Xavier yelled.
Everyone stopped and looked at each other covered in candy. Then they saw Xavier covered in slushies and candy and started laughing. "I've had quite enough of this!" Xavier snapped. "Magneto can't you control your students?"
"Where have you been the past few years?" Todd licked off some slushie from his face with his prehensile tongue.
"He's right," Magneto made a slight chuckle. "Very bad Brotherhood. How wrong it was of you to humiliate Xavier like that. By the way you missed a spot."
"Oh we can fix that," Pyro said cheerfully.
"NO! I have had it! Erik! We are even now! Take me home and…What am I sitting on?" Xavier realized something was stuck to his backside.
"Oh there's my Snow Caps!" Fred said cheerfully. "Ewww…Okay you can have them Professor. I'll make do with these yogurt covered raisins."
"Now we're even for the whole movie fiasco," Magneto told Xavier. "Wolverine was right. The Brotherhood could punish you more effectively than I can."
"So much for the idea of movies promoting peaceful mutant/human relations," Xavier groaned.
"I don't know. It brought us closer together," Pyro snickered. "Hey Blob throw me some of those yogurt covered raisins will ya?"