Ahahaha, I just can't stay away -sob- I'm just drowning in these ideas and I have to type them out. So, yeah, not a really original idea. Its more like, a slice of life thingy I guess? I don't really know, but please enjoy anyways!
Warnings: AU (...yes, I know...), Francis, OOCness, language, violence
Pairings: eventual Alfred/Matthew
Disclaimer: I called and they said Matthew wasn't for sale. And I think a puppy would be less trouble than Alfred...
"I told you this would happen. I told you! But no! You never listen. You're too 'awesome' and I'm a worrywart!" Matthew ranted, normally pale cheeks crimson. "But you see now? This is what happens when you don't listen! I told you to put down the matches. I told you it was a bad idea. And what do you go and fucking do?" the blond raged, turning fiery violet eyes on the silver-haired man currently cowering in front of him. "You destroy the kitchen!"
"…I'm sorry?" Gilbert said, smiling hesitantly. "Like, really, real-SWEET BABY JESUS PUT DOWN THE HOCKEY STICK." The man shrieked, jumping up onto the couch with wide eyes, body poised to dive out of harm's way.
"Sorry isn't going to change the fact that we're both being kicked out!" Matthew snarled, waving his prized hockey stick in, quite possibly, the most threatening manner ever. "Sorry isn't going to find a new apartment!"
Gilbert rushed to put some distance between him and his now ex-roommate. He didn't think the couch would provide adequate protection against the pissed off Canadian, but he was pretty sure it would give him a few extra precious seconds to dodge the flailing weapon, or, at the very least, decide which part of his ass to kiss good-bye before Matthew clubbed him to a bloody (but no less awesome) pulp.
"Come on, Matt." Gilbert said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "So the party got a little wild—"
"So that means you can indulge in your fire-breathing fantasies." The younger man pointed out, voice completely calm despite the manic glint behind his glasses. "I'm going to murder you, Gilbert."
"I think you're overreact—OW NOT THE FACE!"
~A few minutes later~
"Here." Matthew said softly, "This should reduce the swelling."
Gilbert took the offered bag of frozen peas warily, half-expecting Matthew to bludgeon him with it as well.
"I didn't mean to lose my temper, Gil." The younger blond looked guilty, fiddling with a loose thread on his worn red hoodie. "Its just…we both have to be out of here by the weekend and that's not enough time to find a new place and move and…"
Gilbert waved away the blond's apology. "Don't worry about it Matt. I deserved it." He placed the frozen bag against his face, hissing slightly.
Matthew looked guiltier and tearful and Gilbert, who really never knew how to handle teary people and hated seeing the other sad, quickly said, "And it'll be okay, Matt. I'm sure Francis and Antonio wouldn't mind us crashing at their place until something else opens up." Gilbert waggled his silvery eyebrows suggestively, "I bet Francis would even let you share his bed."
Matthew blanched, knowing full well Francis would jump on the opportunity to jump him.
His cousin wasn't really picky about lovers.
They just needed an opening and a pulse. And, really, the latter was optional in Matthew's opinion.
"And at least she isn't making us pay for the damages. Or suing us." Gilbert added.
Only because the landlady wanted Gilbert far away as soon as possible and believed that accepting his money would only be further bad luck.
Matthew was only guilty by association.
"Yeah." Matthew muttered, collapsing into a chair. He looked over at the destroyed and charred kitchen. The entire apartment smelled like smoke and Matthew just sighed. "I'll go call Francis."
"And Mathieu can share my room." Francis said grandly, slipping an arm around Matthew's waist and pulling him close. "We can bond, non?"
Matthew felt the older man's hand settle against his rear and squeeze gently. He glared over at Gilbert who seemed to be enjoying his distress.
He should've hit the albino a few more times when he had the chance.
The hand squeezed again, catching Matthew off guard. He squeaked, a pale blush spreading across the bridge of his nose.
Francis leered.
Gilbert cackled.
Matthew vowed to kill them all.
"You know, Antonio is going to move in with Lovino." Gilbert said, casually. The silver-haired man was leaning back on the back legs of his chair, jean-clad legs resting on top of the library table. Matthew looked at his muddy boots distastefully but Gilbert ignored it. "Francis said we don't have to keep looking for an apartment."
Dark red eyes (Gilbert's new favorite shade of contacts) focused on him, waiting for the blond to respond.
"I really don't think I want to stay." Matthew said softly, bookmarking his history textbook. "If Francis 'accidently' walks in on me one more time when I'm in the shower or 'accidently' presses up against my ass when I'm in the kitchen, I'm going to kill him. And then family reunions would be pretty awkward." Matthew finished, shrugging. "But don't worry, I've got a few options so if you'd rather stay with Francis, go ahead."
Gilbert said nothing and Matthew smiled encouragingly. "Seriously, Gil. I won't be upset." Then with a sly smile, "I know you want to be close to Elizabeta."
Elizabeta, Francis and Antonio's neighbor, had been the object of Gilbert's affections for as long as he could remember. Half the time he went over to their apartment was out of the hope he'd get to see her.
"You sure?" Gilbert asked. He'd never admit it (because it would be wimpy and unawesome and kinda gay), but he was pretty fond of Matthew and took the kid under his wing (seeing that Matthew made orgasmic pancakes and had the makings of awesomeness). He took the blond as his roommate (because Matthew wouldn't molest him in his sleep or bring home pissy Italians and because the violet-eyed teen was easy-going) and didn't really feel comfortable about abandoning him now.
"I don't want to get kicked out of another building because you can't keep your dick in your pants or because you set it on fire."
Yeah, this wasn't the first time the two got kicked out of an apartment building.
"Hey! I can't help it if my 5 meters has a mind of its own! Awesomeness like this cannot be confined! Everyone must behold its glory!"
"…When you get thrown into jail for sexual harassment or streaking, do not expect me to bail you out."
"Tch, that's Ludwig's job." Gilbert said flippantly, folding his arms behind his head.
Matthew exited his last class of the day and walked briskly down the hallway. Tucking back a few golden curls that had fallen into his face, the Canadian sighed and quietly bemoaned the amount of reading he had to finish on top of completing an Economics problem set.
"Stupid Toris for leaving me. Where the hell am I supposed to find a new roommate!"
Matthew froze and turned swiftly to see a blond throw his arms up in the air and curse.
"Um, excuse me?" He said softly, turning to follow the taller man. The man gave no sign of having heard Matthew, so the blond sped up and tapped the other blond on his shoulder.
"Eh?" the man whirled around, bright blue eyes looking around. Matthew frowned as the bigger man seemed to see through him and cleared his throat loudly. The other blond finally seemed to notice him and glanced down, bright blue eyes friendly. "Oh, hey. Didn't see you there. What's up, man?"
Matthew smiled politely. "I couldn't help but overhear that you need a roommate—"
"Oh yeah! My old roommate is moving in with his boyfriend and I need a new sidekick."
"…sidekick?"
"Yeah, to help pay the rent and, you know, be my sidekick." The blond grinned broadly. "I think you'd look good in spandex."
"Thanks, I think." Matthew muttered. Was he hitting on him? This guy was crazier than Gilbert. And that was saying something.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"So, I live over on 55th." The other man said, oblivious to the fact that Matthew was kinda weirded out by him, "Rent is $650 a month. And I hope you don't mind noise."
It actually didn't sound too bad. It was closer to campus and only a little more than he paid with Gilbert. And Gilbert was also really noisy.
"Not at all." Matthew said easily. The guy was a bit strange, but he didn't seem to be that bad.
"Awesome. The name's Alfred F. Jones." Alfred announced, holding out his hand.
Matthew grasped it firmly. "Matthew Williams."
"The guy sounds weird." Gilbert said, sprawling out on the couch. He tried to drape his legs across Matthew's lap.
"He's pretty nice." Matthew replied, shoving Gilbert's legs away and earning a pout. "And the apartment is good. It has everything and the rent is affordable."
"I don't know why you want to leave though." Francis sniffed, arms crossed and looking hurt. "You wound me, mon petit."
Matthew gave him an apologetic look. "Its just closer to campus."
Francis didn't look any happier.
Gilbert, feeling overprotective and a little jealous, flopped over into Matthew's lap, much to the blond's annoyance. "I'm gonna help you move in and meet this guy for myself, just in case he's some sex-addicted pervert."
Matthew rolled his eyes. He could deal with a sex-addicted pervert.
He just couldn't deal with Francis anymore.
A week later, Matthew was settled into the new apartment. Gilbert had grudgingly accepted Alfred as Matthew's new roommate (after slipping Matthew some pepper spray before leaving) much to Matthew's relief.
He really didn't need Gilbert barging in at random hours of the day and night just to make sure his virtue wasn't in question.
Alfred had helped out too and even offered to take Matthew out for dinner to celebrate their first night as roommates.
Matthew had never seen someone eat so many hamburgers in one sitting. It was like watching a train wreck; absolutely horrifying but he just couldn't look away…
The next morning Matthew had made pancakes and, after one bite, Alfred announced that Matthew would have to make them more often because they were AMAZING and FIT FOR A HERO.
The two got along well for the most part, becoming friends quickly. Sometimes Alfred wouldn't see him, though, and freak out when Matthew seemed to appear out of nowhere.
"It's like you have superpowers!" the American had said, awe-struck.
Matthew had merely smiled and sighed, completely used to his strange tendency to fade in and out of people's sight on a daily basis.
It was a good arrangement, Matthew decided. Everything was going well.
Silly boy, nothing is ever that easy.
Good? Pure suckage? Like? Dislike? Continue? Don't continue?