Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2, that much is for sure. And even more, I don't even own the song "Broken Dreams" - Tamra L. Noe does. The song is taken (borrowed) from the site of the best love poems. That's about it... Yup.

REASON TO LIVE

By Chiisana Anisa

I love you more than life itself

But I'm afraid to love.

My heart is like the fragile wings

Of a tiny little dove.

-

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He felt cold. And oddly, tired.

-

Ranma rarely felt that way. But yet again, those were the words that exactly described how he felt today, from the minute he got up in the morning to this very moment, where we find him sitting cross-legged in the middle of the Tendo dojo.

He felt such coldness that he could sense it's ugly fingers itching their way so deep they touched his inner self, even past his bones, not to mention skin. He felt them crawling underneath, slowly progressing till they came to his heart. But he was just guessing that's where they were going.

He was also guessing of why this was happening to him, why he felt it the strongest today, and for such a long span of time that he grew tired of guessing. He entered the dojo as soon as him and Akane came back from school to seek peace, maybe to try and clear his thoughts. But his mind wandered all the time, always fleeting away from him, as if itself was seeking rest from Ranma.

So now, he felt even more tired then he was to begin with after full two hours of soul, heart and mind searching. He opened his eyes only to find himself looking in a pair of warm brown eyes, which were smiling at him openly. He knew them well and always loved to see them smiling just like this, just for him.

They didn't mean nothing to him at this moment. He was too tired. Too cold. "What do you want Akane?"

The girl flinched for the boys voice seemed altered, rough and yet heavy from emotions, something deadly was in his voice. But she could recognize the signs of tiredness on him, the bags under his eyes, every little thing in his stance screamed at her that he needed sleep, although she was assured he slept well. Sometimes she would get up in the dead of the night to check up on him and that how she knew.

She looked at his eyes and soon felt dread nearing her heart. Never has she seen his eyes held so much of everything and nothing in the same time. They seemed as a maze of everything that was happening inside of Ranma and yet they were glazed over as if they were trying to hide all of him and show nothing.

"Nothing Ranma. I was worried. It really isn't natural for you to skip dinner." Still her eyes held his, seeking permission to see that maze of everything. They didn't give in. Access denied as soon as he turned his head away.

"Go away Akane." Once again that deadliness was in his voice. "And stop worrying." To her it looked like a puppet was sitting in front of her and this Ranma, scared her greatly. She didn't know this Ranma, she wasn't even sure she wanted to know him. So when that string of dread settled at the bottom of her heart she got up, unsure of what will be tomorrow and with heavy steps walked out of the dojo, her eyes never leaving his figure sitting still peacefully on the floor.

Ranma on the other hand remained behind and although something within him screamed almost to the point he thought he would go deaf for her to stay and do something more, his lips remained sealed and shut frozenly. His eyes kept that distant look in them, giving away the atmosphere of unapproachability so that even his old man stayed away from the dojo that night, not intent on going through their usual before-dinner-fighting-routine.

Ranma was grateful for that. But it wasn't enough. He was well aware he needed some quality time of peace and searched it endlessly, yet his efforts seemed to be in vain with the way his life was becoming more hectic every day. He hated every second of it. Every godamn second of the past three years since he set foot in this forsaken town called Nerima. He was afraid of the thought of what would happen if he was to stop it. He had a solution. But feared it.

He had to stop himself.

I'm scared to get too close.

I feel that I can't win.

You'll love me for a little while

Then you'll set me free again.

The next morning nothing whatsoever changed in Ranma's posture. More so, his cold aura and dark, emotion-less eyes kept even Nabiki away, held her mouth shut from all the teasing she came up with last night to provoke him about his unusual state of mind. Akane, having to sit near him at the breakfast could swear that the air around him froze wherever he was at the moment. She felt a chill pass her all over and fearfully looked at her fiance from the the corner of her eyes.

He didn't even blink, instead he ate his food as if it was his very last and you could clearly see he savored every bit of it, enjoying the flavor and thanking Kasumi later for a great meal, leaving all the present stunned for a good deal of time. When he called for Akane to hurry or they'll have to run to school again, his voice didn't waver, not for a second. It didn't pitch higher as usual, nor gave away any emotion.

Really freaked out Akane hurried and gave her best to keep up with his hasty steps to the school yard where the boys were eagerly waiting. She got angry instantly and powered up but stood in mid-step when she saw Ranma walking slowly, step by step through the crowd, avoiding a punch here and there. But the main reason to be stunned was the color of his aura, normally red, now bright blue and the students stepped away, making a path for him to go through.

She didn't ask questions and was pleased she didn't have to fight this morning, but Ranma's behavior occupied her thoughts more and more and she found herself worried to death for his health. Something was terribly off with him starting from the last evening. She had to found what was it yet.

The rest of the school day went easy away, nothing significant happening. Well, if she didn't count the ordinary barks from Ukyou from time to time on her expense. But Shampoo wasn't around yet and Akane felt enormous relief because of that. When the last bell rang she grabbed her bag with a little too much enthusiasm while the details about Ranma fled from her head and she all but skipped happily over the school yard.

The very instant her eyes fell on two figures in front of the building her heart dropped into her heels and she held her breath. Dark was slowly coming down and settling over the scene but everything was clear to her. Ranma was standing not so far away from her in his fighting stance, rigid and ready. The opponent?

Poor Shampoo.

She said poor because the girl was on the ground already, sitting and unbelievingly staring at 'her beloved' with wide eyes and first tears. The Amazon blinked and looked to the side only to see Akane standing there equally surprised as herself. She all but squealed.

"Ranma...?"

Ranma as if waking from a dream, looked at her, then at Akane by the side. Something familiar like shame flickered in his eyes, but passed soon after not leaving a trace. He raised to his full height and spoke to Shampoo. But Akane could have sworn he spoke purposefully louder than usual so she could hear him.

"I don't hit girls. You know that Shampoo. But enough is enough, even for me. I warn you, even if this means I beat you again - stay away. I have too little patience left for your games."

With that he nodded once to Akane, like saying 'Let's go.' and Akane didn't hesitate a moment. She did, however spare one sad look in Shampoo's way, who was still sitting there now blinded by tears. Then she sped up to fall in step with Ranma on their way home.

I've lived so long on hopes and dreams

I don't know what to do.

I don't think I can trust my heart,

For it belongs to you.

They didn't speak a word all the way. Not even in the two hours from when they came back to dinner. Not even during dinner. Neither of them spoke with anyone else in the house. Akane could sense Ranma's anxiety about something and left it alone, not wishing to only make things worse then they already were. She sat awhile after the dinner was finished, lost in her thoughts, not really doing anything, just sitting and thinking about everything that happened till now.

She would still be doing that if it weren't for Ranma's voice that called out to her when he descended the stairs on his way to the dojo.

"Akane! Come with me!"

He didn't fall back to wait for her, so she followed as fast as she could after his figure in the darkness of the garden to the dojo which was lighted up already. When she entered she found Ranma in his kata position, already working out. Finally after these two weird days she saw something normal.

The calmness coming from him washed over her in waves, setting her mind in a state of tranquility, sending her heart in a steady rhythm and her blood flowed slowly through her veins. She felt at peace, right now and here with Ranma exercising in front of her. She closed her eyes to enjoy the moment, to savor it as much as possible, for this was very rare when only the two of them remained alone together.

She had no idea whatsoever how much time passed. When she opened her eyes they were clashed with the blue ones that belonged to her fiance. She breathed in, and said nothing for his closeness had her stunned. She could see the smile on his lips caused by her reaction and felt a smile forming on her lips too.

On the other hand, a picture his eyes showed seemed scratched, broken in half... She wasn't sure. His eyes looked so forlorn and yet at the same time bitter. Pity swam through her because she was almost sure what caused that emotions to reside inside of his eyes. She questioned his actions.

"Ranma?"

He moved away and for a moment he looked agitated. He grabbed her hand what she would call angrily, leading her after him to the center of the dojo where he sat down, forcing her to sit down next to him. "We need to talk."

Akane gazed at him, stunned and hurt. "Now you want to talk? I offered and you refused. You could have just asked me, you didn't need to haul me."

He shared her a quick look, and she would've staggered back by the intensity of emotions in it if she was standing. Luckily she wasn't. "Well then, Ranma, what do you want to talk about?"

I know you'll only hurt me

Yet, I still keep running back.

Between the paths of our hearts

There's a worn and beaten track.

The dark haired boy turned to her. "I wanted to talk with you about something very important. And don't say I could have talked with Ukyou, Pops or someone else. This concerns you and me mostly."

That had her attention. She stared at him, her big brown eyes looking at him almost worriedly, because he spoke in such a serious tone she knew this wouldn't be just one more of 'that' conversations about nothing significant.

She smiled briefly at him. "Then talk. I'm here to listen, Ranma, you know that."

Ranma lowered his head to his chest, obviously thinking how to put his thoughts into words and not to sound stupid, like he did sometimes. Minutes stretched between them while she waited for him to speak. Casting a glance outside she could see that it was that time of day she went to bed usually and for a brief second contemplated rushing him to go on.

Still, she sat there on her knees, hands neatly clamped in her lap and she waited. She promised. Suddenly her train of thought was broken when he spoke quietly, in a whisper.

"I'm tired, Akane. Really tired. It has been a few days since I realized this, but I can't take this anymore, all this games with the girls, our parents, the constant fighting... Name it." He raised his head to look her dead in the eye, only to see her openly staring at him, with something similar to regret in her eyes.

He didn't need that. Not from her. "Akane, don't pity me. Please."

She sort of jerked back at his request breaking the eye bond between them. "I'm not pitying you Ranma. I know how you feel.."

"No, you don't!" He shouted. She flinched at the tone of his voice. "Sorry. No you don't, trust me. Do you have to deal with four fiancee's? Do you have ten or more enemies attacking you every day, provoking you and do you need to prove yourself all over again day by day?"

She stayed silent to his questions. No, she really didn't know. She was too tired of all of the crap that followed them, but this was something else entirely. She nodded away with her head.

"Didn't think so, Akane. But the truth is that I am tired and you have no idea how much. That's why I confronted Shampoo this afternoon. I really had enough. Too much even. And I wanted it to stop." A tone akin to disgust and isolation entered his voice making it rough. He glanced at her, waiting for a response, for he needed one badly.

She shared that glance with his gorgeous blue eyes patiently while she thought over her answer. "I understand that Ranma. Even if you don't believe me, I really do. I'm also tired and I want it to stop. This has been going on for three years now. One would think they would give up by now."

A half-hearted laugh sounded in the dojo, coming from Ranma's mouth. Akane looked in wonder. He was laughing so loud, but that laugh had something malicious in it and it ruined the mood. Then in a second it died away. "Guess what Akane? I give up."

With that he got up and walked to the shelf to his right picking something up from it. She couldn't recognize what it was, not until he put it down between them and a gasp escaped from her lips.

You've got my heart held on a string.

It's breaking right in two.

Enough belongs to me - to hurt -

The rest belongs to you.

Instantly she felt a fear like none before grip her heart and tears formed in her eyes, so fast they were already rolling down her checks. Grief flooded her senses and she reached out to touch the box in front of her, just laying there but presenting something she never wanted to face with.

Ranma's hand stopped her mid-ways. It was bigger than hers, she noted it before of course, but now really looked at it. It was bigger, sure, and always there to protect, catch, hold and haul her out of the harms way. It was warm and gentle for her, always. And yet that same hand now wanted to take away that same protection, warmness and gentle touches away from her, forever.

"Akane don't."

Sobbing she managed to form a sentence. "Ranma... please tell me you really don't mean...?" But he didn't listen to her. He opened the box and took the traditional small katana knife in his hands and cradled it carefully in his grip.

His eyes were ruthless and she feared life was not something dear to him anymore. "I thought about it a lot Akane. I don't find any other solution."

Finally some sense returned to her brain. "But Ranma!" She all but screamed, taking his hand and nursing it strongly in her small one. "You can't really... I mean..." Silence appeared. She blinked away the new assault of tears. "You just can't commit seppuku!!" Now, fury built inside of her for him only thinking of that, not to mention that he was brave enough to present her with this.

"I won't have it from you! From anybody else maybe, but you Ranma?!" She was shouting now, fighting to reason with him. She was petrified at the thought that he would hurt himself, the very man who didn't like to hurt others intentionally.

Ranma chuckled at her. "I knew you would react like this. But Akane..." His tone changed to a pleading one. "I need you on this. To support me." And now he waited again for her reaction. Will she really stand by him in this, like she had done in so many situations before?

Akane's world started to shatter around her. Did the great Ranma actually ask her to help him with this? Her strength gave out and she reached out for him, to take him in a strong embrace. He hugged her back, seemingly knowing what was going on inside of her.

I know that somewhere in your heart

There is a place for me.

I just don't know how to find it

And there's no way to make you see.

Dizzy and frightened, Akane turned her head aside, and pressed her cheek against the hard chest she was hugging, nudging her cheekbone into the fabric of his shirt, and closing her eyes tightly to stop the tears and the sight of katana in his lap now. She listened to something Ranma was telling her, something about how this is the only way and that he needed her..

Her thoughts brightened suddenly as if she had an epiphany. Why she insisted so much on stopping him in her head? When did it get so strong for her to feel it that she never wanted him out of her life from now on? She had no real answers, no deep meanings about it. But she was sure in one thing only.

She knew that if you loved someone you had to let the go sometimes. And Heaven help her, she loved Ranma. She knew that much even if she was afraid to let herself acknowledge that fact. She was even sure he loved her back, somewhere deep inside she was. Is.

So now, slowly, mercifully the world began to revolve again, righting itself in her use. "Oh Ranma!", she cried out, too tired to sharpen the softness of her voice. "What do I need to do?" Comes out in a whisper that floats to his ears, from her mouths beneath his chin.

He moves away to look at her. Her face is wearing a ghastly pallor, her cheeks are now sunken and her lips are no longer moist and roseate. He sucks in the air at the sight, the hairs on the nape of his neck standing up like a prickle. Ranma can clearly see the amount of fear that her eyes hold for him and now regret sneaks in him like an cat, carefully and almost without a sound.

He takes her face in his arms and inch by inch passes it over with the tips of his thumbs, from her eyelids to her trembling lips from crying. She stares at him through the time he does that, not daring to share a sound.

"Akane... you don't need to do anything. Just forgive me." He needs for her to understand why he wants this. To recognize him as he is - a little scared boy that fears to ruin further on everything he touches and by all that loves. He needs her to see that she has to let him go or else he will make her miserable too

But luckily for him she doesn't. She won't.

"I won't forgive you, because I won't let you do this!" Akane screams at him again, and from the proximity they are it rings in his ears like thunder. His eyebrows fur downwards at her.

"Akane..." He pleads again.

She shakes her head vigorously. "No, Ranma. I know you can make it through this." She shuts up for a second and then corrects her mistake. "We can make it through this. Trust me."

In a flash she reviews all the pro's and cons of living further and only one stands out more than all the others. He ought to know it himself. "Ranma, listen to me, please." She covers his hands still on her face with hers, laying them heavily over his as if she tries to bring some sense into him that way too.

"I know I can't offer you much. You think the same for yourself, I know. I also know you're tired just as I am. But we'll make it better and cross each bridge as we came to it. We'll make due. But only if you believe me we can make it together and agree with it." All the while she is looking him in the eyes, sending the unspoken message, hoping he will catch it. Ranma, however remains silent and observes her carefully.

Then in a sign of defeat he moves even more away from her, retreating his arms from her face and gently picking up the knife, lays it back in the box, but leaves it open. Akane watches all this with expectation and dreadfull feeling that this may change in a second with the way his mind works now.

To stop it she grips the lid of the box with one hand, closing it and lies the other over his heart. Tears stopped coming out of her eyes and now she looks at him clearly and almost adoringly. "You made the right choice." She whispers but still fears what will happen next because he hasn't said a word for some time now.

Finally, Ranma encloses his hands back over her small form, bringing her into his embrace and she feels somewhat at peace. Safe. They are in a position where they can easily watch each other and Akane enjoys the privilege. Her thoughts going wild, she finds herself in future with an image she would be ashamed to share with anyone.

"Akane, you think of me as a strong man, don't you?" She nods. "Physically, yes I am. But mentally - I'm not so sure anymore. You know everything about me there is practically to know and you can understand all of this, can you?"

She nods again.

He sighs and continues, not quite clear if he's assuring her or himself. "Then I only ask of you this. Stay with me and remind me every day why this never followed through. Can you do that?" And with this he stares at her lovingly and softly catches her face with one hand under her chin.

'Just kiss me', she thinks nodding for all she was worth, offering him her lips - which, after and eye's-blink of hesitation he takes as a man would take an anchor when it would be his saving line. His kiss feels to her as a butterflies touch, short and shameful, but it's left lingering for a longer time than the kiss itself.

This time she sighs contentedly and snuggles deeper into his arms. She is well aware that neither one has said those three words but somehow she doesn't need to hear them right now. She knows the right moment will come and they will take it for what it will be.

Right now, she can enjoy the fact he is still breathing, here holding her finally like she wished he had so many times before. She is loving him right now much more that she thought herself capable, and couldn't be more glad that she is allowed to.

Ranma from his perspective, is thanking the lords for this angel he is holding in his arms, for the love she carries inside of her and now has finally showed it to him. He is more than thankful that she gave him another opportunity by finding him a reason enough to live. Again.

A blissful smile creeps it's way on both of their lips as they sit there, both content. They know that the worst battle is over for now, the battle of their hearts, and they are aware that more will come through the years. But, they at least know now, that they have each other to lean and support on.

I can only hope that someday

You'll wake up and you'll find,

That while my heart belongs to yours,

Yours, too, belongs to mine.

Many years later the box remains closed, safely tucked away in the deepest corner of the dojo not to be opened ever again. And even if it were, on top of the beautiful katana knife a paper with only one word written on it in a bright red color, was placed on top of it as a warning.

Or as a remembrance of why the owner swore never to use it. One word was enough for him, to remind him why he wanted to live, to be happy for someone else and why he started believing in love, loves and is being loved. Only one word...

"Akane"

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OWARI

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AN: Wow, the longest story I've ever written, and a one shot too. Well I hope you guys like it.

I'm well aware that they are both very OOC, but it had to be that way for the purpose of writing this whole thing. I know it may look like it's taken out of a bigger story, for I have even thought about making it a chapter story.

In the end I didn't. It seemed to me that I would have to deal with all of their problems and that would take forever, not to mention how many fics there are about them solving their problems and living happily ever after. So you get this.

Please Please!!!!! Send reviews and let me know IF you liked this at all. Please.

Love,

Chiisana Anisa